Anna

Super to hear from you both, Wiebe and Gianna. You are both supporting each other and doing great work. It's so good to see.

Hugs and love,
Anna

Jhana

Hi Weibe,

Day 5 and for you day 3? We can be pals in this. I remember the last time I got sober in AA and went to a meeting nearly every morning, the "group" I was with became very important. I am still in touch with some of them.

As regards AA, I can tell you (as anyone else will tell you) that it was not going to meetiings that got me in trouble. When I had the 13 years I was living in a small town north of New York with my husband, whom I eventually divorced and then I moved back to New York. But I just couldn't get reconnected, and since I had been to thousands of AA meetings, I sort of drifted away with this predictable result. (I am back regularly at meetings now).

My big hangup with the boyfriend (and he drinks normally) is that I started the relationship thinking perhaps I could too (drink normally that is). Of course I couldn't and over the months I have been loathe to tell him, mostly because increasingly, I felt I had been living a lie. The decision I had finally came to, was that I couldn't live a lie (indeed, I couldn't survive my own drinking, as I know all too well) and that if the result was that I had to end our relationship because he couldn't accept my not drinking, so be it. As it was, my hard-won self esteem was quickly eroding, and I was not the person he fell in love with. As it turns out, he had noticed not the drinking, but the behavior change, and could not understand it. Believe me, we have a Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde component here. In fact, read that book. If it is not about alcoholism, or inspired by it, I would be surprised. So now, our relationship is much more loving and open, and I am able to be myself again. His particular addiction is smoking, which he is having a terrible time giving up, so he is very understanding, and because drinking does not control his life, I think he was shocked that I thought he would care if I didn't drink. (After all, to most people, "having a drink" does not always mean alcohol)...

So Weibe, there are great rewards to be had by sobriety, and it is easily lost. I have a wonderful life today, thanks to years and years of sobriety, but all it took was one sip of champagne to start the downward spiral. What I HAVE found at this site, is the "meeting after the meeting"-the anonymous connecting of one alcoholic with another.

I am glad to have you as a cyber-friend!

Gianna

wiebe

Hi gianna, super cool to hear you're on day 5 and yes, I'm on day 3 and doing great. Really hope to keep staying 2 days behind you. Before I found these boards my alcohol program was walking to the store for a bag of beer and back to the couch, or to earn some money to get a bag of beer and then back to the couch. Fairly hopeless really. Something outside myself had to spark a change in the pattern, and I found it here. Little stuff at first, but it built up to the point of staying away from the stuff, rather than just trying to break the the cycle. The people here pointed out stuff that should have been obvious to me but wasn't, hence my question to you about meeting hopping. I know you had many years in the program but what I meant was actually something else. People like me drink just to get drunk, but I've noticed that with most people who drink to much it's more like, there's nothing going on at home and no hurry to get there and a few co-workers are stopping at the bar for a drink and bang. . .hangover the next morning. Some of the heavyest drinkers I know aren't even all that interested in the alchohol until after the first few. One exceptionally extreme alcoholic I worked with in Amsterdam would be just as happy going for a cup of coffee as to a bar, but once he started on beer there was no turning back. He could easily do without for awhile, and I couldn't, but he had to be in a social situation in the evening after work, with or without booze. In his case the "something to do" could have been replaced with something non-alcoholic without even causing him any stress, and I guess that was my question to you. Sorry about the length of it. This staying sober stuff requires a lot of reading and typing for me. Typing and munching junk food is great. Sobriety is great. It just takes getting used to.
Thanks for the post,
Wiebe

Chy

Weibe,

It's amazing the change I already see in you after three wonderful days! Keep up the good work, your gonna make it!

cowboy

Hey you guys, I had a hard day yesterday. I think if there had been booze in the house I would have a hangover right now!But I am happy to say it didn't happen and I am so thankful.
I just wanted to give you all a big cyber hug.
I hope Weibe you will work toward the step of not havin alcohol in the house.

Chy

Cowboy!

Glad your still around, sorry you had a bad day, yet so proud you survived it sober, hang in there... go to a meeting .... call someone. If those don't appeal to you we're here for you.... and Weibe is doing great, dontcha think!

MootPoint

Congrats Cowboy on making it! As chy said, we're here for ya.

And I'm looking forward to my next weibe and gianna updates!

Chy

Ahhhh MOOT... that looks so painful! Can't be that bad! *hugs* Hows the fixer upper?... won't mention the car, am afraid to ask!... and how's my buddy?

MootPoint

that's a perfect demonstration of how I type.

The fixer upper is about to start fixing up on Thursday. I'm going to have to miss many meetings to do this, and that sux. It'll be hit or miss for the meetings until the work is done and the move is completed, grrrrrrrrrrrrr.

THe car has been doing fine (crosses fingers, eyes, and toes)

And I'm still sober

Howz yerself?

Chy

*LOL*... then you type MARVELOUS!

Doing well, working on my 4th step..still...I suck at journaling and today is 120 days sober, so yea.. all is good on my end!

Anna

120 days - that's terrific. You always sound like you're doing so great. Way to go, girl.

Hugs and love, Anna

Jhana

Congratulations on 120 days Chy-that's terrific. It is wonderful to have you as a new friend!

Day 6 begins for me...day 4 for you Weibe? Thanks for reminding me about the social component. I definitely have to replace the bar I like to stop at after work with another social venue. I dance Tango, but I kind of dropped out of the community when I got the boyfriend. (Still found time for a couple of hours at the bar, though. Funny how that is...). Anyway I am back to Tango, and soon I will be looking forward to seeing friends there. It is ideal as you cannot drink and do that dance. Also, as happens, I am starting to recognize people at my regualar AA meeting so I look forward to going there. But I really needed to be reminded how much I love socializing. And you are also observant in saying that (your friend in Amsterdam) was perfectly happy having coffee until he had a beer. Very true of me as well, except it is wine that grabs me.

Cowboy, glad to make your acquaintance, and I look forward to seeing you here.

Gianna

wiebe

Hi Chy, thanks and congradulations on 120! Moot, that new logo of yours instantly made me think of some of the stuff I'm dealing with. I know how your logo feels. Hi Cowboy, glad to hear you're hanging in there, and hope you're having a better day today. Hi gianna, yes today is day 4, and it's a tough one. Congradulations on the start of day 6. Starting AA again sounds like a great idea for you, and a regular non alchoholic hangout to meet your friends at might help a lot. Sounds like you're doing great. I started reading the BB again today, and maybe that will help with the restless feelings. We'll see. Thanks to all of you for posting.
Wiebe

Chy

Just peeking in wishing you a wonderful week!
....back to class!

Jhana

Good morning Weibe and all,

Day 7 begins (Weibe, 5 for you?). A couple of thirsty moments this weekend, but the strength I have found here pulled me through. I even managed to stay at work yesterday without running out for a liquid lunch. Habits are hard to break. I know from long experience it takes about 2 weeks to break that thought train and form a new one. Thanks for all the support,

Gianna

wiebe

Hi gianna, you get up awfully early in the morning, you must have posted around 6 or 7 a.m. your time. It's day 1 again here. Urg. You're right about those habits, they're tough to break. Hope you're right about the 2 weeks, I never got as far as I did yesterday before, so I don't have any personal experience with it. Anyway, so, today is a new start. Glad you made it through your thirsty moments.
Thanks for the post,
Wiebe

Jhana

Hi Weibe,

There's a saying in the program of AA that all we have is today (this said often by many people who have years and years). Not drinking is very difficult, but I am awed that you are right back here! Great! Start again! You WILL work up the momentum to get two weeks, and it WILL get easier.

Thanks for your support, Weibe; I'll check in later,

Gianna

Chy

Hang in there Weibe! You just keep starting over until you get there! Fake it till you make it as they say!

wiebe

Hi there, just thinking about "fake it till you make it". Ever start a new job and spend the first day counting the minutes till it's finally over, and then 3 months later you wonder how you could ever have found it difficult? I'm starting to see quitting that way.
Great thought,
Wiebe

Don S

Not being in AA, I have to say that I find that attitude a little depressing! "All we have is today?" No! What you have is the rest of your life! What you have is tomorrow morning sober, not hung over. What you have is a beautiful sunrise, less emotional turbulence, and healthier behavior.

"Not drinking is very difficult?" No! Not drinking is very easy--after all, it is the absence of an action. It is all the thinking about it that makes it difficult--the emotions, the beliefs, the anxiety; the negotiating, the prevarications, the self-downing--all that can be difficult to deal with. "Not drinking" is simplicity itself: you just don't do it (to turn Nike's motto upside down!). Sometimes people talk about "working" towards sobriety. It isn't really work: it is a state of mind, a set of beliefs that you have implemented.

Sometimes I think if we can create a more optimistic mental framework for sobriety it will seem easier to attain. Much like the study which found that if you put your face into a happy smile you will come, however briefly, to feel that emotion. It is true that we can change our beliefs, and if we come to believe that sobriety is NOT difficult the day-to-day steps we take to get there will be that much easier. "This is easy. Nope, I just don't do that. No, alcohol doesn't come into my house. No thanks, I don't drink."

Thanks to both of you for checking in. You've become one of my daily habits!

Don S