jimhere

Several years ago I went through a period of spiritual crisis and transition. During that time I considered leaving AA. At first, the thought bothered me. But then it came to me that I was in the stream of life (I often hear that misquoted "I'm in the mainstream of life," like there's a mainstream and a minor stream). And if I had surrendered to that, it was going to take me where it was going to take me, even if that meant out of AA. I became OK with the idea that I could leave AA, because AA became not a place I go, but a way that I live. I got free of AA and all of the sudden something someone said to me one time made sense. "You're not free to go until you're free to stay."

Currently I am at a place in my spiritual life where I have been tired of contemporary AA and have been for a while. I am tired of the meetings, of the slogans, of the silly rituals like chanting at the end of the meeting and have seriously considered leaving AA-the fellowship, or what most perceive as the fellowship. Notice I said the fellowship, not the way of life. I am convinced that I could never go to another AA meeting again and live a spiritual life and never drink again.
Jim

Sugah

My sobriety today isn't contingent upon the number of meetings I attend but how willing I am to live the steps I took with my sponsor. As we worked through each one, she'd tell me, "You have another in your pocket. Now use it."

In the beginning, I tried to make a meeting every day because I didn't yet have a comfortable relationship with the God of my understanding. I didn't have the trust that my morning prayer ("God, please keep me sober) would be heard and answered. That took me a little while, so in the meantime, it was good that I surrounded myself with folks who kept reminding me why I didn't want to pick up a drink or a drug.

I don't go to meetings so much these days because I need them to keep me sober as I go because that's where I'm most likely to find people who are willing to receive the message I have to carry to them. I don't know how long I'd stay sober using only the first eleven steps, but it was bad enough out there that I don't think I want to test it. Besides, I have developed many precious friendships inside the rooms--folks who speak the same language that I do, and I like going to meetings. Last night, there were only about a dozen folks at my home group (a bunch were gathered together to watch the Pens kick a little Carolina booty), and I'll bet no more than two left the room without pitching in to tear down after the meeting. The guy washing the coffee pot was not a home group member. The two young guys moving tables and chairs back were fresh out of rehab. There were people wiping things down and returning literature racks to our storage cabinet. Somebody else checked the bathrooms, and when it was all said and done, I stood and waited for a 'god as I understand him' conversation (an extension of the meeting topic) to end so that I could turn off the lights. I think out of the dozen or so attending, I was the only one who didn't go for pizza afterward. I'd worked in the garden all day and was tired.

Oh -- and there were four slips to be signed and two folks looking for sponsorship. I didn't hear one bit of fear mongering during or after the meeting.

That last bit was a tangent. Sorry about that, but I'm going to let it be, nonetheless.

How about approaching someone and telling them, "I want to be free of fear. Can you help me?" It was suggested that I might drink because I got married, went back to school, moved, was taking care of my parents, etc. I live in the stream of life, and the program of AA has built a good part of the boat I'm traveling in. Going to a lot of meetings was what I did when I was busy building (with Help) the boat.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

Freedom1990

Sugah, you said a lot of good things. I never had the luxury of a meeting a day because I am in a very small town. I guess I would have been really screwed if someone told me I'd end up drunk if I didn't attend 5, 6, 7 meetings a week!

Meetings are just one part of the whole of my recovery.

bob_sapp

The main reasons I don't attend AA anymore are because A) I do not feel I am an alcoholic and/or powerless over alcohol and B) the meetings/people have become too toxic. Maybe I came to B) because A) was true. Either way, this was after a few years of sobriety, all 12 steps, lots of service, and thoroughly studying the big book. Being in AA when you think you shouldn't be eventually becomes hell.

kelsh

The first year I sobered up the last time....I attended AA meetings every night and also two noon & one Sunday meeting when I had to miss a meeting during the week. I worked half days, went to counseling for my depression & alcoholism once a week...had one child at home still that was recently diagnosed with Juvenile Diabetes...that needed my help seeing she got her insulin as needed & the right diet at 11 years old.

The second year of my sobriety I chose to start my goal of going back to college to get my BA Degree in Psychology. I worked still cleaning house for the Elderly & taking them to shop, went to class late afternoon, early evening, still had counseling for my depression & attened 3 aa meetings a week, had follow-up appts. with my doc & studied early mornings & on weekends.

I completed my college & in 1990 started a new career with a ten year work history behind me working with the Elderly. I was hired at the local Mental Health Center, where I received my treatment for alcoholism & depression, as a Psyc Tech. & after two years job experience & more training I was promoted to a Geriatric Mental Health Counselor...the dream job that I didn't even know existed until then.

While I attended AA I did know of people that were "Big Book Thumpers" that insisted their way was the only way, & people that seemed as addicted to AA as they were to alcohol. I live in a very small rural area but we did have six meetings at night, one woman's group at noon, & another regular open meeting at noon. We had open & closed meetings & lots of times many of the same people were at all of the meetings other than just women at the woman's meeting at noon.

I gradually reduced my meetings but still went three times a week for two more years...I picked up ladies that needed rides to take to meetings & my Sponsor & I had a meeting for woman at the jail on Sunday nights before our 8 pm meeting. Most all of the women in jail were there for drug or alcohol issues.

Now I don't attend AA on a regular basis but do belong to forums on my computer for alcohol, depression, anxiety, & other issues. I used a forum to help me quit smoking four years ago. It works for me. But is something did come up that I felt I had better get back to AA I would be there In A New York Minute!!! (One of my favorite lyric's from a song by Toby Keith called: "Should've been a Cowboy".

I enjoy life & even with aches & pains of age creeping up on me I still am so glad to be sober....more glad for sobriety than anything else in my life....because I wouldn't have a life now if I had kept on drinking.

kelsh

AW2486

I had times were I didn't attend AA for up to a year and times were I attend 2-3 meetings a week (as I do now). For me I am better off attending AA.

I personally know two people that quit going after years of sobriety.

One sought out the church and continues living on a spiritual basis and is happy.

The other quit AA because he got too big for the program. AA wasn't being done right in his eyes. that was 10 yrs ago.. He is still sober and very miserable (according to two of his past sponsee"s)

The fellowship is still the best place to carry the message. I have to attend AA to be a member of the fellowship.

Hope you discover what is best for you.

Andy

24hrsAday

"i would not have a life if i kept on drinking" amen to that.. and.. I myself would be lost without my A.A. home group..

nelco

I think you need to go with your gut and do what you need to do.......for you.
My experience....AA is what helps me get on with the rest of my life. Its not my life. But thank God for it. When I was getting sober first I got lunchtime meetings so I could spend time at home with my family. I still get 2 to 3 meetings a week without effecting my family or life in anything but a positive way. There is nothing like a new member walking through the door to remind me of the gifts I have received. . peace of mind being the biggest one of all. I like to give back

sfields141

The meetings are great for working the 12th step, but if you can stay sober and sane without neetings more power to you who believe this, remember alcoholism is a cuuning and powerfurl disease looking to step on your sobriety and sanity if your not vigilant. God be with you.

Believe808

Thought I'd share what happened to me with you. I was in AA for 13 years then decided I didn't need it anymore, I stayed sober for 2 more years for a total of 15 years. Then 9-11 happened. I went on anxiety meds and didn't abuse them, then hurt my back and had to take pain med's. I was still sober. After about 1 year I found myself taking more and more of the zanax and the pain med's vicodin & percocets. Well I finally went back to drinking and totally abusing the med's I had been prescribed. I couldn't believe that I really had gone back out after being sober for so long. It was a real long 5 year run ending with an OD and 5 minutes to live. I can only share my experience with you in the hope that maybe you will understand why it is so important to use the rooms of AA to help with your sobriety. Whatever you decide, I only wish you luck.

joedris

Hi North, Quitting AA is your choice. If you feel that regular meetings are no longer helping you, then so be it. I would recommend that you stick your head in the door once in a while, but again it's your decision. If you're going to a meeting where they tell you that folks who do not use AA are doomed or not really alcoholics, then I would suggest that you change meetings. AA is not for everyone. I go to several meetings a week not only to help my sobriety, but also to help others. With me it's a 12th step issue. But that's me. I wish you the best of luck and remember AA is always there if you need it.

pinetree

do what you like, attend AA or not, but please do not try to describe what others believe to be their hp or God. Or what it means to them or their recovery. Pinetree

chip

Hi North,
Thanks for starting this thread. It has brought up some interesting posts.

As I started getting better, I've cut down to 2 meetings a week. I wouldn't want to attend less at this point in my sobriety. I find it very encouraging to be f2f with others who are in recovery. I also find it helpful to meet others who are hurting. It reminds me of how I hurt...

I think we are the best we can be when we are helping others. Sometimes I go to AA because I feel weak and I need help. It's been this way for much of my sobriety.

Other times I go because I need to try and help someone else. Something was given to me in AA, and it is my responsibility to pass it on to others.
God bless you,
chip

barb dwyer

Lovely, Chip... well said.

digderidoo

I think it's important to 'never say never'. I have said to myself that i will never go back to AA and inevitably i find i need the face to face contact with other alcoholics that comes with AA.

Personally i have never gone every day, the big book doesn't tell us to do so. The early AA'ers didn't meet every day and it worked for them. The most i have done is maybe 3 times in a week, but in general i'll go once a week.

I did miss a couple of months until a few weeks back. I had some troubles which made me want to drink and felt i needed that face to face to contact.

Whilst you feel like many of us have about AA, it's good to know that it's always there if you need it. The secular section is good here too, for anyone who wants to find alternative routes to sobriety.

Paul

north

Thank you for all the responses and advice.

I guess I was partially blogging - the Placebo Effect w/r knee surgery (and how I believe it also applies to the "higher power" w/i the AA program) - was a real eye-opener and made me much more appreciative about the power of our own minds. I was also honestly curious to know if there were others who had similar experiences - especially with longer periods of sobriety than mine.

ReginaY

I have been sober for many years. AA is the reason that I was able to get sober and to stay sober. I am very grateful to AA and all of the people in the meetings that help me through very challenging times, and helped me to grow up. I went to meetings, and a lot of the many AA social events and activities, for the first 15years of my sobriety. I am now 32 years sober. Since that first 15 years, I have attended AA sporadically. I went on a spiritual path (that AA lead me to), that has helped me enormously with my spiritual journey, and with life in general, like family, friends, career, financial, etc. It seems that I really enjoy AA a lot, after being away from it for quite some time, and then I come to this place of, what I call, saturation. My spiritual path has been one of focusing on my positive connection to Spirit and to others. When I go to AA, I feel refreshed for awhile, and then I start noticing that when I am struggling with "people", it's because I become very tired of the negativity and the personalities. I know that I am supposed to be able to put principles before personalities, but I get to where that becomes harder and harder for me. I know that it isn't just about others. I know this is an issue that I have with socializing. It took me years of sobriety to realize that I have HUGE issues with social skills. I get way to involved. I lose my personal boundaries. I take everything to heart. and on and on and on...until I have to stop going to center myself again spiritually. I am there now. I know this is way too long, but I think I needed to share it. I needed to write it down and be honest about it. Thank you, if you've made it this far in my story. I appreciate you "listening".
Regina

Nuudawn

Are you familiar with a book by John Bradshaw entitled Healing the Shame that Binds You? Great book if you aren't. He is definitely supportive of 12 step groups in healing but does not limit it to just 12 step groups. In healing shame or other such ugly things we carry around, he feels "community" is incredibly important and therefore suggests things like "church" to find community. It was after reading that book that I began exploring church, Christianity and the Bible. I have actually found more answers there than what I found in AA which is where I found my last sobriety a few years ago. In truth, I was able to understand what I did get in AA much more fully.

I think as long as we stay connected to a loving community (wherever we may find it) and the reasons why we want to be sober..we have as good a chance as any to staying sober...with or without AA. Then again, I also remain open to the fact that AA is still there should I need it. Staying open to any and all ways of sobriety is also..a good thing.

Dee74

Welcome ReginaY

just so you all know this thread is 4 years old - Norths still around, so he's doin' ok

D

ReginaY

Thank you Nuudawn. I appreciate that. I have done a LOT of John Bradshaw work, as well as many other forms of support and healing over the years. They have all helped. I am lucky to be alive and sober. Very rough childhood. Still rears it's ugly head from time to time, but so much better now then I was when I walked through the doors of AA. We never "arrive" at a place of perfection. We are, however, a perfect expression of the Divine on this earthly journey.