crzylilmndfreak

i have not taken a drink in 15 months, and i do go to meetings every week,..but...my problem is me. i dont know if i like myself sober. I am so much more interesting, and excitable when im drinking. sober i feel like im just kind of blah to be around. i dont know how to LIKE myself. everything about my "personality" bothers me... i annoy myself to be quite honest. i dont know how just "be" and it is tearing me up. i obsess over everything that comes out of my mouth, and i just truley feel all around im more likeable when i drink. how do i deal with this, how do i learn to like myself sober??

Sugah

I asked someone to sponsor me through the steps. That's where I found how to change those things that I could not stand about myself. Have you tried that?

Peace & Love,
Sugah

keithj

I know this has come up with your posts before, and I know it can be difficult. But where are you at with taking the steps? When you say that you go to meetings once a week, but don't mention the steps, it makes me wonder. And it's not a judgement. The reality for me, and for a lot of alcoholics is that life doesn't really get better when we quit drinking. It gets worse.

I was talking to a guy recently who shared a similar experience. He had been coming to meetings faithfully for a year and a half, and he was just sick of it. Smiled on the outside but miserable inside. He could never feel part of. About 6 months ago, he started working the steps with a sponsor, took all of them, and caught fire. Really. He's got one of the most powerful messages in the rooms right now. Taking meetings into the halfways. Just burning with recovery and loving life. It was an amazing transformation.

There is a vast difference between reading the steps off the wall and really taking them. Are you completely giving over your will and your life to the care and direction of a higher power on a daily basis? Have you completed an inventory and shared it with another? Are your amends done? Are you working with others? Those are the real freedom steps. That's where the magic happens for people.

crzylilmndfreak

i did have a sponsor when i got sober a few years ago, and got to the 4th step then i relapsed. i dont know if that would make a big difference, would it?

Freedom1990

That was where the answer was for me too.

There is a lot of untreated alcoholism in the rooms of AA. If I'm doing little more than taking up a chair for a meeting, I can't expect to have the necessary spiritual awakening I needed in order to truly grow and change.

crzylilmndfreak

i appreciate your response, but i am not just "takeing up a chair" at my meetings, because i am learning, and that is important, right? i can not do much more than that right now due to my anxiety issue i have mentioned.

Emimily

"i did have a sponsor when i got sober a few years ago, and got to the 4th step then i relapsed. i dont know if that would make a big difference, would it?"

YES.

gravity

It really sounds like you are in a catch-22: the steps will help alleviate the anxiety but your issue with anxiety is holding you back from getting a sponsor/working the steps.

My own experience has not been 24/7 serenity but life is so much better - a quiet mind, a sane mind. I have some anxiety issues but not nearly as bad as it used to be.

All I can say is do what you have to do to start the steps - one at a time.

Rad44

Please realize that the voice in your head saying "you like yourself better drunk than sober" is a bald faced liar. Your alcoholic brain is trying any ploy it can to get you to drink again. I'm sure your sober brain well understands what the end result will be if that actually happens. I'll bet your friends and family who are around you sober disagree with your contention that you are more "fun" when you are drunk.

sugErspun

Recovery is about change, and change takes time. If I was just the same person and didn't drink ~ I probably wouldn't be too keen on staying sober either.

You mention meetings, so I of course think of the steps. The process of changing, of having a power we can't muster ourselves change us into what we should be.

Freedom1990

If you will re-read my post, I said "I", not "you". Yes, I have been guilty of doing just that, taking up a chair and little else. Yes, learning is very important! I didn't say much early in my recovery because I still had so much shame, and I did learn from what I heard.

As far as your anxiety issues, I found that my social anxiety slowly started to disappear once I got a sponsor, spent one-on-one time with her, and worked through the steps.

My social anxiety was directly related to my intense dislike of myself when sober.

The steps helped me learn to be comfortable in my own skin.

keithj

I have no idea what my social anxiety was related to. I just know that it stopped being a problem after I recovered from alcoholism. YMMV.

Listening at meetings is very important. But it is almost impossible to learn a spiritual experience. They have to be, well...(wait for it), experienced.

Hang in there, crzy. You're on the cusp.

crzylilmndfreak

[QUOTE=

As far as your anxiety issues, I found that my social anxiety slowly started to disappear once I got a sponsor, spent one-on-one time with her, and worked through the steps.

My social anxiety was directly related to my intense dislike of myself when sober.

The steps helped me learn to be comfortable in my own skin. [/QUOTE]

wow, thank you for the insightfull responses, it really does help knowing that i am not in this alone, that others can relate, it may take me a while, but hopefully eventually i can "come out of my shell" its just i am a very impatient person, so i hate to wait lol

smacked

How come 2 weeks ago it was 13 months? Crazy math

I hated myself sober for the first few months, because I didn't know myself. I thought drunk or high me, was the real me, when it was a contrived me. Maybe concentrate on getting to know the new 'you', or developing a new life.. instead of staying stuck.

Might need some support to do that though, if after this long you're kinda stuck in things..

My anxiety also went away when I got and stayed sober.

Gypsy Feet

I have not done AA. When I quit drinking I discovered the thread on these forums about codependency. Although the term implies that problems stem from a relationship with someone else, I find that the entire subject speaks directly about ME and my misconceptions and flawed views. I am learning so much about how to accept myself and my feelings, and how change or dispel unhealthy thought patterns. You might want to give it a go.

FightingIrish

One of the things I received through the steps, was a new way of looking at...everything. It was tough to admit that my way of seeing and dealing with the world was fundamentally flawed and separated me from everything and everyone. Once I started to let go of untruths, it started to become truly liberating.

bugsworth

I have no experience with the steps as I didn't need them to get and stay sober but I did feel the way you did in early sobriety. I spent years drinking to change my personality, to become more out going, more brave, more like I thought people wanted me to be. Finding peace with who you are is difficult but worth the effort. In reality my life is boring..I work..keep house...take care of my kids...exercise...but most nights I fall asleep tired and content. I'll take boring over chaos any day of the week. I spent many years lost in my addiction and it takes time to learn to be comfortable again. Try not to be too hard on yourself....strive to take baby steps in the direction you want to go and be patient...stay the course.