Resentment
 

I thought the fourth step, done correctly, was supposed to clear up resentments. When/how did most of you come to terms with throwing out resentments?

How about putting the focus back on yourself, and your recovery, rather than trying to figure out his 'stuff'?

:ghug :ghug

I didn't throw out any resentments. I threw out the line, aka "lie" between the 2nd and 3rd column.

The people, institutions and principles in the 1st column are irrelevant. They change seats all the time.

I come to find that I place myself in a position to be harmed or threatened and/or started the ball rolling and those people, institutions and principles were usually victims of me, not the other way around.

If I have a justified resentment or somebody really actually did cause me harm, I

or

This stuff usually becomes more clear after you're done with the 9th Step... IMHE

That about nailed it for me. With a small dose of, "the wrongdoing of others, real or imagined,..." and a little

Yep. Nailed it.

The 9th step helps a lot.... and resentments might not ever be eliminated, but possibly just better managed to the point where they cause no pain/guilt/turmoil?

Resentment - picking up a red hot poker with the intention of hitting someone with it.

Taking poison and hoping someone else dies.

i became willing to LET GO of my resentments once i indentified how they were causing harm to me. My resentments were the excuses i used to stay in the past instead of living in the here and now. In surendering my will and my life to the care of God (as i understand him), i must relate to reality as it takes place or go back to using. That is part of the reason Step Three precedes Step Four. Take it easy and ask for help from the God of your understanding.

Are you talking about your own 4th Step here? Could you maybe give a little more info about what you and/or your sponsor has been doing to give you the impression that your character defects were going to be removed by doing the 4th Step....I mean, because, personally, I've never really heard anyone say before that she/he thought that that was what the 4th Step was about and it seems like maybe you've gotten a bit ahead of yourself with your expectations here.

For me, 4th Step and 5th Step focus was/is more on identifying and sharing "my stuff" than on getting rid of it, although the 5th Step does to some extent take some of the power, especially its power to cause fear, out of it.......The getting rid of it part comes with Steps 6-9 for me...and sometimes it takes a long time, goes in fits and starts, or seems to go and then pops back up if/when I'm emotionally triggered in a related way. The things that take the longest, are the hardest to get rid of, and that tend to re-appear most easily and most often are that ones that are most closely related to my core woundings and the patterns/choices/behaviors associated with those.

The good thing is, the longer I'm in program and the more I work the Steps, the more I realize that, each time I deal with this stuff, it's on a "higher," more sophisticated level, and I get through it / over it more quickly. My best guess is that core-wounding related stuff never goes away entirely, and those will always be my areas of greatest challenge....but they are also my greatest opportunities for growth.

freya

Sometimes it's enough just to realize it's there.
We spend so much time lying to and deceiving ourselves
about anything or anyone
that we don't realize it's become an automatic response.

To 'sedate' I mean.
When it comes up.

Some went right away.
(resentments)
others -
were linked to beliefs.
And belief systems.
About 'how the world works'.

Those... take a little practice.
That's where the 6th & 7th steps kick in, like Freya said.

It takes a bit of work to UNCOVER something.
Then ... throw it out.
Or know it's there at all ....
then it can be worked on.