Jhana

Hi Weibe,

Good to see your post, and you are right, you have 7 days out of the last eight. That is like money in the bank! Looked for you at 6 AM this morning (yes I do get up early) and glad to see you are here now,

Gianna

wiebe

Hi gianna, at 6 AM your time I was having lunch with an ex business partner. He hadn't seen me sober in a long. long time and he remarked that this lunch was just like old times. He was really happy. I'm posting for the second time today because I have a question for you or Chy or 51 Anna. I'm reading the BB and I understand up to the part about an inventory of charachter flaws, which I can do easily, I have no shortage of those. The next parts I have trouble understanding. Writing down the wrongs done to people and making a plan to make amends. Does this mean wrongs done to people because of alcohol? There's lots of things I wish I wouldn't have done, but in the last 7 years since I started drinking heavily I've pretty well done just that, drink heavily. I can't make much of a list from this period. About the only person I owe money to on a personal basis is the guy I had lunch with today, and since he's a millionaire now I'm sure he's not losing any sleep over it. The BB says you can't stay sober without resolving these issues, so I hope someone out there can explain what is meant here.
Thanks
Wiebe

Chy

Well Weibe first let me ask if your reading the steps in anticipation of working them or actually trying to work them. If your trying to work them let's back it up first. Let me tell you what I have done as suggested and guided by my sponser.

For each step it was necessary to read the 12X12 book. It's a small book that expands on the lessons and understanding of each step.

For example I had to have read the first 164 pages of the BB. Making notes and writing down questions.

Then I had to read step one in the 12x12 make notes write down questions, and then journal my thoughts and feelings of this step and fianlly read the chapter outloud with my sponser and then discussed what I had written. Once she felt I did have an understanding she allowed me to move on.

This is what I have done for each step and I am in the middle of step 4 now. It's very important to put it to paper because it is tangible in front of you and when you go round two, 3, 4 ... on your steps ( you always will be working them, when finished start over) you can see what you left out, not intentionally of course and see how you have grown in your sobriety. I can't impress on you to take it slow, I've seen a lot of people come in the rooms, they are there for 30 days, announce they completed the steps and are all "healed". ( You know we will never be healed of this, don't you?). I've seen many relapse because they hurried through the steps and weren't thourough the first time around. So take it slow.

Now back to your question, I know people do it diffrently, on pg. 64 ( I think) it explains how it is done on the 4th step. I think this is how the majority of people work this step, I know this is not how my sponser is going to have me do it. See, I am writing my autobiography as my 4th step, then when done I can go back and use it for my 5th step to discuss with my sponser all my "defects of character" whom I have harmed, had resentments toward, who I couldn't get along with , whom I had hurt, etc. attached to each of these you will see an emotion fear, anger, resentment.. etc. and yes it is to include all you have wronged sober or not. Because our alcoholic minds caused the wrongs in our lives. We are learning to adjust our thinking as well as our behavior. Don't worry if you forget somebody or something the first time, you can always go back! Just remain honest and completly thourough to the best of your ability the first time around.

Every day I practice 1-3 and review quickly each day as described on pg 83 (about meditation) I don't have my book with me here at work so I may be off a page on these.

I can't stress enough the importance of writing out each step. You really need to have a man as a sponser otherwise I'd offer to help you with your journaling more in detail. But I was thinking if Don was willing he'd be an excellant candidate to help you work these steps via online. Why don't you ask? If he is not able I can suggest a couple of other gentlemen here. It's hard enough to work the steps alone, but I think it can be done online via email to each other, you really need that extra support as you work the steps and Don knows you so to speak, and you seem to relate well with him.

Well Weib, that's how I do it, others may have a better suggestion for you, and talk to Don. Hope it helps!

wiebe

Hi Chy, The question was in anticipation of working them. Wow Chy, I had no idea how thouroughly the BB was worked. You did answer my question, and now I can read further tommorow. You know how when you order a do it self cabinet or something, it makes sense to read through and understand the manual first before starting on the project? This is what I'm doing at the moment. Sober and slowly. Yes, I'll definitely ask for help once it's time. Thanks for answering my question in so much detail. I'll read it again in the morning to make sure I got all of it.
Thanks
Wiebe

Jhana

Hi Weibe,

Not much time for a real reply to your question (I'll write tonight) but you will have your hands full with Step One. You have the rest of your life to do (and continue to do) the others. AA is a program of spiritual growth, and no one is ever finished, so don't worry yourself with thinking you have to do all the steps immediately. Use the literature of the program for now to stengthen your resolve to stay sober. Any way it does that is fine...as long as the seeming complexity does not scare you away from the simple enjoyment and wonder of each day you spend sober.

My thoughts are with you, and thank you for helping me today,
Gianna

wiebe

Hi again Chy, just read your post again. It gave me a whole new ubderstanding of how AA works. I thought it was learn the book, understand it, and then go to meetings. Your description is more that of a way of life and constantly redoing the steps, with as goal I imagine, to acheive a better understanding each time. I'll keep reading. It's a bit hard to concentrate on anything these first sober days. Day 3 now.
Gianna, sounds good, and the complexity doesn't scare me, living drunk again does. If a comprehensive daily program is needed to start really living again, okay then.
Thanks for the posts,
Wiebe

Jhana

Hi Weibe,

Sounds like Chy and others will give you a lot of help with AA; I am sure there are online study groups for the steps-does anyone have that info?

The program of AA is definitely a guide for living, not just living sober, and I use what I have learned there in 20 years of meetings constantly. Clearly, it is also time for me to redo the steps with a sponsor, beginning with the all-important step one, which I forgot, or didn't believe, or didn't want to believe. Powerless over something? How annoying.

It is, of course, Sept. 11th, and the reminder of that day 2 years ago is with all of us. Often in the last two years, as I again fell into a morass of self-pity, what has gotten me moving is the thought that any one of those people who went to work and died that day, would gladly have alcoholism as their problem if it meant they could live again. And yet, we alcoholics try so wantonly to obliviate ourselves. I hope I never forget this time that I am an alcoholic, and that as soon as I take that first drink I am no longer a factor in controlling my actions; my (negative) higher power is in control.


gianna