back again
HopeInFaith
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 62
back again
i can't remember when i last posted here and i'm too hungover to go look. all i know is that i have been trying to control my drinking and its not working. i'm a binge drinker so i don't drink every day... and even when i do drink i don't always get wasted... but it's just so hard to know what's going to happen once i have a drink. my drinking resulted in a black out where i broke my wrist... you would think that would be enough to get me to stop.. Well i did stop - for 7 months. Then i had some wine at a party... and after that the drinking has been pretty regular. The past two weekends i've been 'overserved'....
i'm just so tired of it. my husband is in recovery and i get the impression it is important to him that i be 'normal'... but i don't feel normal... i feel like such a bad person the next day... of course once i start to feel better i start to forget how all this makes me feel... and then the cycle resumes.
i'm scared. i'm worried what will happen next. i can't say for sure that if i keep allowing myself to drink that i won't do something to hurt myself or someone else... i have no control over it. i just don't want to drink anymore. i want to stop.
thanks for listening...
i'm just so tired of it. my husband is in recovery and i get the impression it is important to him that i be 'normal'... but i don't feel normal... i feel like such a bad person the next day... of course once i start to feel better i start to forget how all this makes me feel... and then the cycle resumes.
i'm scared. i'm worried what will happen next. i can't say for sure that if i keep allowing myself to drink that i won't do something to hurt myself or someone else... i have no control over it. i just don't want to drink anymore. i want to stop.
thanks for listening...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 525
Hi Hope,
I'm a binge drinker too. I understand the cycles, the shame the next morning, the desire to want to have a few, the realization that it usually leads to embarrassing moments and blackouts.
I never drank every day, never drank more than 2 days in a row. But when i did drink, 30% of the time i'd drink to blackout. Even when i told myself "Just a few, you know you're a binge drinker, only drink a couple and then stop."
but like millions of other people, i can't. And i noticed that my tolerance grew over time, and my pleasure from drinking was less. And then i read that these are the signs that indicate an alcohol problem. Not that i didn't know i had a problem, after jumping on people at parties, ("Do you remember jumping on Bill last night?") driving drunk, or doing other idiotic things.
People on this board have been discussing the increased DUIs that are occurring in the news. That's just one example of the terrible things that can happen when we can't control our drinking. Binge drinking is dangerous, because we bottle up our desire to drink until later. Since we don't drink ever day, or even go months without drinking, we'll be OK the next time.
But then we end up blacking out and doing things that are embarrassing and even life-threatening.
The only alternative that i've discovered to keep my actions under control, and not cause harm to myself and others, is to stop drinking.
And from there, i just do the struggle each day of not drinking.
It's hard at first, and then over time, it isn't as hard.
Alcohol stopped being fun for me, and it doesn't sound like it's fun anymore for you. Or, if it is, the pain is greater than the pleasure.
If you stop drinking now, you can stop worrying about what terrible thing may happen in the future. You're lucky!! 1 week ago a man when to prison for 30 years because he killed three people while drinking & driving.
We don't have to make all our own mistakes to learn.
Best of luck to you.
I'm a binge drinker too. I understand the cycles, the shame the next morning, the desire to want to have a few, the realization that it usually leads to embarrassing moments and blackouts.
I never drank every day, never drank more than 2 days in a row. But when i did drink, 30% of the time i'd drink to blackout. Even when i told myself "Just a few, you know you're a binge drinker, only drink a couple and then stop."
but like millions of other people, i can't. And i noticed that my tolerance grew over time, and my pleasure from drinking was less. And then i read that these are the signs that indicate an alcohol problem. Not that i didn't know i had a problem, after jumping on people at parties, ("Do you remember jumping on Bill last night?") driving drunk, or doing other idiotic things.
People on this board have been discussing the increased DUIs that are occurring in the news. That's just one example of the terrible things that can happen when we can't control our drinking. Binge drinking is dangerous, because we bottle up our desire to drink until later. Since we don't drink ever day, or even go months without drinking, we'll be OK the next time.
But then we end up blacking out and doing things that are embarrassing and even life-threatening.
The only alternative that i've discovered to keep my actions under control, and not cause harm to myself and others, is to stop drinking.
And from there, i just do the struggle each day of not drinking.
It's hard at first, and then over time, it isn't as hard.
Alcohol stopped being fun for me, and it doesn't sound like it's fun anymore for you. Or, if it is, the pain is greater than the pleasure.
If you stop drinking now, you can stop worrying about what terrible thing may happen in the future. You're lucky!! 1 week ago a man when to prison for 30 years because he killed three people while drinking & driving.
We don't have to make all our own mistakes to learn.
Best of luck to you.
HopeInFaith
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 62
thanks for the feedback. you are exactly right... man i shiver at the times i drove under the influence with no recollection of it the next day. I've done this before...not drinking...so far i haven't been able to get longer than a year. i guess the debate at this point is not so much whether i can drink, but how am i going to stay sober. i've been extremely resistant to attending aa meetings... not because i don't see the value but more because that is something my husband does... not me. He's well known in the aa community in our area, and i'm the 'normal' wife. how odd that i would need to be attending the meetings as well ...
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 2,942
"i'm scared. i'm worried what will happen next. i can't say for sure that if i keep allowing myself to drink that i won't do something to hurt myself or someone else... i have no control over it. i just don't want to drink anymore. i want to stop."
That is actually great you can admit all of that, and know it to be true.
No denial. Be encouraged by your admission, address the problem.
Keep coming back.
That is actually great you can admit all of that, and know it to be true.
No denial. Be encouraged by your admission, address the problem.
Keep coming back.
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
[QUOTE=tommyk;2333533]"i'm scared. i'm worried what will happen next. i can't say for sure that if i keep allowing myself to drink that i won't do something to hurt myself or someone else... i have no control over it. i just don't want to drink anymore. i want to stop."QUOTE]
That encapsulates perfectly everything that I felt when I decided to quit drinking. I had to feel that many times however untill I reached where I am now.
My advice to you is to make sure you act on your feelings NOW, do not wait. It only gets worse and once you are feeling like this then you can never get the worry-free, happy go lucky kinda vibe that you once experinced. That is my own personal experience anyway. You maybe different, or maybe not.
That encapsulates perfectly everything that I felt when I decided to quit drinking. I had to feel that many times however untill I reached where I am now.
My advice to you is to make sure you act on your feelings NOW, do not wait. It only gets worse and once you are feeling like this then you can never get the worry-free, happy go lucky kinda vibe that you once experinced. That is my own personal experience anyway. You maybe different, or maybe not.
HopeInFaith
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 62
ha - that happy go lucky vibe is the 'idea' that i always chase when i drink. i romanticize sitting around and having a few cocktails or a couple glasses of wine... the reality never turns out the same. never. what do you mean act on my feelings though? does that mean that i have to go to a meeting? i'd like to hope i could do this without going to a meeting... but i've been trying that route for a few years now. i guess it's safe to say that method is not working out for me so well. i could tell myself, okay - i've decided i'm not going to drink again.... and maybe i wouldn't, but the odds that i will are a lot greater given past experience. i mean, i guess it was a couple years ago that i posted here admitting that i was an alcoholic.. and here i am back actually debating it in my mind again? what the ....
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
My AA home group has 7 married couples as members.
Sometimes they attend meetings together....
sometimes the wives attend our Womans meeting.
Here is a list of recovery options for you to explore
please do find something that will beneifit you
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...resources.html
Welcome back to SR
Blessings to you and your husband...
Sometimes they attend meetings together....
sometimes the wives attend our Womans meeting.
Here is a list of recovery options for you to explore
please do find something that will beneifit you
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...resources.html
Welcome back to SR
Blessings to you and your husband...
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Hi. By act on your feelings I mean to consiously make a real effort to commit 100% to sobriety this time around and try to do things differently this time around.
This could mean checking out AA meetings and seeing if you think that they are what you need, by posting regularly on SR, by categorically admitting to yourself that drinking is not an option for you, period. Rat yourself out by telling anyone close to you that you must never drink again (admit you are an alcoholic if you have to) I find this really helps keep my resolve as once many people know that you don't drink then it helps to strenghten your identity as a none-drinker. Do lots of reading and research on alcoholism/addiction.
Learn to recognise your cravings/drinking thoughts for what they really are i.e. Merely thoughts that do not have to be acted upon.
Remember that if you never have a drink then you won't get drunk. Learn to try to deal with your none-drinking on a daily basis ie - don't think ahead to weekends/b'day parties/nights out etc as you become overwhelemed and your resolve will dip.
But most simply and fundamental to it all; Dont Drink.
Just a few ideas to think about from what I did this time around. I'm only 40 days sober but it's the longest I have ever been in my life.
This could mean checking out AA meetings and seeing if you think that they are what you need, by posting regularly on SR, by categorically admitting to yourself that drinking is not an option for you, period. Rat yourself out by telling anyone close to you that you must never drink again (admit you are an alcoholic if you have to) I find this really helps keep my resolve as once many people know that you don't drink then it helps to strenghten your identity as a none-drinker. Do lots of reading and research on alcoholism/addiction.
Learn to recognise your cravings/drinking thoughts for what they really are i.e. Merely thoughts that do not have to be acted upon.
Remember that if you never have a drink then you won't get drunk. Learn to try to deal with your none-drinking on a daily basis ie - don't think ahead to weekends/b'day parties/nights out etc as you become overwhelemed and your resolve will dip.
But most simply and fundamental to it all; Dont Drink.
Just a few ideas to think about from what I did this time around. I'm only 40 days sober but it's the longest I have ever been in my life.
HopeInFaith
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 62
thanks Carol, Neo - I appreciate it. I do need to be more vocal about it, and I do think I need to check out a meeting. I have so much fear about staying sober. I realize that I have to take this one day a at a time and only focus on today - because like you said Neo, it is overwhelming to think about what to expect come the weekend. What is frustrating and what upsets me is that I've said this before. I said I was done drinking before and it didn't work. That is what hurts. I guess that is where I need to seek out the 12 steps because I just don't understand what I'm supposed to do to make this stick so I don't have to come back again with my tail between my legs because I got the idea that I was fine and that there was nothing wrong with me having a few drinks.
It is confusing for me because my husband, who has been sober for 5 years, classifies me as a 'heavy drinker'. But I would think that if I was truly a heavy drinker then I wouldn't be so frustrated the next morning because I lost control. If I was a heavy drinker then wouldn't it be my choice to drink a lot? I'm confused by what that is supposed to mean. Do heavy drinkers experience the intense shame the next day?
It is confusing for me because my husband, who has been sober for 5 years, classifies me as a 'heavy drinker'. But I would think that if I was truly a heavy drinker then I wouldn't be so frustrated the next morning because I lost control. If I was a heavy drinker then wouldn't it be my choice to drink a lot? I'm confused by what that is supposed to mean. Do heavy drinkers experience the intense shame the next day?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: HouseSprings,MO.~~USA
Posts: 32
Originally Posted by HopeInFaith 
thanks Carol, Neo - I appreciate it. I do need to be more vocal about it, and I do think I need to check out a meeting. I have so much fear about staying sober. I realize that I have to take this one day a at a time and only focus on today - because like you said Neo, it is overwhelming to think about what to expect come the weekend. What is frustrating and what upsets me is that I've said this before. I said I was done drinking before and it didn't work. That is what hurts. I guess that is where I need to seek out the 12 steps because I just don't understand what I'm supposed to do to make this stick so I don't have to come back again with my tail between my legs because I got the idea that I was fine and that there was nothing wrong with me having a few drinks.
It is confusing for me because my husband, who has been sober for 5 years, classifies me as a 'heavy drinker'. But I would think that if I was truly a heavy drinker then I wouldn't be so frustrated the next morning because I lost control. If I was a heavy drinker then wouldn't it be my choice to drink a lot? I'm confused by what that is supposed to mean. Do heavy drinkers experience the intense shame the next day?
It is confusing for me because my husband, who has been sober for 5 years, classifies me as a 'heavy drinker'. But I would think that if I was truly a heavy drinker then I wouldn't be so frustrated the next morning because I lost control. If I was a heavy drinker then wouldn't it be my choice to drink a lot? I'm confused by what that is supposed to mean. Do heavy drinkers experience the intense shame the next day?
But fear finanally brought me to AA and sobriety.
Today I now fear that first drink more than anything
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by HopeInFaith
But I would think that if I was truly a heavy drinker then I wouldn't be so frustrated the next morning because I lost control. If I was a heavy drinker then wouldn't it be my choice to drink a lot? I'm confused by what that is supposed to mean. Do heavy drinkers experience the intense shame the next day?
If you can't predict what will happen when you drink or repeatedly experience negative consequences when you drink you are certainly on the road to alcohol-ISM.
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