wiebe

Thanks for all the support! It's 11:00 p.m. here now, so tomorrow morning will be about 30 hours, and right now it's 24 already. The shakes have stopped completely and asides from feeling a bit uptight, it's fine. If the sleeping works even a little bit I don't really expect a problem tommorow. My ex son in law just called, and he's walking around his building cause he also has the no beer restlessness. I feel good. My g/f and I were so happy about getting the house I thought the perfect way to celebrate would be by not drinking. I also have to admit that after all this time on these boards I wanted to post a milestone like 24 hrs. The first full day in many years. The support here has been great and the tips made it possible to get to this stage. Most of the tips were common sense stuff, but in the haze the only thought is drinking. Everytime I read and implimented something, I wondered why I didn't think of that myself, but I just didn't.
Thanks for the help,
Wiebe

MootPoint

24 hours!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Way to go, Weibe! Don't in any way sell yourself short. This is your hard work and your acheivement. Now, all you have to think about is the next 24 hours, or even the next hour!



I can hardly wait until I hear that you've made 30 hours!

Chy

You go Jsh! Hang in there be strong, keep busy... and think about a program.

wiebe

Thanks Moot. Chy, Today we made it through the beer department in the store for the first time ever. It's amazing how automatically the cart goes in that direction, luckily you can steer them. It also helps to have a little hand on the front pulling it along.
All of you have a good weekend.
Wiebe

MootPoint

Big Congrats Weibe! You are coming so far along.

How many hours are you now?

wiebe

Hi Moot, I made it to about 60 hours, which is a first for me in many years. Heavy stuff to consider, and heavy thoughts over the drunken years. Still a lot of work needed to get to the staying sober part. After the right preparation the next time will be a lot longer.
Thanks for the post,
Wiebe

MootPoint

60 hours is longer than you have ever made it before! Plan some more and try again

Don S

Hi, Wiebe,
That is a huge accomplishment. 60 hours got you through the most common physical discomforts, and now you know what to expect. For me, 72 hours marked the end of the physical symptoms and the beginning of what I call the "psychological" symptoms, and your comment about the heavy stuff and thoughts is right in that category.

Obviously one of the effects of drinking is suppression of some of the things we're anxious and depressed about, and suddenly they are right there in the foreground--on top of our restlessness and irritability from blood sugar and diet changes.

We can talk about those soon....but don't forget to congratulate yourself on what you've done here!
Don S

Anna

Great work Wiebe. You know you can do it now. I think Don is right - that as the physical symptoms subside, the emotional stuff leaps up in front of us. That can be hard to take, and that's what we're all here for. Lean on us.

Love, Anna

Chy

You be strong my friend. I am not quite sure if after 60 hours you drank or this 60 is just a first. Whatever the case, you keep doing what your doing to get you to one more day then the last.

Like Don said a while back this love affair needs to end... say a fond farwell and a firm goodbye.

wiebe

Hi Chy, the 60 hrs was the point where the lack of sleep and restlessness were becoming uncomfortable, so before it turned into a test of will I went to the store and bought an even smaller amount than in recent times and got some sleep. The coffee in the morning just feels normal now, and this habit can be maintained effortlessly. Seems to me the rest of the day and evening can become like that too, without fighting, just choosing new habits a piece at a time until it just feels natural to be sober. I feel that a massive change all at once could turn into a massive relapse, and doing it gradually like this just feels like the right way. Reading and posting here makes a huge difference. Don, yesterday afternoon we were drinking coffee and my ex son in law asks for a cup, and so I walk over to the fridge. Drink = fridge. Powerfull and mostly unnoticed these little underlying subconscious thought patterns.
Thanks for posting,
Wiebe

Chy

Webie you know yourself beter then anyone. If you think this approach is better for you then by all means. You'll know when your ready to say that firm goodbye, which is inevitable if you choose long term, life altering sobriety. The changes you are making are good, the test of will is a battle you can overcome, this takes work. The uncomfortable antsy feelings and restlessness are part of recovery. I think I lost 5lb walking around the house feeling restless, opening and closing the fridge, sittin at my drinking spot in the dining room guzzling water without satisfaction and nothing but uneasy feelings as it didn't feel natural to sit there without my beer and cigg's. I overcame those little habits and so can you, it's called recovery. Keep stepping forward and try another 24! We care about you and you'll beat this thing if you so choose!

wiebe

Hi Chy, Thanks. I did try the willpower thing many times and failed. This time I want to break the problem down into it's component parts and go a piece at a time. Like, how much is just pure habit, how much is physical addiction, and how much is the purely mental "need" for the stuff? 60 hrs. has taught me a lot and I plan to use it.
Thanks for the posts,
Wiebe

Chy

All of the above combined. It's pure addiction no matter how many parts you break it into. I don't understand this logic, but if it's working you towards sobriety by all means, go for it, maybe you can teach me something new.

I hope you eventually get to just quit, don't question, sweat it out,until it gets better one day at a time. Your holding on to a security blanket so to speak, I understand this phase, all in do time. You'll quit when ready, no need to over analyze it.

Don S

Hi, Wiebe and Chy,

I agree. I think those are all components of what we call addiction.

The physical part is what it does to your body. With opiates I guess that's the important part, but with alcohol perhaps less so.

Habit is the behavior, and simple changes in lifestyle and our daily, weekly, or seasonal cycles can play a huge role in how readily we quit. What do you do at the end of the work day? How do you celebrate holidays? And so on. Very common topics on forum boards, because these are the common "little" triggers.

The mental need for the substance is where our emotions and beliefs come into play. Just the word "need" implies an irrational belief--one which can be overcome. You can live without it, so it isn't truly a need.

It's pretty easy to quit--that's just dealing with the physical stuff. Many people find that quitting is easier than they expected it to be--uncomfortable, perhaps, but not intolerable.

It's not too hard to change our daily routine, and the people around us can help with that.

But in my opinion, if you don't deal with the underlying emotions and change the beliefs that motivate your drinking in the first place, you are likely to return to those beliefs and that behavior. If you still feel that you "need" alcohol, but are just holding it in abeyance, then at some point you (I'm using "you" generically here, not referring to either Wiebe or Chy specifically) may find that the reasons you "need" it are intense for some reason--some specific emotional upset, or because "everyone" around you is having fun drinking (often not true, but a common belief), or some other belief that supports that need. Once you believe that it is a preference, you can do without it.

That's why I keep asking what benefit you perceive from drinking, because that is what motivates the first drink.

You've been through the physical part now, so you know what to expect. You have the tools in place, and the support of those around you. You're about to make a big life change as you move, so perhaps that can become a lifestyle change as well. Certainly you will have plenty to occupy your time!

I'd take a look at the drinking you did after 60 hours. How did it begin again? What could you do to prevent that next time? Patience, practice, and persistence will get you there, and we're all cheering you on!

Talk to you soon, and thanks for your daily posts Wiebe.
Don S

cowboy

Don,
I have been asking this very question myself. I have been sober since aug.21,2003 and think there was a definite emotional reason for my use of alcohol. There were times when I drank hard because of anger or emotional exhaustion. I have a very stressful job in the medical field (there is a high rate of drug & alcohol abuse in this line of work)
Quiting has forced me into dealing with some feelings that i didn't want to deal with and am not sure how these feelings will resolve.I think some of my drinking habits were formed because I grew up in a home where that is what mom & dad did after work. They didn't get raving drunk or anything, but they have the "cocktail hour" thing. I am not sure if I am really getting to the bottom of it or not.
But, I do know I am glad to not be using alcohol right now. When I think about never ever again it is hard sometimes because alcohol is so pervasive, but I think one day at a time and i think of my sober friends and i would rather hang with them than be drunk and having a headache everymorning and that nasty smell on your skin the next day yuk!
Hugs,
Weibe how is it going? Are you sober today.?Chy I want to thank you too for all your encouraging words!

Chy

So glad to hear your doing well cowboy. I know it takes some work and yes we have to work through some feelings and emotions we would rather leave buried, and some of us just don't know the cause, like me, I'm still working on that and hope I can get some answers as I work with my sponser.

Regardless, sober is so much better! Keep up the good work, your doing awesome!

wiebe

Hi Chy, I suppose that compartmentalizing the problem doesn't help with the final quitting and I'm taking another run at that right now. We'll go to the store soon and this will be the second time we'll go and come back without beer. Breaking the problem into parts was absolutely neccesary to break out of the cycle of drinking so much that quitting is dangerous. And, you're right, now it's down to just sweating it out a bit.
Don, like you said, (at this point) the physical discomfort is minor. I just drank a pot of coffee and I'm not even shaking. Now it's getting used to being sober, which still feels weird. If the sleeping works a bit then who knows how long it will be this time. I'm just concentrating on today right now. My ex son in law is still off the stuff.
Cowboy, sounds like you're doing fantastic, congradulations. As for the emotional "need" you mentioned, in my case that's clear as day to me, but how I would have dealt with the situation would have been very different if I had been sober, but I only saw that after a couple of days of being sober last week. Alcohol creates it's own need. A couple of years ago both my kids were on Speed with all the sreaming, fighting, broken glass and holes in the walls that go with that. My son turns 19 today, and three years ago on his 16th he was arrested for armed robbery after his birthday party. A few months after his release he he was arrested again for beating some guy half to death. More than half, he was in a comma for days. He is 6'6" tall and has an extremely violent sort of ADHD. He and his friends are all Neo skinheads these days. Sending these people home used to be a fulltime job. You can imagine the wonderfull feeling in our house in those years. The situation has changed but there's still a lot of shell shock left over. Had I been sober I would have dealt with this a lot differently, but since I was drunk, more booze seemed to be the only solution. Lots to work on.
Thanks for the posts,
Wiebe

Jhana

Hi Wiebe,

Hang in there-you seem to be a source of inspiration for all. As I begin day 3 I couldn't be more grateful. To get a complete night's sleep without waking up with an alcohol-induced anxiety attack is a great gift of sobriety. My life, thank goodness, is in pretty good shape, but that is only due to the 13 years sobriety I had before the slipping and sliding of the last 4. You have your hands full with difficulty, but there are also amazing gifts from the suffering we have all done. Your empathy with problems of others will be one special thing you (and the people who benefit from your insight and compassion) will come to value if you can stay sober.

You have helped me already today,
Gianna

Don S

What a great post, Gianna! I love to start my morning reading about successes like yours.

Congratulations on three days. Remember, that 72 hour milestone is real important physiologically, because the "worst" of the physical part is done. Now you--like Wiebe--will mostly be looking at the psychological aspects of quitting--mainly facing the things you were numbing by drinking.

See, Wiebe? You've got dozens of lurkers out there gaining strength from your progress. Think of the responsibility! :-) Seriously, I think you've identified that coping with stress was a major reason you were drinking, which of course is true of many, many people.

Your post seems to indicate that the stress factors are waning, but the habit remained. Finding more effective ways of dealing with the stress--better communication with your son, internal mechanisms for combatting the anxiety that stress produces, or whatever else works for you--will help to remove those triggers. I've got a 15 year-old boy, and I'm thankful every day that he's not going in the direction you're describing. We don't cause it, but we sure have to be nimble as we figure out how to deal with those things. Mine was cutting himself and showing serious anxiety. My quitting drinking was hugely important to his emotional well-being.

Recognizing and planning for those urges is one of the keys to successful sobriety. This is why I believe that each person's approach to sobriety is individual, and that no one program or set of rules fits everyone. Any program can help you with techniques for quitting, but you have your own set of beliefs and "issues" to deal with, and people differ in how they effectively manage those. Some prefer group support, talking, emotional catharsis, etc.; some find counseling helpful. Others prefer to deal with those things on our own. Neither approach is better or worse; what matters is what works for you or me.

So, when you drink now, when and why does it begin? That's what I'd focus on as you approach another shot at abstinence, and don't forget to congratulate yourself on how much you've reduced your intake.

Congratulations to both of you, and thanks for posting.

Don S