any alcholics here adoptees
Ridgeback Lover
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: San Diego
Posts: 39
any alcholics here adoptees
Hi, I'm new here. I've been sober since 4/22/08 and have been finding a lot of comfort talking to other alcholics like myself. One of the reasons I drank was due to my identity issues stemming from my adoption. I'm wondering if there are any other acloholic adoptees out there that can realate.
For me I was adopted into a great family and always knew that I was adopted but still had the feelings of not knowing if what my true likes and dislikes were, my parents have somewhat eccentric tastes. Of course I also had the feelings of not being "a part of". For all of my life this was a big secret, i never told anyone, until I walked into rehab almost a year ago. I wrote an autobiography and included the adoption but never had the courage to see what it really was. Today I see the damage that keeping this secret (and secrets in general) has done.
By the way, I've been waiting this past 11 months for my issues to disappear. Funny thing is they didn't disapear when I was drinking for 20 years and they haven't disappeared since I quit. I find myself having to learn how to live sober. I recently joined this site to help do that. To talk to other alcholics and hear their experience, strength and hope. To help myself reach out and find some fellowship. I'm finding that the more I do these things, along with reading the big book and going to meetings I find more serenity.
So, let me know, thanks.
For me I was adopted into a great family and always knew that I was adopted but still had the feelings of not knowing if what my true likes and dislikes were, my parents have somewhat eccentric tastes. Of course I also had the feelings of not being "a part of". For all of my life this was a big secret, i never told anyone, until I walked into rehab almost a year ago. I wrote an autobiography and included the adoption but never had the courage to see what it really was. Today I see the damage that keeping this secret (and secrets in general) has done.
By the way, I've been waiting this past 11 months for my issues to disappear. Funny thing is they didn't disapear when I was drinking for 20 years and they haven't disappeared since I quit. I find myself having to learn how to live sober. I recently joined this site to help do that. To talk to other alcholics and hear their experience, strength and hope. To help myself reach out and find some fellowship. I'm finding that the more I do these things, along with reading the big book and going to meetings I find more serenity.
So, let me know, thanks.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
WELCOME to SR. You have found a really great place with lots of ES&H (Experience, Strength, and Hope) being shared on a daily basis.
As to you being an adoptee, no I am not one. However, I am a birth mother. Yes, my giving her up was one of the 'excuses' that kept me drinking for many years. I was 3 years sober when my daughter turned 18 in 1984. I started my search on her 18th birthday. Now that was before "The Internet" lol and I really didn't get very far. Kept hitting a lot of dead ends. In 1999 I got my first home computer and found some great sites on line with WONDERFUL Search Angels that helped a lot.
I found my daughter in early March of 2000.
After you think about it for a while, and talk with your sponsor, if you want to do some searching PM me and I will dig up the list of sites that I joined and used.
In the meantime, please keep posting and let us know how you are doing as we do care very much.
Love and hugs,
As to you being an adoptee, no I am not one. However, I am a birth mother. Yes, my giving her up was one of the 'excuses' that kept me drinking for many years. I was 3 years sober when my daughter turned 18 in 1984. I started my search on her 18th birthday. Now that was before "The Internet" lol and I really didn't get very far. Kept hitting a lot of dead ends. In 1999 I got my first home computer and found some great sites on line with WONDERFUL Search Angels that helped a lot.
I found my daughter in early March of 2000.
After you think about it for a while, and talk with your sponsor, if you want to do some searching PM me and I will dig up the list of sites that I joined and used.
In the meantime, please keep posting and let us know how you are doing as we do care very much.
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Posts: 2,391
I am an adoptee. I have met my birthmother. I have been in recovery for almost two years. I have met my birthmother and spoken to my birthfather (he has since passed). There is mental illness and addiction running rampant in my birthfamily.
I too grew up in a wonderful home. It is only now that I realize how wonderful of a childhood I had. My father is an active alcoholic and has been since I was about nine (I am 35 now). I got a double whammy. Nurture/nature etc.
I aquired a lot of information from bastardnation.com/org. I can't remember. Plug it into search and see what you get.
I too grew up in a wonderful home. It is only now that I realize how wonderful of a childhood I had. My father is an active alcoholic and has been since I was about nine (I am 35 now). I got a double whammy. Nurture/nature etc.
I aquired a lot of information from bastardnation.com/org. I can't remember. Plug it into search and see what you get.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: peterborough Cambs U.K
Posts: 172
i am an adoptee, i was adopted by a couple at 6 weeks old, they never bothered to tell me either, i only found out when i saw it on my birth certificate, they kept me isolated for 18 years until i was legally able to break free, and not a day before my 18th birthday either as they would have been on the phone to the police straightaway,
there was no affection of any kind in the family unit, only nagging and put-downs, i wasnt even allowed to have an opinion of my own, i desperatly wanted to have friends and go out socialising but it was forbidden, and as for boys! well, im not even going to go there!
can you see the connection between my childhood and my alcoholism? because i sure can, now all these years after i sought help and counselling im slowly recovering,
i always felt i 'didnt belong' so i can certainly relate to what your saying
there was no affection of any kind in the family unit, only nagging and put-downs, i wasnt even allowed to have an opinion of my own, i desperatly wanted to have friends and go out socialising but it was forbidden, and as for boys! well, im not even going to go there!
can you see the connection between my childhood and my alcoholism? because i sure can, now all these years after i sought help and counselling im slowly recovering,
i always felt i 'didnt belong' so i can certainly relate to what your saying
Ridgeback Lover
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: San Diego
Posts: 39
Thanks for the welcomes and support. Laurie, thanks for your view (I'm a Rhodesian Ridgeback addict by the way), I am actually activly searching with a search angel. I'm from Ohio and the records for my birth year are closed files, but we are working thru that. But we might be less than a week away from dwindling down to 1 name.
And I'm glad to find some other adoptees. There are so many "moving parts" to adoption that makes it complicated, at least for me. But its not something that I want to ignore. I was a bit isolated as well. Thanks for the support from everyone.
And I'm glad to find some other adoptees. There are so many "moving parts" to adoption that makes it complicated, at least for me. But its not something that I want to ignore. I was a bit isolated as well. Thanks for the support from everyone.
DOS: 11/6/10
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Florida Panhandle, USA
Posts: 736
I am an adoptee and have had an incredible life. It would be so easy to blame my drinking on something like my adoption or not knowing, but I simply can't do that. I found my birth mom in 2000 to tell her I was happy and not an axe murderer or any such (LOL). We had some good times and talks until she died in 1995. However- I am here if you need to talk about anything.
Ridgeback Lover
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: San Diego
Posts: 39
Thanks for the responses. I don't blame my adoption on my alcoholism, allthough there could be some family history of it that I am not aware of. I blame (thats kind of a strong word), actually i dont blame, it is what it is and I accept that. (acceptance was not in my vocabulary a year ago) But if I were to blame it would merely be the way my alcoholic brain (ego) likes to handle issues. I feel its a complicated issue that deserves to be explored. This in not something that I would not talk to anybody about until just recently and I feel the weight off my shoulders. I think thats progress and thats my goal. By the way I am down to about 4-6 names for a birth mother. And I am excited about that.
Retired Pro Drunk
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Saint Paul, MN
Posts: 901
I was adopted at birth. Been sober since 07/07/07.
I've always known I was adopted. Never kept it a secret. I've never made any attempts at finding my birth mother.
My only desire is to perhaps get health history. Other than that, I don't feel the need to find anything out.
Never had any identity issues with my adoption (that I'm aware of) or anything like that. For me, it just is what it is I guess.
I've always known I was adopted. Never kept it a secret. I've never made any attempts at finding my birth mother.
My only desire is to perhaps get health history. Other than that, I don't feel the need to find anything out.
Never had any identity issues with my adoption (that I'm aware of) or anything like that. For me, it just is what it is I guess.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
tk1fry,
Welcome. Sometimes adoption is a gift, but is does leave scrapes and bruises from being shuffled around. Some are minor, some more disturbing, depends on the situation.
My childhood was different, I grew up in a children's home. I was placed there when I was five years old, and lived there for ten years. My mother was an alcoholic, and I've really never known her, except for part of the five years prior to being placed int he home. I have five siblings and all of us were there, but in different dorms. I can totally relate to the feelings of not feeling "part of." We felt more like cattle, for there were over 150 children in the home. It was ultra religious, in the southern bible belt, and we were scared straight, if you will, which has had dire developmental effects on all of us. I've also tried to live with this secret and still am uneasy when talking, (or writing) about it. I am just learning how to relate to others on an even keel, like I am somebody. I've always felt less than, so it takes great effort for me to open up at times. One thing I've discovered is there are a few people who like me just the way I am, without booze as a crutch. That's new to me and scary, but it helps immensely to open up and just be ourselves, scars and all. We are part of, we just have to learn it. The scars don't disappear, so we learn to live with them and accept them as scars, not who we are.
Wow, I didn't know there was so much still pent up inside. Thanks for opening up this subject, it helps us heal when we deal with it.
Welcome. Sometimes adoption is a gift, but is does leave scrapes and bruises from being shuffled around. Some are minor, some more disturbing, depends on the situation.
My childhood was different, I grew up in a children's home. I was placed there when I was five years old, and lived there for ten years. My mother was an alcoholic, and I've really never known her, except for part of the five years prior to being placed int he home. I have five siblings and all of us were there, but in different dorms. I can totally relate to the feelings of not feeling "part of." We felt more like cattle, for there were over 150 children in the home. It was ultra religious, in the southern bible belt, and we were scared straight, if you will, which has had dire developmental effects on all of us. I've also tried to live with this secret and still am uneasy when talking, (or writing) about it. I am just learning how to relate to others on an even keel, like I am somebody. I've always felt less than, so it takes great effort for me to open up at times. One thing I've discovered is there are a few people who like me just the way I am, without booze as a crutch. That's new to me and scary, but it helps immensely to open up and just be ourselves, scars and all. We are part of, we just have to learn it. The scars don't disappear, so we learn to live with them and accept them as scars, not who we are.
Wow, I didn't know there was so much still pent up inside. Thanks for opening up this subject, it helps us heal when we deal with it.
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