dont know why i keep doing this to myself
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 146
dont know why i keep doing this to myself
well well. I made it 2 weeks or so. Felt great those two weeks. I just don't know why I can't seem to get past the two week mark, or even just a week. I hate this feeling of being hungover. I drunk 10 beers last night and smoked a bunch of cigs. I just got that desire to drink, and nothing was going to stop me. I came here, read, and felt great during those two weeks. Now back at square one. It's like I wanted to make peace with alcohol, and just wanted to drink normally and have a regular stock hangover and be done with it. But the hangovers just seem to get worse and not any better or like they used to be.
I have every reason to stop. I've had lots and lots of troubles from alcohol. About the only thing I haven't done is kill someone in an accident or something serious like that. I'd like to stop, because life is much better. But it's like I'm not comfortable not drinking, it's something I'm not used to. I'm used to my little cycle.
I'm almost contemplating going to a detox center. I just want to get sober and stay sober. I'm at that point where I don't feel I can drink anymore at all. It's just starting to become too devastating physically and psychologically. I get very anxious while hungover - anxious enough to motivate me to quit. And then at night I'll get trouble sleeping. I'm tired of dealing with that junk. It didn't used to be like that. It used to be, get drunk, be hungover a few hours, drink some water, go to bed, sleep well and be fine and rested the next day. Now it's major anxiety all day, go to bed, wake up after a few hours in the middle of the night possibly in a sweat.
Anyway, I think I'm ready this time. I think I'm gonna try the AA thing. It's like they ask you what are you going to do different this time. I need to do something different and really focus in on sobriety as my #1 priority. I wanna do it for the long term. I just don't know whether to go to detox or not to get meds. I'll probably be fine. I just hate the anxiety more than anything.
Anyhow, I feel somewhat more optimistic after writing this out, so that's a start.
I have every reason to stop. I've had lots and lots of troubles from alcohol. About the only thing I haven't done is kill someone in an accident or something serious like that. I'd like to stop, because life is much better. But it's like I'm not comfortable not drinking, it's something I'm not used to. I'm used to my little cycle.
I'm almost contemplating going to a detox center. I just want to get sober and stay sober. I'm at that point where I don't feel I can drink anymore at all. It's just starting to become too devastating physically and psychologically. I get very anxious while hungover - anxious enough to motivate me to quit. And then at night I'll get trouble sleeping. I'm tired of dealing with that junk. It didn't used to be like that. It used to be, get drunk, be hungover a few hours, drink some water, go to bed, sleep well and be fine and rested the next day. Now it's major anxiety all day, go to bed, wake up after a few hours in the middle of the night possibly in a sweat.
Anyway, I think I'm ready this time. I think I'm gonna try the AA thing. It's like they ask you what are you going to do different this time. I need to do something different and really focus in on sobriety as my #1 priority. I wanna do it for the long term. I just don't know whether to go to detox or not to get meds. I'll probably be fine. I just hate the anxiety more than anything.
Anyhow, I feel somewhat more optimistic after writing this out, so that's a start.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
You have noticed the progression your alcoholism....
Yes....abstinance is the solution for drinking.
Your doctor can advise you about anxiety issues
tho it's quite often the results of drinking.
Yes I use AA....and it's a tremendous resource for me.
Please do check out your local meetings.
All my best....
Yes....abstinance is the solution for drinking.
Your doctor can advise you about anxiety issues
tho it's quite often the results of drinking.
Yes I use AA....and it's a tremendous resource for me.
Please do check out your local meetings.
All my best....
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Here, Now
Posts: 4,268
"dont know why i keep doing this to myself"
Because you're an alcoholic? Not being funny, but it's that simple. Here's 2 interesting takes on the disease, a little dated but I think relevant.
Gerald G. May, M.D., in Addiction and Grace, defines addiction as "any compulsive, habitual behavior that limits the freedom of human desire. It is caused by attachments, or nailing, of desires to specific objects. Five essential characteristics mark true addiction: (1) tolerance, (2) withdrawal symptoms, (3) self-deception, (4) loss of will power, and (5) distortion of attention."
In a 1992 JAMA article, the Joint Committee of the National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence and the American Society of Addiction Medicine published this definition for alcoholism: "Alcoholism is a primary chronic disease with genetic, psychosocial, and environmental factors influencing its development and manifestations. The disease is often progressive and fatal. It is characterized by impaired control over drinking, preoccupation with the drug alcohol, use of alcohol despite adverse consequences, and distortions in thinking, mostly denial. Each of these symptoms may be continuous or periodic"
"Primary" refers to the nature of alcoholism as a disease entity in addition to and separate from other pathophysiologic states may be associated with it. It suggests that alcoholism, as an addiction, is not a symptom of an underlying disease state.
"Disease" means an involuntary disability. It represents the sum of the abnormal phenomena displayed by a group of individuals. These phenomena are associated with a specified common set of characteristics by which these individuals differ from the norm, and which places them at a disadvantage.
"Often Progressive and Fatal" means that the disease persists over time and that physical, emotional, and social changes are often cumulative and may progress as drinking continues. Alcoholism cause premature death through overdose, organic complications involving the brain, liver, heart and many other organs, and by contributing to suicide, homicide, motor vehicle crashes, and other traumatic events.
"Impaired Control" means the inability to limit alcohol use or to consistently limit on any drinking occasion the duration of the episode, the quantity consumed, and/or the behavioral consequences of drinking.
"Preoccupation" in association with alcohol use indicates excessive, focused attention given to the drug alcohol, its effects, and/or its use. The relative value thus assigned to alcohol by the individual often leads to a diversion of energies away from important life concerns.
"Adverse Consequences" are alcohol-related problems or impairments in such areas as: physical health (e.g., alcohol withdrawal syndromes, liver disease, gastritis, anemia, neurological disorders); psychological functioning (e.g., impairments in cognition, changes in mood and behavior); interpersonal functioning (e.g., marital problems and child abuse, impaired social relationships); occupational functioning (e.g., scholastic or job problems); and legal, financial, or spiritual problems.
"Denial" is used here not only in the psychoanalytic sense of a single psychological defense mechanism disavowing the significance of events, but more broadly to include a range of psychological maneuvers designed to reduce awareness of the fact that alcohol use is the cause of an individual's problems rather than a solution to those problems. Denial becomes an integral part of the disease and a major obstacle to recovery.
"Tolerance" is the phenomenon of always wanting or needing more of the addictive behavior or the object of attachment to feel satisfied.
"Withdrawal Symptoms" refer to two types of symptoms; the first is stress reaction, when the body is deprived of something it has become accustomed to, it responds with danger signals, as if something is wrong. The second type of withdrawal symptom is a rebound or backlash reaction. The individual experiences symptoms that are the exact opposite of those caused by the addictive behavior itself.
"Self-Deception" One of the most significant hallmarks of addiction is the exquisite inventiveness that the mind can demonstrate in order to perpetuate addictive behaviors. These tricks of mind include denial, rationalization, displacement, and every other defense mechanism that psychoanalysis has identified, and then some.
"Loss of Willpower" One part of the will sincerely wants to be free while another part wants to continue the addiction. The second part generally proves stronger and so resolutions involving "will power" fail, time and again.
"Distortion of Attention" Addiction and its associated mind tricks inevitably kidnap and distort our attention, profoundly hindering our capacity for love.
__________________________________________________ ____________
Because you're an alcoholic? Not being funny, but it's that simple. Here's 2 interesting takes on the disease, a little dated but I think relevant.
Gerald G. May, M.D., in Addiction and Grace, defines addiction as "any compulsive, habitual behavior that limits the freedom of human desire. It is caused by attachments, or nailing, of desires to specific objects. Five essential characteristics mark true addiction: (1) tolerance, (2) withdrawal symptoms, (3) self-deception, (4) loss of will power, and (5) distortion of attention."
In a 1992 JAMA article, the Joint Committee of the National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence and the American Society of Addiction Medicine published this definition for alcoholism: "Alcoholism is a primary chronic disease with genetic, psychosocial, and environmental factors influencing its development and manifestations. The disease is often progressive and fatal. It is characterized by impaired control over drinking, preoccupation with the drug alcohol, use of alcohol despite adverse consequences, and distortions in thinking, mostly denial. Each of these symptoms may be continuous or periodic"
"Primary" refers to the nature of alcoholism as a disease entity in addition to and separate from other pathophysiologic states may be associated with it. It suggests that alcoholism, as an addiction, is not a symptom of an underlying disease state.
"Disease" means an involuntary disability. It represents the sum of the abnormal phenomena displayed by a group of individuals. These phenomena are associated with a specified common set of characteristics by which these individuals differ from the norm, and which places them at a disadvantage.
"Often Progressive and Fatal" means that the disease persists over time and that physical, emotional, and social changes are often cumulative and may progress as drinking continues. Alcoholism cause premature death through overdose, organic complications involving the brain, liver, heart and many other organs, and by contributing to suicide, homicide, motor vehicle crashes, and other traumatic events.
"Impaired Control" means the inability to limit alcohol use or to consistently limit on any drinking occasion the duration of the episode, the quantity consumed, and/or the behavioral consequences of drinking.
"Preoccupation" in association with alcohol use indicates excessive, focused attention given to the drug alcohol, its effects, and/or its use. The relative value thus assigned to alcohol by the individual often leads to a diversion of energies away from important life concerns.
"Adverse Consequences" are alcohol-related problems or impairments in such areas as: physical health (e.g., alcohol withdrawal syndromes, liver disease, gastritis, anemia, neurological disorders); psychological functioning (e.g., impairments in cognition, changes in mood and behavior); interpersonal functioning (e.g., marital problems and child abuse, impaired social relationships); occupational functioning (e.g., scholastic or job problems); and legal, financial, or spiritual problems.
"Denial" is used here not only in the psychoanalytic sense of a single psychological defense mechanism disavowing the significance of events, but more broadly to include a range of psychological maneuvers designed to reduce awareness of the fact that alcohol use is the cause of an individual's problems rather than a solution to those problems. Denial becomes an integral part of the disease and a major obstacle to recovery.
"Tolerance" is the phenomenon of always wanting or needing more of the addictive behavior or the object of attachment to feel satisfied.
"Withdrawal Symptoms" refer to two types of symptoms; the first is stress reaction, when the body is deprived of something it has become accustomed to, it responds with danger signals, as if something is wrong. The second type of withdrawal symptom is a rebound or backlash reaction. The individual experiences symptoms that are the exact opposite of those caused by the addictive behavior itself.
"Self-Deception" One of the most significant hallmarks of addiction is the exquisite inventiveness that the mind can demonstrate in order to perpetuate addictive behaviors. These tricks of mind include denial, rationalization, displacement, and every other defense mechanism that psychoanalysis has identified, and then some.
"Loss of Willpower" One part of the will sincerely wants to be free while another part wants to continue the addiction. The second part generally proves stronger and so resolutions involving "will power" fail, time and again.
"Distortion of Attention" Addiction and its associated mind tricks inevitably kidnap and distort our attention, profoundly hindering our capacity for love.
__________________________________________________ ____________
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
i don't know why i'm doing this to myself either. must be very self destructive. i'm going to try to get thru the next two days without drinking. maybe you can too. let's try this together, ok?:praying
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 146
Originally Posted by least 
i don't know why i'm doing this to myself either. must be very self destructive. i'm going to try to get thru the next two days without drinking. maybe you can too. let's try this together, ok?:praying
I'm feeling better now. Always around 3pm or so, there's a shift in the hangover. It's funny, I split the hangover up into little cycles. I've had so many, I'm probably an expert on them, lol. First, there's the "oh crap, holy jesus" when you first wake up. Then there's sort of an assesment level where you figure out exactly what kinda condition you're in and compare it to other hangovers you've had. Then there's just kinda being with the hangover for a few hours. Then sometime later there's a turning point and after that the hangover dissipates away rapidly. Then you feel real tender and still very toxic, but you've come a long way. Maybe some sleep follows.
I think I'll workout later, that's always helped. The hangover will be easy, it's when a week passes and I get back to full health and start thinking that the hangover was no big deal and I can drink again. In a way, having an easy hangover is bad, because with a bad hangover, it sort of scares you into not drinking again, while an easy one, you can think, oh that was no big deal.
I got nothin'
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
Originally Posted by matt88
I'd like to stop, because life is much better. But it's like I'm not comfortable not drinking, it's something I'm not used to. I'm used to my little cycle.
Getting sober took me out of my comfort zone...it interrupted my routine.
In order for me to stay sober I had to force myself to make it through the uncomfortable feelings.
Things really do get better over time...the first couple-few months are extremely hard...and I'm really liking having a clear mind.
Make sure you have a plan in place to prevent relapse. Write down everything you are going to do to avoid drinking.
Find something positive you love to do to fill up the time you would spend drinking. I do photography and hand out at SR. It really does help.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Roanoke, VA
Posts: 2
Hi, Matt - You remind me of myself when I finally decided to give up alcohol by joining Alcoholics Anonymous. I was "sick and tired of being sick and tired"....I, too, would get up in the middle of the night - to resume the drinking I'd left off a few hours earlier. I also had that terrible anxiety afterward, right in the pit of my stomach. I think I knew it was because I would have to change unless I wanted to die a drunk. This is a PROGRESSIVE disease; it will never get better - always worse.
I, too, could not imagine living without alcohol. It was such a part of my life. This is why it's called the drinking HABIT. And like other habits that make us miserable, the cycle can be broken, but it takes willingness on your part.
I hope you will consider calling AA - it's in the phone book. Many people in the program come in following rehab, too. I don't know about others here, but the twelve steps have saved my life.
You will be in my thoughts, Matt....Emmi
I, too, could not imagine living without alcohol. It was such a part of my life. This is why it's called the drinking HABIT. And like other habits that make us miserable, the cycle can be broken, but it takes willingness on your part.
I hope you will consider calling AA - it's in the phone book. Many people in the program come in following rehab, too. I don't know about others here, but the twelve steps have saved my life.
You will be in my thoughts, Matt....Emmi
Helping Others, Helps Me
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: North Dakota
Posts: 481
I tell ya what, it is the insanity. I just lost a woman I loved dearly because of the insanity of my alcoholism. 
All I had to do was not drink....could I make it? Hell no. But I sure hope I can now. I look back at any major issues in the last seven years of my 24 years of life, and it was all related to drinking. Every single one. It is sad really. Good luck, and it does not have to be this way. :praying
All I had to do was not drink....could I make it? Hell no. But I sure hope I can now. I look back at any major issues in the last seven years of my 24 years of life, and it was all related to drinking. Every single one. It is sad really. Good luck, and it does not have to be this way. :praying
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Actually my problem wasn't my drinking, it was my thinking, which inevitably lead to drinking!
I never EVER had a time I drank where I didn't have a hideous hangover afterwards, but that didn't stop me for many years.
Oh how I do not miss any of that, post-drinking anxiety included!
I never EVER had a time I drank where I didn't have a hideous hangover afterwards, but that didn't stop me for many years.
Oh how I do not miss any of that, post-drinking anxiety included!
Resident grateful guy!
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Bloomington, Mn.
Posts: 120
Originally Posted by matt88
well well. I made it 2 weeks or so. Felt great those two weeks. I just don't know why I can't seem to get past the two week mark, or even just a week. I hate this feeling of being hungover. I drunk 10 beers last night and smoked a bunch of cigs. I just got that desire to drink, and nothing was going to stop me. I came here, read, and felt great during those two weeks. Now back at square one. It's like I wanted to make peace with alcohol, and just wanted to drink normally and have a regular stock hangover and be done with it. But the hangovers just seem to get worse and not any better or like they used to be.
I have every reason to stop. I've had lots and lots of troubles from alcohol. About the only thing I haven't done is kill someone in an accident or something serious like that. I'd like to stop, because life is much better. But it's like I'm not comfortable not drinking, it's something I'm not used to. I'm used to my little cycle.
I'm almost contemplating going to a detox center. I just want to get sober and stay sober. I'm at that point where I don't feel I can drink anymore at all. It's just starting to become too devastating physically and psychologically. I get very anxious while hungover - anxious enough to motivate me to quit. And then at night I'll get trouble sleeping. I'm tired of dealing with that junk. It didn't used to be like that. It used to be, get drunk, be hungover a few hours, drink some water, go to bed, sleep well and be fine and rested the next day. Now it's major anxiety all day, go to bed, wake up after a few hours in the middle of the night possibly in a sweat.
Anyway, I think I'm ready this time. I think I'm gonna try the AA thing. It's like they ask you what are you going to do different this time. I need to do something different and really focus in on sobriety as my #1 priority. I wanna do it for the long term. I just don't know whether to go to detox or not to get meds. I'll probably be fine. I just hate the anxiety more than anything.
Anyhow, I feel somewhat more optimistic after writing this out, so that's a start.
I have every reason to stop. I've had lots and lots of troubles from alcohol. About the only thing I haven't done is kill someone in an accident or something serious like that. I'd like to stop, because life is much better. But it's like I'm not comfortable not drinking, it's something I'm not used to. I'm used to my little cycle.
I'm almost contemplating going to a detox center. I just want to get sober and stay sober. I'm at that point where I don't feel I can drink anymore at all. It's just starting to become too devastating physically and psychologically. I get very anxious while hungover - anxious enough to motivate me to quit. And then at night I'll get trouble sleeping. I'm tired of dealing with that junk. It didn't used to be like that. It used to be, get drunk, be hungover a few hours, drink some water, go to bed, sleep well and be fine and rested the next day. Now it's major anxiety all day, go to bed, wake up after a few hours in the middle of the night possibly in a sweat.
Anyway, I think I'm ready this time. I think I'm gonna try the AA thing. It's like they ask you what are you going to do different this time. I need to do something different and really focus in on sobriety as my #1 priority. I wanna do it for the long term. I just don't know whether to go to detox or not to get meds. I'll probably be fine. I just hate the anxiety more than anything.
Anyhow, I feel somewhat more optimistic after writing this out, so that's a start.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 146
Sure enough, last night I woke up close to 4 am, and didn't get back to bed till 5, lol. Oh well, guess that's what happens when you pass out drunk and get like 12 hours sleep.
Anyway - Alright they say it's good to have a plan so here's my plan I've thought of today while cleaning house (which helps, clean house, clean body, clean mind):
AA - My plan is to attend a meeting once a week or once every 2 weeks. I'll probably just attend the speaker meetings they have because right now I'm not comfortable talking in front that many people. A year or so ago, I was court ordered to attend AA 3 times a week. So I did that for awhile, but felt like I was doing them a disservice, because I was being forced to go, and wasn't 100% behind trying to get sober, I was just complying with court orders. I still had every intention of drinking. Now I can go back without being forced, and go with complete and honest intentions.
SR - Of course I'll come here. In a way, this place serves the same function for me as an AA meeting would. I actually feel I communicate better through writing than I do through speech anyways. Also, it's right here in my bedroom, so I don't have to drive. So, basically, I'll come here daily, read, write some. Visting here will largely help to keep my goals of sobriety fresh on the mind, plus being among people with similar experiences will help. It's like they say, 90 meetings in 90 days. They also say it takes at least 30 days to form a new habit. So basically me visiting here everyday will function in a similar capacity as an aa meeting.
physical stuff - I'll need to keep working out - prefferably more often as in at least 3 times a week. I think the American Heart Association reccomends something like 30 mins a day at least 5 days out the week. I'd like to get my heart rate and blood pressure down, because those contribute just to day to day anxiety. So, I'm going to monitor those just with those little machines they have at walgreens and cvs. I checked my heart rate and blood pressure a week or so ago, and it was in the mild hypertension range. I'd like to eventually get it down into "athlete" range. Which is possible for me, because I once was very fit and was an athlete all through school. I play golf all the time too, which is a healthy activity, but sometimes it is a trigger after walking and being in the heat.
misc - This is mainly about rewards. Like, if I can make it a month, I'll reward myself with something out the ordinary. Like buying some expensive nice new clothes, going out to eat a expensive restaraunt, or taking a little weekend getaway trip. And for making it a week or 2 - I can reward myself with little activities, like going out to dinner somewhere casual, going to a movie, going to the aquarium, or the art museum. Just little things like that.
spirtuality - This will come with time. Some would say this should actually be my number 1 priority. I'd agree. But also, I feel I have to work on myself physically, and mentally, before I can move forward spiritually. Instead of working from the top down, I'll work from the down up.
Anyway that's a rough outline of my plan that I've thought of so far. Thanks everyone for the replies and comments, they are encouraging, and mean a lot.
Anyway - Alright they say it's good to have a plan so here's my plan I've thought of today while cleaning house (which helps, clean house, clean body, clean mind):
AA - My plan is to attend a meeting once a week or once every 2 weeks. I'll probably just attend the speaker meetings they have because right now I'm not comfortable talking in front that many people. A year or so ago, I was court ordered to attend AA 3 times a week. So I did that for awhile, but felt like I was doing them a disservice, because I was being forced to go, and wasn't 100% behind trying to get sober, I was just complying with court orders. I still had every intention of drinking. Now I can go back without being forced, and go with complete and honest intentions.
SR - Of course I'll come here. In a way, this place serves the same function for me as an AA meeting would. I actually feel I communicate better through writing than I do through speech anyways. Also, it's right here in my bedroom, so I don't have to drive. So, basically, I'll come here daily, read, write some. Visting here will largely help to keep my goals of sobriety fresh on the mind, plus being among people with similar experiences will help. It's like they say, 90 meetings in 90 days. They also say it takes at least 30 days to form a new habit. So basically me visiting here everyday will function in a similar capacity as an aa meeting.
physical stuff - I'll need to keep working out - prefferably more often as in at least 3 times a week. I think the American Heart Association reccomends something like 30 mins a day at least 5 days out the week. I'd like to get my heart rate and blood pressure down, because those contribute just to day to day anxiety. So, I'm going to monitor those just with those little machines they have at walgreens and cvs. I checked my heart rate and blood pressure a week or so ago, and it was in the mild hypertension range. I'd like to eventually get it down into "athlete" range. Which is possible for me, because I once was very fit and was an athlete all through school. I play golf all the time too, which is a healthy activity, but sometimes it is a trigger after walking and being in the heat.
misc - This is mainly about rewards. Like, if I can make it a month, I'll reward myself with something out the ordinary. Like buying some expensive nice new clothes, going out to eat a expensive restaraunt, or taking a little weekend getaway trip. And for making it a week or 2 - I can reward myself with little activities, like going out to dinner somewhere casual, going to a movie, going to the aquarium, or the art museum. Just little things like that.
spirtuality - This will come with time. Some would say this should actually be my number 1 priority. I'd agree. But also, I feel I have to work on myself physically, and mentally, before I can move forward spiritually. Instead of working from the top down, I'll work from the down up.
Anyway that's a rough outline of my plan that I've thought of so far. Thanks everyone for the replies and comments, they are encouraging, and mean a lot.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
It's good to hear that you're going to try and stay sober. Willingness to change is indespensible. There is an almost universal detriment to recovery, regardless of what kind of recovery program is utilized. That detriment is 'knowing' how to stay sober without having any experience at staying sober.
[QUOTE=matt88;2302853But also, I feel I have to work on myself physically, and mentally, before I can move forward spiritually. Instead of working from the top down, I'll work from the down up.[/QUOTE]
You can work it any way you want to. But the other recovered folks found that, "When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically." It always goes in that order.
[QUOTE=matt88;2302853But also, I feel I have to work on myself physically, and mentally, before I can move forward spiritually. Instead of working from the top down, I'll work from the down up.[/QUOTE]
You can work it any way you want to. But the other recovered folks found that, "When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically." It always goes in that order.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: British Columbia
Posts: 49
Originally Posted by keithj
It's good to hear that you're going to try and stay sober. Willingness to change is indespensible. There is an almost universal detriment to recovery, regardless of what kind of recovery program is utilized. That detriment is 'knowing' how to stay sober without having any experience at staying sober.
You can work it any way you want to. But the other recovered folks found that, "When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically." It always goes in that order.
You can work it any way you want to. But the other recovered folks found that, "When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically." It always goes in that order.
I wish you success in your recovery
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Indianapolis
Posts: 161
Matt, I am right where you are. I've quit several times only to start back up. I've cycled up and down. In meetings then out of them. On cigs, then off of them. Dipping then not dipping. Vicodin, weed, xannax, then none. Back to Welbutrin. Then over to adderhal... Isn't it exhausting... I am quitting again today as well. Today is day 1.
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
If you can make it past the first 3 months, it really does get easier for many. To make it through the first three months, you need to be willing to do whatever it takes. I promised myself the day I quit that if it took detox, 3 AA meetings a day or sewing my lips shut, I would do it.
I am 6 months sober and the freedom and control I have in my life is absolutely amazing.
I am 6 months sober and the freedom and control I have in my life is absolutely amazing.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 146
So yesterday, which was the 4th day, was finally the day that showed the most improvement. Had some anxiety, but that passed. I still stay up late, but have gotten restful sleep the last 2 nights. Which if it's one thing that will make me not drink nowadays, it's the way the stuff affects my sleep in the following days.
Had some chamionille tea last night to aid with sleep, and it worked pretty good, gave a mild sedation. Been working out every other day, and playing golf on the days I don't work out - not getting any better there, probably worse actually, lol.
Now I'm pretty much out the woods hopefully. Now is the point I can say, "hey all days can just improve from here on out, or you can go through that crap yet again." I've kept smoking, those will have to go too, but first things first as they say. Which is another reason for me not to drink, I start smoking, and then smoke for some time afterward.
In a way, it feels kinda silly to be like "yay - you got some sleep and put clothes on, ate, and did day to day activities that all people do". lol. But I guess that's how it's got to be at the start. Got to build a good foundation first.
Had some chamionille tea last night to aid with sleep, and it worked pretty good, gave a mild sedation. Been working out every other day, and playing golf on the days I don't work out - not getting any better there, probably worse actually, lol.
Now I'm pretty much out the woods hopefully. Now is the point I can say, "hey all days can just improve from here on out, or you can go through that crap yet again." I've kept smoking, those will have to go too, but first things first as they say. Which is another reason for me not to drink, I start smoking, and then smoke for some time afterward.
In a way, it feels kinda silly to be like "yay - you got some sleep and put clothes on, ate, and did day to day activities that all people do". lol. But I guess that's how it's got to be at the start. Got to build a good foundation first.
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