bob_sapp

I often feel I am in this category. I don't feel I can say I am alcoholic, but I also don't feel like I can safely socially. I feel I am a little in between.

I would say this groups me in with NA people, but I don't feel I am an addict. The difference is I could say at one time I was.

What about us? Are we just lost souls?

suki44883

Why can you not safely drink socially?

bob_sapp

Not sure. I just have the AA "You drink, you die!" thing drilled into my brain for starters. I struggled pretty bad with hard drugs for a few years in my teens, that's the main thing people point to and say "...and you don't think you have a problem?"

FightingIrish

What indicates that you are not an alcoholic?

bob_sapp

I have trouble identifying with the first 43 pages of the BB. I just didn't drink like what they described (IE unable to stop based on self awareness). I had a few scary black outs, and then I just quit because I was scared. I went to AA to find other people who were sober, not to quit drinking.

Rob B

Bob,
you have been struggling with this for a long time, Here's a line right out of the Big Book, try some controlled drinking, if you are not alcoholic this should not be an issue. Irish brings up a good point. If you experience craving, or if when drinking you can't control or moderate the amount you take, the controlled drinking suggestion is a bad idea, you won't be able to do it.

MichelleODAT

2 things pop in my mind when I read this

You are a addict/alcoholic when you say you are

And

Dont look for the differences

suki44883

Well, maybe you're not an alcoholic and maybe AA isn't the right place for you. That's not for any of us here to decide. There's a very long thread in the 12 Step forum about whether AA is the place for those who may just be heavy drinkers but not true "alcoholics." Have you tried controlled drinking?

Rob B

I'm an eighty year old woman. Does saying this make it true? Alcoholism is defined by a specific criterion, say it all you want, if you don't have the symptoms, guess what, not alcoholic.

These discussions lately remind me of an old Seinfield episode, George is teaching Jerry the fine art of deception. he tells Jerry, ït's not a lie if you believe it". My observation is there are a lot of people living a lie. They are miserable as a result.

suki44883

Well, you're awfully hot for an 80 year old woman, Rob.

FightingIrish

A few miscellaneous thoughts:

• can you take it or leave it?
• can you control and enjoy your drinking (at the same time)?
• does a non-alcoholic need to "control" his drinking?
• is it progressive?

Rob B

Thanks Suki, you are kind. I was just outside letting my dog out and was thinking about my post, while I believe in the sentiment I expressed, I probably didn't need to be such a smarmy wise @ss about it. Thanks for being gracious. Bob I sincerely hope you find your truth. Good night all, be safe.

suki44883

Well, I'm nothing if not gracious.

bob_sapp

I know I have to just do it, there is no other way. I just can't bring myself to do it. I need to completely remove myself from AA people altogether and just do it, and then either never talk to an AAer again, or go hard at the program. Part of my problem is without AA people I have the fear of being completely alone. I have no family besides my parents and maybe 1 person I talk to regularly who isn't in AA (and he is an ex AAer).

I can't keep in contact with AA people because all they do is tell me "you have 1 drink, you die" and talk about the program and meetings. I feel like I'm literally stuck in a cult and am brainwashed into staying even though I don't think it is helping. I hate living like this.

TTOSBT

It sounds to me like you should get out of AA and make some other friends. Get involved in something that does interest you and find friends that way, volunteer somewhere.
But if you ever do decide that you are an alcoholic, there will be a seat waiting for you.

Dee74

Like Rob says, you've been back on forth on this for a while, Bob.

For my money anyone who posts here, lket alone someone who does AA for a few years, has probably more than likely tried the controlled drinking experiment. I don't see the need for you to try it again.

You already know you can't drink socially - so don't.

I don't know if you're an alcoholic - I still have doubts about myself, but for me I figure that's part of the whole alcoholism thing. I ignore the inner babble.

What I am takes second place to what I do.

The important thing is I have enough memories of what happens when I do drink to know I can't ever do it again.

No dogma, no theoretical guidelines, no complications - just...don't dance with the bear.

Ever again.

If you can't manage that - then I figure you know where to go back to...

Good luck to you mate
D

Dee74

Sounds like you got a bad case of the can't dos Bob

I can do a helluva lot of things sober - often no alcohol is involved at all; when it is, I just don't drink it.

Why are you still following AA if you left?
D

Pinkcuda

I believe the book is referring to a "Spiritual Death" and not a Physical Death. Reason being is that spirits are either dead or awake as opposed to sleeping or awake. Therefore you're either "Spiritualy Dead" or you have a "Spiritual Awakening" which come by way of the 12 steps.
BTW, The 12 Steps are AA and a lot of what you hear being regurgitated in a meeting isn't.

Gypsy Feet

See get out of my head, its just. . .creepy.

It's my first time seeing you post bob, and I guess I don't get it. I do stupid sh!t while drunk, so I don't drink. When I am lonely, I hang out with my friends. Sometimes they are drinking. Honestly, by the time they are buzzed, I am super glad I'm not (and they don't seem to mind having a DD either).

Cathy31

One of the reasons why I finally saw the light in terms of my alcoholism was that I COULD NOT SAFELY DRINK (socially or not) So ... I drank at home. One of the qualifiers for alcoholism (the most important being self diagnosis of course!) is that when I pick up a drink I cannot GUARANTEE the outcome...i.e. will i go on a bender, get in a car drunk, or will I (which did happen at times) go to bed quietly after a 'reasonable' amount of alcohol...the point is I cannot guarantee the outcome. I am an alcoholic. Alcohol does something to me physically - and mentally when I'm in active addiction or in the space it sound slike you're in I have an obsession that says 'this time it will be different' - or even worse I AM DIFFERENT!

Bob you have to self diagnose. from your posts I would put money on it you are an alcoholic. I'd also put money on it that you desperately don't want to be and will 'go to the gates of insanity or death' to prove otherwise. What does this matter though? Many people knew I was alcoholic before I did. makes not a jot of difference. My self diagnosis (thanks to the Grace of my Higher Power) is what made the difference - and started the action required for the amazing sober life I live today.

I hope you will open yourself to teh same opportunity - cause it is there! As Joyce Meyer says - you don't need more wishbone -you need more backbone! Maybe not you, but someone else reading this might relate! I sure do!

cathy31
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