Orion

I have posted on this forum a few times before. I've been a moderate-heavy drinker for about ten years, with pretty big fluctuations from year to year. When things are going well for me, I tend to drink less, but when I hit a rough spot I drink more.

A little over a year ago I separated from my ex, and just finished the divorce a couple months ago. As the divorce process ground on, I found myself drinking more and more, and feeling like I was truly descending into outright alcoholism. By late afternoon every day a half year or so ago, I'd really crave a drink -- almost desperately. The divorce was brutal and ugly. I was accused of terrible things by my ex, who had been cheating on me prior to leaving. Some of the things I went through were so awful that I'm surprised I maintained my sanity.

Eventually, it all ended, and it didn't turn out terribly. Probably about par for the course for a man, or even a little better -- she got majority custody but I still spend a substantial amount of time with the kids (about 35%). Since I signed the papers a couple months ago, my life has slowly been returning to normal, and I find myself less interested in drinking. Actually, my tolerance even went down, and I can go all day without a drink and feel alright. For the last week, my drinking has been technically "moderate" (four or less per day), and I think I might just quit for a few months to lose some weight. At this point, I don't think I'd even miss it.

So I guess my question is this: Is alcoholism always a "progressive" disease, or is it something some people only develop during certain extremely stressful periods in life?

tommyk

"I think I might just quit for a few months to lose some weight. At this point, I don't think I'd even miss it."

Why not give this a try...?

I suspect some of your questions will be answered during this period.

Gypsy Feet

I agree with Tommy. I do not enjoy the debates over the definition of an alcoholic. I only know that there is a chance if you drink to excess there is the chance of doing something hugely bad, which you can not take back, totally out of character. I never believed I would cross a line drunk that I would have stayed far away from sober, booze proved me wrong.

I also have learned from reading many stories on this site, that mine was not a worse case scenario by any means.

I have come to believe that binge drinking is like Russian Roulette.you may never get the bullet, but why play?

As for getting over the rough spots, that was big when I quit. I buried a child near and dear to my heart almost 10 years ago. When I first found SR I thought "why would anyone want to feel all that pain without numbing it if you know you can?"
I quit anyway, fearing I would get the bullet again. Now I have decided that I don't want to HAVE to rely on a drink for the hard stuff. I like to think of myself as a tough cookie, and intelligent, and I want to be able to stand on my own feet to weather the storms in life.

Good luck with the three month weight loss abstinence, keep us posted.

CarolD

Welcome back to SR......

Of course....you will do whatever you choose about your drinking.
I wish you well on your journey of discovery.

shaun00

i guess my alcoholism was situational.........it just ended up being every situation..

Is that a therapy term?........sounds like being a "bit" pregnant.....

In my experience... yes alcoholism is proggresive...

that progression can be quick.........or over a long period of time.....

but always getting worse never better...imo

I can arrest that progression....by total abstinace

i can achieve that total abstinace AND remain total abstinant by working the 12 step program of alcoholics anonymous..

but first I need to be sure.........completely sure i was an alcoholic.

I became completely convinced.....without lingering doubt that i was an
alcoholic.

Knowing that and having a programme of recovery keeps me sober today.

trucker

Wolfchild

Perhaps going to a few AA meetings would help you to clarify what alcoholism actually is?
You could pick up some literature while your there that might help you to find an answear!

Orion

Yes, it is kind of a therapy term. People often call adjustment disorder "situational depression," and one of the symptoms of that can be an increase in alcohol use.

I saw a therapist, and he warned me that a lot of guys in my situation develop "maintenance alcoholism," which sounded about right. I did not drink to get drunk, but to have a buzz that eased my anxiety for the latter half of the day and helped me sleep.

The problem was that when I was most upset I needed more. During my most anxious times I could drink more than I'd ever been able to before without getting drunk. Like I wrote, when I started feeling better I found that I couldn't handle drinking that much anymore -- I actually got the spins from a measly six pack not too long ago.

Sweets79

Hi Orion,

That's a really good question, I wonder about it myself sometimes. For me, I started drinking during/after a certain stressful situation about 5 years ago. Before this situation happened, I had gone through rough times, and I had picked up a drink before, but I never got addicted to it. It's kind of weird actually. I also saw with myself, if things were going okay, I wouldn't drink or if I did, it would be significantly less than the amount I'd drink if I was depressed.

I've heard some people say they've been addicted since their first drink. I guess everyone is different, but the bottom line is if you're drinking too much at any given time, there definitely is a problem. Whether someone got addicted early on when they took their first drink or if it happened later on during an extremely stressful time (such as the case with myself), either way it's not good. Using alcohol to deal/cope with problems isn't the answer, and if you turn to it at any given time, and use it in excess, for whatever reason, it's time to reevaluate what's going on and make an effort to stop. Atleast that's what I've been doing.

Good luck to you

Ananda

When i returned to drinking after 7 years of sobriety, i only drank 3 beers the first week...it esculated and i new i was heading for trouble, but i continued...My son attempted suicide and i threw myself into the bottle with complete abandon....7 years later...I was still sauced 24/7...the situation went away, but the drinking remained.

But i remember after the first time i drank again after knowing that i had a problem with drinking and what was said above is exactly where i found myself...it's like playing russian roulette...but wondering WHEN not IF i would get the bullet...i mean the bullet is always there...can't avoid it forever.

Alchoholism seems to me to be progressive in myself and others...however i have noticed that the person drinking rarely sees the progression.

I hope you will come to SR and post, read and see about joining us in the path of recovery :ghug

joedris

Hi Orion, Maintenance alcoholism? That's a new one. I don't like to categorize alcoholism. As the old adage says, "A rose by any other name would still be a rose." When we say alcoholism is a progressive disease we mean that your tolerance to alcohol continually builds. It takes more alcohol to achieve the same effect as time goes on. And this occurs even if you stop drinking. If you start again, your tolerance has built as if you never stopped. The fact that you drink when the going gets tough is problematic. And the fact that you drink to maintain a level of being buzzed rather than falling down drunk is not a good sign either. That's what I did. I'd drink to reach a certain level and then drink to maintain that level. Alcoholics usually drink initially to hide from the pain, to mask the hurt. That leads from drinking to hide to drinking because we cannot not drink. As you said, the craving starts. I won't say if you're an alcoholic. You need to find that out for yourself. I will say that if you're not one now, you're going to cross that line soon if you keep up what you're doing. I'd also suggest that you try a few AA meetings. You'll get a better idea of what's going on by listening to a group of people who've been where you are now. And I'll jump on the bandwagon again by suggesting you quit drinking for a while and see how it goes. That in itself is a good start. In all the time I've been aroud alcohol, I've never seen anything good happen to anyone because they drank.

Freedom1990

Glad I read through the entire thread because that was my first thought, like being a 'bit' pregnant!

After 4 years of being clean/sober, I thought I could be a social drinker again (as if I ever was, only in the fact that the more I drank, the more 'social' I became).

Needless to say, that experiment turned out miserably, and a lot of those 'yets' (You're Eligible Too) did indeed come to fruition for me like blackout drinking.

OceanBound

I don't like labels although the term makes sense to me. That's what my drinking pattern has been: more depressed = more booze. I've been drinking on and off since my teen years, very heavily for the last year since I'm in a bad personal/career situation now. At one point I just realized that it would kill me. Things were way out of control even though I was almost always a closet drinker so pretty much nobody knew. Maybe I wouldn't die from it or do something awful this time but eventually the alcohol will get me. That's why I stopped and hope to stay stopped for good even though I know that alcohol was not a problem when things were going my way. I need to learn better coping skills than turning to a bottle during every rough patch.

Good luck!

flutter

Just wanted to wish you luck on the 3 months thing.. like Tommy said, I think a lot of the answers you're seeking will be learned during those three months.

Hey, if anything else, you'll certainly be a lot healthier and clear headed!

McGowdog

Thanks for relating your honest experience with booze Orion.

As far as situational drinking goes, I think this speaks to the fact that alcohol has a power over just about anybody when it comes to its mind-altering effects. When we drink it, we get a buzz and many of us like it, whether we're a social drinker, a moderate drinker, a hard-drinker or potential alcoholic, or a real alcoholic of the hopeless variety.

I feel for you with your divorce/family situation. I hope you get through this period as well as your children without any suffering. Pain is inevidable and it can ultimately help us grow. But suffering is optional. You need not suffer through this. There is help for you on many levels and I hope you find it.

Now the booze; for the hard drinker or alcoholic, the situation or outer circumstances do not matter. An alcoholic can seemingly build his/her life up just to pull it right back down on himself, then it becomes really easy to drink.

Now I'd like to talk about the hard drinker and the alcoholic. Either one can die prematurely, suffer alcoholic torcher, harm people and perhaps kill themselves or others due to their drinking.

But one very important thing separates the hard drinker from the real alcoholic. Given a sufficient reason to either quit, or moderate their drinking, the hard drinker can. They can choose. They can put the plug in the jug. They can "just not drink, no matter what", they can go to 90 meetings in 90 days and stay sober, or they can perhaps do some other therapy and stay sober.

Now the real alcoholic has two components that make it virtually impossible to do what the hard drinker can; stop on a non-spiritual basis. This is pretty much the absolute truth as I believe it, understand it, experience it, etc. The alcoholic has BOTH

AND...

sfgirl

I think the fact that we have such a rigid definition of alcoholism is one of the reasons is it so often ignored or missed by people. I don't believe that it has to be progressive. I know quite a few people that have many signs of alcoholism who have been able to maintain a functioning stable level of consumption and lifestyle for years. I do not think this means they do not suffer from the disease.

If you have not learned to cope with stressful or emotional situations without alcohol then you have a problem in my opinion. The more I learn about myself and about alcoholism and addiction in general, the more I think alcoholism is one of the most underdiagnosed and missed things out there. I think that people's attempts to reframe or compartmentalize alcoholism into smaller issues is a mistake. It might make it sound nicer to you at first, but I can't tell you the relief that it will bring to your life once you can really attack your alcoholism. I have had so many issues over my using years tied to alcohol which I did not realize until now— severe panic disorder, anxiety, depression, suffering, feeling of extreme emptiness, sexual abuse, etc. If it had been caught earlier, and to a certain extent I fault medical professionals, I think it would have saved me a lot of pain.

jamdls

Technically I'm probably not an alcoholic but I was a very heavy drinker and when my ex left me in '94 I started to drink more and more and more often. Sometimes (rarely) I'd have just 1-2 glasses of wine in an evening but on the weekends that was 1-2-3 bottles of wine in an evening, home alone. My psychiatrist classified it as "self medicating" and she happened to be an addiction specialist. Well I self medicated for 13 years, I mainted my job, my home, no arrests. I used to say if I didn't have a job to go to I'd be a "full blown alcoholic", or if my stomach was so sensitive I'd be an alcoholic. In 2005 I quit drinking for about 2-3 months due to a car accident primarily but then I started again and I drank more than ever. I shamed myself and embarassed my daughter and friends. Alcohol is a depressant-- and I got more and more depressed and finally tried to end my life, I survived obviously and now I accept that I don't drink like a 'normal' person so it is best to just stay away. If you turn to alcohol to 'handle things' then that's a problem, if alcohol causes you to do things you wouldn't otherwise do then that's a problem. Why wait and see if it is progressive?

FightingIrish

Have you read page 44?

chip

Hi Orion,
Welcome back to SR. It sounds like you are discovering things about yourself. I've never heard of "situational alcoholism" or "maintenence alcoholism". I do recognize red flags in your description.

I do know lots of people who drank VERY heavy in university or college, and managed to "snap out of it" when they became mature. For these people, drinking was done during happy times (ie partying).

Drinking to "escape" is dangerous. Drinking to change feelings, or surpress them is dangerous as well. Drinking 4 drinks a day isn't moderate drinking. Any time you drink four or more drinks in a day, it's considered "heavy drinking".

Like others here, I try to avoid definitions of alcoholism. I will say again that I can recognize red flags.

I wouldn't feel right telling you that you have "situational alcoholism". It's great that you don't feel like drinking heavy lately.

I encourage you to try to quit for 3 or 4 months, and let us know how it goes.
chip

McGowdog

Page 44 is wrong! Only mistake in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.

If it was either or, the alky would just not drink. Or if it was the other or, they'd just drink 2 and stop. Trip on that little tidbit.

Next comment?

Orion

I definitely think my drinking has been problematic from time to time. It's impacted my health, and at times my judgment (although I've never gotten in legal trouble from it).

But as for the tolerance and craving, they really haven't gone up steadily for me. Over the last ten weeks or so my tolerance and cravings have declined significantly, and this has coincided with the end of my divorce. Right now, for example, I haven't had a drink in well over 24 hours, and I feel fine. Six months ago, I'd have been sweating with anxiety and feeling really terrible. Sometimes, in public places, I'd feel so overwhelmed that I'd have to sit down somewhere to avoid collapse. It was really a terrible divorce -- you know, the kind where your ex is trying to destroy you (some men here may be familiar with that).

So now, I'm starting to wonder whether the alcohol abuse was the symptom or the disease. Either way, it was not good for me physically, and it couldn't have been good for my brain and psyche. I do have to admit, however, that a strategically placed drink made me appear in control (to others) in a few situations where I needed it. For example, right before mediation I was a nervous wreck. I had one gin and tonic, and that calmed me down enough to allow me to keep my cool despite being yelled at, threatened and accused of various things by some vicious attorneys.

On the other hand, it must have contributed in some places to emotional extremes. It's hard to say... I needed some help anywhere I could find it, and perhaps drinking was all I thought I had at the time.

Well, that's why I'm here -- for your advice.