Greetings from a...potential addict?
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Join Date: Mar 2009
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Greetings from a...potential addict?
I've been lurking here for weeks, and I can't tell you how heartening it's been to read about the struggles, the triumphs, the sobriety, etc, of all the posters here. And for that, I can't thank y'all enough. You're all such an inspiration.
I know many of you will roll your eyes, but I feel like I'm in a strange place where I don't know if I'm an alcoholic or not. (I can already hear the chorus, "If you think you are, you ARE!"). I'm 25, in grad school, never drank til I went through some really nasty family and relationship stuff a few years back, but I've been doing better the past 9 months or so. Eating well (some of the time!), working with a trainer, seeing a therapist. But I still have this habit.
Once or twice a week, I go all out. I'm in grad school, so I have an irregular schedule. My train of thought might be, well it's Tuesday, no class for two days, I can drink, and American Idol's on (or whatever show)! Etc etc etc. Or perhaps it's Friday or Saturday, and well...then its the weekend, so why not?
It's my "relaxation." I tell myself, it's normal, right? I'm 25, plenty of people go out and party and drink (and probably more than I do...and then some!). But I do it alone.
Just to be perfectly honest (probably more honest than I've been with anyone)...when I go "all out" in an evening, I might drink from 8pm to 8am the next morning. Occasionally I've stayed up til 10am or longer the next morning....waiting for the takeout places to open so I can order from them! I'm quite sure I've been Dominos first customer on many a morning.
My usual intake over those hours is a 1.5 liter bottle of pinot grigio, 6 mike's light hard lemonade, and half a 750ml bottle of tanqueray gin (mixed with diet tonic).
Like I said, I've been working with a therapist, who is aware of my predilections, and has been extremely helpful. Compared to the way I was living one or two years ago, it's a big improvement. But I wonder . . . where am I headed? I can be perfectly happy going "all out" (as I've defined it) just once a week, not drinking a drop any other time during the week. I don't crave booze on my 'off' nights. When I know I have class the next day, or stuff to do, or family coming over, I honestly don't crave it. Maybe I just have a huge capacity for shame...or something...?
Any thoughts would be most appreciated. Thanks in advance
PS: It's worth mentioning that I'm having one of "those nights" tonight, and I was pretty buzzed as I was writing this. Sigh.
I know many of you will roll your eyes, but I feel like I'm in a strange place where I don't know if I'm an alcoholic or not. (I can already hear the chorus, "If you think you are, you ARE!"). I'm 25, in grad school, never drank til I went through some really nasty family and relationship stuff a few years back, but I've been doing better the past 9 months or so. Eating well (some of the time!), working with a trainer, seeing a therapist. But I still have this habit.
Once or twice a week, I go all out. I'm in grad school, so I have an irregular schedule. My train of thought might be, well it's Tuesday, no class for two days, I can drink, and American Idol's on (or whatever show)! Etc etc etc. Or perhaps it's Friday or Saturday, and well...then its the weekend, so why not?
It's my "relaxation." I tell myself, it's normal, right? I'm 25, plenty of people go out and party and drink (and probably more than I do...and then some!). But I do it alone.
Just to be perfectly honest (probably more honest than I've been with anyone)...when I go "all out" in an evening, I might drink from 8pm to 8am the next morning. Occasionally I've stayed up til 10am or longer the next morning....waiting for the takeout places to open so I can order from them! I'm quite sure I've been Dominos first customer on many a morning.
My usual intake over those hours is a 1.5 liter bottle of pinot grigio, 6 mike's light hard lemonade, and half a 750ml bottle of tanqueray gin (mixed with diet tonic).
Like I said, I've been working with a therapist, who is aware of my predilections, and has been extremely helpful. Compared to the way I was living one or two years ago, it's a big improvement. But I wonder . . . where am I headed? I can be perfectly happy going "all out" (as I've defined it) just once a week, not drinking a drop any other time during the week. I don't crave booze on my 'off' nights. When I know I have class the next day, or stuff to do, or family coming over, I honestly don't crave it. Maybe I just have a huge capacity for shame...or something...?
Any thoughts would be most appreciated. Thanks in advance
PS: It's worth mentioning that I'm having one of "those nights" tonight, and I was pretty buzzed as I was writing this. Sigh.
Hiya....Drinking alone is not good.
binge drinking is not good
If your going to a therapist and you are concerned about your drinking....its an problem.
If you worry so much about it and your not comfortable about the way you are with your alcohol intake, then its a problem. If its taking your peace then its a problem.
I have a suggestion......give it up ,while you attend your therapist. my experience.....I went to a therapist and continued to drink and honestly I just wasted her time. Nothing really got dealt with properly and honestly...I could not deal with the pain or leave my victim role behind ,but at that time I was not able to stop drinking without help (at that stage only weekends) because I was an alcoholic. I did not know this at that time.I had to progress to a much more uncomfortable state......See if you are. If you are an alcoholic your drinking will progress and get worse if your not, you will not miss it that much while your getting somewhere in therpy.
binge drinking is not good
If your going to a therapist and you are concerned about your drinking....its an problem.
If you worry so much about it and your not comfortable about the way you are with your alcohol intake, then its a problem. If its taking your peace then its a problem.
I have a suggestion......give it up ,while you attend your therapist. my experience.....I went to a therapist and continued to drink and honestly I just wasted her time. Nothing really got dealt with properly and honestly...I could not deal with the pain or leave my victim role behind ,but at that time I was not able to stop drinking without help (at that stage only weekends) because I was an alcoholic. I did not know this at that time.I had to progress to a much more uncomfortable state......See if you are. If you are an alcoholic your drinking will progress and get worse if your not, you will not miss it that much while your getting somewhere in therpy.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
As you have been a regular reader....you may have this link
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
It's interesting how the brain and liver
enzymes stop processing alcohol correcly.
I think that is a solid reason to quit.
Glad you decided to share with us.... ...Welcome!
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
It's interesting how the brain and liver
enzymes stop processing alcohol correcly.
I think that is a solid reason to quit.
Glad you decided to share with us.... ...Welcome!
:You're right, a lot of us are going to say "if you think it's a problem, it probably is". That's what got me concerned. When I started thinking "do I have a problem?" Yes, I did. And I'm doing better living my life without alcohol. (pinot grigio was my drug of choice)
49 days ago I fell off the wagon for a day and threw away over six months sober. The wine I drank tasted like sh!t and I felt like sh!t the next two days. I'll not do that again. I like myself better sober and like not waking up feeling sick and wasting a whole day or two recuperating.
If you think it may be a problem, give it up for a month and see how you feel. It can't hurt to give it up and being sober might be a habit you want to continue. I wish you the best.:ghug3
49 days ago I fell off the wagon for a day and threw away over six months sober. The wine I drank tasted like sh!t and I felt like sh!t the next two days. I'll not do that again. I like myself better sober and like not waking up feeling sick and wasting a whole day or two recuperating.
If you think it may be a problem, give it up for a month and see how you feel. It can't hurt to give it up and being sober might be a habit you want to continue. I wish you the best.:ghug3
hi gaboy25
i could identify with you when you said you could some times take it or leave it
thats how i was at the begining have a blow out at the weekend and not touch a drop for the rest of the week,i also did a lot of my drinking at home alone,and its never good to drink alone not for me anyway
but the progression of the illness in me was rapid,and it was not long before i became an everyday drinker
i didnt want to drink everyday but i didnt have defence against alcohol,i was absolutley powerless over it
i eventually made it to AA where i learnt about the illness the mental obsession and the physical allergy,i had no problem identifying with it,i have never been able to have 1 or 2 drinks when i take the first drink the obsession kicks in and im off and running to oblivion and that has happened every time i have every taken a drink
i wish you well
i could identify with you when you said you could some times take it or leave it
thats how i was at the begining have a blow out at the weekend and not touch a drop for the rest of the week,i also did a lot of my drinking at home alone,and its never good to drink alone not for me anyway
but the progression of the illness in me was rapid,and it was not long before i became an everyday drinker
i didnt want to drink everyday but i didnt have defence against alcohol,i was absolutley powerless over it
i eventually made it to AA where i learnt about the illness the mental obsession and the physical allergy,i had no problem identifying with it,i have never been able to have 1 or 2 drinks when i take the first drink the obsession kicks in and im off and running to oblivion and that has happened every time i have every taken a drink
i wish you well
Unfortunately there is no formula for alcoholism. Like oh you only drink once a week, no you have to drink at least two nights a week to be a real alcoholic. It has much more to do with attitudes. It seems to me if you are already asking yourself the question and strongly enough to be lurking on SoberRecovery then you probably know the answer. However, I know how hard it can be to be in that gray area where you still think you might be able to control it. I tried for a long time. And in a way I had to do that to really prove to myself that I had a real problem. If I could give you advice though it would be to skip that pain and just stop now, although everyone has their own journey.
For me it was really important to understand that alcoholism was progressive..
I drank heavily throughout my early twentys....i had my first morning drink in my late teens..
BUT....my first daughter was born and i got married money became very tight and i only drank at weekends....still got smashed once i started.
Once that marriage went to the wall i was off again....very quickly back to 24/7 drinking..
I might not have been drinking heavily for a few years but it was all there bubbling under the surface..waiting for the right circumstances to come roaring out again..
It is also worth mentioning that i was unbearable to live with if there was no cash for booze.
Maybe you need to think about what pedro mentioned.....the allergy and obsession.
Once you commence drinking can you stop abruptly?
I think one of the most devastating elements of alcoholism is our minds will convince us that we dont suffer from it......
god be with you....................trucker
I drank heavily throughout my early twentys....i had my first morning drink in my late teens..
BUT....my first daughter was born and i got married money became very tight and i only drank at weekends....still got smashed once i started.
Once that marriage went to the wall i was off again....very quickly back to 24/7 drinking..
I might not have been drinking heavily for a few years but it was all there bubbling under the surface..waiting for the right circumstances to come roaring out again..
It is also worth mentioning that i was unbearable to live with if there was no cash for booze.
Maybe you need to think about what pedro mentioned.....the allergy and obsession.
Once you commence drinking can you stop abruptly?
I think one of the most devastating elements of alcoholism is our minds will convince us that we dont suffer from it......
god be with you....................trucker
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