Can't seem to stop
Can't seem to stop
Hi it's me again, some might know, some might not.
I've been here a few times before, wrote myself a nice topic about wanting to quit drinking which u can probably find through my profile, replied to the daily check in thread, etc. I kept myself off of the drinking for nearly 10 days, after that, I screwed up thinking I could just go out and have a nice time with my friends. I somehow drank something, I really can't recall the situation.
Now for the past 4 weeks I haven't had a sober moment for longer than 4 hours. My life still seems to be going well, I moved to a different city, do good in school, still got my same job, got myself some love and people are still not suspecting, inc the lover. But I'm still screwing up, I still feed bad most of the time, I am still sick most of the time. I just aint doing great...
I feel I can't do this on my own anymore.. I really need help.. What do I have to do now?? Don't send me to no faq or anything, i'm really desperate. I really want a friend of mine to visit me in the end of may, yet not if i aint sober or doing well. I tried many things to keep me on track, get myself a goal to reach yet nothing seems to work.
how do i get off of this soon i'm desperate and very screwed up right now
I've been here a few times before, wrote myself a nice topic about wanting to quit drinking which u can probably find through my profile, replied to the daily check in thread, etc. I kept myself off of the drinking for nearly 10 days, after that, I screwed up thinking I could just go out and have a nice time with my friends. I somehow drank something, I really can't recall the situation.
Now for the past 4 weeks I haven't had a sober moment for longer than 4 hours. My life still seems to be going well, I moved to a different city, do good in school, still got my same job, got myself some love and people are still not suspecting, inc the lover. But I'm still screwing up, I still feed bad most of the time, I am still sick most of the time. I just aint doing great...
I feel I can't do this on my own anymore.. I really need help.. What do I have to do now?? Don't send me to no faq or anything, i'm really desperate. I really want a friend of mine to visit me in the end of may, yet not if i aint sober or doing well. I tried many things to keep me on track, get myself a goal to reach yet nothing seems to work.
how do i get off of this soon i'm desperate and very screwed up right now
Some people can just stop drinking on their own, but for most without some kind of support it just becomes repeated attempts with a few sober days or weeks and then succumbing with the self loathing and despair.
If you don't have support from your friends and family, I would strongly suggest finding some meetings, a counselor, etc. where you can talk with someone on a continuing basis. It really helps.
It takes a lot of determination and strength to quit. Keep going for it.
Hugs,
Donna
If you don't have support from your friends and family, I would strongly suggest finding some meetings, a counselor, etc. where you can talk with someone on a continuing basis. It really helps.
It takes a lot of determination and strength to quit. Keep going for it.
Hugs,
Donna
well it's not a FAQ...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-programs.html
here's a list of recovery programmes - if you can't go more than 4 hours, I urge you to look at these sites and check some of them out.
No-one can tell you what to do - that doesn't work well with alcoholics anyway LOL. No- one can do the work for you either.
But...here's my pennysworth.
In my experience it's an all of nothing thing Valencia - you obviously have a problem.
The best way is to stop drinking. It's not easy, but it's the best way.
But if you're not ready to never drink again...then you're not.
You can go my route and try and control your drinking - waste years, ruin your life and all your relationships and your health - and, if you're very lucky, you can hopefully jump off before the train leaves the tracks for the last time.
It's not much of a choice that last one.
I hope you make a better choice than I did - check out the link.
D
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-programs.html
here's a list of recovery programmes - if you can't go more than 4 hours, I urge you to look at these sites and check some of them out.
No-one can tell you what to do - that doesn't work well with alcoholics anyway LOL. No- one can do the work for you either.
But...here's my pennysworth.
In my experience it's an all of nothing thing Valencia - you obviously have a problem.
The best way is to stop drinking. It's not easy, but it's the best way.
But if you're not ready to never drink again...then you're not.
You can go my route and try and control your drinking - waste years, ruin your life and all your relationships and your health - and, if you're very lucky, you can hopefully jump off before the train leaves the tracks for the last time.
It's not much of a choice that last one.
I hope you make a better choice than I did - check out the link.
D
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I'm sorry you are not feeling well Val.....
I remember you and I know how far you have
progressed in over coming so many past problems.
You are young...smart and a strong person.
Try to stay as safe as possible ...keep trying
to quit drinking.....it's simply not healthy.
Prayers coming your way.....
I remember you and I know how far you have
progressed in over coming so many past problems.
You are young...smart and a strong person.
Try to stay as safe as possible ...keep trying
to quit drinking.....it's simply not healthy.
Prayers coming your way.....
Hi Valencia,
Most of us can not do it by themselves. I tried a million times and always failed. I needed face to face contact and to be accountable to someone. I was able to do that through AA. I made a commitment to call a Sponsor daily and knowing I said I was going to make that call each day really made a difference for me. I just do not struggle with drinking anymore at all and am so glad not to need it anymore.
Hope today is a better day for you!
Most of us can not do it by themselves. I tried a million times and always failed. I needed face to face contact and to be accountable to someone. I was able to do that through AA. I made a commitment to call a Sponsor daily and knowing I said I was going to make that call each day really made a difference for me. I just do not struggle with drinking anymore at all and am so glad not to need it anymore.
Hope today is a better day for you!
Thank you all for replying to my topic, it made me feel good lol how stupid that may sound to anyone reading this.
I've been looking on the internet for some kind of a meeting and there is one early tomorrow morning not too far away from here. I already called them and they really wanted me to come by and check it out, and if this wasn't right for me, I'd be free to leave, there is no pressure at all. They ofcourse only help to a certain degree, but only if you really want to quit, you must want this yourself the most.
I feel like this might be a good start, I did seriously consider going to a meeting before, but the drinking wasn't as bad as it is today... Also I must say this sounded really good, yet I don't know what to expect going there. I'm very nervous and afraid I'll chicken out at the last-minute...
So whats gonna go down at a meeting?
I've been looking on the internet for some kind of a meeting and there is one early tomorrow morning not too far away from here. I already called them and they really wanted me to come by and check it out, and if this wasn't right for me, I'd be free to leave, there is no pressure at all. They ofcourse only help to a certain degree, but only if you really want to quit, you must want this yourself the most.
I feel like this might be a good start, I did seriously consider going to a meeting before, but the drinking wasn't as bad as it is today... Also I must say this sounded really good, yet I don't know what to expect going there. I'm very nervous and afraid I'll chicken out at the last-minute...
So whats gonna go down at a meeting?
I feel like this might be a good start, I did seriously consider going to a meeting before, but the drinking wasn't as bad as it is today... Also I must say this sounded really good, yet I don't know what to expect going there. I'm very nervous and afraid I'll chicken out at the last-minute...
So whats gonna go down at a meeting?
So whats gonna go down at a meeting?
You don't have to talk at all. You can just listen. :ghug :ghug
It will be fine, just people there to support you. I was nervous, too, but I felt very safe once I was there.
Good for you for taking this action. Please let us know how it was, and how you're doing.
Wishing you the very best.
Donna
Good for you for taking this action. Please let us know how it was, and how you're doing.
Wishing you the very best.
Donna
Okay, so I went to my first meeting today, yay for me.
And part of me liked it and part of me didn't.. I can be quite patient, but listening to other people's story is just boring.. I know that I can learn from their stories, but it's hard for me to keep listening to them. When it eventually was my turn to speak I liked being there alot more, even if it was mostly because they made me feel good applauding for everything I said. Eventually I felt like I could say I hate you all and they'd still clap for me, but thus far things are alright. I think I'll try to keep it up and come back again next week. I've been sober today thus far, for the first time in over a month, and I hope I can keep it up. Right now it feels easy, just keeping myself busy and thinking how little trouble it should be to keep it up till at least tomorrow. Hopefully I can keep my focus on today.
And part of me liked it and part of me didn't.. I can be quite patient, but listening to other people's story is just boring.. I know that I can learn from their stories, but it's hard for me to keep listening to them. When it eventually was my turn to speak I liked being there alot more, even if it was mostly because they made me feel good applauding for everything I said. Eventually I felt like I could say I hate you all and they'd still clap for me, but thus far things are alright. I think I'll try to keep it up and come back again next week. I've been sober today thus far, for the first time in over a month, and I hope I can keep it up. Right now it feels easy, just keeping myself busy and thinking how little trouble it should be to keep it up till at least tomorrow. Hopefully I can keep my focus on today.
Hi Val - I remember you well. So glad to see that you are back and looking for a solution. Hurray for you that you decided to try something different and go to a meeting. Please keep in mind you are detoxing today, so your concentration is probably shot and you just might be feeling anxious and restless. I know that I was that way for a few weeks when I got sober this time. (I'm just a few days over 30 days this time, and I want it to be the last time I go through this.)
Please take good care of yourself, and for now how about focusing on today and staying sober? That's what I'm gonna do. We can do this together.
I'm getting ready to go to work here, but will check in tonight when I get home.
Looking forward to getting to know you better. Keep it up, you can do this.
Please take good care of yourself, and for now how about focusing on today and staying sober? That's what I'm gonna do. We can do this together.
I'm getting ready to go to work here, but will check in tonight when I get home.
Looking forward to getting to know you better. Keep it up, you can do this.
Thanks alot mtn for your advice. I made it through an entire day for the first time in over a month, (yay) and I hope to keep it up again. But it was a horrible night.. Hot and sweaty, did sleep good when i was sleeping, but woke up alot. I don't feel I can get through another night like this, but i'll have to keep things up!
Well done, that first night is just awful but things will get better in a few days, keep trying you will only have to do it again if you give in.
Be kind and gentle with yourself for the next few days and stay in chat if it helps!
Be kind and gentle with yourself for the next few days and stay in chat if it helps!
hi Val,
I went to my first meeting and was facinated by the stories I could see some of myself in everyone of them. You drinking everyday you should be able to relate if not maybe no one there is as sick as you or maybe your not as sick as them only you truely know. As for me I'm a sick one for sure people would say thats awful what the poor guy went through I was thinking I did that an worse. Find if you can a woman you can relate too and ask her for coffe after the meeting and be honest an just talk. Good to see you back ccome back to chat sometime.
I went to my first meeting and was facinated by the stories I could see some of myself in everyone of them. You drinking everyday you should be able to relate if not maybe no one there is as sick as you or maybe your not as sick as them only you truely know. As for me I'm a sick one for sure people would say thats awful what the poor guy went through I was thinking I did that an worse. Find if you can a woman you can relate too and ask her for coffe after the meeting and be honest an just talk. Good to see you back ccome back to chat sometime.
Val - First the bad news. You are probably going to have some sleep issues for awhile. I know it is painful. I know it is even maddening.
Now the good news. This is temporary. It will get better in time if you hold on and don't drink. I promise it will get better a little bit at a time. It just doesn't change instantly all at once. Hang on Val. You are young and have your whole life in front of you. I understand wanting to have fun and party till you drop. There is so much more.
Congrats for making it 24 hours. Time to do it again. I'm right there with you.
Now the good news. This is temporary. It will get better in time if you hold on and don't drink. I promise it will get better a little bit at a time. It just doesn't change instantly all at once. Hang on Val. You are young and have your whole life in front of you. I understand wanting to have fun and party till you drop. There is so much more.
Congrats for making it 24 hours. Time to do it again. I'm right there with you.
It's not so much their stories that are useful, but specifically what they did so they did not want to drink any more. There's a process involved.
I get bored listening to some people talk at AA meetings too.
I get bored listening to some people talk at AA meetings too.
First off, thank you all for the comments, they are a great help to me.
allport & mtnmagic: About the sleeping, yeah it has been horrible last night as well but I have made it all through yesterday without drinking. I do feel like I'm going mad though, I could just scream out loud about how much I'd love to get some good sleep!
Also I know it will get better the longer I don't drink, I've made it through over a week once.. and it did go better, but also got harder on other things part from the sleeping.
baggervance: I do see some of myself in their stories, part worse, part better. But I think I'm way too stubborn to listen to them. I feel different from them, the only thing we have in common is that we're all (ex-)alcoholics... Ofcourse that should be only the thing we are bound with, but still it doesn't make me feel as if we're the same. I'm young, my life is different from theirs. They're old and boring.
collinsmi: Well some part of what you say is true to me, they have stories that are boring and seeing why and how they stopped drinking is helpfull. But most of the stories are just boring and I don't care "your wife doesn't love you anymore because of your alcohol abuse", with all due respect. I just want to have some support helping me to stop drinking. But on the other side, I do learn from those family stories, like: I don't want my life to turn out that way! Somehow I do pick up some stuff from it all, lol, I only just found out now while typing this.. Maybe this boring stuff is more interesting and usefull than I thought haha.
And what did you actually do when you found it boring, is it still or was it still later on? If so, how did you turn things around at the meeting so it was more fun?
People seem to notice I'm not doing well right now, I was looking very tired in the face, and I was very annoyed at work. My sortof boyfriend that doesn't know about my drinking, didn't know what came over him when he was here last night and today. But I don't know him good enough to put my trust into him and say I'm an alcoholic.. I don't want to go to bed because I know I will have another horrible sleep! AAAAAAAAH!
allport & mtnmagic: About the sleeping, yeah it has been horrible last night as well but I have made it all through yesterday without drinking. I do feel like I'm going mad though, I could just scream out loud about how much I'd love to get some good sleep!
Also I know it will get better the longer I don't drink, I've made it through over a week once.. and it did go better, but also got harder on other things part from the sleeping.
baggervance: I do see some of myself in their stories, part worse, part better. But I think I'm way too stubborn to listen to them. I feel different from them, the only thing we have in common is that we're all (ex-)alcoholics... Ofcourse that should be only the thing we are bound with, but still it doesn't make me feel as if we're the same. I'm young, my life is different from theirs. They're old and boring.
collinsmi: Well some part of what you say is true to me, they have stories that are boring and seeing why and how they stopped drinking is helpfull. But most of the stories are just boring and I don't care "your wife doesn't love you anymore because of your alcohol abuse", with all due respect. I just want to have some support helping me to stop drinking. But on the other side, I do learn from those family stories, like: I don't want my life to turn out that way! Somehow I do pick up some stuff from it all, lol, I only just found out now while typing this.. Maybe this boring stuff is more interesting and usefull than I thought haha.
And what did you actually do when you found it boring, is it still or was it still later on? If so, how did you turn things around at the meeting so it was more fun?
People seem to notice I'm not doing well right now, I was looking very tired in the face, and I was very annoyed at work. My sortof boyfriend that doesn't know about my drinking, didn't know what came over him when he was here last night and today. But I don't know him good enough to put my trust into him and say I'm an alcoholic.. I don't want to go to bed because I know I will have another horrible sleep! AAAAAAAAH!
Let me see if I can say what I wanted to say better. In a lot of meetings, a portion of the big book (Alcoholics Anonymous) chapter "how it works" will be read. There's a sentence in there - "Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now."
What we used to be like - that's like the person talking establishing their credentials. Back when I drank, I'd get into trouble, and I'd end up being forced to talk to a lot of kind (and some not so kind) people who wanted to help me. Doctors, psychiatrists, bosses, squadron commanders (I was in the air force), etc. In the back of my mind I'd be thinking "that stuff works for people like you but not for me" or "you don't know what it's like to be me", etc. All boiled down to "I'm different". When I hear someone talk that had the same kinds of problems I had, thought the same things, drank the same way, screwed up the same way, was as hopeless as I was, (maybe even worse) but they RECOVERED, and are now living a happy productive life - well that's someone worth listening to. If they could do it, shouldn't I be able to?
So I guess the part that is left, the really important part, is what did they do? What steps did they take? How did they take those steps? What are the details of the process involved. Once in a while I'll hear of someone having a sudden, almost mystical experience, involving no effort on their own part, where the urge to drink is suddenly lifted out of them, and they never drink again. But not too often. Most of us have to work for it.
I know, it's boring (and sad) listening to people talking about their problems. It really isn't helpful listening to or telling those stories, unless there is a happy ending and a way to get there.
What we used to be like - that's like the person talking establishing their credentials. Back when I drank, I'd get into trouble, and I'd end up being forced to talk to a lot of kind (and some not so kind) people who wanted to help me. Doctors, psychiatrists, bosses, squadron commanders (I was in the air force), etc. In the back of my mind I'd be thinking "that stuff works for people like you but not for me" or "you don't know what it's like to be me", etc. All boiled down to "I'm different". When I hear someone talk that had the same kinds of problems I had, thought the same things, drank the same way, screwed up the same way, was as hopeless as I was, (maybe even worse) but they RECOVERED, and are now living a happy productive life - well that's someone worth listening to. If they could do it, shouldn't I be able to?
So I guess the part that is left, the really important part, is what did they do? What steps did they take? How did they take those steps? What are the details of the process involved. Once in a while I'll hear of someone having a sudden, almost mystical experience, involving no effort on their own part, where the urge to drink is suddenly lifted out of them, and they never drink again. But not too often. Most of us have to work for it.
I know, it's boring (and sad) listening to people talking about their problems. It really isn't helpful listening to or telling those stories, unless there is a happy ending and a way to get there.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Greater Manchester, England
Posts: 82
My thoughts and prayers are with you Val.
It sounds to me that you have made the first vital step by attending a meeting. If possible, tho', try to get to more than one meeting per week and check out all the meetings in your local area. We invested so much of our time, drinking booze, hiding booze, buying booze, thinking booze - so when we stop drinking we have time to spare. Use it wisely!
It sounds to me that you have made the first vital step by attending a meeting. If possible, tho', try to get to more than one meeting per week and check out all the meetings in your local area. We invested so much of our time, drinking booze, hiding booze, buying booze, thinking booze - so when we stop drinking we have time to spare. Use it wisely!
I still haven't had a single drink.. Last night there was a huge party going all around the country, and nobody knows why we celebrate this... It's just a big excuse for everyone to come out to the streets and get drunk, mostly. I stayed at home.. I had to explain why to my sort of boyfriend, because last week I told him I'd go with him...Ofcourse he didn't know, and he understood, yet he did already see I wasn't well lately. He stayed with me and we had a fun evening, I told him to still go if he wanted to but he seemed to have really made his mind up to stay and just have fun with me at home. He never asked any questions at all, he just listened and was happy with me telling him. That feels really good, to let someone in on such a big secret. It's just that I don't know him that long yet and I don't want to scare him off or get mistrusted in a way that everybody knows the next day. I'm gonna have to kill him now lol.
Today the party is still on till early in the morning, so I'm stuck between here and the supermarket. It's very hard, and the night itself (the sleep) wasn't much better than before. Luckily I'm not alone in this no more.
Today the party is still on till early in the morning, so I'm stuck between here and the supermarket. It's very hard, and the night itself (the sleep) wasn't much better than before. Luckily I'm not alone in this no more.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)