I Feel A Relaspe Soon :(
Senior Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 773
I Feel A Relaspe Soon :(
I have been sober for around 4 1/2 months. The thing is that I feel relapse is in my future. I have been saving money and thinking about how much fun I will have. My secret plan is too relapse for 1 day & then return to the program. Of course that is highly unlikely. I guess I thought I'd tell on myself.
tib
tib
We Do Recover
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,619
Glad you are telling on yourself....(so to speak). I would play the tape through from start to finish. I relapsed after having a year of sobriety...and it doesn't get any easier. I got sicker alot quicker...I drank 5 times within a month's time--2 of which I got really sick...I had a blackout drinking episode also. Was it worth it...no, but I can't change it now. I was fortunate to make it back in to the program...you don't have to drink. I am powerless over alcohol--once I start drinking I cannot stop.
To Thine Own Self Be True
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: So Cal
Posts: 1,946
If you did not spend that money on a relapse, what else could you do with it?
Take a mini vacation?
Buy something you have wanted?
Pay off a bill?
Just thinkin that may feel a lot better! Keep talking. Do whatever you have to do to just not use!
Take a mini vacation?
Buy something you have wanted?
Pay off a bill?
Just thinkin that may feel a lot better! Keep talking. Do whatever you have to do to just not use!
Hollyce Jones
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: The Golden State of California
Posts: 77
Hmmmm...
I have had similar thoughts.
I start to think about what it would be like to have ONE drink... then I imagine that that ONE drink will probably turn into TWO... and the rest? Maybe a blackout, and quite possibly a hang over.
Sooo not worth it.
I have had similar thoughts.
I start to think about what it would be like to have ONE drink... then I imagine that that ONE drink will probably turn into TWO... and the rest? Maybe a blackout, and quite possibly a hang over.
Sooo not worth it.
Adjusting my Sails
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,021
Angelina said it. I had just over a year too. The first drink was fun Tiburon.....after that I don't remember much of the rest of the month. Looking back I can see how my "thinking" was already in relapse long before I drank. By not staying active in my recovery I slowly forgot about all the things I had previously been doing to maintain my sobriety so by the time I picked up I wasn't even trying to resist.
IMHO after my experience with relapse your thinking is already in a bad place. Get back to what has worked for you in recent months or.......
I guess some of us just aren't ready to stay sober yet. I wasn't.
Take care Tiburon.
IMHO after my experience with relapse your thinking is already in a bad place. Get back to what has worked for you in recent months or.......
I guess some of us just aren't ready to stay sober yet. I wasn't.
Take care Tiburon.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
It just isn't worth it!!
Glad you're here and truthfully expressing your fear, that's great. I admire people who tell it like it is, way to go.
Yep, like TTOSBT, I'd think of something fun to do with part of it, buy a new toy like a toolset or weights or a dinner out with my girl, think of a gift you could give your family, a double gift, not drinking and a dinner of pizza and soda, there's tons of cool things to do that you'll be proud of.
Glad you're here and truthfully expressing your fear, that's great. I admire people who tell it like it is, way to go.
Yep, like TTOSBT, I'd think of something fun to do with part of it, buy a new toy like a toolset or weights or a dinner out with my girl, think of a gift you could give your family, a double gift, not drinking and a dinner of pizza and soda, there's tons of cool things to do that you'll be proud of.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
You have struggled so long and had so much pain
getting sober......please write down what happened
when you were drinking.
Look at your history...read some of your past shares here.
Not fun but devestation......
I began to feel solid in my recovery when
I started on my AA Steps. So....I suggest
you get busy with them.
You never have to go thru hell again
please keep winning over your addictions.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,234
Hi Im Sharon and Im an Alcoholic.
By the grace of my HP and people
you here in SR I havent found it
necessary to pick up a drink of
alcohol since 8-11-90.
For that and you I am truely
grateful.
Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow isnt
here yet and Im not guaranteed it
will ever be. So Today is all I
have.
I use to hear that if ur contenplating
ur next drink then maybe ur not through
yet. And once youve had a taste of
sobriety then ur drinking will never be
the same. It definitely screws it up.
Then i would hear ....let's see u do some
control drinking. For me i was powerless
over alcohol and there was no control
over it at all. One drink was never enough
and still today one drink will never be
enough to satisfy my craving for it.
That little "tiger" was put asleep when i
stopped drinking. It has been sleeping
for 18 yrs now. It was an infant then
however it has grown over the yrs
and im sure if i were to take a drink
and wake it up then that infant wont
emerge from me.
It will be huge. Strong. Ripping and
roaring and tearing at anything and
everything.
A monster of a tiger it will be.
I have those tapes of my drinking
career not far away from me, so all
i have to do is play them back to
see the damage i did not only to
myself but to all those around me.
Im not guaranteed I will never drink
again. I am altho granted a one day
reprieve from that drink.
So its safer for me to stay in today
and that seems to be more manageable.
More than likely when people talk
about their next drink or think they
will be able to drink after recovery
normally do. I guess they just
havent had enough.
Me, i could sit back in my chair at
meetings and listen to those that
did go back out and hear that alcohol
and drugs is still alive and well and still
kicking azz....That was enough
to say im glad it was them and not me.
There isnt enough money in this
world that could ever get me to pick
up a drink of alcohol.
My sobriety is that important to me.
By the grace of my HP and people
you here in SR I havent found it
necessary to pick up a drink of
alcohol since 8-11-90.
For that and you I am truely
grateful.
Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow isnt
here yet and Im not guaranteed it
will ever be. So Today is all I
have.
I use to hear that if ur contenplating
ur next drink then maybe ur not through
yet. And once youve had a taste of
sobriety then ur drinking will never be
the same. It definitely screws it up.
Then i would hear ....let's see u do some
control drinking. For me i was powerless
over alcohol and there was no control
over it at all. One drink was never enough
and still today one drink will never be
enough to satisfy my craving for it.
That little "tiger" was put asleep when i
stopped drinking. It has been sleeping
for 18 yrs now. It was an infant then
however it has grown over the yrs
and im sure if i were to take a drink
and wake it up then that infant wont
emerge from me.
It will be huge. Strong. Ripping and
roaring and tearing at anything and
everything.
A monster of a tiger it will be.
I have those tapes of my drinking
career not far away from me, so all
i have to do is play them back to
see the damage i did not only to
myself but to all those around me.
Im not guaranteed I will never drink
again. I am altho granted a one day
reprieve from that drink.
So its safer for me to stay in today
and that seems to be more manageable.
More than likely when people talk
about their next drink or think they
will be able to drink after recovery
normally do. I guess they just
havent had enough.
Me, i could sit back in my chair at
meetings and listen to those that
did go back out and hear that alcohol
and drugs is still alive and well and still
kicking azz....That was enough
to say im glad it was them and not me.
There isnt enough money in this
world that could ever get me to pick
up a drink of alcohol.
My sobriety is that important to me.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Why only for one day Tib? What made you think of it that way and not, for example, take a week away and get on it for a week. Why not a month? I've been on it for 6 weeks now after 5 months sober, and i can tell you it is all long term recovering alcoholics like Sharon know it would be like, especially liked Sharon's example of the tiger...so true!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by tiburon88 
I have been sober for around 4 1/2 months. The thing is that I feel relapse is in my future. I have been saving money and thinking about how much fun I will have. My secret plan is too relapse for 1 day & then return to the program.
What I had neatly forgotten is once I pick up that first drink, I set off the phenomenom of craving, and I was off to the races once I drank.
That one night turned into two horrible insane months, and I was damned lucky to make it back when I did.
Sobering up again was even harder than the first time.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 320
just think of your last "drunk" that is what was told to me, and all i have to do is remember the consequenses of that time, and i know i dont ever want to go back to it...also, once sober, then drinking again almost always results in picking up right where you started, and you're off and runnin!
please dont do it, it just isnt worth it, you would be throwing away almost 5 months, and that would be such a waste.
please dont do it, it just isnt worth it, you would be throwing away almost 5 months, and that would be such a waste.
Silly Rabbit
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 956
yeah, what bball said - andy relapsed, just drinking, and 3 months later he was dead. he'd be 30 tomorrow.
relapse isn't a necessity. it's not going to be anything like what you have built in your mind. it's gonna suck, actually. you know what doesn't suck? staying sober, and using your little cache of cashola on something you actually like that is healthy and fun and rawsome, like new music or movies or books or clothes or pets or things for your pets if you already have them or house decorations or art supplies or bicycle parts or a new yoga mat or running shoes or dinner out with friends or a super rawsome mom's day gift or about a million other things that are all better than a toxin that you're allergic to anyway that f*cks up your life and might kill you.
just a thought.
relapse isn't a necessity. it's not going to be anything like what you have built in your mind. it's gonna suck, actually. you know what doesn't suck? staying sober, and using your little cache of cashola on something you actually like that is healthy and fun and rawsome, like new music or movies or books or clothes or pets or things for your pets if you already have them or house decorations or art supplies or bicycle parts or a new yoga mat or running shoes or dinner out with friends or a super rawsome mom's day gift or about a million other things that are all better than a toxin that you're allergic to anyway that f*cks up your life and might kill you.
just a thought.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Southern Colorado
Posts: 1,167
Do what you got to do sounds good because in the end, you have that freedom.
Think through the drink is not part of the Program that I've been shown and I don't think it's anywhere in that book. "Mental blank spots", "not a cloud on the horizon", "step up to the nearest barstool and try some controlled drinking" is what comes to mind for me.
In my group they say "If you're gonna drink, drink out there, don't drink in here." And they say, "Don't follow him out, either." They are pretty hard core. The weird thing for me is that my own mind was never ever ever as honest to me as your mind is. It just went out and drank and before I knew it, I was drinking again... seemingly without warning. In fact, on my last time out, my "sponsor" told me I was headed out the door to go drink before I even knew it. He saw it coming and tried to warn me and I told him to go get bent. Then he said, "We're gonna miss you. We really are. But we'll go on without you. We really will."
And that was that.
If you think you have some sort of 1st step issue, that's ok. Maybe you ARE and alcoholic, but maybe you're not.
Why is it you think you're an alcoholic, anyway? Where are you with controlling the amount you drink once you start? Where are you with staying stopped on your own?
Think through the drink is not part of the Program that I've been shown and I don't think it's anywhere in that book. "Mental blank spots", "not a cloud on the horizon", "step up to the nearest barstool and try some controlled drinking" is what comes to mind for me.
In my group they say "If you're gonna drink, drink out there, don't drink in here." And they say, "Don't follow him out, either." They are pretty hard core. The weird thing for me is that my own mind was never ever ever as honest to me as your mind is. It just went out and drank and before I knew it, I was drinking again... seemingly without warning. In fact, on my last time out, my "sponsor" told me I was headed out the door to go drink before I even knew it. He saw it coming and tried to warn me and I told him to go get bent. Then he said, "We're gonna miss you. We really are. But we'll go on without you. We really will."
And that was that.
If you think you have some sort of 1st step issue, that's ok. Maybe you ARE and alcoholic, but maybe you're not.
Why is it you think you're an alcoholic, anyway? Where are you with controlling the amount you drink once you start? Where are you with staying stopped on your own?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Northern California
Posts: 14
Tiburon,
The fact that you came on and posted your feelings and possibly your intentions, is a true sign that you can indeed win this personal battle. I think we can all sympathize with you when it comes to daydreaming/romanticizing/planning out drinking days and binges. It happens to everyone with a drinking problem I think. The good thing is you recognized it, felt that it's wrong and detrimental to your sobriety, and came here to get some support. You're already half way there now, just keep up the good work. You have a lot of days of sobriety, be proud, and savor them. I'm still on day 3, and I am quite envious. I wish you luck.
-Time
The fact that you came on and posted your feelings and possibly your intentions, is a true sign that you can indeed win this personal battle. I think we can all sympathize with you when it comes to daydreaming/romanticizing/planning out drinking days and binges. It happens to everyone with a drinking problem I think. The good thing is you recognized it, felt that it's wrong and detrimental to your sobriety, and came here to get some support. You're already half way there now, just keep up the good work. You have a lot of days of sobriety, be proud, and savor them. I'm still on day 3, and I am quite envious. I wish you luck.
-Time
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
Time for a reality check here..........THIS IS NOT GOOD..
im not gonna sit here and fluff it up for you.
you are playing with a world of pain and being lured and charmed into something that could kill you.
I watched a friend of mine romantize about "a drink" one minute and died in severe pain within 18 months.........he couldnt get back....no matter what he or anyone else did..........and left behind sons and daughters.
When he died his gut was 3/4 times the normal size as his liver stop doing what livers do.
Time and time again im reminded by posts like these that this illness centres in the mind.
Im pressuming your an alcoholic.........reflecting on your past drinking and reading your own post ......doesnt it sound insane........
DONT DO IT MY FRIEND..........DO SOMETHING........ANYTHING........NOW.
your alcoholic mind is grooming you into another dice with death.
First..........go blow the money...........give it to charity......blow it on something you really need.
then go to aa........and get a sponsor..........share what you shared here.
i have to be blunt here...........i dont want you to die.
trucker
im not gonna sit here and fluff it up for you.
you are playing with a world of pain and being lured and charmed into something that could kill you.
I watched a friend of mine romantize about "a drink" one minute and died in severe pain within 18 months.........he couldnt get back....no matter what he or anyone else did..........and left behind sons and daughters.
When he died his gut was 3/4 times the normal size as his liver stop doing what livers do.
Time and time again im reminded by posts like these that this illness centres in the mind.
Im pressuming your an alcoholic.........reflecting on your past drinking and reading your own post ......doesnt it sound insane........
DONT DO IT MY FRIEND..........DO SOMETHING........ANYTHING........NOW.
your alcoholic mind is grooming you into another dice with death.
First..........go blow the money...........give it to charity......blow it on something you really need.
then go to aa........and get a sponsor..........share what you shared here.
i have to be blunt here...........i dont want you to die.
trucker
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