small talk
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 320
small talk
..i
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""""""""""""I am soo distraught, i can barely have a conversation with my dog let alone any PERSON... i can talk for maybe a min, then feel like i need to RUN away, keep thinking "how am i gonna get out of this situation... how do i stop talking to this person without being downright rude...how do i get out of this, how do i get out of this" get the picture??lol
I dont know what to do with myself, i have been sober 14 months now, and as i have said in prior posts, my neighbors are outside CONSTANTLY having BBQs and partying, last night they were out there whoop whoop ing it up playing beer pong, its right outside my window! and ya, one said "You can come out it you want" this social anxiety thing is absolutely debilitating me, like i am in my own personal jail in my app. I dont even really like them, because they are allways drinking, and acting drunk, but they LOOK like they are having so much fun! my therapist said "just try to think how much you DONT want to be like that, acting drunk, etc. but i DO! i miss it so much, dont get me wrong, i am glad to be sober, i still have my family, and i am so grateful for that, but i just wish i could drink like a normal person, without the terrible consequenses, but i know i cant, i dont know, i am just very frustrated, thanx for lettin me vent!!""""""""
"" """"""""i dont think my second post went through, so i just wanted to say no offense, but please dont tell me that maybe i am not 'ready" to be sober, because i really am, """"""""""
ASTRO----
O [pQUOTE=Astro;2227319]I'm not a big fan of that "maybe you're not ready" saying. For some reason it seems to go against the tolerance and compassion that we're supposed to show other alcoholics. And there are times when I miss it too, just not the horrific, bad times.
It's difficult for me to sit in a bar or with a group that's drinking and make small talk, I just find that I have very little in common with that crowd anymore. But it's been easier for me as my recovery progresses to just let that old life go and focus on the dream that I live in every day, it's much better than anything I could've planned.
Give it time to get better, and in the meantime make the most of the time that you have, focus on your children and family, and make new friends when you feel up to it. Lately it's been on my mind that my children are growing up so fast, I feel like they'll be off to college before I know it, so I'm grateful for the times when I have custody.
I'd like to share this from the Big Book, I can relate to the thoughts of "how it used to be"............
FOR MOST normal folks, drinking means conviviality, companionship and colorful imagination. It means release from care, boredom and worry. It is joyous intimacy with friends and a feeling that life is good. But not so with us in those last days of heavy drinking. The old pleasures were gone. They were but memories. Never could we recapture the great moments of the past. There was an insistent yearning to enjoy life as we once did and a heartbreaking obsession that some new miracle of control would enable us to do it. There was always one more attempt-and one more failure.
The less people tolerated us, the more we withdrew from society, from life itself. As we became subjects of King Alcohol, shivering denizens of his mad realm, the chilling vapor that is loneliness settled down. It thickened, ever becoming blacker. Some of us sought out sordid places, hoping to find understanding companionship and approval. Momentarily we did-then would come oblivion and the awful awakening to face the hideous Four Horsemen-Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, Despair. Unhappy drinkers who read this page will understand!
Now and then a serious drinker, being dry at the moment says, "I don’t miss it at all. Feel better. Work better. Having a better time." As ex-problem drink- ers, we smile at such a sally. We know our friend is like a boy whistling in the dark to keep up his spirits. He fools himself. Inwardly he would give anything to take half a dozen drinks and get away with them. He will presently try the old game again, for he isn’t happy about his sobriety. He cannot picture life without alcohol. Some day he will be unable to imagine life either with alcohol or without it. Then he will know loneliness such as few do. He will be at the jumping-off place. He will wish for the end.
Big Book quote from the 1st edition of Alcoholics Anonymous[/QUOTE]+++++++++++++++
I appreciate your response and any response is welcome from all, i am ,i have to say ,concerned with this last paragraph, do you think that is where i am in my recovery??
and when will i finally be able to be comfortable being sober, without all this anxiety??
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------MOVED FROM THE ANXIETY BOARD--------
""""""""""""I am soo distraught, i can barely have a conversation with my dog let alone any PERSON... i can talk for maybe a min, then feel like i need to RUN away, keep thinking "how am i gonna get out of this situation... how do i stop talking to this person without being downright rude...how do i get out of this, how do i get out of this" get the picture??lol
I dont know what to do with myself, i have been sober 14 months now, and as i have said in prior posts, my neighbors are outside CONSTANTLY having BBQs and partying, last night they were out there whoop whoop ing it up playing beer pong, its right outside my window! and ya, one said "You can come out it you want" this social anxiety thing is absolutely debilitating me, like i am in my own personal jail in my app. I dont even really like them, because they are allways drinking, and acting drunk, but they LOOK like they are having so much fun! my therapist said "just try to think how much you DONT want to be like that, acting drunk, etc. but i DO! i miss it so much, dont get me wrong, i am glad to be sober, i still have my family, and i am so grateful for that, but i just wish i could drink like a normal person, without the terrible consequenses, but i know i cant, i dont know, i am just very frustrated, thanx for lettin me vent!!""""""""
"" """"""""i dont think my second post went through, so i just wanted to say no offense, but please dont tell me that maybe i am not 'ready" to be sober, because i really am, """"""""""
ASTRO----
O [pQUOTE=Astro;2227319]I'm not a big fan of that "maybe you're not ready" saying. For some reason it seems to go against the tolerance and compassion that we're supposed to show other alcoholics. And there are times when I miss it too, just not the horrific, bad times.
It's difficult for me to sit in a bar or with a group that's drinking and make small talk, I just find that I have very little in common with that crowd anymore. But it's been easier for me as my recovery progresses to just let that old life go and focus on the dream that I live in every day, it's much better than anything I could've planned.
Give it time to get better, and in the meantime make the most of the time that you have, focus on your children and family, and make new friends when you feel up to it. Lately it's been on my mind that my children are growing up so fast, I feel like they'll be off to college before I know it, so I'm grateful for the times when I have custody.
I'd like to share this from the Big Book, I can relate to the thoughts of "how it used to be"............
FOR MOST normal folks, drinking means conviviality, companionship and colorful imagination. It means release from care, boredom and worry. It is joyous intimacy with friends and a feeling that life is good. But not so with us in those last days of heavy drinking. The old pleasures were gone. They were but memories. Never could we recapture the great moments of the past. There was an insistent yearning to enjoy life as we once did and a heartbreaking obsession that some new miracle of control would enable us to do it. There was always one more attempt-and one more failure.
The less people tolerated us, the more we withdrew from society, from life itself. As we became subjects of King Alcohol, shivering denizens of his mad realm, the chilling vapor that is loneliness settled down. It thickened, ever becoming blacker. Some of us sought out sordid places, hoping to find understanding companionship and approval. Momentarily we did-then would come oblivion and the awful awakening to face the hideous Four Horsemen-Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, Despair. Unhappy drinkers who read this page will understand!
Now and then a serious drinker, being dry at the moment says, "I don’t miss it at all. Feel better. Work better. Having a better time." As ex-problem drink- ers, we smile at such a sally. We know our friend is like a boy whistling in the dark to keep up his spirits. He fools himself. Inwardly he would give anything to take half a dozen drinks and get away with them. He will presently try the old game again, for he isn’t happy about his sobriety. He cannot picture life without alcohol. Some day he will be unable to imagine life either with alcohol or without it. Then he will know loneliness such as few do. He will be at the jumping-off place. He will wish for the end.
Big Book quote from the 1st edition of Alcoholics Anonymous[/QUOTE]+++++++++++++++
I appreciate your response and any response is welcome from all, i am ,i have to say ,concerned with this last paragraph, do you think that is where i am in my recovery??
and when will i finally be able to be comfortable being sober, without all this anxiety??
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
That last paragraph refers to trying to stay sober without undergoing a psychic change sufficient to bring about recovery. When I read that paragraph, I usually think of someone sitting in the meetings sharing how grateful they are, how much better life is. But you listen to them speak, and it becomes apparent very quickly that they have not worked the steps. They can't relate anything about a spiritual awakening because it's foriegn to them. My opinion, and that's all it is, is that they have a two step program. 1) stop drinking, and 2) pray a little. It is my experience (I was once one of them) that these people do not last long in that state. They either go back out, like the paragraph says, or they hit a bottom in sobriety and get motivated to take the steps. Not a bad thing. I know a number of folks that have gotten so sick of feeling uncomfortable after a year or so, that they got real busy and got on fire with recovery.
Crzylil, you don't seem to suffer the delusion that everything is just dandy like those folks. You are uncomfortable and struggling and you know it. And, really, that's a good place to be. The right guide and a little foot work will put you in a good place.
Crzylil, you don't seem to suffer the delusion that everything is just dandy like those folks. You are uncomfortable and struggling and you know it. And, really, that's a good place to be. The right guide and a little foot work will put you in a good place.
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Orlando Florida
Posts: 220
Why can't you join them in their drunken revelry (that you feel so left out of) without HAVING to drink yourself? I still occaisonally hang out with my drunken friends (from before I was in recovery) and have a great time without drinking. You need to break that mental association of alcohol=fun, therefore sobriety=misery. That's all backwards. Think about it for a minute. There are lots of people who choose not to drink and are NOT alcoholics. Does that mean they never have any fun? You can still participate in Social Activities, just don't drink at them. Believe me, the drunk people won't care (it leaves more for them). You will be surprised how comfortable you can be in your own skin.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 43
Hey Crzy, we have a lot of surface stuff in common. I too want to drink like a normal person. I can't accept that I can't, I keep thinking something will change that.
But, you have 14 months which is NOTHING to sneeze at! Whatever you're doing, keep doing it! I quit smoking 4 years ago and I still crave a cigarrete now and then. Sometimes I crave one like crazy, sometimes, just a little. Maybe it's like that with drinking too.
But, you have 14 months which is NOTHING to sneeze at! Whatever you're doing, keep doing it! I quit smoking 4 years ago and I still crave a cigarrete now and then. Sometimes I crave one like crazy, sometimes, just a little. Maybe it's like that with drinking too.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: KC MO
Posts: 980
Hello Crzy
Have you ever thought about moving? I know some might say it's just avoiding a problem, but let's face it. You don't want to drink and you look out your window and GRRRRRRR. I can see where this would get VERY annoying.
I also think you should give AA another try. This is coming from me who is getting frustrated with AA. BUT I am a recluse and I am not doing the 12 steps right either.
The last time I was in AA (about 10 years ago) I used to play pitch. (card game). My AA group still plays pitch but I have yet to participate. I always used to love to play pitch when I drank. I can't think of any better therapy and way to break the ice so to speak. I think you and I both need to go to AA and play some pitch
If you don't know how to play you can easily find the rules on the internet plus it ain't that difficult. Give it some thought.
Fred
Have you ever thought about moving? I know some might say it's just avoiding a problem, but let's face it. You don't want to drink and you look out your window and GRRRRRRR. I can see where this would get VERY annoying.
I also think you should give AA another try. This is coming from me who is getting frustrated with AA. BUT I am a recluse and I am not doing the 12 steps right either.
The last time I was in AA (about 10 years ago) I used to play pitch. (card game). My AA group still plays pitch but I have yet to participate. I always used to love to play pitch when I drank. I can't think of any better therapy and way to break the ice so to speak. I think you and I both need to go to AA and play some pitch
If you don't know how to play you can easily find the rules on the internet plus it ain't that difficult. Give it some thought.Fred
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 43
Oh, and Crzy, just a thought...
Are there any women's groups near you? Maybe it would be fun to chill with other like minded people and thumb your noses at the silly drunks next door.
But seriously, if you had some cool chicks to hang out with and talk to (and NOT drink!) how fun would that be!
Are there any women's groups near you? Maybe it would be fun to chill with other like minded people and thumb your noses at the silly drunks next door.
But seriously, if you had some cool chicks to hang out with and talk to (and NOT drink!) how fun would that be!
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