Nevertheless

Glad to hear the cravings are getting less.
I probably shouldn't say this, but I hope you havn't discovered chocolate.:sorry
I never fancied sweet stuff, but now I'm having a pretty hard time with it. I'm getting away from it , but it ain't easy. It does help cravings.

jacknscoob

Day 21

Hi Everyone, my computer was down last night, so I couldnt post my daily update, which I missed doing. So I am doing it this morning.

Yesterday was a depressing day. I went to the skin cancer doc for a check-up and that was all clear. However he did say that I had 'acne rosacae'. I'd never heard of it before. For the last 2 years my face has been particularly flushed / red / blotchy and I just put it down to the booze and thought it would all go away when I stopped drinking. This is not the case, apparently this progressive chronic skin condition is triggered / aggravated by booze and sun and will not improve without treatment. Great I thought thats all I need, I am self conscious enough without this. The skin Doc suggested I see my own Doc and go on anti-biotics for 6 mths & then have 4 lots of laser surgery. With the amount of meds / vitamins I am on Im surprised that I dont rattle when I walk, plus the laser surgery is expensive.

I am very tearful about this and I am angry at myself for historically drinking so much that I am now having all these medical conditions as a result. There has been no improvement with my legs / feet (alcohol neuropathy). For those who are not familiar with it it is like from my knees down my legs / feet are set in ever constricting cement, loss of feeling and when I walk it is like wading through wet sand, it's doing my head in. Plus all the liver damage. High cholestral. Blah.

I wish I had known that all this would have happened to me before embarking on my hedonistic drinking career. Hind-sight...what a wonderful thing.

Anyhow I will stop off loading and feeling sorry for myself, maybe it's worse cos I had SR withdrawal last night, doh!

Good news is I reached 3 whole weeks yesterday!!!!!!!!!

'Nevertheless', Ive been pretty good with the sweet / choccy stuff. But if I did give in to some I would be OK as it is not a drink! Alot of people on SR do mention it specially ice cream...YUM! I try and avoid it, as once u start, u end up eating the whole tub..lol.

Thanks for listening to my moaning and droning and I will checkin tonight.

Kind regards

J

PS: I think I will put an additional post about acne rosacae to see if anyone else has experienced it.

jacknscoob

Hiya All

Back again. Feel better now and will not whine on, doh!

Went to the skin clinic again today and got prescribed some anti-biotics which I have started to take. Doc said that I may see some difference within 6 - 8 weeks, so fingers X'd.

Another day sober and another small step to getting my health back.

Hope everyone has a good weekend.

J

Nevertheless

It's a cryin shame how we ignore things while were drinking. I have had bad headaches for at least the last 3 years. (I believe it has a lot to do with why I quit). At any rate I thought it was part of being hungover(as soon as I took a drink my headache went away), but I didn't have headaches the first 25 years or so of my alcoholic carer. doh!:wtf2 Well I also had neck pain that has been getting worse so I wen't to a chiropractor. After 9 visits my headaches are almost gone(they were bad enough they almost made me sick). I still have neck pain, but getting rid of the headaches is a HUGE problem off of my mind.
I had been sober probably 8 weeks before going to the chiropractor, so sobering up wasn't what got rid of my headaches(except I probably wouldn't have gone to the chiropractor). I also had a lot more energy once the headaches started going away. (Can you tell I now like chiropractors) I'll quit blabbing. Fred

jacknscoob

Caved in yesterday at 5.13pm

Feel guilty and could explain but there is no excuse for my behaviour.

One thing I did notice when I caved was thinking in my head 'what am I going to say to SR, I thought (alot) about fibbing, but chose not to. I feel Im letting the side down, specially 'Nevertheless' who has been helping and supporting my sobriety. The forum (everyone) has really helped me.

So the wheel of my wagon had fallen off. I will still post everyday as I feel accountable mentally and it has been working for me.

I am due to see the alcohol officer and the alcohol doc (not my GP) tomorrow 10.30am, and I will tell them the truth also about my relapse.

Thanks for listening today.

J

Katie09

Hey, please don't beat yourself up. Do you think people who have addictions don't screw up? Each time is a learning process and another opportunity to recognize dangers and pitfalls. Be easy with you. Just get back on the horse and ride. No one judges you here. I promise you that you are your own worst critic.

slimjim30

Keep coming back Jackie. A slip doesn't matter if you learn from it and get back on the wagon.

Nevertheless

Hello Jackie
Sorry to hear about your slipup,but glad you didn't fib. But in reality,you would only be fibbing to yourself.
The problem with a slipup, is if you think the way I do. (I did it once it must be OK). Don't let demon alcohol get you into this mindset.
Get back on the horse and try again, don't ever give up.

Nevertheless

Don't leave us up in the air Jackie. You were doing so well. Start a new thread or something. When is the kangaroo mating season?

littlebluedog

:ghug3 Your posts are still an inspiration, and I look forward to watching your progress!!! Keep your chin up.

jacknscoob

Hi guys

Thanks for all of your posts. I havnt posted because I feel ashamed and annoyed with myself. Sorry about that. have been drinking Sat, Sun, Mon & today (started 28 mins ago) but I have not been hammering it like before. But that is no justification I know, as slippery slope etc.
Glad I didn't fib about it.

I am planning for tomorrow to be my DAY 1 (Wed). Another way I like to think about it is Day 1 (plus 22 Days, minus 4 days). I hope I can do it.

I will make a list of things to do today (for tomorrow). When I am feeling weak I will post on this forum.

I have missed posting on here, but have read all the responses and other threads like I do everyday.


My alcohol Doctor went over my meds (he is not my GP), said to stay on Campral for a year and if I want more effect from my anti-depressants for anxiety & neuropathic leg pain, to up the dose. He was very keen to hear about this forum for help with recovery, as I said how much it had helped me.

From now I will post everyday even if it is 'null & void' as it was only guilt stopping me.

Thanks for listening.

J

PS: Not sure about the kangaroo mating season, but I saw 2 roos and a joey this morning out the back. doh!

CarolD

Many of us had false starts on our way to solid recovery.

Glad to know you are beginning again

slimjim30

Hi Jackie,

I think I know how you are feeling at the moment. I've quit many times before and then slipped up. I always ended up letting that slip last for months. I would start a thread on here and then be too ashamed to keep updating it because I was drinking again.

Don't let that stand in your way! I think if I kept posting I would have got the strength up to try again much more quickly. So please keep posting!

Cheers!

jacknscoob

Hi everyone

SlimJim, everything you said in your last post is so true for me. Thanks for that and to everyone else who has posted.

I drank yesterday, started at 2.14pm. I have not been hammering it but I know that's not the point.

It is Thur, 11.50am and I have not had a drink yet. Had 3 big mugs of earl gray tea. Not sure what today holds. But I will keep posting.

Thanks for listening.

J

KillaBri

Hang in there... we all can understand the urge and the cravings. There are times where you will have to fight the urge literally every hour of every day. Just right now, it's 4 a.m. here and for the first time in a few nights I'm having a hard time sleeping. Earlier today, things got stressful with school (have been, to be honest... damn summer school!) and I just felt completely unable to focus on anything. That inability to focus turned into anxiety, which turned into those bad thoughts racing through my mind of wanting a drink. After grabbing my trusty bag of sunflower seeds, I began to try and chew through and spit out my anxiety and bad thoughts. It wasn't working for me, so I decided to try something new. I've been working out lately as part of a resolve to not only get sober, but get fit. I would HIGHLY recommend adopting some sort of workout regimen, assuming you can do so without health complications.

Anyhow, I decided that I wanted to try to release all that anxiety and nervous energy into a good ol fashioned session of pumping some iron. And it worked. I did a workout that I had been building up to (it is a variation of the workout the actors in 300 did to get themselves ready for the part... toned down to sane levels, of course!) and while it was absolute Hell going through it, I felt absolutely great afterwards. Feeling the burn of a hard workout made me feel great. I also noticed that after I got done working out the desire to drink was gone, along with any anxious thoughts. So, with any luck, I appear to have found my release for all that nervous energy and something to fill the void that we all have when we decide to quit.

Sorry for the lengthy, somewhat disorganized post, but I want to do anything I can to help out someone else struggling for sobriety.

Katie09

Hi Jackie! I like the way you think about sobriety. I know you might feel bad about drinking (I know I sure do), but for each of those days you were not drinking you were making progress towards your recovery. You didn't lose the time, but had a bump in the road. At times I think it's easy to feel like (and speaking for myself)...oh, I screwed up and so I may as well just have a drink. I know you can do this and I will be following your thread.

jacknscoob

Hi everyone

Just checkin in, I hate to say that I have had my first drink at 6.09pm. I know I have given in, but lasting all day is good for me. I am reducing my intake daily and I am thinking that Sunday maybe the day I stop ((again)), doh!

Thanks for your posts - KillaBri, after reading your post, today I did 20 mins on my X trainer and some free weights. I am going to do some exercise, even just walking everyday, drinking or not.

On a brighter note I phoned my mum in the UK about 5ish (before I had had a drink) and listened to her open her presents as it was her 71st Biurthday. She was stoked with her signed personalised framed photo of 'Smithy' - actor from the UK TV prog 'the Bill'...Marvellous!

Some of you guys may have read my thread about antabuse, something I will not be looking to take.

Hope everyone has a good weekend.

Thanks for listening

J

:day2 to my MUM!!!

Katie09

Baby steps I always say. And, yes, Sunday is a good day to decide to stop again. You can do it! I just know it!

I just joined the gym and did free weights for the first time yesterday. They are not easy IMHO. Good for you and exercise is excellent for the mood.

jules67

Hey Jackie I have been following your thread and really appreciate your honesty.

Exercise it always good for the mind and body. I am doing a series of dvd's called "ripped" I love it. Sometimes in life it is two steps forward and one back but we are still making progress!

jules

jacknscoob

Hi guys

Thought I would check in. Things aint going to great at the moment. Hopefully this week will be better.

Hope everyone is doing well.

J