RightAngled

Hey folks - back after a while


Things have not been good recently and my drinking has got out of hand over the last week. I had 4 days off work last week becuase of it, although I created a wide spread to lies to convince everyone I had a sickness and diorreah bug - even presented to medical professionals to cover all basis.

Damn the lies!!

I am still drinking - even now and I need to be at work in 12 hours. I am petrified beyond belief. In the last 4 days have consumed 24 cans of beer, a glass of wine, 3 bottles of an alcopop, and 15 pints of lager. I am vomitting every 15 minutes or so. I am sweating and shaking badly. I have not eaten in 5 days or slept in 48 hours. I have a feeling of fear and hopelesness beyond words. I had a seizure earlier in the year and I have had feelings of light headedness and disorientation.

My famlily think I have stopped or ocassionally relapse and go to AA (this was the case until 10 days ago), my work colleagues think this too, most of my friends dont think I have a problem and drink 'normaly'. I have no family arounnd at the moment as my sister is abroard. I dont want to drink (in fact I can barely do soas I feel so sick) but I am petrified to stop. I have also been taking subutex to get me through the days I work.

I need to do something - I dont know what. I am so ashamed its got this bad. I know I am an alcoholic. I have been around AA for 6 months. Just feel very alone and scared at the moment. I know this is my mess, no one elses. I cant not be in work in the morning. I am scared what my doctor will say and the ramifications due to my lack of honesty. I am so ashamed.

Sorry to vent

Fubarcdn

It sounds like you may need some medical help to detox.
Be very careful with this.
Is there someone from AA that can be with you to make sure you are OK?

Jomey

That sounds pretty intense, friend. Like Fubar said, please don't be alone during this time, and if I was you, I would be at least checking in by phone with an emergency doc, if not actually going in.

Please be safe and let us know how you are when you can.

Jomey

CarolD

Sorry you are in so much distress....

I do think a doctor is the way to go for your de tox...
especially with your earlier experience with a seizure.

Please be safe and then get back on track

HideorSeek

Hey Rightangle...I am sorry that you are in such pain, but there is a way (actually the ONLY way) to stop it and that is to stop drinking. As is often recommended here, you need to be honest with your doc. This is not a moral failure on your part, it is a medical PROBLEM that you can receive help for. Is your Life worth the embarassment you might/will feel? I think not. YOU are WORTH so much more, but only you can make that decision. After too many fits and starts, I finally understood that drinking will never be an option for me again. I think that we have to come to that decision in order to recover. Believe me, that "wiggle room ("This time I won't....") kept me out there for a LONGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG time.

Go to the ER, if necessary. Please, please trust me when I say it can be done and it is so worth it. You will be amazed how that dreaded despair becomes a thing of the past and how wonderful life can be.

RightAngled

Thanks folks - have tried my AA contact but no luck - I am so bad at asking for help. I can speak to my doctor in the morning - they open in 10 hours time. I can also refer myself to local drugs and alcohol service; they open an hour later. I think I will fall asleep and get up at a decent time and do what I need to do. I dont know what will be said. I dont want everyone to know how ill I am (i.e. work) but I guess I dont have a choice.

Thanks - this realy helps

Charmie

right angled i too am very sorry for what you are going through,i remember it only too well.please seek medical help.in the grand scheme of things your job has to take a back burner at the moment,just worry about getting yourself well.keep trying your AA contact.if you cant get them ring the helpline and get back into those rooms.find folk with good sobriety and stick to them like glue.i wish you well my friend.keep us posted.

tigers13

Rightangled...please seek help to detox, it can be so dangerous especially with your history. There is so much great advice on here...pay attention to it, then just do it. It can be so embarrassing and humiliating, and the expectation of the disappointment of others is really hard to handle...I remember it, I went thru 4 detoxes and 3 treatment centers. If you want it bad enough, get the help you need and hang onto it like your life depends on it...because it does. :ghug3

HideorSeek

Good luck my new friend. Please post when you have come home? You've got a whole world...literally...of support here!:ghug3

DayWalker

RightAngled definitely seek a doctors help ASAP. Most of us alcoholics have experienced some of those symptoms at one point and time in our drinking but having them all at once after a hard bender like you just explained is VERY dangerous! So don't hesitate to get to a doctors.

You have to ask yourself which is worse? being scared of what your doctor might say or doing nothing about it and maybe end up dying because of it?

Right now I wouldn't worry about what your work thinks. For the time being I would say it sounds like you need to do what's best for your well being and make that the priority at the moment. Once you get under a doctors care and get yourself in a more stable condition then work and what people say can come next.

I truly do feel for you friend. I know the pain&shame of coming off a long bender after being sober for an amount of time as I'm back on 1 week sober now myself after 2 months of hell (as I know other here do as well). But don't give up. With all that your dealing with you still posted here so that shows that you still have the will to fight this! Don't give up.

Steve

bohemianzen

please get some medical help or at the very least find someone who can stay with you. i understand the part about being embarassed and ashamed (i'm at that part right now) do what you have to do to get thru this--we want you here--please keep posting to let us know how things go.

sodone

Hi there
this is my first post.. While I'm new, I do have some medical background and I really urge you to consider getting seen asap by your physician and/or going to the ER. If you dont feel you can do that, pls call a friend or your AA sponsor if you have one. Someone should be with you! Aside from potentially being very dehydrated, your blood sugars may be all over the place. AND if you've continued taking the medication you're on, well that can be a potentially dangerous combination. If you seek medical support, your employer should be more understanding (I'd think they'd have to be). It does not sound like you can in anyway, shape, or form work right now.. AND PLEASE know.. that physicians have seen it all.. The ER staff has seen it all.. Someone who comes in asking for help is a Godsend - truly.. I know about the being ashamed, embarrassed. We've all been there. But it sounds like you need some medical intervention or at the very least someone with you. I wish you the very best! Pls let us know how you're doing!

RightAngled

hey - thanks all for this, especially sharing your first post sodone

have 6 hours before medical centre opens (is 2 in the morning here), the sickness had abated until I just thre up and for the first time there was blood, albeit a small trace.

Just need to figure what to tell the doctor. I drank heavily the last weekend and I didn't have to be in work till midday on Monday, so I carried on drinking until 10 that morning, then went into work for half the day. I have not been in since. With swine flue and varying bugs on the loose at the moent (I work in a hospital) what I said was not at all out of the order. This is my first time off since April. Drinking sort of escalted to this point to where I am now.

Not sure what to tell the doctor - the truth I guess! More worried about work - I cant lose my job as I have a house. I know I should go and I know the health risks, especially with the subutex (herion withdrawal meds) - I am not a user but I got some illegally as if I take a little bit before work then it floats me through to the end of the day.

Pretty poor way of coping dont you think...................

tjp613

Why can't you go to the ER?

RightAngled

I did this before and was basically treated realy badly by the doctors who realy looked down their noses at me and said there was nothing they could do except give me a few librium tablets to get me through the night so I could see my doctor. If I leave now, it will be half an hour before I am seen and probably several more hours before a doctor sees me. At least my GP is just up the road from me here and I know him well. I think I can last till then. Will keep busy on here...............

sodone

Hey there
you're in a different country than I am (I'm in US) .. but if you're in the US and working at a hospital and tell them you have an addiction problem, you have the right to get help while they hold your job.. Well I shouldnt swear by that cause I've been home with kids for a few years, but that was true awhile back. In other words, if a person felt their addiction would effect their ability to perform their job and they voluntarily shared all before "getting fired" due to coming to work under the influence, the organization would support them. Yes I do believe it goes on your record, potentially license if one is present, but better that than going to work and possibly hurting someone - ya know?? It's hard.. very hard.. but it is what it is .. you're not pathetic.. none of us are.. most of us are dealing with significant challenges in our lives.. Yes the drug you're taking is not a good combo given what you're doing sooo you really, truly need medical intervention. Tell your doc what's going down... BELIEVE me he/she has seen it all.. really! If you share what's been going on and are straight up, they can not only help you, but will respect you.. That may sound weird but so often it's like pulling teeth to get to the bottom of things. It's refreshing when someone truly wants help. PLS know that and go ask for that help.. You've asked here.. now go ask someone who can give you the hands-on help you need! Take good care and keep us posted!!

sodone

At least my GP is just up the road from me here and I know him well. I think I can last till then. Will keep busy on here...............

If that's the case then meet your MD in his/her parking lot when he/she arrives in AM.. and yes, keep posting.. Drink water as much as you can!!

RightAngled

Thanks for that - its complicated where I work because I work for a small independant charity within the hospital and not the hospital itself. Where the hospital employs 4,000 my charity employs 100. If I worked for the hospital there would be no problem but I dont know what the situation is where I am. I might have a look into it. Thanks for this - its much appreciated.

HideorSeek

I came back to check on you RA! Everyone has given you fabulous advice. Telling my doc the truth was my first step towards honesty and I don't look back. Actually, she is young and her reaction was almost comical in a way. She dropped her voice to a whisper and said she would give me the med that I asked her for (Antabuse). In a nice way, I told her that she did not need to whisper. Frankly, what she thought no longer mattered to me (unlike the previous 5 years when, during my physical, I glossed over my alcoholism). I kept thinking "This is my LIFE and I need your help" and that got me through. Courage, my friend.

Dee74

I hope you do see some kind of Dr, RA.
It really is in yr best interests

and, welcome to SR Sodone!

D