wiebe

After posting the thread "stopping" awhile back I've received tons of good tips and support and made some solid progess. And I say solid because it is stable. My willpower dissapeared into a bottle of beer years ago, and I don't know how to ask for God's help with this. When I came to these boards my morning shakes made the first can of beer a danger to my teeth. Drinking at the saturation level is extremely hard to break out of. Hence the first post.
On the boards many took the time to post simple tips that I was to drunk to think of myself. Little stuff that doesn't take any willpower. Like in the middle of drinking, just drinking some water without setting a goal, like drinking water for an hour. Just drinking some. Eating seems obvious but in an acoholic haze I forgot that for days at a time. Any bit of food helped and my girlfriend says I've moved from baby portions to adult portions, and I feel the difference. Buying cheaper beer was my own idea, and without any willpower the daily intake was reduced. I buy about half of what I used to, and if I want more, no problem, but I'll get the stuff I don't like so much.
So, after tons of these little changes that by themselves don't really amount to much, a threshold was reached. The point where my body could stand coffee in the morning. First I drank it with a straw, and lately I can get the cup to my mouth. Every morning a little taste of the sobriety that I used to think was normal. Love it.
So, now that the mornings are mine, it's disrupting the habits in the rest of the day with things that don't take any willpower, just desire. Little things like a scenic detour to the store. Making a pot of coffee in the evening. Long showers. Anything that's not in the usual pattern.
One day I'll post 24 hours too, but I'm not there yet. Soon I hope. Special thanks to DonS, Chy, and Moot Point, for the patience in sticking with me on this.
Thanks for all the replies to "stopping".
Wiebe

CarolD

I am so pleased to know you are feeling and doing better.

Hurrah For You!!

:lol

Anna

Congratulations Wiebe! You are doing so very well and seeing changes so very quickly. And it,s true, that one small change can precipitate another change. I remember when I rediscovered that breakfast could be a beautiful meal and I actually looked forward to coffee and whole-wheat toast with honey. You are well on your way and I hope you keep hanging around here and chatting with all the supportive and understanding people you find on this forum. Have a great day.
Love, Anna

PianoGirl

Wiebe,

Good for you! I'm glad you are starting to feel better. I too remember how good it felt to start doing those little things in life that can bring great joy (when you're not drunk), such as (like you mentioned) enjoying food again, or having a morning cup of coffee. It ws so nice to develop a taste for things I once could not enjoy when drinking. Oh yes, remember to drink lots and lots of water, and take your B vitamins while coming off to help your body get back to it's normal balance. That helped me a great deal. I'm very glad for you. Keep up the good work. :clap

PG

MootPoint

Congrats weibe! Breaking your routine is one of the most important things to do! Sounds like you're heading in the right direction.

I got your pics and they are beautiful!

cowboy

From everything I have read being an alcholic has nothing to do with willpower. My Aunt who has been in AA for years says sometimes being an alcoholic is inherited as much as the color of your hair or your eyes. My Grandmother died after being hospitalized for alcoholism. My drinking never got to where I have DTs when I quit. But, I have been watching my own signs and symptoms of a worsening problem for years. Does it mean you are a worse alcoholic than me. Nope. We are both alcoholics. Willpower has nothing to do with it I don't think. I think recognizing that we must admit we have a problem and we must change.
I 'm glad your making progress. I am on day 2 of my journey as a permantly sober person. I love it. I love not having a hangover. I love not feeling guilty.
Hugs.

Chy

First Weibe I want to give you a big cyber hug! I was truly worried about you when you first posted and wasn't and will not give up on you and I believe you will battle this demon.

You HAVE made such great progress, and I know it has not been easy and I know at times I've been harsh. But your still coming back here, your doing it your way and progress is progress!

I know you'll be posting that first 24 hours soon and are we gonna celebrate with the coffee of your choice! (and I'll even bake you a cake!)

Keep reading, keep making those changes and keep posting I'm in your corner on the otherside of the world!

The pics came in great.... I miss Europe so much!

Talk soon my friend!

Chy

Weibe for you!

wiebe

Hi Carol, thanks.
Anna & PG, ya, I think you have to reach a point where you can make a real start at quiting. Drinking 20 1/2 liters a day and not eating leads to the same thing the next day. Breaking out of that cycle is a very critical first step. Like you said, a few small tastes of sobriety create a hunger for more.
Moot, thanks.
Cowboy, heavy point about willpower, and I have to say I don't know. I can only say that when it comes to alcohol I don't have any. I've also learned recently that looking forward to a cup of coffee in the morning is about the same as looking forward to that first beer. I know for a fact that coffee in the morning is a permanant change because I LIKE IT. This is the first major change in the habit and it won't be the last. As for alcoholism being hereditary I have to say I don't care how it's caused, I just want to deal with it effectively. and reading and posting here helps tons.
Hi Chy, thanks for the cyber hug. Trying to figure out how to eat a cyber cake when I post 24 hours. As for Europe, my ex called when I first got back about ten years ago and I was a bit crabby about not being able to buy some bread and milk on a Sunday. I explained that I could legally buy weed, go to a hooker, or buy beer at any gas station, but any merchant selling bread and stuff on Sunday would be fined or imprisoned. She thought I was kidding. You've lived here and know it's true. I miss America.
Wiebe

Anna

Wiebe, I am so impressed with how well you are doing. You are absolutely right, that each little taste of sobriety is something to cherish and build upon. Each thing in your life that you re-discover can lead to wanting more of the wonderful life awaiting all us. You have learned a truly valuable step - that breaking the cycle is crucial. In my case, I tended toward following the same patterns day after day. Obsessive behaviour is often a part of alcoholism, I believe. Breaking that pattern releases you from that cycle and you can being to move ahead. Keep up the good work and keep posting.
Much love,
Anna

Chy

Hi Weibe today you'll make a little more progress! Instead of buying beer today how about a bunch of junk food high in carbs. That should help the physical cravings. As for the mental craving *slaps your hand for taking out your wallet* think of that when you purchase that beer today .... maybe it will sting enough to put it back and go play, read, watch a movie, build a puzzle, ... anything but take a drink. Keep positive, love sobriety, and don't give in if at all possible. You have NO willpower because your an alcoholic Weibe, so don't beat yourself over the willpower thing.

Step 1 We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and our lives had become unmanageable!

YOU'VE ALREADY DONE THE FIRST STEP!

Have a good one and here's some decaff *hugs*

cowboy

Weibe.
I have enjoyed reading this thread. Chy I am drinking my Starbucks house blend decalf! It is yummy. See if I'm not wasting money on booze etc. I can buy the nice coffee!!!
I am on day 2 of my sobriety and what a blessing it is to not have a headache or that fuzzzy brain feeling and I am thinking this afternoon/evening (it is Hot in TX) i will go play with my horses.Since my evenings aren't taken up with the "cocktail hour" any more I can do so much more with my life. What would you do with your evening Weibe if you weren't drunk?
I just want to cheerlead here right now. Weibe you are making progress by admitting there is a problem, and you are powerless over alcohol, and by coming here. Have you printed out the 12 steps from the computer ( I don't have them yet). Lets do it together, if you haven't. I'm going to print them right now.
Hugs

Anna

You are so right to think about things you can do if you are not drinking. Playing with your horses sounds absolutely fantastic. I didn't realize how many great things I had given up while I was drinking that I could do again once I stopped - just simple things like enjoying a movie, reading a lot, hiking. A whole new world opens up once again.
Love, Anna

Don S

Hi, Wiebe,
What a great message to read when I logged on after a week camping! Your progress is phenomenal, and an inspiration to many others lurking here.

I'm going to respectfully disagree with Cowboy and you about willpower. That is exactly what you are developing here. A big part of recovery is forging the tools to reinforce your commitment to sobriety, and making the changes in behavior which result in less (or no!) drinking. That IS willpower. Don't shortchange your own accomplishments.

Perhaps some of this is semantical. I know some in AA will disagree with what I'm saying, and perhaps we can come up with a more inclusive way of saying this. Maybe you derive the willpower from a higher power, or the group gives you the confidence or support you need to achieve it. I believe it comes from within yourself.

Yes, there is evidence of a genetic predisposition to alcohol abuse, but YOU ARE NOT A STATISTIC. My mother firmly believes that "alcoholism runs in our family." Learning about how drugs work in our brain, and the possibility of a hereditary basis, can be useful information--as long as we don't use it to give ourselves permission to drink!

Some people have been shown to be demographically more vulnerable to alcohol abuse. One sex has less enzyme in the stomach, making those individuals more affected by alcohol. Some families seem to have lots of alcohol use--whether that means the predisposition is hereditary or environmental is anyone's guess. I do know that dealing with the situations of family use can be one of our first challenges in sobriety! My dad, for example, doesn't think that sobriety includes wine.

So, I couldn't sell plants at my nursery on Sunday? We used to have laws like that here ("blue laws") but they disappeared state by state as merchants complained.

Good to hear from you....keep cutting it back!
Don S

wiebe

Hi there, this morning was another first in many years. Waking up with a fridge full of beer I grabbed one, purely out of reflex. Halfway through it my girlfriend woke up and made a pot of coffee, and I spent the next few hours drinking coffee with the fridge full of beer. Later, I did grab a few and then my ex son in law came by and we both had some coffee, to begin with. The point is that all these habits can be changed without force of will. Piece by piece, chunk by chunk. A few minutes of drinking water eventually turns into a couple of hours of happily drinking coffee.
Don S, the biggest chunk of my little homemade program came from your posts. And Anna, ya, the mornings are good, and I don"t have to force myself, I just like it.
Thanks for posting,
Wiebe

Chy

Hoping the fridge is still full of beer! Your doing better each day, so proud of you!
Keep making those changes and have a good week!

Chy

Don hope your camping trip was relaxing and enjoyable, glad to have you back, we missed you!

wiebe

Thanks Chy. It's occured to me that all that's really left of this habit is the purely physical part. Tommorow I'll call my doctor and this time I'll push him till he actually prescribes something. There's got to be something to calm the shaking & sleeplessness. Isn't there? These days they have medicines for almost everything, there's got to be something for this. Will find out tommorow.
Wiebe

Chy

Weibe,

It seems to me your begining to detox, but it's taking longer for you because your still consuming a bit. Once you stop all together you'll have probably 3 bad days. Make sure you talk to your doctor, your taking all the right steps, I'm glad your going to see the doctor because as mentioned before going through the withdrawls can be dangerous. I know the quick fix is to take something else to relieve your physical discomfort and I don't wish what your going through on anyone, but in my opinion it's best not to go from one drug to another. The sleeplessness as miserable as it is won't kill you it's the drinking that will.

Good luck at the Doctor and let us know how it goes.

PianoGirl

Hi Wiebe,

In my opinion (having worked for doctors for 7 years), there's nothing wrong with taking a sedative during detox, as long as it'd prescribed by your doctor. I agree with Chy, staying free of those meds is always best, but had I not had any sedatives during my detox I would have died (literally). Since you have such a heavy alcohol use, you may need something for the first few days you decide to go off completely, just to stay safe from DT's and such. I went through mild DT's even ON meds (Valium), and couldn't have got through it without something. Again though, I had really bad withdrawal symptoms. Doctors will usually prescribe some type of sedative for heavy drinkers coming off alcohol. If you're a lighter drinker they may not. It's really the safest way for heavy drinkers - cos ya never know. After a few days of being without it, things will get better and you can come off the meds. That's what I did. It's just those first few days that really really suck.

Wishing you the very best in your recovery. And stay strong. It gets better. Keep us posted.

PG