least

starting with regular meetings, not just once in a while. I thought I could do it my way, but my way just brought me back to this hell. I will have to ask God to remove my defects of character, including the one that told me to drink to quell my anxiety two days ago.

Now I feel worse than ever before and am hating myself for my stupidity. I know better but drank anyway. I have phone numbers to call of some women in my town and will call to see if one of them can take me to the ER for medical help in detoxing. I need help and I'm going to ask for it. I feel like such a fool.

suki44883

(((Least))) I'm sorry you slipped, but so happy to hear that you aren't going to let it keep you down. Many of us stumble on our way, but the key is to pick ourselves up and get back to what we know is the right thing. You have the tools and you have the experience of not drinking to help you. You can do this. (((HUGS)))

bohemianzen

love and support to you least. you are so deserving of having a sober life no matter how hard you have to fight for it. and you don't have to do it alone

least

This time I will get a sponsor and work the steps cause I don't want to find myself in this hell anymore. I've had enough.

suki44883

That's great, Least! I know it works very well for a lot of people. I think attitude has more to do with it than anything and if you go in with a positive attitude, I'm sure you'll do great. Throw yourself into it and let us know how you're doing.

Angel1

I just want to give you a (((big hug))) right now, and make some of the hurt you're feeling go away.
It's okay to feel disgusted with our actions, that's the kick in the butt we need sometimes to make real changes. Use this latest incident as a lesson learned... you realize now that you can no longer drink, not only for what it does to you physically, but what it does to you emotionally. This is where our mindset has to look past the 'instant gratification' that a drink (or a night of drinking) will do, and focus on the 'big picture' of what result our actions we do to our recovery. For me, if I'm tempted to have a drink, I think about how I will feel the next day...how will I feel when I have marred my 'clean slate' of sobriety... I ask myself how important is it to have a drink right now & ruin everything I have worked so hard for. When I think these thoughts, I realize that no drink is worth having...the price I will pay is more than I'm willing to sacrifice for my need of 'instant gratification'.

Take what is happened a use it as a lesson, but don't use it to beat yourself up over & over. What is done, is done. Today is a new day... treat yourself gentle, do what you need to do to get well physically... and emotionally.
The wonderful thing about life is that each day we have the opportunity to start fresh... if we so choose, we can let go of the past & focus our energy on living today the best that we can...if we do that, tomorrow will take care of itself

you are in my thoughts today...take care. (((hugs)))

keithj

That is the best, and only, thing I know to do. And it works every time for those who abandon themselves to it.

Nevertheless

Hello
I'll tell you what has really helped me. Taking all kinds of vitamin B,and amino acids and ester c. It really does take away the cravings. Just google 7 weeks to sobriety (it is a book), but theres also a websight that tells of the vitamins to take. It also educates you about hypoglycemia. Most alcoholics have it.(hypoglycemia). I have been sober for almost 4 months now, I started with vitamin B, then bought the book. (I bought the one Carol recomends first. Under the influence). I spen't close to 100 dollars to start with but it really has worked for me.
Super B complex, Ester c, and Glutamine will get you started. It's in most drug stores. You might have to check a couple for glutamine, but it's available. If you don't believe it, you need these vitamins anyway. Alcohol depletes them. give it a try.
Fred

LosingmyMisery

I got sober after I got a sponsor and worked the steps. Up to that point, I kept getting drunk. I think you are heading in the right direction. Good luck...

CarolD

When I started my formal Steps
I immediately felt the shift in my thinking....
I went from sobriety into recovery.

Good to know you are de toxing with assistance.
(((Least)))

stone

Hi Least, I have spent 2 years in and out of AA, needing it but not wanting it, holding myself apart from it in my mind. I have never been part of anything before, never part of any group and I spent the last 10 years of my drinking alone at home so I wasn't too comfortable around people either.
Just recently I have let myself be part of it and it feels great, I love feeling "part of", I love having friends and acquaintances who are part of it too.
I think the program is one of change and growth, and if anyone needed change and growth and friends and to feel part of something, it is me! lol

What I am trying to say is.....good idea!

least

Got some help from the ER and not shaking so badly now. THe anxiety is going away too. I'm going to a meeting tonight. It's one I've never been to but worth a try. Can get a meeting list there too so will know where and when they are. There's at least one a day here in my small rural city.

Now I'm off to the store and to pick up my scrip. Back later. Thanks everyone for your support. It means a lot to me.

paulmh

Hey, I've come across your posts here and there and I know you've had a lot to cope with. It's not easy when life keeps throwing things at us, and particularly when emotions rise up which threaten to overwhelm us. So many of us know about the intensity of feelings that go with alcoholism. For some people I think they have something so deeply wrong at an organic level that they really need everything that medical science can bring to bear on their condition - but for this common or garden alkie I have to tell you - for most of us alkies, there is hope. Working a programme of recovery with real willingness can bring about profound changes in us. You remember this -

We don't trundle these out because they help with recruitment. We tell these to people because for many of us these things have happened and are continuing to happen. Even for an old cynic like myself, it's nothing short of a mriacle that we can go from being victims of our own mental and emotional and physical states, to having real hope and peace in our lives.

Wishing you well. Glad to hear you've thrown in the towel.

littlebluedog

Yup, sponsors are the way to go. Mine has definitely helped.

warrens

Hey Lady

Best to you! Whatever it takes...

You have shown more courage than most and have come a long, long way. With every return to alcohol comes learning. Even if it is learning something we already knew. I have little doubt that you will get back on track. You've done too well for too long.

And, of course, people will be here to support you. I will. Through adjustment of meds, I have finally "conquered" anxiety. It is a peculiar form of hell. Not understandable (thank god) by anyone who hasn't been there for extended periods of time.

Enjoy the meeting and choose your sponsor wisely.

friend warren

coffeenut

I'm glad you're here, Least. Let us know how you are doing.

shaun00

you wouldnt have been the first one to believe they could stay sober by doing "bits" of AA or "bits" of a program of recovery.

i did least.....and i missed the elephant in the room.......until i would finally go to any lengths..

only then did i find peace and managed to stay sober.

keep posting and sharing your experience as you go.

and god be with you.