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But I'm a HAPPY drunk

Old 08-10-2009, 07:26 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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hey KC
I come from a long line of drinkers who will never 'get it'.

I learned it's OK to say no - even when they plonk a drink right down in front of me?
The buck stops with me.

I think the same thing applies with your husband - he might be giving you mixed messages, but you know whats best for you and what's not.

D
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Old 08-10-2009, 07:30 PM
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same planet...different world
 
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Hi KC1 -

I'm Barb.
I've been reading this thread for a bit now,
I think there's been some good advice and encouragement on the thread so I just kept to myself since I'm not *on* here as much as I once was.

this last post ....

*sigh*

You know,
our 'signifigants' repond in different and bizarre ways
when we take the first steps into sobriety.

I'm waiting for you to say that's what you're going to do.

One glass of wine *is* much better than a pint a night or a bottle a week.
But it's the *suffereing* that's going on meanwhile that I'm watching.

Because I know what that is.
I'm waiting to see if you figure it out.

Help is available - right in the front of the phone book.

It's free
it's every day
it's all the time.

You can't beat that with a stick.

But first you need to take a look at what's being said to you in your home and by your friends and relations. That's not easy to do when you haven't lost everything.
That's why there's so many of us here on this site who DID lose everything. So we know.

We're whatcha call 'authorities' on denial.

I think if you say to your family you are going to stop drinking for say, a month....
and you require their help and support ....
And the first thing your spouse does is go buy booze to drink in front of you
or to tempt you ...

tells me there's an unhealthy realtionship factor involved as well.
What we in recovery call 'toxic'.

You have a LOT to think about in the next few days, hon.

I hope you'll keep posting and every couple of days go back and read the first posts.

When you decide you will need help to stop drinking
that you cannot stop on your own...
there's literally a 'nation' of fellow sufferers
who've found a solution.
And the hands are out to you.

Best wishes,

Barb Dwyer
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Old 08-10-2009, 07:45 PM
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OK.....so what now, folks?

Ok. So I checked online. There is an AA meeting literally 1000 yards from my front door at a church up the street. My husband would NEVER have to know I went. Is it worth going "on the sly"? Without telling him? I have tried to talk to him about this issue before and as you know, he tells me I have a problem but then enables me ...and he keeps tellilng me that "if I just listen to him, I will be fine." "He will help me control this." This as I sit here WISHING TO HELL that I had a bottle of vodka to sip from. And I mean that sincerely. I really want to sip on some good ole Ketel One. Good thing I don't have any and the liquor store is closed. I am sipping water with lemon instead. But so what do you all think? Should I SECRETLY go to the AA meeting up the street? Is that better than not going at all? I am sure I can go without his knowledge. For some reason, he HATES the idea.

Thanks so much for your input.........
KC
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Old 08-10-2009, 07:49 PM
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same planet...different world
 
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Is it worth going "on the sly"?
I can't answer that for you, hon.
I don't know your domestic condtion.

I *do* know the situation isn't going to solve itself.

You are the one who has to choose sobriety.
Ultimately, it will ALWAYS come back to that one decision.

Right here
right now
every time

the decision is what holds the route.
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Old 08-10-2009, 07:52 PM
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Well I'm not in AA - but sure - I'd go.

Not sure how you manage going with any regularity and not telling him - or him not finding out - tho...be prepared for that eventuality. It's a bridge that needs crossing.

But for tonight? go.

D
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Old 08-10-2009, 08:07 PM
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Thanks. We have very different work schedules. So it would not be that hard for me to go without him knowing. I hate to resort to that, but I also think I owe it to myself to give it a try. If it works, he really can't complain. Believe it or not, we have a good "domestic relationship". However, when it comes to problems, he usually puts his head in the sand. I know that might not make much sense to most of you. He has children from a prior marriage who are big thorns in my side. They bleed him dry for money. Anyhow, we have agreed to just not talk about them. Have both to been counseling and it has been agreed by the counselor, it is just best that we don't talk about the kids from the prior marriage - they are grown adults with their own children anyway. OK. So I think I am going to do this. I am going to go to the meeting on my own -- he does not have to know for now. It's worth a shot. Anything at this point is worth a shot. It really is. I have to think of myself first.........right?
Still craving the Ketel One, so it has to work.
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Old 08-10-2009, 08:20 PM
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KC1 - Hello!

There are a few red flags about your drinking... the biggest one is that you often don't stop after the first one, you drink more than you intended, you have remorse about your drinking. Whether you are an alcoholic is your truth and your journey.

It is not your husband's... why all this energy into whether or not you should go to an AA meeting on the sly? What is that about? Just go, if you don't want to tell him, don't. It's not a game. Don't make it one.

My wife, I think, had a plan for me... I remember a long walk one day... long walk... No vodka, One beer or glass of wine with dinner, no drinks before 5 PM.... Promise?

Touching really, she loves me so much and she was so worried, and angry, and she was going to fix me, like I had a bad cold... chicken soup....

That was two years ago. She's happy that I am sober, but you know, she says that maybe I can control it... She'd like her drinking buddy back... Sounds good to me!!... She's not an alcoholic, she doesn't understand. She would just get the active drunk back.

I go to meetings when I need to go and there are no important family activities. Period.

Work on you. Do what you have to do.

Mark
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Old 08-10-2009, 08:20 PM
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same planet...different world
 
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OK. So I think I am going to do this. I am going to go to the meeting on my own -- he does not have to know for now.
There ya go.

Glad to read about the domestic stuff as well. I personally would never advise someone to do something that would cause anything potentially violent or even mentally abusive to occur as a result when they got home, or if word got out.

That is good news, then!
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Old 08-10-2009, 08:26 PM
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good luck with yr decision KC

D
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Old 08-10-2009, 08:30 PM
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I hope that you have a wonderful meeting KC you are making the right decisions for you.

All of the best,

NB
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Old 08-11-2009, 02:19 PM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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Red face

There are happy drunks, sad drunks, glad drunks and mad drunks they are all still DRUNKS.

It takes a big step to become a alcoholic and not a drunk only you can do

that. There is plenty of help here and in your community and you have already

taken a step that took me three years to make----asking for Help Way to

go
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Old 08-11-2009, 02:30 PM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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If drinking had remained FUN, I would still be drinking.

The problem is that at some point it turns on us like a wild tiger and we can never trust it again. It sounds like you are close to that point.
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Old 08-11-2009, 06:37 PM
  # 33 (permalink)  
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Oh my! Have to figure something else out. Went to not one, but TWO AA meetings today. One at "sunrise" at a church near my work place, and the one near my home. It is NOT for me....at least what I experienced today. Not sure what I will do next. I feel nauseous around 5pm, which I know is a sign of alcohol withdrawal. So I did the next normal thing -- had a glass of wine. I am a loser, I know. I don't deserve the time and attention on this board. Will lurk from time to time and try to deal with this another way. Thanks to all who have read and tried to help. I don't want to waste your time. KC
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Old 08-11-2009, 06:41 PM
  # 34 (permalink)  
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Please don't leave, KC! This board is exactly where you need to be. It's the entire purpose of the board. We're here to support you. Not everyone gets it the first time, or even the second or third. AA isn't for everyone. Yes, they have helped a lot of people, but not everyone is into that sort of thing. The main thing is that you keep trying. Stay with us and read and post and let us try to help you. You can do this!
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Old 08-11-2009, 06:49 PM
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I know it can seem like this board is just for sober people, but that's not the case.
It's for people struggling to get sober, KC.

And AA's not the only way - check out the Recovery Programs thread for other suggestions

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...resources.html

D
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Old 08-11-2009, 06:50 PM
  # 36 (permalink)  
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AA is not for everyone KC
please check out this link for other programs

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...resources.html

I sure hope you will find answers that benefit you
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Old 08-11-2009, 06:55 PM
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suki's right, please don't leave. We're nice. Very few people stopped drinking the first time they decided to quit. I definately didn't. Not the first, not the 50th. This is warm place fulla good people, like you.
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Old 08-12-2009, 04:43 AM
  # 38 (permalink)  
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Good Morning! OK. I won't leave. You guys really are helping. Just think, in the past couple of days, I've only had ONE glass of wine each night instead of 3 or 4 or 12. I poured out the Ketel One down the drain (much to my husband's chagrin!) cuz I thought I would go drink it. I am going to try really really hard again to not even have ONE. I feel like crap this morning and also a bit scared. I take antidepressants and I know they dont' work at all if you drink and I really want to feel good. So today I am going out to buy two cases of Pellegrino Water and a bunch of lemons. That will be my new drink. Ok - gotta go to work. and THANKS AGAIN. I will check out the links that you all sent.
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Old 08-12-2009, 06:39 AM
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KC glad you decided to hang around, as already stated, AA is not for every one, check out the other programs, keep trying until you get it. If you decide to give AA another try check out some different meetings, I know there are/were a few I did not like.
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Old 08-12-2009, 06:50 AM
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Good job on giving AA a shot! As people mentioned, it's not for everyone. I know that I've attended a number of meetings where I thought "I hope to god this is not someone's first meeting." I was lucky in that the first few meetings I went to were very good, but if I had attended a bad one in my first few times I don't know if I would've stuck with it.

For me AA meetings can be like a mixed drink.. Some are way to strong, you don't even want to finish it, some are too watered down, and others are made just right.

Best of luck, whatever you do, stick around here, the board by itself helps many people.
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