I just can't stop and use this forum for selfishness
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Any where I'm at but mainly around Chicago
Posts: 138
I just can't stop and use this forum for selfishness
I just quit drinking and using pills again (I've detoxed 2 times in the last 4 months), not counting the 4 or 5 other times I've done it and I'm only 27. I have so many hospital bills right now because where I live you can get financial help for things like this; but you have to work the program or else you get charged (hasn't worked so well).
I made it on my own without medical help for 4 days but then the holidays triggered me and I started drinking again last night. I got sick every 30min when I was trying to detox myself and didn't eat for 2 days, plus the shakes. But in the last day I started to feel good and then started to drink.
I have no idea why I went back because everytime I detox it's the worst feeling in the world.
I made it on my own without medical help for 4 days but then the holidays triggered me and I started drinking again last night. I got sick every 30min when I was trying to detox myself and didn't eat for 2 days, plus the shakes. But in the last day I started to feel good and then started to drink.
I have no idea why I went back because everytime I detox it's the worst feeling in the world.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,243
Hi Lucy,
Once I became alcoholic I really lost the power of choice in drink no matter how bad the consequences were. You would think that logically we would stop knowing what alcoholic is doing to us but we cannot. I could not stop and stay stopped on my own until I got help. In my case I would up using AA and I have been sober since (17 months). I would recommend you give them a shot if you hadn't already. I got a Sponsor and worked the steps and don't think I would be sober today otherwise.
Once I became alcoholic I really lost the power of choice in drink no matter how bad the consequences were. You would think that logically we would stop knowing what alcoholic is doing to us but we cannot. I could not stop and stay stopped on my own until I got help. In my case I would up using AA and I have been sober since (17 months). I would recommend you give them a shot if you hadn't already. I got a Sponsor and worked the steps and don't think I would be sober today otherwise.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
lucy......thanks for your post.
This was my experience...
I too kept going back regardless.......id lost everthing.
I choose alcohol over food.........my doctor advised me that i was in danger of dying within a few years if i continued to drink..
And on and on and on and on i went regardless....short periods of sobriety for reasons other than wanting too....ie hospitals and jails.
Brief trips to AA with snatches of sober time......through gritted teeth.
Only when i got a sponsor and worked the 12 steps did i refrain from drinking.
And after time i became content and at peace not drinking.
I couldnt stay sober without the program of recovery that i try to knit into my life.....one day at a time.
My life has changed...ive changed.....and today and for some time i havent felt the need to pick up a drink.
i was a hopeless violent drunk......a chronic alcoholic.
today people love me instead of giving me a wide berth.
i strongly suggest you get a sponsor and dive into the big book and do what it suggests.
What you got to lose?............................trucker
This was my experience...
I too kept going back regardless.......id lost everthing.
I choose alcohol over food.........my doctor advised me that i was in danger of dying within a few years if i continued to drink..
And on and on and on and on i went regardless....short periods of sobriety for reasons other than wanting too....ie hospitals and jails.
Brief trips to AA with snatches of sober time......through gritted teeth.
Only when i got a sponsor and worked the 12 steps did i refrain from drinking.
And after time i became content and at peace not drinking.
I couldnt stay sober without the program of recovery that i try to knit into my life.....one day at a time.
My life has changed...ive changed.....and today and for some time i havent felt the need to pick up a drink.
i was a hopeless violent drunk......a chronic alcoholic.
today people love me instead of giving me a wide berth.
i strongly suggest you get a sponsor and dive into the big book and do what it suggests.
What you got to lose?............................trucker
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Lancaster,CA
Posts: 24
The 12 step program has given me back my life--I suffered with addiction for so long-I know now that I have an illness-It is an allergy of the body which triggers an obession to continue drinking and using even if I'm suffering and in despair. I couldn't tell the truth from false. I needed help so I started AA treatment a little over 2 years ago and have been clean and sober since then-I finally surrendered to the program and took suggestions.THERE IS HOPE! DON'T GIVE UP!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 652
Just stop.
You WILL feel a lot better in a weeks time.
You really need to do this.
You say you started to feel good and started drinking again.
Next time you start to feel good, keep that feeling and don't drown it with alcohol.
remember : this can be the last time you will have to feel so sick.
Good luck.
It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop.
Confucius
You WILL feel a lot better in a weeks time.
You really need to do this.
You say you started to feel good and started drinking again.
Next time you start to feel good, keep that feeling and don't drown it with alcohol.
remember : this can be the last time you will have to feel so sick.
Good luck.
It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop.
Confucius
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 35
The alcoholic part of you can be so so overbearing and sometimes you feel like youve lost already. But you havn't. At all. Its all a facade and you are just as strong and awesome as you ever were.
Dont give up giving up no matter how many times you slip up. You know deep down you are better than this. Keep fighting for the good in you - because you are worth it. Dont be disheartened. Even the worst of the worst at the lowest of the lows can be really truely happy again.
Dont give up giving up no matter how many times you slip up. You know deep down you are better than this. Keep fighting for the good in you - because you are worth it. Dont be disheartened. Even the worst of the worst at the lowest of the lows can be really truely happy again.
Living in sobriety
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 3,870
I have no idea why I went back because everytime I detox it's the worst feeling in the world.
Until I accepted I was suffering from an illness (that tries to tell me every day I don't)
nothing changed. If you broke out in red spots every time you ate strawberries you might never touch one again.
I believe an alcoholic suffers from an allergic reaction to alcohol that sets off a craving once the first drink is taken. ...
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
You mention "the program". Do you have a program? It sounds like you are just trying to quit alone and in isolation. I also tried quitting on my own, completely isolated, too many times to even keep track of. It never worked.
What program is it that you have been trying?
What program is it that you have been trying?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: St. Louis, Missouri
Posts: 7
You use because you choose to use.
My turning point went something like this: I told an AA member that I worked with that I was an alcoholic and was going to go to AA. He told me that AA saved his life. I went to AA for around 6 weeks and then went back to drinking. I was careful not to drink around the guy that I worked with, though. After about two months of that, though, I forgot that he was going to be at an office party, and had a beer. When he arrived, he saw the beer in front of me, and picked it up and looked at it. Then he looked and at me and laughed and said "Okay."
When he did that, I realized it was entirely my choice. I have very little choice about what happens after I drink, but the first drink is always my choice. I may have very little choice about how I feel, but if I drink to wipe out bad feelings, I've made a choice. If I say that I have no other means to deal with my bad feelings, so that drinking is my only method of coping with bad feelings, I've made a choice to avoid learning other methods of dealing my bad feelings.
You have a choice. You're standing at a turning point. You can choose to learn new ways to cope with your bad feelings and your triggers, or you can keep using. If you need help to learn new ways to act and deal with your feelings, then you need to ask for help from a treatment center, from AA, from Rational Recovery, from whoever can help you. It's your choice.
My turning point went something like this: I told an AA member that I worked with that I was an alcoholic and was going to go to AA. He told me that AA saved his life. I went to AA for around 6 weeks and then went back to drinking. I was careful not to drink around the guy that I worked with, though. After about two months of that, though, I forgot that he was going to be at an office party, and had a beer. When he arrived, he saw the beer in front of me, and picked it up and looked at it. Then he looked and at me and laughed and said "Okay."
When he did that, I realized it was entirely my choice. I have very little choice about what happens after I drink, but the first drink is always my choice. I may have very little choice about how I feel, but if I drink to wipe out bad feelings, I've made a choice. If I say that I have no other means to deal with my bad feelings, so that drinking is my only method of coping with bad feelings, I've made a choice to avoid learning other methods of dealing my bad feelings.
You have a choice. You're standing at a turning point. You can choose to learn new ways to cope with your bad feelings and your triggers, or you can keep using. If you need help to learn new ways to act and deal with your feelings, then you need to ask for help from a treatment center, from AA, from Rational Recovery, from whoever can help you. It's your choice.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,243
Hi Lucy,
Keep in touch and let us know how you are doing.
The cat in the avatar looks like mine also but mine is pure white. Somebody put a kitten on my patio at around 3 weeks and I heard it crying and couldn't resist even though I am allergic to cats. Seven years later and still my bud!
Keep in touch and let us know how you are doing.
The cat in the avatar looks like mine also but mine is pure white. Somebody put a kitten on my patio at around 3 weeks and I heard it crying and couldn't resist even though I am allergic to cats. Seven years later and still my bud!
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