My first post
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 1
My first post
This is the first time I've ever written anything on a website like this, and I'm pretty nervous I must say.
The weekend before last I had a work function. I was very nervous because I was playing in a band of work mates. We had practiced for a very long time and had looked forward to the gig. I also knew that the next day I would travel on the train to Germany because I was moving my furniture to Vienna. This was a very big responsibility and I knew there would be an enormous amount of stress involved for myself and my fiancée. We performed the show and we were really great. All our colleagues commented that we did a fantastic job. Everyone enjoyed the show.
As soon as we had finished playing, I decided I wanted to get drunk. Along with other colleagues who had been drinking all night, I used the last few hours of work-sponsored free alcohol to drink as much as possible. By the time 12 o’clock came along, I was quite drunk and some colleagues decided to go on to another bar. I only had one thing on my mind. I wanted more and more beer. It felt like an overwhelming desire to get drunk and increase my euphoria. I didn’t care whatsoever about how I would feel the next day or how I might forgo my responsibilities. I drank until around 4 o’clock in the morning and took a taxi home. I somehow spent around 60 € on a night that was otherwise meant to be free.
The next day I woke up at around 2 pm. I felt horrible and had virtually no time to get to the train station. I just made it but I spent the 6.5 hour train journey thinking I might have to throw up. I got into Germany very late and was not at all productive the next day in organizing my move.
The following week, I did not drink at all and ate very healthily. Friends of mine organized to not drink at all in July. I decided I would do the same. Last year I did not drink any alcohol for 4 months and felt fantastic. I really thought I would go my whole life without drinking again. But somehow I fell off the wagon and devolved into drinking alone and not being able to stop once I had started on a binge. I only made it until Friday and then when out with a friend I started drinking heavily. I drank until around 4 am and took a taxi home. I believe I spent around 80-100€. I then slept on Saturday until around 6 pm just to avoid really feeling the hangover. That Saturday night, I stayed out until around 4 am again and spent another 80 €. On the Sunday, I felt terrible again and slept until 7 pm.
On the Monday at work, I felt very shaky all day and couldn’t bring myself to achieve anything productive. I was also in a very bad mood and had deep feelings of guilt about my behavior. For god sake, this seems to happen every weekend. I am willing to admit that I have a big problem with alcohol and binge drinking. It is interfering with me having a normal life and of course it is really damaging to my health. But I just can’t seem to bloody stop. I can't count the number of times I've called in sick because of being hungover.
I called a doctor today to organize an appointment. I’m going to have to get some tips on how to beat this. I was so happy and healthy during that 4 months of being sober. The peer pressure from friends to drink was immense. The thing that bugged me the most was the constant questions about why I’m not drinking. Even my fiancée’s father tried to get me to drink with him. Then when I left Germany, my colleagues organized a tour of a brewery. I tried one of the beers. The next night I got drunk out of my brain. How pathetic. Those 4 months of sobriety did nothing to curb my desire to get completely obliterated and feel like hell the next day.
This is ruining my bloody life. I don’t know what to do.
The weekend before last I had a work function. I was very nervous because I was playing in a band of work mates. We had practiced for a very long time and had looked forward to the gig. I also knew that the next day I would travel on the train to Germany because I was moving my furniture to Vienna. This was a very big responsibility and I knew there would be an enormous amount of stress involved for myself and my fiancée. We performed the show and we were really great. All our colleagues commented that we did a fantastic job. Everyone enjoyed the show.
As soon as we had finished playing, I decided I wanted to get drunk. Along with other colleagues who had been drinking all night, I used the last few hours of work-sponsored free alcohol to drink as much as possible. By the time 12 o’clock came along, I was quite drunk and some colleagues decided to go on to another bar. I only had one thing on my mind. I wanted more and more beer. It felt like an overwhelming desire to get drunk and increase my euphoria. I didn’t care whatsoever about how I would feel the next day or how I might forgo my responsibilities. I drank until around 4 o’clock in the morning and took a taxi home. I somehow spent around 60 € on a night that was otherwise meant to be free.
The next day I woke up at around 2 pm. I felt horrible and had virtually no time to get to the train station. I just made it but I spent the 6.5 hour train journey thinking I might have to throw up. I got into Germany very late and was not at all productive the next day in organizing my move.
The following week, I did not drink at all and ate very healthily. Friends of mine organized to not drink at all in July. I decided I would do the same. Last year I did not drink any alcohol for 4 months and felt fantastic. I really thought I would go my whole life without drinking again. But somehow I fell off the wagon and devolved into drinking alone and not being able to stop once I had started on a binge. I only made it until Friday and then when out with a friend I started drinking heavily. I drank until around 4 am and took a taxi home. I believe I spent around 80-100€. I then slept on Saturday until around 6 pm just to avoid really feeling the hangover. That Saturday night, I stayed out until around 4 am again and spent another 80 €. On the Sunday, I felt terrible again and slept until 7 pm.
On the Monday at work, I felt very shaky all day and couldn’t bring myself to achieve anything productive. I was also in a very bad mood and had deep feelings of guilt about my behavior. For god sake, this seems to happen every weekend. I am willing to admit that I have a big problem with alcohol and binge drinking. It is interfering with me having a normal life and of course it is really damaging to my health. But I just can’t seem to bloody stop. I can't count the number of times I've called in sick because of being hungover.
I called a doctor today to organize an appointment. I’m going to have to get some tips on how to beat this. I was so happy and healthy during that 4 months of being sober. The peer pressure from friends to drink was immense. The thing that bugged me the most was the constant questions about why I’m not drinking. Even my fiancée’s father tried to get me to drink with him. Then when I left Germany, my colleagues organized a tour of a brewery. I tried one of the beers. The next night I got drunk out of my brain. How pathetic. Those 4 months of sobriety did nothing to curb my desire to get completely obliterated and feel like hell the next day.
This is ruining my bloody life. I don’t know what to do.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,243
Welcome Michael!
I am glad you are here as you will find a lot of support. It is super that you have called your doctor for help. Medical help is so important and they can make the whole process a lot easier.
Please keep in touch and let us know how you are doing.
I am glad you are here as you will find a lot of support. It is super that you have called your doctor for help. Medical help is so important and they can make the whole process a lot easier.
Please keep in touch and let us know how you are doing.
To Thine Own Self Be True
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: So Cal
Posts: 1,946
Welcome!
I think your family doctor is a great first step.
I will not say getting and staying sober is the easiest thing I have ever done, but it is the best!
Take it one step at a time, one day, one moment, etc. It does get easier. If you are willing, you might look into getting some face to face support through AA or a similar recovery program. The support from fellow alcoholics has been vital to my staying sober.
The peer pressure is not something that is going to go away if you continue to hang out with the same friends. So, you will have to make some choices along the way. You can choose to still hang out with them and just let them know that you have decided to take a break for your health and well being. Or you can choose to limit the time you spend with these friends. Just keep in mind while making the choice each day, if you spend all your time in the barber shop, eventually you are going to get your hair cut
Welcome, welcome, welcome. Keep posting and drink lots of water!
I think your family doctor is a great first step.
I will not say getting and staying sober is the easiest thing I have ever done, but it is the best!
Take it one step at a time, one day, one moment, etc. It does get easier. If you are willing, you might look into getting some face to face support through AA or a similar recovery program. The support from fellow alcoholics has been vital to my staying sober.
The peer pressure is not something that is going to go away if you continue to hang out with the same friends. So, you will have to make some choices along the way. You can choose to still hang out with them and just let them know that you have decided to take a break for your health and well being. Or you can choose to limit the time you spend with these friends. Just keep in mind while making the choice each day, if you spend all your time in the barber shop, eventually you are going to get your hair cut
Welcome, welcome, welcome. Keep posting and drink lots of water!
Last edited by TTOSBT; 07-06-2009 at 12:41 PM.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,141
Well, Michael, what I first notice about you is you are very intelligent and it's so refreshing to read something so grammatically correct!
I am sure your brain will take you far. As for me, I am sure there are other people on this forum who can help you out with your quest. I just want to say WELCOME! and good to "see" you here.
I am sure your brain will take you far. As for me, I am sure there are other people on this forum who can help you out with your quest. I just want to say WELCOME! and good to "see" you here.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dallas, Tx
Posts: 2,405
Hi Michael, welcome to SR. Nothing to be nervous about, we don't bite (least I don't). Saying no to alcohol and being happy about it is a difficult stage for many of us but it is possible. Alcohol ruins many lives, and those of us who can't stop after 1 or 2 drinks have to accept that we just can't drink at all. Since you've recently moved I hope you make new friends whose lives don't revolve around drinking. Take it 1 day at a time, you quit for 4 months you can do it again, be strong.
SHARING THE LOAD
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: In the Slowlane
Posts: 878
first steps
Welcome, I hope you can read some things here that'll help get a handle on your situation. Don't be too hard on yourself as many of us surly have had to battle with controlling our drinking before we were ready to try a new way. We don't shoot our wounded
Last edited by Firehazard; 07-06-2009 at 01:29 PM. Reason: duh
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