I need help, and you all are what I need...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 49
I need help, and you all are what I need...
Ok, this is a long post; so really, God bless you for reading this (and I really mean God bless you with all of my heart)...
I was here about two years ago and I convinced myself that I am not an alcoholic. I was lying to myself, and I think everyone here knew it. (Good looking guy, low 20's... InstantNoodles)
I am every definition of an alcoholic. I hide drinks, others didn't know when I was drunk, I binge before going drinking, I blackout, drinking interferes with my work (heck, im taking the day off today because i feel horrible from last night), I drank every night for 2 flippin years, I do all sorts of things...
Now before I responded to a few other posts, I would feel like a hypocrite being a drunk as I am, not at least confessing to my past times myself. So here we go.
My poor wife, she had no idea I was even drunk the past 2 years, or she didn't want to believe it. I would do weird stuff like cook things, and put it in the sink for her, or ask her the same question 5 or 6 times in a single night. At the time, I was the single worst fiance ever.
On Dec 4th of 2008, after 2 years of binging almost every night, I "came to" on the bathroom floor with my new wife screaming and crying. She literally thought I had died on the bathroom floor (I have a heart condition) because I had my pants down and I was laying face down unresponsive. I think I was going to the bathroom and just literally passed out, my wife found me a couple minutes later. That night, after so many nights of wanting to tell her, it finally happened. I stumbled to the bed, sat up right, and she kept asking how I was feeling. I threw up, and as drunk as I was and what a blur that night was/is, I remember this one question. "What is wrong with you!?" I couldn't keep it in any longer, I needed to tell her. "I'm drunk" I told her back, and she asked why. I said "Because I'm an alcoholic" I spilled everything. About how I had liquor bottles in my car, how I used to drink in the car on the way home to be drunk by the time id be home w/o her knowing that id been drinking. Everything. I even called a friend who was a recovering alcoholic, and said please, take me to an AA meeting, because I was to afraid of going alone.
I woke up the following morning, and I remember from the previous day, drinking in the car on the way home from work, and I remember drinking little bit more then what I can handle so I can be "extra drunk". A little bit of that show Maury, and that was all. It was all a complete blackout until late that night, when my wife found me on the floor.
I wake up the next day feeling horrible, and knowing what I told her, I wanted to be as far away as possible from her as I could be. I get up as soon as I wake up at 6am or so, and stroll around the apartment. Every stash of alcohol, and every one of her own alcoholic drinks is gone. She had gotten rid of absolutely every alcoholic drink in our place, including her own, for me.
Now that is astonishing to be because she was 100% supportive (and maybe its me, but I could never throw alcohol away), but just wow, she was amazing. Later we talk a LITTLE bit, like questions of how are you feeling and what not.
I go to work. On my way I check my "secret" spots and they are all empty. She had gone out and cleared out my car after I confessed everything to her. God bless her...
I go to a meeting that night with my friend (who has been sober for over a year, and has landed a great job after sobering up), and my wife takes me and drops me off. I was thinking when I told her I was on my way to a first AA meeting, I was "THINKING" that she does not trust me (rightfully so), and wants to make sure she knows where I am going at this point (yes, my understanding and amazing wife). This *actually* upsets me on the inside, but I say nothing, I am in no position to say anything.
Long and short of it is, the meetings really do help. I was at two AA meetings, and the second one kind of offended me, but its complicated... (I swear ill be done soon)
The second meeting I introduce myself. "I am Seth, and I am trying to figure out if this is for me" Applause broke out, and as weird as it may be, it was inspiring to me. To me, they KNEW on the inside that they themselves have been there. But, later on in the meeting, one of the members will not let me leave until I introduce myself as an alcoholic, privately, to him. He was just trying to help, because he was trying to "save me" which he wins my respect with that. Although, introducing myself as an alcoholic felt so... I don't want to say wrong, but... I just didn't want to admit it. When I introduced myself as an alcoholic, even thought it was just to say it and not mean it, I felt as if that had cleansed me and I could take control of my drinking.
I was sober for 2 weeks before I started drinking again. My wife found my beer stash, and I (this is shameful) used my excuse when I was at an AA meeting, that when I introduced myself as an alcoholic I knew at that point that I had a "habit" not an addiction. She either believed me, or wanted to believe me...
So I did cut back on my drinking, but now, it is at a point where I know that she just doesn't trust me, and it is destroying our marriage. I simply just cant help it.
Seriously, AA is not for me (this is my stubborn side). Reason being- I don't want the stress of running into someone I know, and I don't like the fact that I have to go to a meeting and spend 2 hours of my life, EVERY NIGHT that I have some sort of thought of drinking.
Last night was the clinching moment when *NOW* I know I HAVE to take control of my drinking. I was out, drinking with some friends like I do every Wednesday, (which I once again binged before I went), I came home completely drunk.
Apparently I had stopped by a McDonald's and gotten some food to "sober up" I got a quarter pounder meal of some sort and this is my recollection of this morning. (I do not remember going to McDonald's)
I wake up this morning, in bed, and I do not see my on call phone (for work) nor cellphone. I walk out and try to find all my stuff. I cant find it, so I walk back into the bedroom, use my wife's phone to call my phone. So I find both the phones. As I am walking around, I see two empty water bottles that I have filled with tap water, along with a HUGE glass of water (one of those das boot glasses) that I had filled with tap water. So I know at this point I was bad the previous night.
My wife asks me this morning about why I was flushing a quarter pounder down the sink last night, and that she had pulled a lot of onions out of the drain. The sink is clogged, and I simply don't know what what the hell happened. I run to my car this morning because I couldn't find my wallet, and seriously, it looks like I had mutilated a hamburger all over the inside and outside of my car, it was everywhere.
Now is the time to step back, and say I'm done. I just don't know if I can do it again... Seriously, its taken an hour to type, so thank you for reading.
I was here about two years ago and I convinced myself that I am not an alcoholic. I was lying to myself, and I think everyone here knew it. (Good looking guy, low 20's... InstantNoodles)
I am every definition of an alcoholic. I hide drinks, others didn't know when I was drunk, I binge before going drinking, I blackout, drinking interferes with my work (heck, im taking the day off today because i feel horrible from last night), I drank every night for 2 flippin years, I do all sorts of things...
Now before I responded to a few other posts, I would feel like a hypocrite being a drunk as I am, not at least confessing to my past times myself. So here we go.
My poor wife, she had no idea I was even drunk the past 2 years, or she didn't want to believe it. I would do weird stuff like cook things, and put it in the sink for her, or ask her the same question 5 or 6 times in a single night. At the time, I was the single worst fiance ever.
On Dec 4th of 2008, after 2 years of binging almost every night, I "came to" on the bathroom floor with my new wife screaming and crying. She literally thought I had died on the bathroom floor (I have a heart condition) because I had my pants down and I was laying face down unresponsive. I think I was going to the bathroom and just literally passed out, my wife found me a couple minutes later. That night, after so many nights of wanting to tell her, it finally happened. I stumbled to the bed, sat up right, and she kept asking how I was feeling. I threw up, and as drunk as I was and what a blur that night was/is, I remember this one question. "What is wrong with you!?" I couldn't keep it in any longer, I needed to tell her. "I'm drunk" I told her back, and she asked why. I said "Because I'm an alcoholic" I spilled everything. About how I had liquor bottles in my car, how I used to drink in the car on the way home to be drunk by the time id be home w/o her knowing that id been drinking. Everything. I even called a friend who was a recovering alcoholic, and said please, take me to an AA meeting, because I was to afraid of going alone.
I woke up the following morning, and I remember from the previous day, drinking in the car on the way home from work, and I remember drinking little bit more then what I can handle so I can be "extra drunk". A little bit of that show Maury, and that was all. It was all a complete blackout until late that night, when my wife found me on the floor.
I wake up the next day feeling horrible, and knowing what I told her, I wanted to be as far away as possible from her as I could be. I get up as soon as I wake up at 6am or so, and stroll around the apartment. Every stash of alcohol, and every one of her own alcoholic drinks is gone. She had gotten rid of absolutely every alcoholic drink in our place, including her own, for me.
Now that is astonishing to be because she was 100% supportive (and maybe its me, but I could never throw alcohol away), but just wow, she was amazing. Later we talk a LITTLE bit, like questions of how are you feeling and what not.
I go to work. On my way I check my "secret" spots and they are all empty. She had gone out and cleared out my car after I confessed everything to her. God bless her...
I go to a meeting that night with my friend (who has been sober for over a year, and has landed a great job after sobering up), and my wife takes me and drops me off. I was thinking when I told her I was on my way to a first AA meeting, I was "THINKING" that she does not trust me (rightfully so), and wants to make sure she knows where I am going at this point (yes, my understanding and amazing wife). This *actually* upsets me on the inside, but I say nothing, I am in no position to say anything.
Long and short of it is, the meetings really do help. I was at two AA meetings, and the second one kind of offended me, but its complicated... (I swear ill be done soon)
The second meeting I introduce myself. "I am Seth, and I am trying to figure out if this is for me" Applause broke out, and as weird as it may be, it was inspiring to me. To me, they KNEW on the inside that they themselves have been there. But, later on in the meeting, one of the members will not let me leave until I introduce myself as an alcoholic, privately, to him. He was just trying to help, because he was trying to "save me" which he wins my respect with that. Although, introducing myself as an alcoholic felt so... I don't want to say wrong, but... I just didn't want to admit it. When I introduced myself as an alcoholic, even thought it was just to say it and not mean it, I felt as if that had cleansed me and I could take control of my drinking.
I was sober for 2 weeks before I started drinking again. My wife found my beer stash, and I (this is shameful) used my excuse when I was at an AA meeting, that when I introduced myself as an alcoholic I knew at that point that I had a "habit" not an addiction. She either believed me, or wanted to believe me...
So I did cut back on my drinking, but now, it is at a point where I know that she just doesn't trust me, and it is destroying our marriage. I simply just cant help it.
Seriously, AA is not for me (this is my stubborn side). Reason being- I don't want the stress of running into someone I know, and I don't like the fact that I have to go to a meeting and spend 2 hours of my life, EVERY NIGHT that I have some sort of thought of drinking.
Last night was the clinching moment when *NOW* I know I HAVE to take control of my drinking. I was out, drinking with some friends like I do every Wednesday, (which I once again binged before I went), I came home completely drunk.
Apparently I had stopped by a McDonald's and gotten some food to "sober up" I got a quarter pounder meal of some sort and this is my recollection of this morning. (I do not remember going to McDonald's)
I wake up this morning, in bed, and I do not see my on call phone (for work) nor cellphone. I walk out and try to find all my stuff. I cant find it, so I walk back into the bedroom, use my wife's phone to call my phone. So I find both the phones. As I am walking around, I see two empty water bottles that I have filled with tap water, along with a HUGE glass of water (one of those das boot glasses) that I had filled with tap water. So I know at this point I was bad the previous night.
My wife asks me this morning about why I was flushing a quarter pounder down the sink last night, and that she had pulled a lot of onions out of the drain. The sink is clogged, and I simply don't know what what the hell happened. I run to my car this morning because I couldn't find my wallet, and seriously, it looks like I had mutilated a hamburger all over the inside and outside of my car, it was everywhere.
Now is the time to step back, and say I'm done. I just don't know if I can do it again... Seriously, its taken an hour to type, so thank you for reading.
Silly Rabbit
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 956
when you've had enough, you've had enough. maybe consider surrendering? in the military, surrendering means you put down your weapon, sit down, and wait for further instructions. maybe it's time to put down the bottle, sit in a meeting, and wait for further instructions.
i think if you give AA a shot for 90 days, a REAL effort, you'll notice something. that's just my opinion. if nothing else, at least you won't mutilate any hamburgers for 3 months... what do you have to lose? nothing.
good luck!
i think if you give AA a shot for 90 days, a REAL effort, you'll notice something. that's just my opinion. if nothing else, at least you won't mutilate any hamburgers for 3 months... what do you have to lose? nothing.
good luck!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 49
Originally Posted by Emimily 
when you've had enough, you've had enough. maybe consider surrendering? in the military, surrendering means you put down your weapon, sit down, and wait for further instructions. maybe it's time to put down the bottle, sit in a meeting, and wait for further instructions.
i think if you give AA a shot for 90 days, a REAL effort, you'll notice something. that's just my opinion. if nothing else, at least you won't mutilate any hamburgers for 3 months... what do you have to lose? nothing.
good luck!
i think if you give AA a shot for 90 days, a REAL effort, you'll notice something. that's just my opinion. if nothing else, at least you won't mutilate any hamburgers for 3 months... what do you have to lose? nothing.
good luck!
, and thank you for reading my life long story... I just don't think AA is for me, and I would prefer to be glued to this forum before attending a meeting...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
Now what kind of a person wold mutilate a hamburger, lol. Welcome.
This sobriety thing, as I'm learning, is a we thing, but each of us has to want to stop. It's a personal decision, and it's not an easy one, but for the sake of our sanity (and quarterpounders everywhere) a real attempt at not drinking may be your only answer. Don't get too hung up on the label. If I'm an alcoholic, (which I am) then why get hung up on the truth? As they say, the truth sets us free.
This sobriety thing, as I'm learning, is a we thing, but each of us has to want to stop. It's a personal decision, and it's not an easy one, but for the sake of our sanity (and quarterpounders everywhere) a real attempt at not drinking may be your only answer. Don't get too hung up on the label. If I'm an alcoholic, (which I am) then why get hung up on the truth? As they say, the truth sets us free.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Albuquerque, New Mexico
Posts: 565
Your story is my story, except you seem to be lucky enough to realize your problem BEFORE you get divorced, unlike me. You have a great partner in your wife.
Welcome back to SR. Keep reading and posting. If you're not into AA, there are plenty of alternative programs out there. One thing I know for sure is that we can't do this alone.
Welcome back to SR. Keep reading and posting. If you're not into AA, there are plenty of alternative programs out there. One thing I know for sure is that we can't do this alone.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 49
Originally Posted by Amy08
Excuse me if I have misunderstood....
Are you driving during all these blackouts??? Driving and drinking before you get home????
STOP -STOP - if you are. NOW. I apologize if I misunderstood.
Amy
Are you driving during all these blackouts??? Driving and drinking before you get home????
STOP -STOP - if you are. NOW. I apologize if I misunderstood.
Amy
I have had a number if friends die in DUI's, I feel like SH** for doing this, but I serously, flat out just cant control myself. I am a mess...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 112
I would be remiss if I said that I didn't do anything dangerous, illegal, and shameful while I was drinking. Yeah--it sucks. The good news is that you can make sure those kinds of things never happen again.
To me--by your very posting here--you are recognizing that something is not right, and you need to address it.
I've been sober since Feb. 2, of this year. There are a lot of people around SR that have a lot more experience in this than I do, but I write this in the spirit that my recovery is only possible if I reach out to people who may feel alone, ashamed, and bewildered like I was. I do know that without the loads of kind people here on SR, I would be in no position to write anything. I wouldn't be here.
I--like you--have a wonderful partner who is supporting me wholeheartedly in this ordeal. I--like you--am young, good looking (and vain), and thought I was the cat's ass for a really, really long time. I--like you--lied to myself constantly that I had issues. I am a former collegiate hockey player, have a gorgeous, emotionally/financially stable girlfriend, am good at my job, make enough money to provide--with money to spare for good times, house, dog, SUV--blah, blah, blah. I have all those things with one caveat: I am a drunk.
All that cool stuff that I am pretty proud of doesn't mean jack if you spend your life in an alcoholic haze like I did. The amount of sh%t I pulled when drunk, I was one bad day from never having another one.
I would love to be sitting here writing this telling you that getting sober is a bed of roses. It is hard. It challenges me every day. It is also the most important, and best decision I have ever made.
As my viewpoint slowly switches to what is really important, I would love it more if me sitting here writing this helped you, or anyone begin their recovery.
Sorry for writing a book--but your post struck a chord with me, and I want you to know that you are not alone. I do not know you, but feel that in a lot of ways I know what you are feeling. Welcome, and take care.
To me--by your very posting here--you are recognizing that something is not right, and you need to address it.
I've been sober since Feb. 2, of this year. There are a lot of people around SR that have a lot more experience in this than I do, but I write this in the spirit that my recovery is only possible if I reach out to people who may feel alone, ashamed, and bewildered like I was. I do know that without the loads of kind people here on SR, I would be in no position to write anything. I wouldn't be here.
I--like you--have a wonderful partner who is supporting me wholeheartedly in this ordeal. I--like you--am young, good looking (and vain), and thought I was the cat's ass for a really, really long time. I--like you--lied to myself constantly that I had issues. I am a former collegiate hockey player, have a gorgeous, emotionally/financially stable girlfriend, am good at my job, make enough money to provide--with money to spare for good times, house, dog, SUV--blah, blah, blah. I have all those things with one caveat: I am a drunk.
All that cool stuff that I am pretty proud of doesn't mean jack if you spend your life in an alcoholic haze like I did. The amount of sh%t I pulled when drunk, I was one bad day from never having another one.
I would love to be sitting here writing this telling you that getting sober is a bed of roses. It is hard. It challenges me every day. It is also the most important, and best decision I have ever made.
As my viewpoint slowly switches to what is really important, I would love it more if me sitting here writing this helped you, or anyone begin their recovery.
Sorry for writing a book--but your post struck a chord with me, and I want you to know that you are not alone. I do not know you, but feel that in a lot of ways I know what you are feeling. Welcome, and take care.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Birmingham, AL
Posts: 1,924
Originally Posted by SexyCeloryStick
Seriously, AA is not for me (this is my stubborn side). Reason being- I don't want the stress of running into someone I know, and I don't like the fact that I have to go to a meeting and spend 2 hours of my life, EVERY NIGHT that I have some sort of thought of drinking.
Morning Sexy and Welcome to SR. Not very sexy feeling this morning are you? You are in a tough place. Whatever or however you finally choose to recover will be based on surrendering some or all of your willing. Why do I say this? Your way of living in respect to Alcohol has failed; luckily you paid for this trip with a messy automobile. What if the hamburger this time is a pedestrian next time?
I think there is much more to your situation than a hamburger. No one I have met in 50 years destroys hamburgers in their vehicle for no earthly reason unless they are suffering from a pathological brain issue or they are a Drunk. Drunks end up in detoxes and go to treatments regularly because they are unwilling to change their lives to the extent that drinking is no longer an option. Maybe you think that there is another way that does not impose on your personal time like AA? Of course, you maybe right. Someone here can offer you the available options and you can test drive them at your leisure.
Regardless of what you finally decide on and I do wish you well, let me add this. If you are finally tired of the consequences of your drinking and drinking behavior, you might want to consider changing everything in your life now. Your way of thinking and living has failed. Few people go to more than one detox without a serious Alcohol problem and frankly no one goes to detox repeatedly unless they are scamming for a free bed or a drunk; both need intensive pyschological help because IMO, it is nuts to want to be in detox for anything but recovery from the sure death by booze.
Maybe you just haven't been able to connect the dots; I hope you do and if I can help, please PM me. I am a member of AA, so if that is a sticking point, no problem. You were lucky before, can you honesty say you will be lucky again?
Best to you,
Ron
Resident
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
Welcome to SR. 
I am quitting with just the help of SR and so far so good.
I made a list of all the good things about drinking and all the bad things and when I even think about drinking I read that list and it has a sobering effect.
I also wrote a letter to my wife promising to NEVER drink again and I read this every Sunday to renew my vow.
You can do this if you really want to.
You have to want to not drink more than you want to drink and when you get a craving to review your reasons and man up and do the thing that you know is right for you and your family.
Please at least make a vow to not drink and drive.
Good luck.
I am quitting with just the help of SR and so far so good.
I made a list of all the good things about drinking and all the bad things and when I even think about drinking I read that list and it has a sobering effect.
I also wrote a letter to my wife promising to NEVER drink again and I read this every Sunday to renew my vow.
You can do this if you really want to.
You have to want to not drink more than you want to drink and when you get a craving to review your reasons and man up and do the thing that you know is right for you and your family.
Please at least make a vow to not drink and drive.
Good luck.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
My alcoholic career was short but brillant. I'd lost my self respect and the respect of my kids. I was one "yet" away from a dui or some other horrible event. Now I no longer have to hide my drinking from my kids (who were smart enough to know I was still drinking) or worry about a dui, or worry about anything related to alcohol again.
But... I had over six months sober and relapsed fifty some days ago. So I have to be constantly on guard cause this addiction is always awake and aware, no matter how long I've been sober.
I wish you well in your recovery. Whether you use AA or just SR or one of the other recovery programs out there, the decision to stay sober is UP TO YOU. And you have to want to be sober MORE than you want to drink.
Welcome to the family!:ghug3
But... I had over six months sober and relapsed fifty some days ago. So I have to be constantly on guard cause this addiction is always awake and aware, no matter how long I've been sober.
I wish you well in your recovery. Whether you use AA or just SR or one of the other recovery programs out there, the decision to stay sober is UP TO YOU. And you have to want to be sober MORE than you want to drink.
Welcome to the family!:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 88
Nice story, SexyCeleryStick. Eerily similar to mine, except mine progressed to the point of a separated marriage. But there is still hope.
Having been through a similar situation with my wife, I will relay to you some important words she said to me, which kinda shocked me at the time. She said, "I care less about your drinking than I do about your lying and hiding. If you are honest with me, then we can fix your drinking. If you are not honest with me, I will leave you."
I started being honest with her that day, and we are starting to put things back together. Be honest with your wife because it sounds like she will be 100% supportive to you.
Hope this helps.
Having been through a similar situation with my wife, I will relay to you some important words she said to me, which kinda shocked me at the time. She said, "I care less about your drinking than I do about your lying and hiding. If you are honest with me, then we can fix your drinking. If you are not honest with me, I will leave you."
I started being honest with her that day, and we are starting to put things back together. Be honest with your wife because it sounds like she will be 100% supportive to you.
Hope this helps.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Midwest
Posts: 2
Your story inspired me to come out. I have been drinking since I was 16 and binge drinking on a regular bases for the last 8 years or so. I will turn 40 tis year if I make it that far and I do want to I just can get out of this rut. I have stopped several times over the years. Last spring was my longest 4.5 month. The fears of going through withdrawls keep me clean all that time but eventully work and home stress got the best of me.
I also start on my way home from work. I have a long commute and the last 1/3 is thru rual areas so I stop and pickup a few to pass the time and prepare for whats at home. I will usually suck down 3 beers in that last 30 min and the continue to drink at home another 6 or so in the next 3 hour till it bed time. I sometime will just pass out on the couch.
My wife is Bipolar and suffers from borderline personality disorder do to childhood abuse that didn't realy surface until well into our marrige. So things at home are like a roller coaster ride. Believe me I don't blame my wife or anyone else for my drinking, the choice was mine and people had warned me about the risk but I alway felt I was in control until one day I just could stop anymore.
Every morning I get up and say no more but by quiting time I feel diffrent.
Sorry for the long post. This is the first time I have ever admitted to my struggle. Even my wife is not aware of my struggle.
Shelby
I also start on my way home from work. I have a long commute and the last 1/3 is thru rual areas so I stop and pickup a few to pass the time and prepare for whats at home. I will usually suck down 3 beers in that last 30 min and the continue to drink at home another 6 or so in the next 3 hour till it bed time. I sometime will just pass out on the couch.
My wife is Bipolar and suffers from borderline personality disorder do to childhood abuse that didn't realy surface until well into our marrige. So things at home are like a roller coaster ride. Believe me I don't blame my wife or anyone else for my drinking, the choice was mine and people had warned me about the risk but I alway felt I was in control until one day I just could stop anymore.
Every morning I get up and say no more but by quiting time I feel diffrent.
Sorry for the long post. This is the first time I have ever admitted to my struggle. Even my wife is not aware of my struggle.
Shelby
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome back to SR ...
The blackout drinking is a huge red flag.
Your drinking has progressed passed a problem.
Please read the 2nd sticky post on this forum
Blackouts are discussed there.
The next sticky is a list of recovery programs.
You also are being dangerous to others by driving drunk.
Obviously that has been a fact for several years.
Time to quit...time to stop being a destructive menace.
I hope you can find a way to stop drinking.
If you are not addicted....that should be easy.
The blackout drinking is a huge red flag.
Your drinking has progressed passed a problem.
Please read the 2nd sticky post on this forum
Blackouts are discussed there.
The next sticky is a list of recovery programs.
You also are being dangerous to others by driving drunk.
Obviously that has been a fact for several years.
Time to quit...time to stop being a destructive menace.
I hope you can find a way to stop drinking.
If you are not addicted....that should be easy.
Last edited by CarolD; 04-09-2009 at 01:08 PM.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Midwest
Posts: 2
Thanks Carol. I have been in here from time to time just reading and it has helped as well as tought me alot about alcoholism and myself. I am hoping that spending more time here will help get me out of this rut I have been in for way too long.
I must say the people here are just increadible.
Shelby
I must say the people here are just increadible.
Shelby
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dallas, Tx
Posts: 2,405
Sexy, You've taken a brave step by relaying your story, you know you need to stop. So far you may have not done damage to more than a defenseless hamburger and the interior of your car, but eventually you may likely lose the trust of your wife, friends, employers who don't take kindly to those who all too often don't make it work. Don't risk losing it all. No one says you have to go to AA every day nor every time you think of drinking but within AA you will meet friends that you can at least call when you are tempted to drink and they will understand. AA wasn't really for me either but I went a couple of times a week for the first 3 months of sobriety and I learned so very much and now a year and half later I can fall back on what I learned and it is inspiring.
I wish you the best.
Judy
I wish you the best.
Judy
problem with authority
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 870
I didn't want to admit I was an alcoholic either. But I couldn't seem to stop drinking. I thought it was my choice to drink. But I never chose not to drink. I couldn't take it or leave it. I would swear I'd stop for a day, a week, a month...after a short time it always seemed like a good idea to drink again. Was this a choice? Again, I never chose not to.
If you are not an alcoholic and your drinking is negatively impacting your life, then you should probably just not drink. Seems logical, right?
If you can't just stop, then chances are you are an alcoholic.
If you are an alcoholic, it will probably take something outside of you - something other than your own unaided will - to stop for good and all.
I went to A.A. because I had exhausted all my better ideas. And it's the only thing that has worked.
M
If you are not an alcoholic and your drinking is negatively impacting your life, then you should probably just not drink. Seems logical, right?
If you can't just stop, then chances are you are an alcoholic.
If you are an alcoholic, it will probably take something outside of you - something other than your own unaided will - to stop for good and all.
I went to A.A. because I had exhausted all my better ideas. And it's the only thing that has worked.
M
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