verity29

Hi,

It's been a while since i posted and now i'm in a bad way. I've been sober 4 months now and it was going well until recently.

I was out of work for a while but got a new job recently. I work as an IT trainer and got offered a position on a new course i haven't taught before. I was told all the material was prepared for the course and i would just have to head it up and teach it.

I was called to familiarise myself a week before the course was due to start only to find a lot of material was not developed. There is a girl who is supposed to have done this job but she is young and new to this and wasn't given enough time.

I decided to try to help her an now i seem to be saddled doing a lot of her job as well as my own. Feeling majorly stressed out.

On top of all this i am getting married in a few weeks and my bachelorette party is on Saturday night.

I have negelected my meetings in the last while because i'm so busy. Have a young child and a dog to look after too along with endless chores.

How do i get through this and not drink? It's got so bad i'm even thinking of having a few joints on Saturday night and even as i write this when i should be sleeping i am thinking how a drik could just relax me and send me to sleep.

Sorry for the lenght of this post. I am desperate.

suki44883

Drinking and smoking pot will improve the situation how again?

LibertyorDeath

Congrats on your four months! Keep it up! You are doing the right thing by reaching out here and now before you do something you regret!

Keep fighting the good fight. You can do this! You can stay sober today!

tyler

Let's think this through. Pot and alcohol are my drugs of choice. I can understand how it will temporarally make you feel better, or at least make you forget. But when it you sober up then you will find yourself further behind than you are. So you'll probably feel even more desperate than you are feeling now. So you should probably get some more pot and maybe a drink or two to go with it, just to relax. Damn, now you are way behind. How are you going to catch up? May as well just say screw it and get really wasted, at least then you won't have to deal with it. Oh crap, no you have nothing prepared, and no job. You'd like to get some pot but you don't have any money, etc, etc.

I've lived this senerio I don't know how many times. Trust me, it's not worth it. Take a bath. Post here. Try to go to bed early. Go to a meeting if that helps you. Just don't use, it is only an illusion that it is going to somehow make it better. I'm sure you've worked hard for those 4 months. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your child and future husband. Take care, you can do it!!

verity29

I know! Sometimes it just seems impossible. I'm feeling really vulnerable now.

Freedom1990

That's what always starts leading me back into stinking thinking.

My recovery gets slid out of the top priority slot, and down down down it goes.

I hope you are able to get back on track.

We have a funny way of sabotaging our recovery if we are not vigilant.

CarolD

You do have a lot to look forward to
and please don't screw it up with drugs and alcohol.

What if you have to do a random drug test on your job?
You also need a clear head to do the new job.

Being drunk/drugged around your child is considered
child abuse and that is very serious.
You could lose her/him.

Please get back to whatever you were doing for 4 months.
Your future may depend on your continueing sobriety.

Zencat

Heres something you can do right away. Its called the DISARM (Destructive Self-talk Awareness and Refusal Method). Click here to read further and use this most excellent recovery tool...here and now.

tommyk

Want some real problems on top of the problems you think you have now?

There are NO problems that drugs and/or alcohol can't make worse.

Rad44

Try and put yourself in the frame of mind you were in the last day you drank when you quit 4 months ago. What led you to make that decision? Has anything changed to make you expect that it will be any different this time? Is the little voice in your head telling you how much you deserve relief from your stress? How drinking and smoking pot will make everything better? I've got news for you (and I've learned this countless beat downs from drinking). That voice is a Bald Faced Liar and does not have your best interests in mind. Alcoholism always gets worse. It never gets better.

Nevertheless

I have to agree with freedom 1990. Get to a meeting. Your sobriety should come first. I go to meetings a lot of times when I don't want to, but I almost always leave feeling better

sfgirl

A couple things:

1. Set a boundary with the work thing. You shouldn't be doing the other girl's job. I know it is hard but you should say something to her along the lines of I can't help you anymore I am too busy at home. Period. Full Stop. Walk away. Her job is not your responsibility.

2. If your bachelorette party is around alcohol on Saturday night and you are feeling vulnerable maybe you should reschedule or change it. I mean I personally would want a spa day or something with no alcohol involved for my bachelorette party. This is YOUR PARTY, celebrating you, not your friends, please reach out and ask them for help. Wouldn't you/they enjoy getting mani/pedis and eating cupcakes instead of a night on the town?

Mark75

verity... now, what are your problems, exactly???... you have a child, a dog, your getting married and you have friends that are throwing a party for you, and you just got a new job... Busy, yes...

Be grateful... You are a lucky young woman who is having the time of her life.

Why cast a shadow over all of this? You need to relax... OK...listen to some music, take a walk, eat some ice cream, oh yea... go to a meeting. Get pen and paper out and write a list of all these wonderful things you are grateful for...

I am not trying to be mean... this is exactly how those in my support group would talk to me if I shared what you did, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Congrats on your four months and your upcoming wedding!!!

Mark

Wolfchild

You are already getting thru it by sharing about it! You could also call your sponsor and other people who have already helped you to attain this length of clean time. You could put more effort into going to meetings, Step work, Tradition work, journaling, or even just picking up that phone and calling as many people as possible before the thoughts turn into obsessions. Our lives do get much better and fuller the longer we stay healthy and productive. The challange we face is to remain focused on our recovery and continuing to make time for doing first things first.

i have faith in you and in your desire to stay clean!!
Congrats on your upcoming wedding and best of luck!!

TTOSBT

verity,
Time to breathe. Not time to drink. Play the tape ALL the way through like tyler did.
There is nothing good that will come out of your temporary escape. During my first year, there were several times that the one thing that kept me sober was the fact that some days, the best I could do was not pick up a drink and therefore, my day was a success. If I did pick up the drink, I got nothing to be proud of on those days. I am not sure that makes sense to anyone but me. But I was afraid of what drinking would do to the little self esteem I had managed to aquier in the time I had been sober so far.

What I learned was that I have a long way to go to fix my head and I can not do that under the influence. My only chance at the life I want for myself is to stay sober one day at a time and keep walking the path.

Also, not to guilt you but you are a role model. Your child is watching you every minute, even when you do not realize it. You are showing that child that not every day is a good day but you can walk through it and tomorrow will be a better day. You are showing that child that they can depend on you anytime. That has been HUGE for me! The first night that I was able to run through the house when my child cried out sick, without running into walls, was a VERY good feeling

Keep talking, get back to your meetings and hit your knees
Congrats on your upcoming wedding! Do you friends know that you do not drink?Is your fiance supportive? I hope the answer is yes to all

Katie09

Well, I do agree with what the others have said. Yes, you sure do have a lot of stress going on, but it sounds to me like a lot of it is positive stress, except for the job, but you are very lucky to have a job in this economy (you may live overseas, I don't know). I guess I speak for the American economy. So...you have a LOT going on.

I used to work for a mental health agency and we were taught that when people are in times of great stress, often they revert back to old coping skills. You have been able to put FOUR months together. That is wonderful. Why take the chance on screwing things up? Also, SFGirl suggested a spa day with a cupcake and pedicures. That sounds to me like great fun and a great idea. Is this a possibility?

verity29

Thanks to you all for your reply. It's great to be able to post here. Sometimes it's hard to see the wood from the trees so i am glad for the "tough love".

You are right, I am lucky and i have a lot to be thankful for. Guess it's just the selfish nature of this alcoholic.

This morning i got up and decided that things were gonna change. I spoke to my boss about the workload and he agreed with me it was too much so i got it reduced.

I have also come clean about the drink to the people who will attend my batchelorette and they were very understanding and supportive. Looks like it will be a good night.

It's good to talk

suki44883

Good deal, verity!

smacked

Just think about this time next week. Will any part of you look back and think "Damn, it was so AWESOME that I drank and got high, I'm SO glad I did that!! wahoo!".. I doubt it.

No one ever regrets NOT drinking

sfgirl

Dude, Bad Ass!

I must say it easy to give advice from the other side of the table but I would have been pretty scared to do both of those things. I think that shows just how strong you are. You just up and did them. Amazing.

Also I don't even know if it is you being selfish for not thinking things are great right now. It just was the way you were experiencing it at that moment. You don't have to necessarily get down on yourself. I didn't even realize how great your life was until Cubile pointed it out so eloquently! It just was the way your mind was playing a negative tape at you. Sometimes a fresh perspective and a little shift is all you need to suddenly see things in a much more positive light.