It doesn't stop at just not drinking.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Bellingham, Wa.
Posts: 73
It doesn't stop at just not drinking.
Why is the 12 steps So important? I know I asked this before, but I'm confused still. As an alcoholic, I noticed that not drinking is not enough, I'm still unhappy, and I don't think, it seems, like the average person, like I'm unfinished. I know there's a lot more to it, and I assume that means the 12 steps, is that right? Can I really change inside?? from that?? I mean I thought I was ready 15 years ago when I was in rehab, even though I didn't follow the steps faithfully. And also 9 years ago in a second rehab. I fooled myself. Im starting AA again, but I don't want to fool myself again. Is the 12 steps suppose to help me change something that only addicts suffer from, about their behavior?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Dreaming Summer
Posts: 821
I don't think it's only addicts/alkies who suffer from behavior and thinking problems.We maybe respond differently to them.The drinking is a symptom of deeper troubles.The steps address these issues in a way that brings about an awakening,and a fundamental change in many individuals.
Go to the AA forum.Read the steps and the promises in the Power Posts.Making a real effort at working the steps will lead to the promises coming true for you.Check it out...k?
phoenix
Go to the AA forum.Read the steps and the promises in the Power Posts.Making a real effort at working the steps will lead to the promises coming true for you.Check it out...k?
phoenix
It is what it is!!!
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Sobriety
Posts: 5,767
Well....First I personally think that non-addicts could also benefit from the 12 steps.
For me, the steps help me to let go of alot of stuff that I have been carrying around with me for years. Resentments for others, feelings of self worth, feeling less than...the list goes on and on.
The steps help me not only to let go of that crap but they help to learn who I am, who I want to be, the kind of person I want to be. Working the steps helps me to understand that I am not alone in the world, I have an HP of my understanding that wants me to be happy and serene.
You said you fooled yourself both times in rehab not following the steps faithfully. So this time, what do you have to lose? Give the steps a try. Get a sponsor and follow that persons direction and see what happens.
Working the steps for me is a release of pain and heartache that I have held onto for years. The release of feelings that I used drugs and drinking to numb.
For me, the steps help me to let go of alot of stuff that I have been carrying around with me for years. Resentments for others, feelings of self worth, feeling less than...the list goes on and on.
The steps help me not only to let go of that crap but they help to learn who I am, who I want to be, the kind of person I want to be. Working the steps helps me to understand that I am not alone in the world, I have an HP of my understanding that wants me to be happy and serene.
You said you fooled yourself both times in rehab not following the steps faithfully. So this time, what do you have to lose? Give the steps a try. Get a sponsor and follow that persons direction and see what happens.
Working the steps for me is a release of pain and heartache that I have held onto for years. The release of feelings that I used drugs and drinking to numb.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Arizona
Posts: 872
As my sponsor says...
Drinking is just a condition of my thinking and living.
The Twelve Steps is a program for living. For me, I am taking it nice and slow. It helps me to think of the 12 Steps like this:
Step 1 is the Problem -- we are powerless and our life is unmanageable
Step 2 is the Solution -- the "Power" greater than ourselves
These two steps are "mental," there is no action required, just a decision and awareness on our part (just my opinion for my program).
Steps 3-12 are the Plan of Action.
And don't forget that the Big Book is the User's Guide!!!! Get a Sponsor, and work at your pace.
Not Easy, but Simple. I am a "newcomer," but hopefully I helped shed a little light on how I view the program.
Thanks for letting me share,
Ken
The Twelve Steps is a program for living. For me, I am taking it nice and slow. It helps me to think of the 12 Steps like this:
Step 1 is the Problem -- we are powerless and our life is unmanageable
Step 2 is the Solution -- the "Power" greater than ourselves
These two steps are "mental," there is no action required, just a decision and awareness on our part (just my opinion for my program).
Steps 3-12 are the Plan of Action.
And don't forget that the Big Book is the User's Guide!!!! Get a Sponsor, and work at your pace.
Not Easy, but Simple. I am a "newcomer," but hopefully I helped shed a little light on how I view the program.
Thanks for letting me share,
Ken
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Bellingham, Wa.
Posts: 73
That really makes things a lot clearer!!
Thank you for that.
And Paulie, I really like your little saying at the bottom of your reply.
I feel like I'm struggling with keeping the courage, I want to believe that I can really change, but I'm having a hard time with believing. It does feel different now than it ever did before. Like I'm really hearing what everyone is saying now and how I can relate.
How would I know if I'm ready to face reality??Do I just keep going as much as
I can and listening, does it come natural after a while. I am so clueless right now. How can I trust that I will change, if I don't trust myself? Is that when H.P. comes in?
Sorry, so many questions. I went to my 2nd meeting today, and I want to get past forcing myself to go and start wanting to go.
Thank you for that.
And Paulie, I really like your little saying at the bottom of your reply.
I feel like I'm struggling with keeping the courage, I want to believe that I can really change, but I'm having a hard time with believing. It does feel different now than it ever did before. Like I'm really hearing what everyone is saying now and how I can relate.
How would I know if I'm ready to face reality??Do I just keep going as much as
I can and listening, does it come natural after a while. I am so clueless right now. How can I trust that I will change, if I don't trust myself? Is that when H.P. comes in?
Sorry, so many questions. I went to my 2nd meeting today, and I want to get past forcing myself to go and start wanting to go.
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
Hi Nors,
Hope all is getting better! So glad you made it to your second meeting. It takes time to get used to this whole AA thing my friend. I had many mixed emotions when begining. I didn't do much with the steps the first few weeks, just listened. I've been working or rather procrastinating on finishing my fourth step, but have been burning the candle at both ends and now sick.
Anyway, it's my understanding as you work the steps with rigourous honesty you will begin to have light bulb moments to help you maintain sobriety. You will discover things about yourself when you give it 100 %. Sometimes it's not fun nor do we want to visit particlular places in our lives. I believe in giving it a try if it truly works. So far it has for me and I'm not going to question it, just be grateful.
I found myself in some nasty funks at the begining, because I didn't have anyone to guide me. Think about getting a sponser, and remember the 12 steps are the suggested steps, you have some flexibility there!
You'll know when your ready to face reality, yes keep going, we were all clueless in the begining and trust and believe in yourself you will change and yes you need that HP to help you whatever or whomever you decide it to be. I'm proud of you! Keep going back!
Hope all is getting better! So glad you made it to your second meeting. It takes time to get used to this whole AA thing my friend. I had many mixed emotions when begining. I didn't do much with the steps the first few weeks, just listened. I've been working or rather procrastinating on finishing my fourth step, but have been burning the candle at both ends and now sick.
Anyway, it's my understanding as you work the steps with rigourous honesty you will begin to have light bulb moments to help you maintain sobriety. You will discover things about yourself when you give it 100 %. Sometimes it's not fun nor do we want to visit particlular places in our lives. I believe in giving it a try if it truly works. So far it has for me and I'm not going to question it, just be grateful.
I found myself in some nasty funks at the begining, because I didn't have anyone to guide me. Think about getting a sponser, and remember the 12 steps are the suggested steps, you have some flexibility there!
You'll know when your ready to face reality, yes keep going, we were all clueless in the begining and trust and believe in yourself you will change and yes you need that HP to help you whatever or whomever you decide it to be. I'm proud of you! Keep going back!
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Posts: n/a
I came into the program to stop drinking, I stay in the program to learn how to live.
I know exactly how you feel Nors. The program, the steps, help us learn how to live and to function, because many of us lost the ability while staying drunk. In some cases it wasn't lost, it simply never was.
Getting a sponser, and getting involved helps too.
Just "stopping" was never enough for me, and if I didn't continue to work on my recovery, I drank again.
Hang in there, it will get better!
I know exactly how you feel Nors. The program, the steps, help us learn how to live and to function, because many of us lost the ability while staying drunk. In some cases it wasn't lost, it simply never was.
Getting a sponser, and getting involved helps too.
Just "stopping" was never enough for me, and if I didn't continue to work on my recovery, I drank again.
Hang in there, it will get better!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Australia
Posts: 610
Hi Nors,
I too thought that I couldn't possibly change because I simply didn't know any other way. The way I was thinking was the same old thinking so I only ever saw the same old results. The idea that I could change my attitude was beyond my comprehension because I'd only known my old ways of coping.
The steps have helped me to clear out the junk that clutters my mind and start being who I really am, underneath it all, with the guidance of some basic principles and values. I can choose who I want to be today instead of just reacting out of habit.
I too thought that I couldn't possibly change because I simply didn't know any other way. The way I was thinking was the same old thinking so I only ever saw the same old results. The idea that I could change my attitude was beyond my comprehension because I'd only known my old ways of coping.
The steps have helped me to clear out the junk that clutters my mind and start being who I really am, underneath it all, with the guidance of some basic principles and values. I can choose who I want to be today instead of just reacting out of habit.
learning
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Where I need to be
Posts: 310
Action -> Motivation
Hi Nors,
Before I had any success in personal growth and improvement, I had to believe in my abilities to do so. I understand that this can be very hard at times and that self-doubt can be rather debilitating. I got some advice on another message board from a person named Markey that really helps me with this. We as rational individuals often feel that to achieve some self-improvement, we must first be motivated to do so. Interestingly enough, the opposite is often true. What I did was I made a list and a mental picture of the type of person I desire to be. I then wrote down a course of action for how I was to become this type of person (for you this sounds like the 12 steps). What I realized is that even if I was not confident and motivated to work on self-improvement, just by following my defined course of action, I felt better about myself and increased my motivation. We call this Action leading to motivation.
Hang in there, don’t be hard on yourself, and keep at it. Life is full of ups and downs and I wish you a WHOLE BUNCHA ups.
Before I had any success in personal growth and improvement, I had to believe in my abilities to do so. I understand that this can be very hard at times and that self-doubt can be rather debilitating. I got some advice on another message board from a person named Markey that really helps me with this. We as rational individuals often feel that to achieve some self-improvement, we must first be motivated to do so. Interestingly enough, the opposite is often true. What I did was I made a list and a mental picture of the type of person I desire to be. I then wrote down a course of action for how I was to become this type of person (for you this sounds like the 12 steps). What I realized is that even if I was not confident and motivated to work on self-improvement, just by following my defined course of action, I felt better about myself and increased my motivation. We call this Action leading to motivation.
Hang in there, don’t be hard on yourself, and keep at it. Life is full of ups and downs and I wish you a WHOLE BUNCHA ups.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Bellingham, Wa.
Posts: 73
Thanks again!
I was going to go to a cd womans meeting today. Its at 10 am m-f, but keep sleeping in. I know, excuses, excuses.
I plan to buy the Big Book and 12 step book, and looking through it again. Hopefully, I can see it differently than before and take it in.
Some of the steps seem impossible to me. The one about making amends to people I hurt. I don't live in the same place I use to live.
Plus, I'm leaving this state by Nov. and moving back to Washington. Im afraid that I may really like some people for the first time in reality, then I have to leave, and I may not get it back. Good things don't seem to last too long with me. Hope I'm not sounding too winey
Thanks! ( Hi Chy!)
I was going to go to a cd womans meeting today. Its at 10 am m-f, but keep sleeping in. I know, excuses, excuses.
I plan to buy the Big Book and 12 step book, and looking through it again. Hopefully, I can see it differently than before and take it in.
Some of the steps seem impossible to me. The one about making amends to people I hurt. I don't live in the same place I use to live.
Plus, I'm leaving this state by Nov. and moving back to Washington. Im afraid that I may really like some people for the first time in reality, then I have to leave, and I may not get it back. Good things don't seem to last too long with me. Hope I'm not sounding too winey
Thanks! ( Hi Chy!)
learning
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Where I need to be
Posts: 310
Good things don't seem to last too long with me. Hope I'm not sounding too winey
Seriously though, you just spelled out some things that you want to accomplish. How would you feel if you didn’t sleep in, bought those books and spent some productive time reading? Never underestimate the power that a small victory can have in building up your self-esteem. The good things that happen to you will last a whole lot longer if you proactively take some steps to make them happen
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Bellingham, Wa.
Posts: 73
I am tired of not doing the right thing.
I know I'd be really glad that I go and make things happen. I just feel so tired all the time, I'm sure it may be mental. My mind seems to have a way of working against me, using my body as well. I know I let it.
Sorry for all the negativity
I don't know. The first meeting was great. The 2nd meeting different. Same people, just not as many. I got a lot of attention the first time, but the 2nd time I felt a lot more alone, and I felt like an odd ball again. Then this guy was asking me about what happens when I drank, did I get all out of control and all that. I guess afterwards I felt embarassed about it, cuz he was a stranger. Almost like he wanted to hear something perverted.
Thanks.
I know I'd be really glad that I go and make things happen. I just feel so tired all the time, I'm sure it may be mental. My mind seems to have a way of working against me, using my body as well. I know I let it.
Sorry for all the negativity
I don't know. The first meeting was great. The 2nd meeting different. Same people, just not as many. I got a lot of attention the first time, but the 2nd time I felt a lot more alone, and I felt like an odd ball again. Then this guy was asking me about what happens when I drank, did I get all out of control and all that. I guess afterwards I felt embarassed about it, cuz he was a stranger. Almost like he wanted to hear something perverted.
Thanks.
learning
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Where I need to be
Posts: 310
Nors,
Let me first say that I do not go to AA meetings so I am completely unqualified to give you any advice about them. I do know several people who either go to them, or used to go to them, and one thing they always say is that AA meetings are like anything else in life. You might have to keep going to different meetings until you find a group you like.
Here is a link for AA in Atlanta:
http://www.atlantaaa.org/meetings.html
The recovery technique I use requires some self-awareness and cognitive techniques to dispute and deal with ones thought processes.
From that above statement, you have the self-awareness down. You see that if you accomplished some of your goals, that you would be happy. You also recognize that your own thoughts work against you in accomplishing those goals. What may or may not prove helpful is to dispute those thought processes rationally. Does your mind actually work against you on it’s own? Does your mind have the ability to make your body react a certain way without your consent? Maybe if you accomplished some of these goals, despite yourself, you would gain some much-needed energy. Maybe you need to set some different goals that you would be more excited about and hence have more motivation and energy to accomplish.
But hey, isn’t this stuff all really fun to try to figure out?
Hang in there. If you set out to accomplish something positive, and with your best effort you only accomplish 25% of what you set out to, you are still in 25% of a better place as the direct result of your own effort. Self-improvement is not something that is possible to fail at. You either take action to do it or you don’t. The best part is, each time you try, you get a little closer.
Let me first say that I do not go to AA meetings so I am completely unqualified to give you any advice about them. I do know several people who either go to them, or used to go to them, and one thing they always say is that AA meetings are like anything else in life. You might have to keep going to different meetings until you find a group you like.
Here is a link for AA in Atlanta:
http://www.atlantaaa.org/meetings.html
The recovery technique I use requires some self-awareness and cognitive techniques to dispute and deal with ones thought processes.
I know I'd be really glad that I go and make things happen. I just feel so tired all the time, I'm sure it may be mental. My mind seems to have a way of working against me, using my body as well. I know I let it.
But hey, isn’t this stuff all really fun to try to figure out?
Hang in there. If you set out to accomplish something positive, and with your best effort you only accomplish 25% of what you set out to, you are still in 25% of a better place as the direct result of your own effort. Self-improvement is not something that is possible to fail at. You either take action to do it or you don’t. The best part is, each time you try, you get a little closer.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Bellingham, Wa.
Posts: 73
You're absolutely right.
Thank you for letting me see that awareness. I feel stalled and I just have to make the move, and continue to do so. Maybe I am being to hard on myself, I tend to not cherish the moves I make, cuz of past experience and not really feeling like I got anywhere, and I thought I did then. But it does feel different this time. I know I have to put myself in the discomfort zone and continue to push myself and learn to allow myself to open up dispite my negative thoughts. I'm willing to take that chance this time, cuz I'm tired of being enslaved by my own mind. It's never worked for me in the past, following the same pattern of making things to easy for myself. I want to be happy before it's too late, you know what I mean.
Thanks.
I hope you make time for yourself also, I need people like you in my life, not just because of your helpfulness, a lot of people can benefit from you, for being you. I hope you go share yourself.
Thank you for letting me see that awareness. I feel stalled and I just have to make the move, and continue to do so. Maybe I am being to hard on myself, I tend to not cherish the moves I make, cuz of past experience and not really feeling like I got anywhere, and I thought I did then. But it does feel different this time. I know I have to put myself in the discomfort zone and continue to push myself and learn to allow myself to open up dispite my negative thoughts. I'm willing to take that chance this time, cuz I'm tired of being enslaved by my own mind. It's never worked for me in the past, following the same pattern of making things to easy for myself. I want to be happy before it's too late, you know what I mean.
Thanks.
I hope you make time for yourself also, I need people like you in my life, not just because of your helpfulness, a lot of people can benefit from you, for being you.
I hope you go share yourself. Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
Hi and *hugs* my friend,
I am sorry you were made to feel uncomfortable at the last meeting. I know I have trouble talking to strangers still. I just go and listen and share when I have something to say.
You are being to hard on yourself and your exhausting yourself thinking about it. You have to remain positive no matter how bad the "funk" gets, sometimes we just want to wallow in our own crap, and that can be okay so long as you step out of it quickly.
Give yourself a chance, keep looking for the meeting that will work for you and above all be proud of what you have accomplished:
Your sober today right?
You took a huge step by going to the meetings right?
Your begining to realize you do want to be happy right?
You know you have to work at this and move forward not wallow right?
All of these are progress my friend! Now pat yourself on the back SMILE at yourself in the mirror and be grateful for being sober today. Baby steps Nors will lead you to great strides!
I am sorry you were made to feel uncomfortable at the last meeting. I know I have trouble talking to strangers still. I just go and listen and share when I have something to say.
You are being to hard on yourself and your exhausting yourself thinking about it. You have to remain positive no matter how bad the "funk" gets, sometimes we just want to wallow in our own crap, and that can be okay so long as you step out of it quickly.
Give yourself a chance, keep looking for the meeting that will work for you and above all be proud of what you have accomplished:
Your sober today right?
You took a huge step by going to the meetings right?
Your begining to realize you do want to be happy right?
You know you have to work at this and move forward not wallow right?
All of these are progress my friend! Now pat yourself on the back SMILE at yourself in the mirror and be grateful for being sober today. Baby steps Nors will lead you to great strides!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Bellingham, Wa.
Posts: 73
*Hugs* to you also!
I'll take it easy, one of those icky feeling days you know. Up and down with the moods
I guess I'm just in a hurry for some real happiness with myself.
It's great to atleast have you and everyone in here in my life, besides my husband.
I feel like the only person that is isolated on perpose, and it gets hard. Not knowing if Im thinking right or too much.:bluesky: I kinda know why now, some people get a lot of pets,
They are very comforting! I dont want to be one of those people that get 12 cats and 8 dogs or whatever.
Thanks!
I'll take it easy, one of those icky feeling days you know. Up and down with the moods
I guess I'm just in a hurry for some real happiness with myself.
It's great to atleast have you and everyone in here in my life, besides my husband.
I feel like the only person that is isolated on perpose, and it gets hard. Not knowing if Im thinking right or too much.:bluesky: I kinda know why now, some people get a lot of pets,
They are very comforting! I dont want to be one of those people that get 12 cats and 8 dogs or whatever. Thanks!
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
Yea, we all have those days! I know I would get frustrated at the fact I'd want immediate gratification and happiness! Patience has never been one of by better character traits! You'll get through this.
How about a goldfish?
How about a goldfish?
I 'll get out the kitty floaties! Watch out fishy!
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