BlueBlue52

Hi,
I was a registered used here but lost my logon and ID so I have re-registered with sober recovery.
I don't see any familiar names like Dan, but here's my story.
I was drinking since I was 15 and drank till age 53. I quit, and after 4 years started up again and now things are worse than ever.
I am drinking daily, about 12 bud lights a day. I don't get sick, but my panic, axiety and severe depression have returned 10 times worse than before.
I can't even get out of bed in the morning but it is not like a hangover. It's total panic and I cannot stop crying.
I need to stop and I want to know if I can just take 10 mg valium every 6 hours at home like they did when I detoxed professionally?
I am scared and uninsured.
Thanks
Joe C.

Freedom1990

Welcome back to SR, Joe. I can completely identify with the anxiety, depression, and panic because I also drank again after 4 years sober. I would cry at the drop of a hat, and I always had this overwhelming sense of impending doom. It was horrible!

I am not qualified to dispense medical advice, but would suggest you consult with your physician on quitting.

For me, I finally drug my sick carcass back up that long flight of stairs to the AA hall, and started over again. Thank God that I did.

kj3880

Welcome Joe! I wasn't here when you were here before, but I still want to welcome you home. I live in MD, your neighboring state. I know there are a lot of good meetings in VA, I've been to some. Are you an AA'er? Can you get to a meeting?

I can't recommend detox meds for you here, but I can tell you that I have a wonderful addictionologist that I see in DC (not too awfully far from you) and I don't use my insurance when I go to him (I have privacy issues at work). It's about a hundred cash a visit, once a month. Could you do something like that? He does prescribe helpful meds, and he does treat alcoholism.

Love,
KJ

BlueBlue52

Thanks to both of you who have replied.
I woud never be able to get up to DC and spend $100 plus gas. I am on disability with very limited income. That's probably the reason why I went to beer again with this miserable economy.
AA never worked for me before and won't now. I have to do this on my own for now....
I do remember when I was a kid and detoxed, it was B12, valium and lots of ptotien, but at this age, I don't know. I don't expect withdrawals....It's only been 2 weeks of beer drinking, but I am feeling like I don't have a purpose to live anymore. Not suicidal, just not feeling like I am worth an damn.

McGowdog

I have nothing to offer you except for good luck and a prayer. I say this because AA is working for me after many failures. Did AA fail me or did I fail it? IDK. I suspect it was me, but another argument for another thread.

Thanks for sharing that. If not AA, then there are some others in here well versed on other recovery methods besides AA. Here's the test. I will tune in to see what's suggested and you please let us know what works and doesn't work for you.

Take care and go well.

Add:

I went to meetings and returned to drinking. I did the program of recovery out of the AA book with a very strong group and drank again.

I may have done that at one point too, but once I heard the AA message out of the book, I could no longer go back to the middle of the road. But that didn't keep me sober either!

I found the right meetings, the best of sponsors... drank again!

If there's one thing I did right in AA, I didn't quit. I kept coming back so much, they stopped saying "Keep coming back!" Or maybe they said, "Keep coming back, except for McGowdog."

Maybe AA is right for this person and maybe it's not.

I personally am glad I was stubborn with AA.

shaun00

hi im sorry to hear of your troubles.

Im interested why you think AA didnt work for you?

or why it woudnt in the future.

im not trying to trip you up here just interested.

you see aa meetings never worked for me either............it was the programme of recovery that halted my continued return to drinking.

i wrongly assumed that if i went to endless meetings id stay sober and happy sober.......

i found the right meetings ...the right sponsor......and started to investigate a new way of living......completely alien to me....but id ran out of options.

thats my experience.........id be interested to hear yours.

god be with you.............trucker

sailorjohn

You might consider trying another method, obviously your plan didn't work either. Good luck.

tommyk

"AA never worked for me before and won't now."

I used to say stuff like that when I was in depression.

Try to stop being your own worst enemy, like I was, and become more open to ideas.

Keep coming back.

bugsworth

I agree with Tommy...don't be your own worst enemy. You can't start over with an attitude of defeat. You had 4 years...you know what it takes and it is well within your control to get it back.

aa is not necessary for sobriety but a plan and a commitment is. The only one that can keep you sober is you...deep down you already know this....if you want it do it.

I wish you luck...stay connected to others it helps.

McGowdog

That's the non-AA stuff I was talking about right there.

It sounds like the first 3 steps to me, minus the need for AA of course;

1) Get where you really "want" to quit for good and all
2) Get off the stuff and do stuff in your life that's positive, fun, happy, spiritual, etc. until your own "will" comes back stronger than your addiction
3) Make that decision to stay stopped and you're over the top.

bugsworth

LOL McGow...minus the powerlessness and the turning your will and life over to a HP.

keithj

Blue,

You sound like exactly the person AA is designed for. I can still recall that overwhelming panic and depression towards the end of my drinking. AA's Big Book talks of the alcoholic knowing lonliness as few do towards those last days.

Your story is why AA is all about changing one's life instead of just stopping drinking. You say it didn't work. Did you take all 12 steps? Continue to practice the principles? Work with others?

Whether or not benzo detox is suitable or recommended is best left to a professional. What we can do is offer a solution after that phase.

Pinkcuda

So you started drinking again after 4 years and AA didn't work. Does that mean you would have started drinking again after 3 years if you had been in AA the whole time?

Gypsy Feet

I thought I would have withdrawals after 28 years of daily drinking, but I didn't. I just quit. No AA, no b12, no meds. I exercise as much as possible (not sure if you are able too with the disability), and I am doing loads of research to help me change my negative thought patterns and begin loving myself enough to stay healthy.

That being said, I also promised myself that if MY way didn't work, I would try AA, rehab, and anything elsetil something stuck.

Good luck

kj3880

My friend, you are now stuck in the "Yeah, but" syndrome.
That's when you ask for help and then shoot everyones' good ideas down with statements that start "Yeah, but..."

If you can't afford $100 for an addictionologist every month, I have to wonder how you could possibly afford the beer and the valium for that month? Let's see...
beer in our area is $10.99 for 12 buds
I'll cut off the 99 cents in case you get a cheaper kind even than bud...and that is:
$10 X 30 days = $300.00
I won't count the cost of valium, because maybe you get an inexpensive generic prescription, and anyway, the addictionologist is probably going to give you a script for something similar, detox meds-wise.
OK, so the addictionologist is $100.00
I did mapquest on your location, Scottsville VA to my docs' door, and the cost was $15.61 worth of gas (figuring an average car) and 2 hours and 56 minutes of driving each way (he is worth the trip, I do it every month)= $31.22 in transportation costs.
So to sum up:
$100+31.22=$131.22
compared to $300 for the beer that you currently consume. My doctor would be saving you $168.78 per month!!! More than enough to cover your time and even get yourself a real nice treat once a month. 2025.36 a year in savings! You could take a nice vacation in your recovery every year.
Recovery=Priceless!

Love
KJ

And we didn't even get into the savings on your liver...your health is your real wealth!

CarolD

Hi Joe....
Most ER doctors know how to de tox people safely.
And ... if you are taking med's for your disabilty
I strongly suggest you go to your local hospital.

If you are receiveing VA or SSI benefits
check your booklet for what is available.

In D.C. the mission at 14th & R NW
is knwledgeable.


Welcome back to SR.....