Getting over the loss?
 

44 days. Been finding the feelings of loss really hard to cope with lately. I have moments where I forget about my new sober life and when I remember that I can't have alcohol ever again I get this horrid sinking, almost nauseating, feeling in my stomach and I feel like life is pointless. When did these grief like feelings start to abate for you, or do you still get them?

Your not alone in ur feelings.

44 days without alcohol is nothing
to sneeze at. So dont sell urself
short. For an alcoholic that is nothing
short of a miracle.

For an alcoholic it has been impossible
for us to not take a drink of alcohol
by our own will power. We are completely
powerless over taking that first drink
with out some sort of help.

I know for me i couldnt stop until
my family stepped in with an inter-
vention and a 28 day rehab program.

There were good times we remember
when we drank. Then over time it
turned on us. It wasnt our friend
anymore. It cause us more pain than
good.

I know for myself that I can never
drink alcohol sucessfully again.

Oh nooooo i said never.....i cant say
never.....i can say however ....i
can never drink alcohol sucessfully
again one day at a time.

Thats all i can handle even today
at 18 yrs sober.

What has kept me sober in the day
is sharing my ESH with you and others
here in SR. Sharing what it was like
before during and after drinking.

When u get out of urself and help
someone else unselfishly then u have
a good chance of staying sober one
more day.

The more u practice this day after day
it will begin to get easier for u.

Just follow the many before u that have
managed to stay sober ODAAT and having
fun doing it.

AH yes!! I remember that feeling well.... that physical response to grief, losing your mistress alcohol and thinking that nothing will ever be fun again. I definitely still experienced those lovely knots in my stomach at 44 days.

I am at 7.5 months... It is better, I can separate myself emotionally from that sense of loss. I don't get the sinking feeling any more... Do those commercials with the cold frosty mugs of beer get to me... Hell Yes. Does it ruin my day, Nope...

I was talking to a member of my AA home group about this grief thing. He said he had a resentment that he couldn't drink anymore early in sobriety... I asked him how he handled it, he said he got angry, very angry... :lmao

I remember a couple of things when I get that grief thing going... I can still do ANYTHING I want to do, except drink. and more importantly... I don't drink, just for today. Tomorrow is another day... Then tomorrow is today, I'll worry about it then.

Do you have a program of recovery, AA or some other group? People whom you can be around that are happy, joyous and free.... and sober? It helps me alot.

Thanx for your post!

Mark

Well done on your sober time.....:hug:

Please read this link for informatioon

Post Acute Withdrawl - Relapse Prevention Specialists - TLC The Living Center

I think most of us need time to adjust
It took me about 2 months to feel back in
balance...mentally and physically.

Good to see you again...:yup:

That link is really interesting. Thanks Carol!

"Often those 30, 60, 90, 120, 180, and 1 & 2-year sobriety dates seem to be "triggering" times for PAW symptoms to increase."

Is that why we have to keep a count of how many days?
Who can advise out there?

At 2 months I was feeling much better as well, but I am also doing some research and work into why I drank. I think my "recovery program", such as it is, is helping get healthier emotionally.

Remeber....try living in the HERE AND NOW.....that is all we have...we can do anything moment by moment. It sounds like talking to your sponsor about this isssue might be a good thing!

i am in the same place, i hold people around me in contempt because they are asking me to stop drinking. as an alcoholic we lash out at the closest person to us and we hold it against them that they are " making " us stop..... we can not see that they are looking out for our best way of life... i am in a very upseting place... the person i am with has been a heavy drinker also.. now, this person has decided to stop, but i did not want to.. so it has been laid on the table that i stop or we are done... a lot of contempt i am feeling for this person right now...

I never think lifelong, its to imcomprehensible for me to grasp. I just think about today

"I think my "recovery program", such as it is, is helping get healthier emotionally."

ugly eyes, could you explain/expand that please? I think I might understand but am not sure. And how are you doing it?

I got over those worries about how I was going to live sober as I took AA's 12 steps. Those thoughts just went away as a became filled with a new sense of direction, purpose, and usefullness.

Maybe a bit of perspective is in order? When I start feeling sorry for myself, I think about everything I have to be grateful for - family, friends, health, job, home, sobriety, etc. I also think about the serious challenges other people are dealing with. For example, my father-in-law is battling cancer; my mother-in-law recently had a heart attack that nearly killed her. And my life is pointless because I can't have a beer?

It also helps to view sobriety as a gift & a blessing rather than think about what I have lost by quitting drinking. My sober life isn’t perfect but it is so much better than those days of active alcoholism.

I think one of the bigger challenges of sobriety is finding ways to live life on life’s terms without alcohol. I can’t drink away my stress, anger, or sadness. I can’t drink to relieve boredom or have fun. In fact, alcohol stopped doing this for me years before I finally quit.

In a way, quitting drinking is just a start. It does get better.

I have this problem too. I guess that's why I won't give it up yet...although today I decided to not drink just for today...

I feel like my social life is so entwined in the alcohol, in fact it's my ONLY social life, that it will be a huge loss. So, I'm losing the alcohol AND the "lifestyle". I guess eventually other things will be more pleasureable.

Thanks guys, helps put things into perspective

I felt exactly like that for longer than I thought I would. It made me really unable to "see the forest for the trees", or to see how much I was gaining by how little really, in the scheme of things, that I was giving up. Whenever I get cloudy and start having romantical thinking about drinking or 'the buzz', I remember exactly where I was, and how much MORE I have now in my life.. The clarity, health, focus, strength, hope.. excitement, ..

But.. that took me a while to get there.

"Free Beer Tomorrow"

oh how i remember that sigh at my old local watering hole!

for you see rs, it was always tomorrow for that sign...

rs, just dont drink today!

Suprisingly, to me anyhow, you're the first person I've heard who's mentioned the feeling when you suddenly realise 'never again'...it was part of the reason i relapsed the second time. Sort of figured, hell if it is never again gimmi' one last score (yep...the famous 'last' score).


I still get those moments...but heard this quote the other day: 'You never get over it, only used to it'. A month ago i'd have thought that was a pretty grim message, but now I am getting used to it, very slowely, and yeah, it has got better. Real slow, but its happenning.

I know if i was near gear i'd not stand a chance, and it took me a long time to admit that, but long as i know i've distance between me and gear then the idea of 'never again' is getting less...well, sickening.

Sometimes its even a relief :emb

All the best, mate :hug: