TimeNow

Hi, I 53 year old female, am alocholic, gave up dring in 1997 for 8 years, had car accident in 2004, other things followed marraige break up, work demands, guilt, from everything has me in a turmoil....


One day great, another day rotten, one week great, another week rotten.....
I have had relapses since 2004 usually on anniversaries or triggers of happy or sand times, now my relapes are becoming quite regular.......
I feel so strong and yet I am still weak....I worry now my relationship with my beautiful two daughters, 21 & 25 will change if I do not show them just how much I DO NOT WANT TO DRINK.....I HATE IT....but when it wants me I am there....

The last time was on Sunday last , I was in my partner's son's house.....as the son was away on holidays we went there to check on things. Cameras in the house. But, that did not stop me. I was alone in the kitchen,when I opened the fridge, saw a bottle of beer..I thought no-one can see me. How wrong I was, I feel so ashamed........

What can I do to stop thinking about this? Anyone with advice?

yeahgr8

There is always a seat available at AA, works for me...best wishes:-)

Astro

What's your plan for your recovery? I couldn't do it alone, I needed the support of others with experience so I chose AA. There are other programs you can choose from.

Welcome to SR, hope to hear more from you.

tommyk

AA is full of people with problems just like that.

I'd suggest meeting them and talking about solutions.

TimeNow

Thank you all for your responses. xxxxxxxxx
I have tried AA, but always came away feeling worse. Maybe it the meetings, but I always feel very uncomfortable. I know support is great...you all have just shown me that, but I fear meetings...

MycoolFitz

Get over it, dump the shame and get back on track. You obviously know what to do. You're human and a human alcoho0lic at that, slips happen but they don't have to happen again. Next time you see a beer in the fridge say "Oh there's a beer in thge fridge" and close the door. Camera's don't matter or what other people see or not, its what you see and know and do that matters.

"Whatever we have done with our lives makes us what we are when we die. And everything, absolutely everything, counts."-- Sogyal Rinpoche

So be mindful, we call it a slip, but we didn't accidently fall down on ice. We choose to pick up or not and there's always time to catch ourselves if that's what we want. Yours in sobriety--Michael

Astro

Here's a list and links to other recovery programs, AA isn't your only option http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...resources.html

Dee74

Hi TimeNow,

Astro's right - AA's not the only option, but not liking AA shouldn't be an excuse to do nothing, or think of yrself as beyond help

I hope you find something in that link he provided that works for you

welcome to SR!
D

CarolD

Welcome to SR and our Alcoholism Forum....

Sorry to know your having difficulties coming from your drinking.
Do try whatever means you can think of to finally quit.

Alcohol caused me to turn into a woman I detested.
Stopping has been the most rewarding thing I ever did.

Blessings to you and to your loved ones

NewBeginning010

Please don't wait until you lose your family & everything else. For now just don't pick up that first drink, you can work on everything else along the way.

Glad you are here, you have found a wonderful place for support & understanding. We cant quit for you but we can be there for you while you do.

Take Care,

NB

Boleo

First of all, stop thinking in terms of "I can do".

If you are a chronic alcoholic you need a "we can do" program.

Get some help from a fellowship of some kind, friends who understand the problem and a Higher-Power that will help you.

Mark75

I am not going to hard sell AA... But let me ask you've if you read the Big Book... The fellowship of AA becomes so much more meaningful and a LOT less threatening if you understand from where they come. I was in rehab and read the Big Book twice before I left, along with the Big Book study groups, AA meetings and 10th step meetings everyday that were part of the rehab... So when I came home I had some idea of what it was about.

I wonder sometimes if people who are dismissive of AA make that call based on just the meetings... before they understand the program.

But, if you have fully investigated AA and found it does not resonate with you... Please find an alternative recovery program. There are many good ones. I hate to see you suffer.

I am 52 this month with 4 kids, 15 to 21 years old. I am so glad to have the alcohol and pills removed from my life and I can experience these wonderful human beings as they grow into their own.

Keep posting.

Mark

Wolfchild

Hello and welcome to the Sober Recovery community.

i don't know about how you can stop thinking about it.

What i have experienced is that the obsession inspires the compulsion. When i was acting on that obsession to drink, i was caught in the grip of the disease. My mental, emotional, & spiritual condition became distorted and i lost the ability to stop on my own. As this progressed, i became insane in my thinking, unstable in my emotions, and self centered in my attitudes. Rationalization & justification became necessary illusions to support my denial and refusal of the problem, just so i could continue to stay stuck in self destructive behaviors. My will became the only power i used to get through my day. Truth was, that i had surrendered myself to the disease of alcoholism without even knowing it, but i wouldn't admit it. Was it any wonder that i believed the lie that alcohol could solve every problem it had created?!

i do not live like that anymore because i have found a new way to live. When my despair & desolation became great enough, God introduced me to a fellowship of recovering alcoholics. The spiritual solutions they were using to live life became known to me at the time i desperatly needed to start living it. i always had the theory of practical application, but had not put it into consistent practice. As i began asking for help, i began to recieve help. i was becoming willing to accept and surrender to a life that didn't involve alcohol. i asked someone to guide me through the 12 Steps & 12 Traditions so i could begin to heal from the effects of active alcoholism. i found a Home Group that i could be of service in so i could remain grateful and help someone else.

That is how it was for me and what is working for me today.
It can work for you if you want to work for it. First things first!

TimeNow

Thank you Carol, your repsonse has really made me think.....blessings to you & your loved ones xx:

TimeNow

Thank you Mark for taking time to respond. I never thought that I was simply basing it on the meeting, which I was, so instead of sitting around thinking nothing can work...I will start from now to firstly, my hand on the Big Book and start from there.
Thanks again, being on this site is making me feel among friends.

NewBeginning010

You are glad you are feeling better.

coffeenut

Welcome to SR!

You had 8 years, so you do know what to do. Now you need to get serious and do it.

And yes, I'd say your 2 girls are a huge incentive to stay sober.

Seekingsobriety

Michael took the words out of my mouth.

Get back on track, you need to WANT sobriety again........and you CAN have it!

TimeNow

Hi all,
I had another relapse but this time I did go to an AA meeting and a second and a third and have such support that I cannot express it. My relpase was not before the AA meetings but between the first & second, my third one was today, the day after my relapse............For now I have nothing to fear as I know three people who have given their telephone numbers & their support and love. I cannot wait to go tomorrow.

Thank you all out there for telling me to go to AA. I just was too proud to think I needed help and I think now, have finally accected my addiction. That little sense of peace gives me somthing I have never felt in a long, long, time.
What wonderful people your all are.
Love to you all & I will keep coming back,
TimeNow

shaun00

maybe you missed the elephant in the room...
maybe you where under the impression if you sit in AA long enough sobriety long term will just happen....lots do including myself...

i returned to drinking like you...plenty...
for some i guess just going to meetings is enough...in my experience it isn't.
on return from my last shameful ..pityful attempt at drinking again...i returned to AA.

i was shown a program of action in the form of twelve steps and was promised that if i did that program with as much passion as i did my drinking i would recover...

piece of cake?.....not really...at times it was bloody uncomfortable.
but that promise came true along with others outlined in the book..

dont waste years like me...sitting in AA waiting for my life to light up.
only when i learned the difference between the fellowship and the program of action did things happen.

9 years and i haven't felt the need to drink again......and i dont intend too.

i dont have experience on other programmes......but plenty of people on Sr have.....look through some threads.

god be with you........