new here, nice site
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 2
new here, nice site
I am 40 years old. Been a hard core drinker since about the age of 30. Essentially I drink every single day and several nights a week I get absolutely obliterated. Vodka is my choice of drink. Nights I do not get wasted and only buzzed is when I am traveling where my drink is wine, usually four glasses a night in my hotel room - while my colleagues are working out in the hotel gym, I usually am at the bar then in my room drinking. When I get home, I make up for lost time and get smashed.
I have made many attempts to quit over the years, attended some AA meetings, only to return drinking.
I have made the decision on this Easter to quit drinking (again). However, the stakes seem to have raised. Usually when I have quit in the past it was due to poor decisions made by drinking. Now, it seems to be more serious. I am 25 lbs overweight due to poor eating and lack of exercise - all due to drinking. When I am drunk I cannot exercise. Nor when I am hungover. And when I am drunk I know better to drive so I simply order pizza, chinese food or whatever can be delivered.
Anyway, I just get the sense I am at the age and body condition where I could drop dead. Its been something on my mind for a while now and I am actually dreaming about it. The other night I was dreaming I was running up hill and I woke up in a panic like I was out of breath. Scared the crap out of me. Of course I went to bed drunk
It's just not the physical part of it...I am so sick of being alone. I am at the period of my alcoholism where drinking alone just became prefered. I mean, who wants to be around someone draining a bottle of Vodka? So the last several years I have been isolated. A self imposed isolation.
So I come here with my head hanging low, but optimistic this time. Fear seems to be a great motivater, and while I can't do anything over "the lost decade" my gosh there is still a lot of life to live. I look forward to this latest attempt to quit. Good thing is I do not get physcial symptoms when i quit, but the anxiety factor, especially when I try to sleep is pretty brutual. I can't believe a grown man at the age of 40 gets scared of the unknown, but when I am getting sober that feeling kicks in. Odd.
So anyway, I am hopeful to be active here.
Slater
I have made many attempts to quit over the years, attended some AA meetings, only to return drinking.
I have made the decision on this Easter to quit drinking (again). However, the stakes seem to have raised. Usually when I have quit in the past it was due to poor decisions made by drinking. Now, it seems to be more serious. I am 25 lbs overweight due to poor eating and lack of exercise - all due to drinking. When I am drunk I cannot exercise. Nor when I am hungover. And when I am drunk I know better to drive so I simply order pizza, chinese food or whatever can be delivered.
Anyway, I just get the sense I am at the age and body condition where I could drop dead. Its been something on my mind for a while now and I am actually dreaming about it. The other night I was dreaming I was running up hill and I woke up in a panic like I was out of breath. Scared the crap out of me. Of course I went to bed drunk
It's just not the physical part of it...I am so sick of being alone. I am at the period of my alcoholism where drinking alone just became prefered. I mean, who wants to be around someone draining a bottle of Vodka? So the last several years I have been isolated. A self imposed isolation.
So I come here with my head hanging low, but optimistic this time. Fear seems to be a great motivater, and while I can't do anything over "the lost decade" my gosh there is still a lot of life to live. I look forward to this latest attempt to quit. Good thing is I do not get physcial symptoms when i quit, but the anxiety factor, especially when I try to sleep is pretty brutual. I can't believe a grown man at the age of 40 gets scared of the unknown, but when I am getting sober that feeling kicks in. Odd.
So anyway, I am hopeful to be active here.
Slater
We Do Recover
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,619
Welcome slater! 
My drinking definitely progressed over the years. And although I had quit drinking for over a year--I did end up drinking again.....pretty much picked up right where I had left off. It was like I never had stopped drinking. It was a scary thing. I got sick really quickly. I am just starting over again myself--been sober for 26 days. Alcoholism is progressive...it gets worse, never better. Hang around awhile. Glad you are here. 
My drinking definitely progressed over the years. And although I had quit drinking for over a year--I did end up drinking again.....pretty much picked up right where I had left off. It was like I never had stopped drinking. It was a scary thing. I got sick really quickly. I am just starting over again myself--been sober for 26 days. Alcoholism is progressive...it gets worse, never better. Hang around awhile. Glad you are here. Ridgeback Lover
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: San Diego
Posts: 39
Originally Posted by slater 
I can't believe a grown man at the age of 40 gets scared of the unknown, but when I am getting sober that feeling kicks in. Odd.
Welcome. Hope to hear more from you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 2
Originally Posted by espresso
Welcome to SR where there's plenty of support and id. As Angelina has already said, Alcoholism is a progressive disease and it never gets better. Can you give AA another go?
I seemed to have forgotten that "in life there are no auditions". The last few weeks I have just gotten this sense that the grim reaper is walking in my neighborhood looking for me and he will find me soon unless I swear off this poison.
That dream I alluded to earlier seemed so vivid. I was running up a hill as fast as I could and I simply could not get to the top. I said to myself in the dream if you don't stop running you are going to kill yourself. That's when I woke up in a sweat breathing hard. I am certain my body, and mind, was telling me to quit drinking.
On AA, yes, I am going to give it another go. There are some things about AA that drive me nuts, but what I like about it, is it occupies you for the evening. When I get home its 9pm and night is winding down, liquor stores are closed and you can get ready for bed. Like normal people do.
When I am on the road, I am going to bring work out clothes. Everytime I walk by the gym in the hotel, I often think how cool it would be to get a workout in at night, as I am walking to the bar to drink a few beers and wine. LOL.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Albuquerque, New Mexico
Posts: 565
Yeah, that paranoia and fear kept me out of recovery a long time. At night, the demons would come and I had to shake off the top of a bottle just to make them go away. I hallucinated the reaper coming for me all the time. I also used to see people sitting in chairs just watching me as I shook in bed.
Night terrors and hallucinations and panic attacks are no joke. I'm so glad you are ready to quit, but always be mindful of your physicality. If you need the doctor, please don't be afraid to call. If you need the ER, please don't let anything stop you from calling.
The sleep apnea is scary too. If you are waking up gasping for breath, it's doctor time.
Best of luck and keep coming back and posting.
Night terrors and hallucinations and panic attacks are no joke. I'm so glad you are ready to quit, but always be mindful of your physicality. If you need the doctor, please don't be afraid to call. If you need the ER, please don't let anything stop you from calling.
The sleep apnea is scary too. If you are waking up gasping for breath, it's doctor time.
Best of luck and keep coming back and posting.
problem with authority
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 870
Hey Slater,
I can really identify. By the age of 31 I was drinking every night. Occasionally I would go out and drink with friends, but more often than not most of my drinking was done by myself, either after I'd been out with friends or just foregoing the social drinking altogether. It was pretty much work-drink-work-drink...I would put on my expensive suits to go to work in the morning, and at night I would pass out and **** myself in my sleep, only to repeat the whole routine again the next day.
All my social activities and health regimes went out the window. No working out, no cardiovascular exercise of any sort. I would routinely get out of breath walking up the stairs. I can't even count how many times I'd wake up to find two empty Dominos pizza boxes that I didn't remember ordering the night before.
I eventually went to my doctor and was honest about my drinking. Got a checkup. Turned out I had high blood pressure and cholesterol (at the age of 35). But I wasn't yet ready to stop.
Thankfully, later that summer I did something uncharacteristic: I went on vacation, where I proceeded to get arrested for drunk & disorderly three times in five days, and the third time they sent me to jail. I blew a .32 and had tried to assault one of the police officers who were questioning me.
I seemed to be willing to compromise my health for my drinking, but it took something external to joly me to the point where I sought help. I went into a detox followed by a rehab followed immediately by A.A., where I found a sponsor, got a home group, and worked the steps. I haven't had a drink in about 18 months.
Hope you find the help you need.
I can really identify. By the age of 31 I was drinking every night. Occasionally I would go out and drink with friends, but more often than not most of my drinking was done by myself, either after I'd been out with friends or just foregoing the social drinking altogether. It was pretty much work-drink-work-drink...I would put on my expensive suits to go to work in the morning, and at night I would pass out and **** myself in my sleep, only to repeat the whole routine again the next day.
All my social activities and health regimes went out the window. No working out, no cardiovascular exercise of any sort. I would routinely get out of breath walking up the stairs. I can't even count how many times I'd wake up to find two empty Dominos pizza boxes that I didn't remember ordering the night before.
I eventually went to my doctor and was honest about my drinking. Got a checkup. Turned out I had high blood pressure and cholesterol (at the age of 35). But I wasn't yet ready to stop.
Thankfully, later that summer I did something uncharacteristic: I went on vacation, where I proceeded to get arrested for drunk & disorderly three times in five days, and the third time they sent me to jail. I blew a .32 and had tried to assault one of the police officers who were questioning me.
I seemed to be willing to compromise my health for my drinking, but it took something external to joly me to the point where I sought help. I went into a detox followed by a rehab followed immediately by A.A., where I found a sponsor, got a home group, and worked the steps. I haven't had a drink in about 18 months.
Hope you find the help you need.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Because of the decade of heavy drinking ...along with poor
health habits......I certainly hope you will have an honest
talk with your doctor about your drinking.
De toxing from alcohol is a medical issue
and doing it alone is dangerous.
Please click on the link below for information
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
Welcome to SR and our Alcoholism Forum...
health habits......I certainly hope you will have an honest
talk with your doctor about your drinking.
De toxing from alcohol is a medical issue
and doing it alone is dangerous.
Please click on the link below for information
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
Welcome to SR and our Alcoholism Forum...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Newport Beach, CA
Posts: 46
nice to meet you> i can really identify with A LOT of what you say. I am new here as well and still struggling. I like this site a lot and find a lot of useful info. I hope u stick around
Danielle
Danielle
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Medina, Ohio
Posts: 372
Slater,
Welcome and congratulations on your renewed determination to lead a sober life. One thing that is guaranteed when we drink alcoholically we definitely will end up alone and the end, most likely, will not be pretty.
Get to A.A. and keep coming back, there's a reason that they say that.
Alcoholic: An alcoholic is someone who wants to be held while isolating.
Good luck,
John
Welcome and congratulations on your renewed determination to lead a sober life. One thing that is guaranteed when we drink alcoholically we definitely will end up alone and the end, most likely, will not be pretty.
Get to A.A. and keep coming back, there's a reason that they say that.
Alcoholic: An alcoholic is someone who wants to be held while isolating.
Good luck,
John
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Chicago
Posts: 157
Welcome, Slater.
I'm very familiar with that whole isolating thing. I'm quite an introvert on top of it all, so that doesn't help any.
SR has been an enormous help to me the past few months (while I rarely post, I read almost every thread) and I hope it's helpful to you, too.
I'm very familiar with that whole isolating thing. I'm quite an introvert on top of it all, so that doesn't help any.
SR has been an enormous help to me the past few months (while I rarely post, I read almost every thread) and I hope it's helpful to you, too.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Virginia
Posts: 818
Welcome Slater, I'd recommend you do two things as quickly as possible. First, make an appointment with your doctor for a complete physical and be honest with him or her about your drinking. Next, get to an AA meeting every day, even when you're travelling. Just call the AA number in the phone book and they'll tell you where the closest meeting is.
Yeah, I know some things about AA meetings can drive you nuts. So go to a different meeting. There has to be more than one in your area. That recurring dream you have may be your body (or mind) trying to tell you something, and it ain't good news, my friend. But if you go to enough AA meetings and try to keep an open mind, you'll be suprised how much you can learn. The important thing is to start NOW. And let us know how things are going. As you can see, there are a lot of folks rooting for you.
Yeah, I know some things about AA meetings can drive you nuts. So go to a different meeting. There has to be more than one in your area. That recurring dream you have may be your body (or mind) trying to tell you something, and it ain't good news, my friend. But if you go to enough AA meetings and try to keep an open mind, you'll be suprised how much you can learn. The important thing is to start NOW. And let us know how things are going. As you can see, there are a lot of folks rooting for you.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
