A person who blames everything on my addiction
 

How do I fight back? There is only one person who has done this to me, but he is an important person. Before anyone jumps to conclusions, I've been accused of doing things I never did, and I have technology on my side to prove it. He's lied to me as well, and I have technology on my side, yet it never matters. Let's just say, cell phone records don't lie. The only thing I've ever lied about in my life is drinking, for the most part, and I do own that. This person doesn't own anything.

I am in a situation where I really need to stand up for me, yet all is being blamed on alcohol and especially my mental health. How does one fight against someone who works in mental health just to stand up for oneself? This is truly enough to drive me to drink. Yes, I know I have my issues. But others do too. Anyway, I am just upset now over something that happened. I get so tired of having to constantly gauge myself and ask myself... am I being normal here? At least with respect to this one individual.

Katie, from what you've posted about this person, he doesn't sound like someone who is healthy for you. It's of course your decision, but if someone pushes all my buttons, I remove them from my life. I have enough of my own problems to deal with.

"This is truly enough to drive me to drink."

Yeah? Why's that? The problem isn't big enough already?

I know, I am just so incredibly hurt and getting blamed for everything doesn't help. I am an easy target, I know. I'll just cut to the chase, as painful as it is. This is the WORST! You know how men can be sensitive about aging and stuff...well, I bought him the "blue pill." Today he told me I can use it with SOMEONE ELSE! I am just crushed and this is not a boon to sobriety.

At the same time, he is blaming everything on my issues. I am sorry, but there is no reason to suggest a person (me) take the blue pill to use with SOMEONE ELSE! So, I am tenuous at best.

I'm wondering how (why?) one gets a prescription drug for another person? I would be insulted and disturbed if someone did that.

But I'm not really sure any of this situation makes any sense as it was described.

Katie,

The best way to fight for yourself in this situation is to let this person go. Some relationships are just toxic. Don't feed it. Take care of yourself, honey. Let other people deal with their own problems.

Love,

Lenina

This is the same guy who you say may or may not be married. Put yourself first Katie. Learn to take care of you. No one else is going to do it.

Go back and read all of your posts about this guy, but read them as if Katie09 was someone new on the forums. What would you tell her?

If you're about to drive yourself to drink take away your keys. Just as we have to begin our sobriety by admitting (and truely accepting) our powerlessness over alcohol we need to admit our powerlessness over others. Once we do we regain power over ourselves. We can't change how others think and feel about what is said and done by others but we can change how we think about things and how we react and interact.

“For practitioners or spiritual warriors—people who have a certain hunger to know what is true—feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we’re holding back. They teach us to perk up and lean in when we feel we’d rather collapse and back away. They’re like messengers that show us, with terrifying clarity, exactly where we’re stuck. This very moment is the perfect teacher, and, lucky for us, it’s with us wherever we are.”
From: When Things Fall Apart, by Pema Chodron.

“Karma is often wrongly confused with the notion of a fixed destiny. It is more like an accumulation of tendencies that can lock us into particular behavior patterns, which themselves result in further accumulations of tendencies of a similar nature…. But it is not necessary to be a prisoner of old karma….Here’s how mindfulness changes karma. When you sit, you are not allowing your impulses to translate into action. For the time being, at least, you are just watching them. Looking at them, you quickly see that all impulses in the mind arise and pass away, that they have a life of their own, that they are not you but just thinking, and that you do not have to be ruled by them. Not feeding or reacting to impulses, you come to understand their nature as thoughts directly. This process actually burns up destructive impulses in the fires of concentration and equanimity and non-doing. At the same time, creative insights and creative impulses are no longer squeezed out so much by the more turbulent, destructive ones. They are nourished as they are perceived and held in awareness.”

–Jon Kabat-Zinn, Wherever You Go, There You Are

Namaste

Shenpa!

Hmm, I really like this. I am going to pay attention to this. Thanks.

That sounds familiar...Wherever you go, there you are. ;)

Sometimes it pays to pay attention to the stuff you don't like so much too.

He asked me to order it. I have a credit card. So does he, but he is not a computer person. Me being on the Internet all the time, I figured, why not.

How do I fight back? There is only one person who has done this to me, but he is an important person. I am in a situation where I really need to stand up for me, yet all is being blamed on alcohol and especially my mental health. How does one fight against someone who works in mental health just to stand up for oneself? ... am I being normal here?

Now let's make sure I've got this right. There is this important person in your life who works in mental health and is blaming the woes of the world on you?
My first question is why is someone who's mentally abusing you day after day important? Why should you have to fight against someone who's making your life miserable?

Katie, this important person is going to ruin your life. Get the hell out of there!
You're living with an irresponsible, immature man who intimidates you because he's in mental health. And I seriously question his mental health, given what's been going on with you two. You need to take care of yourself and he's not going to allow that to happen. To answer your question, YES, you're being normal! You're the only normal person in the relationship!

So, he asked you to use your credit card and order Viagra for him online and then told you to use them with someone else? That doesn't even make any sense.

Don't fight Katie - the only issues you can do ANYTHING about are your own. They're the ones you should be dealing with and focusing on, not his.

You NEED to focus.

You've posted enough about this person - if the relationship is driving you to drink - and you've said this one has repeatedly...then it's time to let go, Katie. Like others have said this latest episode doesn't even make sense.

Let go. Its the healthy responsible adult thing to do.

Don't listen to the voice that says this is your 'last chance' romantically. Noone knows tomorrow - and frankly romance should be a distant #2 right now.

You deserve better - you certainly deserve healthier.

D

[QUOTE=joedris;2283927]
Thank you, I've been HEARD! Sometimes that is all it takes. Yes, I am out. I don't want to walk away silently, but I might.

Romance is a great big pain in the buttocks a good deal of the time anyway. Take care of yourself and let him worry about his own problems. ;)

Welcome to my world - me the trying to recover alcoholic bipolar person with the perfect version of mental health.