A person who blames everything on my addiction
I'm just a girl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 170
I have seen you go back and forth about this guy too many times to count on these boards. So, maybe he is blaming your addiction for everything, yet you continue to put yourself in that position. Maybe it's time to take responsibility for your own life and actions instead of constantly looking for things and towards people that aren't doing anything but adding more drama to the never ending drama.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
Katie,
By walking away "silently" you are doing the best thing for yourself. What is the point in engaging with this man at all? Does he deserve your time and attention? I've learned there's much more to valor and honor than fighting. You'll have some dignity by walking away.
Love,
Lenina
By walking away "silently" you are doing the best thing for yourself. What is the point in engaging with this man at all? Does he deserve your time and attention? I've learned there's much more to valor and honor than fighting. You'll have some dignity by walking away.
Love,
Lenina
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,141
Originally Posted by Lenina 
Katie,
By walking away "silently" you are doing the best thing for yourself. What is the point in engaging with this man at all? Does he deserve your time and attention? I've learned there's much more to valor and honor than fighting. You'll have some dignity by walking away.
Love,
Lenina
By walking away "silently" you are doing the best thing for yourself. What is the point in engaging with this man at all? Does he deserve your time and attention? I've learned there's much more to valor and honor than fighting. You'll have some dignity by walking away.
Love,
Lenina
At any rate, I so do appreciate all of your help.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Virginia
Posts: 187
Originally Posted by MycoolFitz
If you're about to drive yourself to drink take away your keys. Just as we have to begin our sobriety by admitting (and truely accepting) our powerlessness over alcohol we need to admit our powerlessness over others. Once we do we regain power over ourselves. We can't change how others think and feel about what is said and done by others but we can change how we think about things and how we react and interact.
“For practitioners or spiritual warriors—people who have a certain hunger to know what is true—feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we’re holding back. They teach us to perk up and lean in when we feel we’d rather collapse and back away. They’re like messengers that show us, with terrifying clarity, exactly where we’re stuck. This very moment is the perfect teacher, and, lucky for us, it’s with us wherever we are.”
From: When Things Fall Apart, by Pema Chodron.
“Karma is often wrongly confused with the notion of a fixed destiny. It is more like an accumulation of tendencies that can lock us into particular behavior patterns, which themselves result in further accumulations of tendencies of a similar nature…. But it is not necessary to be a prisoner of old karma….Here’s how mindfulness changes karma. When you sit, you are not allowing your impulses to translate into action. For the time being, at least, you are just watching them. Looking at them, you quickly see that all impulses in the mind arise and pass away, that they have a life of their own, that they are not you but just thinking, and that you do not have to be ruled by them. Not feeding or reacting to impulses, you come to understand their nature as thoughts directly. This process actually burns up destructive impulses in the fires of concentration and equanimity and non-doing. At the same time, creative insights and creative impulses are no longer squeezed out so much by the more turbulent, destructive ones. They are nourished as they are perceived and held in awareness.”
–Jon Kabat-Zinn, Wherever You Go, There You Are
Namaste
“For practitioners or spiritual warriors—people who have a certain hunger to know what is true—feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we’re holding back. They teach us to perk up and lean in when we feel we’d rather collapse and back away. They’re like messengers that show us, with terrifying clarity, exactly where we’re stuck. This very moment is the perfect teacher, and, lucky for us, it’s with us wherever we are.”
From: When Things Fall Apart, by Pema Chodron.
“Karma is often wrongly confused with the notion of a fixed destiny. It is more like an accumulation of tendencies that can lock us into particular behavior patterns, which themselves result in further accumulations of tendencies of a similar nature…. But it is not necessary to be a prisoner of old karma….Here’s how mindfulness changes karma. When you sit, you are not allowing your impulses to translate into action. For the time being, at least, you are just watching them. Looking at them, you quickly see that all impulses in the mind arise and pass away, that they have a life of their own, that they are not you but just thinking, and that you do not have to be ruled by them. Not feeding or reacting to impulses, you come to understand their nature as thoughts directly. This process actually burns up destructive impulses in the fires of concentration and equanimity and non-doing. At the same time, creative insights and creative impulses are no longer squeezed out so much by the more turbulent, destructive ones. They are nourished as they are perceived and held in awareness.”
–Jon Kabat-Zinn, Wherever You Go, There You Are
Namaste
Heathen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
I'm a pretty big believer in the fact that we often teach people how to treat us.
Also, from reading your posts.. I don't know that HE is the only person in the room with you that blames your addiction/mental health on most things.
I hope you take care of yourself.. If nothing changes, nothing changes.
Also, from reading your posts.. I don't know that HE is the only person in the room with you that blames your addiction/mental health on most things.
I hope you take care of yourself.. If nothing changes, nothing changes.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,864
Just because someone works in the mental health field doesn't mean they are experts at anything. I work in a law firm but I'm certainly not an expert on the law. I tell people I know just enough to be dangerous. Sounds like he does, too. 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,141
Originally Posted by suki44883
Just because someone works in the mental health field doesn't mean they are experts at anything. I work in a law firm but I'm certainly not an expert on the law. I tell people I know just enough to be dangerous. Sounds like he does, too.
I really appreciate everyone's help here. For the sake of my mental health primarily and in order not to drink, of course, I am just going to have to accept that this person is toxic period and walk away. There is no way to change him and I'll only go crazy if I try to understand why he is such a flip flopping, lying, ego maniacal, womanizing creep. It just doesn't seem fair he gets away with what he does. Certainly Karma will come into play at some point - I hope. OTOH and actually, I am sort of relieved to tell you the truth. Now I can just focus on me and doing what I need to do to get on with the business of recovery.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Virginia
Posts: 818
Katie, I'm glad that you're making the decision to bail out. I know that it's painful right now, but that will go away in time. And the thing about pain is that we grow stronger for it, as we learn from it. And your mental health expert is a moron. If others think highly of him, then they don't know him for what he is. Whatever gave him the right to discuss you with other "experts", if in fact he actually did.
You've made a decision that will probably be one of the most important ones you'll ever make. Nothing but good things will come from it. I sincerely wish you the best of luck, and I've no doubt that you're going to be successful in sobriety.
You've made a decision that will probably be one of the most important ones you'll ever make. Nothing but good things will come from it. I sincerely wish you the best of luck, and I've no doubt that you're going to be successful in sobriety.
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