Some advice?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Michigan
Posts: 758
Some advice?
I;m around 100 days sober, been doing great. This past weekend I was on a fishing trip with some friends. 2nd night 3 of the guys decided to go to a local bar, I didn't go and stayed at camp. 3rd night they go again again and this time give me a bit of grief about not going. Last night (4th night) I didn't go again...but in all honestly I kind'a wanted to go.
I didn't go and I LOVE my sober life now, but the fact that I actully entertained the thoughts of going to the bar with them scared me bad! I know it would only take one drink to go back to my old life.
Really dont know what advice if any I am looking for....but any thought's or advice is welcome!
Steve
I didn't go and I LOVE my sober life now, but the fact that I actully entertained the thoughts of going to the bar with them scared me bad! I know it would only take one drink to go back to my old life.
Really dont know what advice if any I am looking for....but any thought's or advice is welcome!
Steve
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
My non drinking AA friends fish together often.
And golf...play cards...hike...hunt...dance and have a grand time.
Good to know you resisted going to a bar.
Bars are for drinkers....
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,234
Today I dont put myself in situations
that would make me feel uncomfortable.
It's just not worth it for me.
My sobriety or recovery means
that much to me.
I always have a back up plan
or an escape plan so when i get
squirrley i can escape quickly.
If i need to make an appearance
then i can do that without hurting
another and my excuse isnt a lie.
A lie would mean id have to go
back to make my amends.
that would make me feel uncomfortable.
It's just not worth it for me.
My sobriety or recovery means
that much to me.
I always have a back up plan
or an escape plan so when i get
squirrley i can escape quickly.
If i need to make an appearance
then i can do that without hurting
another and my excuse isnt a lie.
A lie would mean id have to go
back to make my amends.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Michigan
Posts: 758
I always have a back up plan
or an escape plan so when i get
squirrley i can escape quickly.
or an escape plan so when i get
squirrley i can escape quickly.
I'm still good don't get me wrong, but this weekend did have a bit of a problem I haven't faced before and its got me wondering these past two days. I'm sure i'm not the first one to face this though. Just looking for a little guidince. (thats not spelled right lol)
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
Do your friends know about your decision to live sober, and how important it is to you?
If so.. in my mind they are not friends at all if they were giving you grief about not going to a bar.
If so.. in my mind they are not friends at all if they were giving you grief about not going to a bar.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,234
I too have a problem with what people thing
too.....however i remembered something
Dr. Phil said on tv one time...
Ud be surprised at how many people
really dont think about us.
"Normal" folks have better things to do
with their time than think about us much
less remember what we did or didnt do.
It took time to realize how important
my recovery really means to me and
not to worry about what others think.
Its what u call taking charge of ur own
recovery. Taking care of YOU. and
no one else.....
If others dont understand then it their
problem and not mine.
Know what i mean?
too.....however i remembered something
Dr. Phil said on tv one time...
Ud be surprised at how many people
really dont think about us.
"Normal" folks have better things to do
with their time than think about us much
less remember what we did or didnt do.
It took time to realize how important
my recovery really means to me and
not to worry about what others think.
Its what u call taking charge of ur own
recovery. Taking care of YOU. and
no one else.....
If others dont understand then it their
problem and not mine.
Know what i mean?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: some where / no where
Posts: 1,019
Hi DayWalker,
Congrats on 100 days! You did very well to resist the temptation of going to the bar. That was a tough spot, and you got through it....good work.
I had to learn the hard way to avoid situations where I'm "trapped" with other people who are drinking. I had a similar experience in early sobriety, and like it's been said, I learned to give myself "escape routes" or avoid certain situations all together.
Since you did ask for advice, I'll take the liberty to tell you some ways I'd consider dealing with the fishing trip with the guys:
- Try to get out of it, unless it's with guys who don't drink. I'd even lie if I had to to get out of it.
-Have my own private campsite & transportation. Meet up with them for the fishing part.
- bring a sober buddy on the trip, so I'm not the only person who doesn't drink.
- Tell them, if they are close friends, that I'm in recovery and I cannot drink.
- let time allow me to drift away from my drinking buddies, and get new friends who wouldn't pressure me to go to a bar.
- Stop hanging out with people who would try to pressure me to go to a bar.
Just some thoughts.....
You did good to resist temptation. I'm glad you shared with us.
chip
Congrats on 100 days! You did very well to resist the temptation of going to the bar. That was a tough spot, and you got through it....good work.
I had to learn the hard way to avoid situations where I'm "trapped" with other people who are drinking. I had a similar experience in early sobriety, and like it's been said, I learned to give myself "escape routes" or avoid certain situations all together.
Since you did ask for advice, I'll take the liberty to tell you some ways I'd consider dealing with the fishing trip with the guys:
- Try to get out of it, unless it's with guys who don't drink. I'd even lie if I had to to get out of it.
-Have my own private campsite & transportation. Meet up with them for the fishing part.
- bring a sober buddy on the trip, so I'm not the only person who doesn't drink.
- Tell them, if they are close friends, that I'm in recovery and I cannot drink.
- let time allow me to drift away from my drinking buddies, and get new friends who wouldn't pressure me to go to a bar.
- Stop hanging out with people who would try to pressure me to go to a bar.
Just some thoughts.....
You did good to resist temptation. I'm glad you shared with us.
chip
problem with authority
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 870
I went to a bar my first week out of rehab.
It was a friend's birthday, and there was a small gathering. The e-vite said, "come watch me drink too much Jameson on my birthday!!!!!"
It was probably not the smartest move in theory, but it was a friend who I knew would be mixed up with some amends I would eventually have to make.
I am painting an awful picture here, I know, but it turned out to be a gratifying experience. I was not tempted to drink in the least, and we had a nice time catching up.
The funniest part of the evening was watching how this brash-talking girl who wrote that e-vite actually drank when it came right down to it. Nursing a Jameson for an hour, and then hesitating, distracting and obfuscating when it came time to order another. I knew watching her that she and I are different species.
It was a friend's birthday, and there was a small gathering. The e-vite said, "come watch me drink too much Jameson on my birthday!!!!!"
It was probably not the smartest move in theory, but it was a friend who I knew would be mixed up with some amends I would eventually have to make.
I am painting an awful picture here, I know, but it turned out to be a gratifying experience. I was not tempted to drink in the least, and we had a nice time catching up.
The funniest part of the evening was watching how this brash-talking girl who wrote that e-vite actually drank when it came right down to it. Nursing a Jameson for an hour, and then hesitating, distracting and obfuscating when it came time to order another. I knew watching her that she and I are different species.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: KC MO
Posts: 980
All my fishing friends are practicing alcoholics. They would respect my sobriety and not give me grief. (Perhaps your friends aren't alcoholics)(although they wen't to the bar every night).
That said, I just won't put myself in that situation right now. (60 days sober) I am staying away from my old friends. Thats one reason I failed at sobriety my last attempt with AA and antibuse 20 years ago.
I was at an AA meeting tonight and a guy with several years sobriety was talking about making fun of his brother getting drunk in buffalo wild wings. If I manage to stay sober a year or two(which I plan on). I am going to go fishin with my old drinking buddies and give THEM grief about how dumb they are acting. (Ive known them for a long time and they can take it) (actually they NEED it)
That said, I just won't put myself in that situation right now. (60 days sober) I am staying away from my old friends. Thats one reason I failed at sobriety my last attempt with AA and antibuse 20 years ago.
I was at an AA meeting tonight and a guy with several years sobriety was talking about making fun of his brother getting drunk in buffalo wild wings. If I manage to stay sober a year or two(which I plan on). I am going to go fishin with my old drinking buddies and give THEM grief about how dumb they are acting. (Ive known them for a long time and they can take it) (actually they NEED it)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Michigan
Posts: 758
Do your friends know about your decision to live sober, and how important it is to you?
It took time to realize how important
my recovery really means to me and
not to worry about what others think.
my recovery really means to me and
not to worry about what others think.
Took me reading that a few times to really "get it"..but I think that's so true. I am very happy with my sober time, but I still worry what people think in the back of my mind. And just need to not worry about "people" and be happy with myself. Appreciate those words aasharon90. Thanks!
Steve
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 85
Congratulations DW! That's a tough spot to be in, and you handled it well. I'm new, and I've been running through those scenarios in my head as well. For me, right now, I'm going to have to do what you did and just stay away. It's hard for me to reconcile that decision as I'm the guy who can handle most anything, etc.. but I've proven to myself that alcohol/drugs are something I just have no power over. For now, the best I can do is just hide from them.
The funniest part of the evening was watching how this brash-talking girl who wrote that e-vite actually drank when it came right down to it. Nursing a Jameson for an hour, and then hesitating, distracting and obfuscating when it came time to order another. I knew watching her that she and I are different species. I so understand that. For the longest time, I thought they were the people with the problem. How do you just have 1 drink? What's wrong with you?!
Originally Posted by FightingIrish 
The funniest part of the evening was watching how this brash-talking girl who wrote that e-vite actually drank when it came right down to it. Nursing a Jameson for an hour, and then hesitating, distracting and obfuscating when it came time to order another. I knew watching her that she and I are different species.
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 2,942
When I was a drinker I could never understand non-drinkers.
I didn't get it. I didn't really care either.
So... now that I am a non-drinker I don't expect the drinkers to understand or care.
I have found that I naturally drift toward people in recovery and away from those who drink.My circle of friends has changed.
I didn't get it. I didn't really care either.
So... now that I am a non-drinker I don't expect the drinkers to understand or care.
I have found that I naturally drift toward people in recovery and away from those who drink.My circle of friends has changed.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,243
I do things with people in sobriety because I enjoy their company. I also am fairly direct when I tell people that I do not drink without feeling any need to explain that I am an alcoholic. When I tell them in this manner they seem to get it right away and leave me alone.
On the other hand at 18 months sober I can go to clubs where people go for the live music rather than go to get drunk.
Don't apologize or be embarrassed that you do not drink. There are a lot of people who do not drink that are not alcoholics that are just smart.
On the other hand at 18 months sober I can go to clubs where people go for the live music rather than go to get drunk.
Don't apologize or be embarrassed that you do not drink. There are a lot of people who do not drink that are not alcoholics that are just smart.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Southern Colorado
Posts: 1,167
I love to go camping and fishing and stuff. I hope if you do this again, you can find some sober peeps.
Were they there to fish, or go to the bar? Seems like they were using the former as an excuse to do the latter. Tough position to be in and it sounds like you got through it admirably.
Don't get down if you find that some of your old friends/colleagues drop off a bit in sobriety. You'll find replacements of equal... or even better character in your new life.
The good thing about alcoholism and addiction is that it knows no boundaries... people from every walk of life.
Hope you meet some good and true friends in sobriety. It's not like you can't hang out and have fun with people who drink, but it takes time to be comfortable around that stuff. Once you get some power to live life sober/clean, you'll be able to do stuff you couldn't even dream about, but even then, no need to be careless about it either.
As others have suggested here, this is a really good test to let you know... your recovery is your responsibility and you have to go after it and make decisions that will place you in good position to do this.
Go well.
Were they there to fish, or go to the bar? Seems like they were using the former as an excuse to do the latter. Tough position to be in and it sounds like you got through it admirably.
Don't get down if you find that some of your old friends/colleagues drop off a bit in sobriety. You'll find replacements of equal... or even better character in your new life.
The good thing about alcoholism and addiction is that it knows no boundaries... people from every walk of life.
Hope you meet some good and true friends in sobriety. It's not like you can't hang out and have fun with people who drink, but it takes time to be comfortable around that stuff. Once you get some power to live life sober/clean, you'll be able to do stuff you couldn't even dream about, but even then, no need to be careless about it either.
As others have suggested here, this is a really good test to let you know... your recovery is your responsibility and you have to go after it and make decisions that will place you in good position to do this.
Go well.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
i just got back from a 3 day trip myself.
i went with the usual bunch of pals.......pals that work a program of recovery.
pals that i met in AA or pals that ive made since getting sober.
these are very special times....i dont get alot of time off and as time goes on we got married......got babys etc and moved further apart.
so when we get together its precious..........i dont think it would work if i went with pals that drink.........its not how i want to spend rare leisure time.
im not sure its wise to spend time away with drinkers in early recovery..
is there some sober pals you can go with..?
its great to have a meeting in a cabin...miles from anywhere...with pals and a few books......
trucker
i went with the usual bunch of pals.......pals that work a program of recovery.
pals that i met in AA or pals that ive made since getting sober.
these are very special times....i dont get alot of time off and as time goes on we got married......got babys etc and moved further apart.
so when we get together its precious..........i dont think it would work if i went with pals that drink.........its not how i want to spend rare leisure time.
im not sure its wise to spend time away with drinkers in early recovery..
is there some sober pals you can go with..?
its great to have a meeting in a cabin...miles from anywhere...with pals and a few books......
trucker
Professional Alcoholic
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 67
I'm a photographer for a local band. Which requires that I go to night clubs. I just go and don't worry drinking. The only thing I'm careful about is that I don't mistakenly pick up someone's drink. I'm well aware that my mind would love the taste of alcohol. You don't have to live in some sort of bubble because you're a recovering alcoholic.
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