trio313

I have 26 days sober, trouble sleeping restless can't seem to ask people for there phone #;as soon as the meeting is over I ship out without talking to any body.I feel better when I go to meeting so why is it so hard for me to ask for help.I know I am in the right place;

Jfanagle

I don't know why you are having trouble asking, but I do remember why I was "distant" for the first several weeks I attended AA. I didn't want to admit that I was "one of THESE people." It meant that I had to admit to myself that I wasn't just a visitor, but by God, I was a REAL alcoholic. I went to as many as two or even three meetings a day in the beginning. Much like you, I always felt better after a meeting and that attendance kept me sober until I finally connected with the members of the meetings that I was attending.

I am a stubborn, egoist, who always wants to be "special" and this included being a special alcoholic. It was best explained to me by a close AA friend, that we as alcoholics are really "Egotists, with inferiority complexes."

Sorry for the rambling, but I just wanted to let you know that I had to get used to AA and as I did and began to feel as though "I belonged" I formed the bonds that have kept me sober since 1999. I am quite certain that you will find "your place" as well.

I AM SURE THAT YOU WON"T FEEL COMFORTABLE IF YOU DON'T KEEP GOING!!

Keep coming back no matter what and congratulations on the sober time.

Best wishes,

Jon

McGowdog

Trouble sleeping? Reading a book will put me fast to sleep. Reading the Big Book or the Good Book works for that too. Something else that keeps my mind from racing and enables me to go to sleep is writing. For me, that might be inventory.

You might go to people and ask them what step they're on and if they've done all 12 steps recently. If they say yes, ask them how they did that. You might be surprised. You might find someone willing to show you or go through them with you.

keithj

As funny as it may sound, I find that closed meetings can be more open to newcomers than open meetings. A newcomer is treated like an alcoholic, not a newcomer. At least if you can find a solution based meeting (open or closed), you can be pretty assured that there will be folks who know how to work the steps. That period of time between taking your last drink and getting some relief (not to mention freedom) with the steps is very uncomfortable for most alcoholics. Best to minimize it.

This gets me thinking. I think that we do a dis-service to the newcomer by passing around a phone list instead of talking after a meeting. I don't think it's good enough to sit back and expect the newcomer to make the first move. Sometimes, the best a newcomer is able to do is get to a meeting. While I don't like getting pushy, I think I have a responsibility to at least make contact and see if the person is interested in a solution.

After you've been around for a while, it's pretty easy to spot that subtle look of panic in the eyes of someone new. That person who just needs someone who has been there to reach out a tiny bit.

Believe808

In all the meetings I go to, when a newcomer raises his/her hand we automatically send around a meeting book and have people put name/number on back of it.
Try it!!!

McGowdog

Once in a while we get a new person come to our meeting and we ask how they found us. Then once in a greater while, they say this is their first time in AA.

We say, "Wow! Not bombarded with slogans and MOTR!" An AA virgin!

Shame on me. Did I say that out loud? Crazy voices in my head. "There's a war inside my head! If I take a day off, I'll be dead."

Believe808

You are right, Shame on you. Why scare the newbie off? haha we were all newbies/virgins at one time.

At just about all my meetings, we always ask if there is anyone new, visiting or coming back to please share. And most of the time, there are plenty of hands.

CarolD

trio313........Well done on your sober time
Good to see you here again....

I too found it difficult to ask strangers for assistance.
I came 1 minute before a meeting..left immediately after.

here is what I did....I arrived early and stayed after meetings.
The strangers soon had faces and names with phone numbers.
Then I could feel the bonds of recovery begin to grow.

Forward we go...side by side

joedris

We always ask for newcomers to introduce themselves if they feel comfortable doing so. And we always hang around after the meeting to talk to them. But that's an open meeting where it might be tough sometimes to spot a newcomer if they don't let us know. My closed mens home group is much smaller, so a newcomer would stand out and we'd be on him like white on rice. So the recommendation to go to a closed meetimg is a good one. But closed meetings can also be very cliquish. Just keep going to meeting you feel comfortable at. You'll relax enough to introduce yourself someday. And you'll get a lot more out of the program once you get to know the people.

MagicMan08

Amazing stuff keithj. I think the meeting I initially chose as my home group is more of a social AA group and not necessarily very concerned about guiding people through the steps. It is very therapuetic and fun, but I found the ALANO club meetings in the bigger city feel more like a "Lets work the program of AA" vs social hour. But no one meeting is the same, and I love em all.

But, I am a very socially outgoing person. But when it comes to meetings and socializing and stuff, just like any place....it is difficult at first. But like someone else above me said, if you keep coming back, the faces become familiar and you can feel more comfortable with people. But I feel I need to come for several weeks before I ask for someone to sponsor me, so they know I am serious.

Pinkcuda

I'm a little disapointed in the Fellowship. Or should I say fellowship?
How many of us go stick our hand out to the newcomer? How many of us let them walk away without regard?
I ask them if they they have a phone with them. If they do I like to call them before they get out of the room. I tell them to give me their phone number and I call them right on the spot while I'm standing there looking at them.
I say, "Say Hello". When they answer I tell them we got that first akward phone call out of the way and it should be easier from here on out.
I then have their number and they have mine.

jimhere

Every once in a while I encounter an alcoholic who hasn't been sitting around in meetings for years where we screw 'em up.

sfields141

Our a.a meetings recognize newcomers after the readings are finishes. After the meeting we hang around seek out newcombers. Women to women, and man to man.Its hard for an alcholic to ask for help when he first comes into the program,since he is used to making his or her decisions all by his or her self. We leave our clubhouse open 24/7 to encourage newbies to hang and get to know someone that they think can help them.We have a list but never use it we reach out to newbies and help them reach out to who they feel comfortable with.

Freedom1990

We do too. We also make sure they have a call list, and Big Book. Then several of us always talk to them after the meeting. If they come early (which they usually don't), we'll introduce ourselves and everyone else in the room.

FightingIrish

I will admit I have a hard time just walking up to someone and getting up in their face. (I want to be cooool...ya know?)

I have made an effort lately to be more aggressive, but I have actually gotten resentments because there are a couple of oldtimers who are like laser beams as soon as the meeting is over. I end up being the "also-ran" phone number and don't like hanging on around a conversation already in progress.

I tend to find my opportunity on the person's second or third meeting (if they stick around).

barb dwyer

hey trio -

I had an idea while reading this -

maybe write a note asking for group (male or female as is appropriate) phone list and slip it into the offering basket with your contribution? That'd be easy enough.
"May I have a phone list? I'm too shy to ask. thanks. "(then put your name.)

If the chair has any class what so ever -
(I'm betting your chances are about 50/50 in that regard)
they'll just start a list, and you can go up and get it later.

All that said -
(the OTHER side of the AA coin)

you know ....
recovery is about doing everything different.
no one is in AA because they ran their lives well.

We get to AA because we desperatley need to change.

Asking for a list at the beginning of the meeting before it's started or something might be your second warrior task assignment...
the first warrior task, of course...
having been showing up for your first meeting.

Then again... I could be totally full of it.

LOL!

gmaklay

I've been clean since new years... my sleep patterns were ALLLLL messed up. No matter how tired I wuz I wasn't going to sleep anymore than an hour or two at a time. Dream crazy stuff and sweat like crazy... I finally talked to my doc about sleep aids. She put me on Lunesta (she knows my history). She watches how much she prescribes me at a time to make sure I don't abuse it. She just happens to be my first cousin so she keeps pretty close tabs on me. (shes mean as hell too)