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Mixing Pills & Booze!

Old 08-07-2009, 04:04 PM
  # 61 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Rowan View Post
You're only as terminally unique as you think you are.
I'm terminally unique. Just like everybody else.
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Old 08-08-2009, 01:17 AM
  # 62 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by tiburon88 View Post
I believe AA made me feel more of a failure than I already do. So in a way, yes AA increased my drinking. My doctor knows that I'm an addict but prescribed an addicting benzo anyway? Where is my responsibility in all this? I'm not sure as I suffer from a chronic disease. I suffer two actually alcoholism and bi-polar.
Of course no one on SR has EVER inquired as to how my mental illness situation is going. I suffered mental illness BEFORE I ever picked up a drink. I guess I really am terminally unique.

Mr. Tiburon
Why was I expecting this post at sometime?

So its not your fault you are drinking to excess and popping pills?

Why did AA make you feel like a failure? Did you fully engage in their programme? Did you do the 12 steps? Did you share with others, pick up the phone when you needed support? Ask for help? Or did you feel that the effort was far too hard, and just drank?

As for your doctor prescribing you your pills. Ok he prescribes them, but does he make you take them? Or do you make that choice? Why not stand up and tell the doctor that you don't want him to prescribe you addictful tablets anymore and would prefer to use some other form of treatment? Or would that be putting the responsibility on you?

You claim to have bi-polar, well so do many people who are addicts, and so do many people who WERE addicts. Having bi-polar does not negate your responsibility for yourself, and blaming the disease for your addiction insults many of us who have chronic mental health conditions but are making positive changes in our lives.

I get the impression that you would like a quick fix solution to your addictions, one that means you have to put minimal effort in, and one that puts all the responsibility on someone else, in your case you say you would like a pill that cures your addiction and therefore puts the responsibility for your recovery on the provider. Or maybe you enjoy being an addict and a victim, and you are comfortable there.

Maybe its about time you took stock of what your responsibility in your addiction is, decided if you want to put the hard work in and then acted accordingly.

Or maybe I am wrong, eh?
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Old 08-08-2009, 06:35 AM
  # 63 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by tiburon88 View Post
My doctor knows that I'm an addict but prescribed an addicting benzo anyway? Where is my responsibility in all this?
You are responsible for taking the pills......end of story. If you cannot accept responsibility for your actions then you will lose.
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Old 08-10-2009, 05:25 AM
  # 64 (permalink)  
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Where is my responsibility in all this?
Who pops the pill Tib? Who picks up the drink Tib?

I spent a whole lot of years playing the blame game, I stayed drunk the whole time until I finally accepted full responsibilty for my actions.

Tib you blame the doctor for the pills yet you went to the doctor, you filled the prescription and you took the pills? You could have told the doctor no, you could have not filled the prescription, you did not have to take the pills.

Tib you blame AA for your drinking????? They bought you the booze and they made you drink it? Or did Tib buy the booze and Tib drank the booze?

Read what you wrote? Who is to blame?

Tib instead of blaming AA why not try another program?

Pick any program, no one cares, work it, if you wind up still drinking will it still be AA's fault, if you keep popping pills will it still be the doctors fault.

Tib what is your fault?

Tib you can stop the insanity when you are willing to take responsibilty for your actions and stop blaming others.

One thing you can not do is BS a BSer!!!! So many of us here used to blame everything and every one for our drinking and drugging, so your blame game does not fly here.

Tib people who love you tell you the truth.
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Old 08-10-2009, 05:40 AM
  # 65 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by tiburon88 View Post
I suffer two actually alcoholism and bi-polar.
Of course no one on SR has EVER inquired as to how my mental illness situation is going. I suffered mental illness BEFORE I ever picked up a drink. I guess I really am terminally unique.

Mr. Tiburon

I do not have bipolar, but I do have depression and anxiety plus alcohol addiction. The reason I picked up was because of mental illness...the depression was bad for at least a year before I began drinking.

Check out the mental health section here at SR. There are lots of us who deal with mental illness and addiction every day. There are several who have bipolar with addiction. People here understand what you are going through.

Tib, you know that your bipolar cannot be under control if you are still using substances. You have to abstain 100% for your medications to be effective. Only then do you have a good chance of getting your illness under control. You have to take your medications the way you are supposed to and give them a chance to work. If your doctor is prescribing you benzos you need to get a new doctor now. Find a competent doctor who will prescribe the meds you need for your illness.
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Old 08-10-2009, 02:52 PM
  # 66 (permalink)  
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Sounds like you are not going to get serious about quiting until you have experience the YETS. If that is what you intend to do here is the list of what you have to look forward to;

1. I have not been arrested YET
2. I have not gotten a DUI YET
3. I have not been hospitalized YET
4. I have not lost my job YET
5. I have not lost my family YET
6. I have not been placed in a Psych-ward YET
7. I have not been homeless YET
8. I have not died from this disease YET
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Old 08-10-2009, 07:36 PM
  # 67 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Boleo View Post
Sounds like you are not going to get serious about quiting until you have experience the YETS. If that is what you intend to do here is the list of what you have to look forward to;

1. I have not been arrested YET
2. I have not gotten a DUI YET
3. I have not been hospitalized YET
4. I have not lost my job YET
5. I have not lost my family YET
6. I have not been placed in a Psych-ward YET
7. I have not been homeless YET
8. I have not died from this disease YET
I can answer yes to 1-7. I have nothing left & sobriety just doesn't seem worth it.

Mr. Tib
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Old 08-10-2009, 07:43 PM
  # 68 (permalink)  
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that's too bad for you, Tib.

Sobriety ... is worth ... in and of itself.

Period.
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Old 08-10-2009, 09:22 PM
  # 69 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by tiburon88 View Post
I can answer yes to 1-7. I have nothing left & sobriety just doesn't seem worth it.

Mr. Tib
I can tell you that it is.

I dunno tib. When you're ready, you're ready.
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Old 08-10-2009, 09:41 PM
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Originally Posted by tiburon88 View Post
I can answer yes to 1-7. I have nothing left & sobriety just doesn't seem worth it.

Mr. Tib
I was thinking... 7 of the 8 aren't yets for me. Haven't lost life... yet. But I've done the others either drunk or blacked out... or wreckage of the past (home and family).

Tib... I know I cannot give you hope or motivate you... nor am I supposed to.

But I will tell you this. You seem down on yourself. I know that feeling. All I can say about that out of my own experience is that there's growth in the suffering. I hope the "growth" stops for you soon and you can enjoy life and be happy again. As I saw mentioned in another thread here tonight... maybe a book like Eckard Tolle's Power of Now is in order for you... or something like that. He's a guy that experienced spiritual bliss for about 2 years straight right after a suicidal life and death type low spot.

Maybe you don't need to read something and are going to find your own path.

Like Red Green says, "We're pullin' for ya. We're all in this together."
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Old 08-11-2009, 10:58 AM
  # 71 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by tiburon88 View Post
I can answer yes to 1-7. I have nothing left & sobriety just doesn't seem worth it.

Mr. Tib
That is your choice then. If you believe that, then why post on here? Personally I am thinking that either you do want to get sober but its easier for you to say you don't to antagonise others, or you have no intentions to get sober and are posting on here for attention.

If you believe that these yets are better than sobriety,

1. I have not been arrested YET
2. I have not gotten a DUI YET
3. I have not been hospitalized YET
4. I have not lost my job YET
5. I have not lost my family YET
6. I have not been placed in a Psych-ward YET
7. I have not been homeless YET


then that is your call. You cannot complain about these things happening to you if you are drinking and pill popping while you have a chronic mental health condition. How exactly do you believe that booze and drugs are going to make your mental state any better?

You play the blame game, pointing fingers in any direction apart from inwards. The truth is hard to deal with, but if you really want to become sober (which I have my doubts over) you have to deal with it. The other option is to drink yourself to death, in which case, is this really the place to be posting, when others are making the choice to recover?
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Old 08-11-2009, 11:23 AM
  # 72 (permalink)  
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Yes mcdog I do get down on myself quite a bit. Which is why the "tough love" approach has never helped me and only made me feel worse. I reduced my beer intake to 0 but have continued to take my Klonopin as the doc prescribed.
Many that post to me love to bash and criticize me. The truth is I know more about sobriety then them. I simply just don't use what I know. I have been to treatment between 5-7 times. Sometimes court ordered and sometimes on my own. I've sat through hundreds of AA meetings and thats why I feel that AA somehow owes me. AA since 2004 and I'm still drunk yeah thats quite a success story! Maybe they can put my story in the next Big Book edition!

Mr. Tiburon
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Old 08-11-2009, 11:46 AM
  # 73 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by tiburon88 View Post
Many that post to me love to bash and criticize me. The truth is I know more about sobriety then them. I simply just don't use what I know. I have been to treatment between 5-7 times. Sometimes court ordered and sometimes on my own. I've sat through hundreds of AA meetings and thats why I feel that AA somehow owes me. AA since 2004 and I'm still drunk yeah thats quite a success story! Maybe they can put my story in the next Big Book edition!
I dunno Tib. I thought I knew everything about my disease, I couldn't accept for 27 years that I had a problem. My best thinking got me two divorces and a long trail of wreckage, do not pass GO do not collect $200. I guess I wasn't as smart as I thought I was. And as far as the criticism and bashing goes, I know now that people in recovery always loved me unconditionally, even when the message was harsh.

I've been going to AA since 2/21/05, over 1600 meetings so far. Every time I wake up sober, I don't think I could ever repay AA for the life I have now.
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Old 08-11-2009, 11:52 AM
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Are you grateful for anything in your life, Tib? Anything?

I really do feel badly for you. I can't imagine being in a worse place - where drinking no longer brings enjoyment but you can't commit to getting sober and staying that way. Alcoholic insanity, that's what that is.

I hope you get the chance to recover, I sincerely do. You deserve to get well.
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Old 08-11-2009, 07:43 PM
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I am grateful for attending the many Chicago Cub games that I do. Not so sure if it is healthy or not.


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Old 08-11-2009, 08:51 PM
  # 76 (permalink)  
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Yeah, how about them Colorado Rockies?!
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Old 08-11-2009, 09:24 PM
  # 77 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by tiburon88 View Post
I reduced my beer intake to 0 but have continued to take my Klonopin as the doc prescribed.

Mr. Tiburon
That's a great start.

AA works for me because I work the program. I know there are other people here who remain sober using programs other than AA. Maybe ask what's working for them?

Good job on cutting out the booze.
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Old 08-11-2009, 09:40 PM
  # 78 (permalink)  
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I'm glad you're down to 0 Tib.

I hope one day you decide to use all that stored knowledge.

I knew a lot too (I actually didn't LOL but that's me) - but all the knowledge in the world means jack without action behind it.

D
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Old 08-12-2009, 05:07 AM
  # 79 (permalink)  
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Getting your beer intake down to zero is brilliant! And taking the tablets as prescribed is excellent too. Well done!

I know I have been harsh on you, but you can do this, and you can change your outlook to a positive one, but only you can do that. No "wonder-pill" will ever do that for you.
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Old 08-12-2009, 05:21 AM
  # 80 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by tiburon88 View Post
Yes mcdog I do get down on myself quite a bit. Which is why the "tough love" approach has never helped me and only made me feel worse. I reduced my beer intake to 0 but have continued to take my Klonopin as the doc prescribed.
Many that post to me love to bash and criticize me. The truth is I know more about sobriety then them. I simply just don't use what I know. I have been to treatment between 5-7 times. Sometimes court ordered and sometimes on my own. I've sat through hundreds of AA meetings and thats why I feel that AA somehow owes me. AA since 2004 and I'm still drunk yeah thats quite a success story! Maybe they can put my story in the next Big Book edition!

Mr. Tiburon
That sounds a lot like me. I know alot about staying clean and sober, but I've always viewed it more like a study, than a life threatening condition. My ex is in the addiction treatment field, so I learned lots through her, been to treatment a couple of times, seen many councilors, been here for ages, but have never been very good at putting all of that knowledge into action, the last, but most important step!!

I have absolutely nothing against AA. It wasn't for me personally, so I no longer go. However I have nothing but respect for the program. I have stopped my pot use (my primary DOC) and cut way back on the drinking, but I still understand that it needs to stop completely.

So I kinda understand where you are coming from Tib. You are so angry at yourself that you can't take anymore, so you lash out at whatever is convienent. Doctors, AA, people who say things you don't like. I've been there. I don't have a whole lot of advice to offer, as I'm still very much a "work in progress" myself. All I can say, and you obviously know this already, is that only you can do this. All the doctors, SR support, AA meetings, whatever, in the world can only help. You are still the one who has to do it. Somewhere inside you there is a part that really does want to be sober, otherwise you wouldn't be wasting your time here. Try to find that part and nurture it as best you can.

By the way, congrats on the 0 beers a day. That is huge!! Take care.
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