Accepting A Dying Alcoholic-Yes Me
 

I had 6 months sobriety & found out some troubling information regarding my 11 year old son. I drank & went on a week long binge. An ER visit and trip to police lockup. That's never scared me before though.I truely feel like I am going to die an alcoholic/addict. In a sick sort of way I accept that. AA is not the answer for me, at least 100%. I hate being an alcoholic and find it to be so shameful. It's hard living with myself.


tib

Welcome. I was filled with shame when I first came here. It took some work and some time, but I have gotten past it now and I am just grateful for each day. I do not utilize AA beyond these forums or in some of my research/readings, however I would use anything to help me get sober if I felt myself slipping back.

Do you think drinking enabled you to be more or less helpful to your son?

Alcoholics tend to drink when they get bad news they can't handle.

You had 6 months Tib. Go do what you did then - go get another 6 months...only this time make it a year :)

Don't drink - use the support network.
you can do this, mate
D

Honest, willingness and open mindedness are the essentials of recovery. Truth be told, I don't see any of this in any of your posts and I never have. I might have missed some though. Seeing a lot of alcoholics I see them all say the same thing. I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't... It's like a broken record. They are all interested in getting sober but nobodys willing to to do the work. "I don't know man, we bowl on Wednesday nights" is the kind of crap I hear.
Harsh fact is that most of us do die from this or something related. You may be one of them.
Fortunatley this doesn't have to happen. There is an answer to your problem but you need to bring a shovel.

The classic "tough guy" approach. Don't worry I expect 70% of the responses to be such. I'll focus on the other 30% of advice that I can use. I also won't tell anyone in AA of my relapse so I can continue to get "time" in the program.
I will continue to attend AA but will "forget" my little slip.


tib

It's your call if that's what matters most to you

Yes that's what matters because in AA whoever has "time" has respect. I'd feel better about myself and can celebrate the 1 year anniversary at the expensive steakhouse like I planned. As far as bowling, I think I'd rather spend a fun evening of bowling with friends than in a church basement drinking nasty coffee anytime. "Meeting makers make it" what a big lie! lol

tib

I only say that because I have been in that same self-centered hell, but it was never pointed out to me because I refused help for so long. The people in my life voted with their feet, and I one day found myself alone, with no one to bail me out of jail.

M

I don't mean to rain on your pity parade, but you're full of s**t. If you're lying about your "time" you're only hurting yourself. Being sober is a lot of hard work and honesty is one of the most important parts of all. If I started lying again and going back to the way I used to behave I have no doubt I'd drink again.

Says you! The rest of us are anonymous.
FWIW, whoever has taken all 12 steps is "Recovered" I would think it's better to be "Recovered" than respected at this point.
With Recovery comes this respect that you find so endearing. It shows you can respect yourself first before you would dare imagine that anyone else would, or should, respect you.

I was quoting the book so I forgot to add "Humility"
Possibly there's an outside chance that some of these "Recovered" people actually know what they're talking about. It's quite possible that at one time they were just as disgusted with themselves as you seem to be. Fortunatley they have "Recovered" and this is a non issue for them today. I would be willing to bet that most of them don't care how long they've been sober either.

"AA is not the answer for me..."

I always like to suggest that a person use AA until they do find 'the answer'.

Because in truth, you don't know what is, or what isn't, the answer.

The disease will always tell you what isn't the answer though, so you never move forward.

Actually I cringe every time I hear that statement. That's the kind of misinformation that kills alcoholics.

Just attending meetings does not keep one sober.

I'll never forget one of the old-timers who approached me early in AA. He told me if I was there to score brownie points, and hoped someone would dump recovery in my lap, I was in the wrong place.

It pissed me off, but I stuck around. I'm glad I did. It took a lot of work, a loving God, working those steps, having a sponsor, and working with others.

I don't get recovery by osmosis in meetings.

Me too...Tib you refuse to use what works (AA) so I don't quite know what to say? Sorry you want to die rather than do something different that takes a bit of courage and self sacrifice. Sorry you are choosing to die?

I don't quite know what you want, but you seem intent on going your selfish not so merry way so ... good luck I guess?

There but for the Grace of God go I...

Cathy31
x

Same old same old isn't it tib?

We've all seen it before, the self-pity, the "I'm going to keep my time even it kills me." the threats of drinking.

I for one won't be held hostage by your threats. Drink. Go drink until you either can't drink anymore or until you die. If I lived in your town, I'd buy you the first one.

If you don't care, how can I? If you don't care, I can't care. Far be it from me to get in your way if you want to go drink yourself to death.

Prayers for your sons situation to smooth out.

Prayers you find the joy and peace of recovery.

Well, I sure can relate to you. I too hate being a person with this problem. I don't even say alcoholic unless required. However, I must say dying an alcoholic death is no picnic. I had an uncle die of cirrhosis at 72. He was all bloated in the ICU in his death bed asking for a beer.

I always wonder in these situations (when someone is not willing to try what has worked for millions) what would be an acceptable solution, or "advice I can use."

-Don't be an alcoholic?
-Maybe you are that rare alcoholic who can control and enjoy it? Why don't you keep finding out?
-Maybe if you wait for circumstances to be just right everything will different? Why don't you keep finding out?
-Hypnotism
-A gypsy spell?
-Have your liver removed?
-Antabuse?
-Getting up earlier?

You are very correct in that whoever has time has respect (nevermind the fact that person may be nuttier than someone with less time, they'll still get more respect). I hate it when someone says...How much TIME do you have? You know they always have more. I do like it when someone is humble and kind enough to say, well, if you got up earlier than I did today you have more time than me.

As to not telling them about the slipup, I can understand that too. Having to stand for another 30 days is less than pleasant (not that everyone does this). Due to my "retread" status I have just given up on confessing my sins. When one retreads too much one is shunned. At least that has been my experience. In fact, I once had a sponsor who told me to lie and tell people I was new so that I would be received better by them. I did have a problem with being told to lie.

However, and to clarify, I am not suggesting it's a good idea to actually pick up a one year chip. That might eat away at you. I once picked up a 30 chip when I drank on day 27. Not one of my shining moments. I just didn't want to be seen as a failure AGAIN! Going forward I will skip chips. Nothing in the Big Book requiring chips.