sunrise1

Here's the thing... as far as my sobriety, I am doing well. It's been 33 days since my last drink and each day I wake up SO grateful for having no hangover and no remorse. With God and a few phone numbers each day is a "win" on my side...

But right now everything else is falling apart. Worst- husband has reverted to his "Dr. Jekyll" self... he is angry with me over work topics (we work together) and since he can't separate the work me from the human me, he is unable to be there in any way, shape or form. Not only am I only 30+ days sober- I have recently been having some physical ailments (which I'll refrain from going into in depth here- you're welcome) that will be involving some fairly invasive tests and possibly surgery of some sort.

Now, it's true- I HAVE screwed up in the business end of things in some ways. I plead guilty. I am in the process of trying to amend those things... am working harder than I ever remember to do so. But- in the face of everything else, a frickin' hug and an "I love you" would go a looooooong way. It feels like the little dragon I was fighting 3 weeks ago (but still had plenty of spitfire) has turned into this huge Godzilla - like monster and all I have to work with to fight him is a stick.

It's times like these that if the situation were reversed, I would choose to draw ranks around him and help him with the parts of the business I felt he was needing a little guidance on... the fact that he cannot or is unwilling to do the same makes me incredibly hurt and sad.

Sober hugs to all who need them today,

s

tommyk

Life itself is hard... because it kills us all in the end, right?

I say that to myself when I think things are getting rough...

If you want the ultimate in frustration, have expectations of other people.

Expect them to do the things YOU want THEM to do, and be surprised when they don't: frustration.

I am learning, slowly, to let other people be themselves. In their own timeframe theywill do what they do, but probably not in our timeframe.

You want time to 'evolve'... give others time to evolve as well...?

smacked

Yup.. I'm gonna say it too. Life is by nature, hard.

Have you told hubby exactly what you need? Sometimes it works !

mistycshore

Sounds like hubby needs a swift kick . . .

Hang in there. Things will get better.

Katie09

Thank you soooooooooooooooooo much Tommyk for posting this. Right now I am expecting something of someone else and very frustrated and disappointed. So thank you for reminding me that I have no control over others and expectations only lead to frustration.

Sunrise, I am sorry you are dealing with this, but perhaps what is required is time to let things get back on track. Yes, it is super frustrating that your husband cannot be there for you right now, but maybe this will change as time passes and you just keep on doing what you are doing. BTW, muchos congrats on your sober time!

Mark75

Yea, I get that...

I work with my wife, and separating things out can be a challenge. When I need a frickin' hug I ask her for one... usually she complies, but with varying degrees of enthusiasm...

Mark

Thentram

Wow, I feel ya, it really seems like you are going through a lot. Hang in there! I agree that more communication is always a good place to start. If you aren't getting what you want/need then it never hurts to ask.

Wolfchild

Thank you for your willingness to stay sober no matter what.

Writing a list of things that you are grateful for could help you
to work through some of the negative feelings you are having.

Hang on, even if it doesn't improve in ways that you are able to notice right now,
at least you are beginning to see your own progress with recovery.
Have you called your sponsor or gone to a meeting today?

joedris

I've got to go with others have suggested here. Talk to your husband. As an active alcoholic with my strange way of thinking, I expected everyone to somehow divine what I wanted and how I felt. I guess I expected everyone to be able to read my mind. After I stopped drinking, I still felt that way for a while.

I had to learn to open up and talk to people, to let them know how I felt and, even more importantly, to enable them to tell me how they felt. It wasn't an easy process. Perhaps you should sit your husband down and let him what's going on. This may not result in any immediate improvements, but at least you've cleared the air. I expect that he'll be defensive at first, but probably will come around as he sees that you're working very hard to correct your past mistakes. And if he continues to act like a child, you may want to reconsider the entire relationship. Remember that you can only control yourself. How he acts and feels is his responsibility.

sunrise1

You are all right... I am the only one whose behavior I can have control over. I guess I'm just frustrated that he can't relate on any level... not the health issues, not the depression...

Thanks for all your words and thoughts. Even just being recognized in an anonymous forum is so helpful to me right around now.