Mixing Pills & Booze!
 

Well I've manged to cut down on my drinking. :) The only problem is I have increased my Klonpoin (a potent benzo) three fold. I think I would rather be addicted to pills though than booze. I think it's more socially acceptable or something. I've avoided the dreaded AA meetings & seem to feel better. I don't miss the name calling of me being a "retread", "chronic relapser" ect...
For me personally following the 12 steps will kill me faster than alcohol.
I do find it rather strange that my psych doctor still prescribes me a benzo when she knows I have not stopped drinking. I did state that I needed the drug & find it helpful for my anxiety. The truth is I just like it for the hangovers that seem to be getting worse & worse. I have hit every kind of bottom one could imagine yet I still choose to hit the 'ol bottle. I am currently drinking between 12-20 beers a day and am in a complete fog.
I have been doing a harm reduction model & just drinking in my place. No bars, no subway drinking ect... Pain in my right side is getting worse so yet another ER visit will be coming soon. The docs/nurses that know me seem to welcome me with a snide grin on their faces. Perhaps they know that I won't pay my bill & it angers them? I do feel guilty posting here because I'm not 100% sure that I want to stop. Thanks for reading though.

tib

Alcohol was killing me slowly but surely. Did
I know it at tHe time? Na. But looking back
on my drinking history some yrs later, i can
definitely see the self destruction i was in.

Could anyone tell me i had a drinking problem?

Na. They couldnt tell me because i hide my
addiction well and had so many excuses
why I didnt.

Alcohol kicked my butt big time and nearly
took my life twice. The first was in February
of 1990 when coming home from a club
at 2am and running off the road in a
construction zone hitting a concrete
culvert sitting on top the ground.

Spent 10 days in the hospital with my
spleen removed so i wouldnt bleed to
death. The impact was pretty strong
to do that kind of internal damage.

I spent 3 or more months recoverying
without drinking but just taking the
pain meds provided to me.

When the meds stopped working, i
emmediately went back to the drink
which was my drug of choice.

In August, i found myself right back
at the same club returning home this
time to only try to end my miserable
life after another one of those spousal
arguements.

My family saw i was a danger to myself
with the failed attempt on my life and
intervention took place where i was
picked up by the authorities and entered
a 2 week rehab program.

However at 2 weeks i was to be sent
out of state to a halfway house in which
I refused to go but would do whatever
else i could do in its place. So i spent
a total of 28 days in patiant and a 6
week outpatiant aftercare program.

During rehab i recieved the TOOLS and
KNOWLEDGE KNOWLEDGE KNLOWLEDGE
OF MY DISEASE OF ALCOHOLISM.

This set me on the path of recovery
learning to stay sober one day at a
time LIVING the steps and principles
of our program in my everyday affairs.

Hi Im Sharon and Im an Alcoholic.

By the grace of my HP and people
like u here in SR I havent found it
necessary to pick up a drink of
alcohol since 8-11-90.

For that and u I am truely grateful.

Alcohol was killing me.
Recovery saved my life.

NOT over night but just a many
ONE DAYS AT A TIME.

Why did you write this post? Not sure what/if you're asking.

So you're reducing your drinking but upping your drug use? And what are you hoping will happen in your life for the better? Just curious.

A lot of people never get sober, unfortunately.

Trading one addiction for another was my old way. At first it kinda worked until I went back to the old addiction and added that on top of my new addiction. Sure that might not be the case for you...but its something to look out for.

Sorry to hear you are struggling tib. I was a chronic relapser. Lots of long term chronic relapsers eventually get sober for good. Don't feel guilty posting here. You say you are not 100% certain whether you want to give up. Well you are just like me and other alcoholics.
Alcoholics that go back drinking, want to drink, choose to drink for whatever reason.
You are long time poster on here. I am sure you know of many treatments, tips available, maybe reread posts on here. If you want to avoid AA talk maybe go and post on the secular forum.
Addiction can be powerful thing to overcome and it can affect the best of people. Don’t give up!!

The next step for me is getting a book on cognitive behavioural therapy.

Mixing benzos and booze got me a nice gash in my head which I don't remember happening. I just remember waking up in the morning in a pool of my own blood. If I have my hair cut too short people can see it.

But when I told someone about it, I said I "didn't have a problem."

Well I'm cutting back on my alcohol use. I thought that was a good thing and would recieve encouragement.


tib

I second this...that's what the secular section is for.


You'll find many of us who quit using alternative methods.

A very honest statement, I hope I'm not one of "those" people.


tib

You don't have to be.

Tib, I think it's great that you're cutting down on alcohol, but even you can see that you're trading one addiction for another. I'm not able to cut down, I have to abstain completely, that's the objective when we're in recovery.

Years ago, I gave up chewing tobacco and gave myself a pat on the back, then I increased my drinking and drove myself to the bottom that go me to recovery.

Nothing changes if nothing changes Tib. I have a fear of what that pain in your side may be, and why the doctors and nurses give you those looks. We just lost a young girl from our meetings last week. First her liver shut down, the next day her kidneys gave up, that afternoon her parents decided to pull the life support.

Cutting down is a good improvement Tib. I've always enjoyed reading your posts. Glad to see you here posting - you don't catch a fish without a line in the water as they say..

I remember what it was like to be one of the walking passed out. The scariest thing about it is this, you may not die anytime soon, you just may live just like this for some undetermined period of time. That's something I just can't do anymore. It was when I was unwilling to be me one more day that I became willing to go anywhere anyone told me to go and do anything I was told to do. Tib, I don't believe you have a problem with AA, you have a problem with anything that requires you to do anything to get sober. You've gotten suggestions from the AAer, the secular crowd, the just say no crowd. Virtually every segment of this site from every aspect and alternative to recovery has offered you something. When are you gonna grab onto one of them like a brass ring and run with it?

“There is a story of Socrates testing the true intent of a youth who came to him for instruction. He wanted to see if this young man had the resolve to search for Sobriety. He took the youth to the river, and, after wading into the water, asked the young man to follow. Once they were waste deep, Socrates suddenly took hold of the fellow and held him under the water. Naturally, the youth soon began to struggle for air. Socrates then lifted him from the water and said, "When you fight for Sobriety as you fight for breath, come back and I'll teach you."—Adapted from Steve Hagen

Tib has me on ignore, but I'll post anyway. Maybe some one can benefit from the fact that I was a chronic relapser for ten years. Was is the keyword. It is coming up on nineteen years since my last drink, so I know that chronic relapsers can get sober if they don't die first.

Best wishes Tiburon. Being a Celt I have a bunch great wise stories to share, and one is sometimes night/darkness isn't just about hiding, it can be rebirth too. Many would call using pills with booze as 'darkness' but if they're helping YOU cut down then it may not be as dark as one thinks.

Hmmm... Let me get this straight. You don't like A.A.? Is that right?

It works fine for me and I have a different opinion and experience of A.A. myself. I was called slipper and chronic relapser and I do know for a fact that the guy who called me a "slipper" when I came back after a bad drunk is dead now. He's worm food. But... he really meant me no harm. His judgement of me was a butterfly's kiss next to whiskey.

Hope you find something that works for you though because taking certain pills while drinking can and will kill you quick because booze takes the priority of the liver over those pills and can mess you up.

Just wanted to say hang in there......