Dime

Here I am at sixteen months sober, did the steps two times with two Sponsors, no relapses, no cravings, lots of service work, meetings, Sponsoring, etc., but something is really wrong. I am isolating and pulling back from everything and everybody lately and didn't even realize that I was doing it until recently.

This is exactly what happened to me before going over the edge drinking. The only good thing is that I realize that I am doing it. The bad part is that I cannot stop it and am losing ground fast.

Please do not quote the Big Book or tell me what I am doing wrong with my program as I worked the program stuff to death with good suggestions from knowledgeable experienced folks and Sponsors many, many times. I have also gone down the Spiritual path route extensively. The program and Spiritual path stuff has helped tremendously but something is still wrong with me.

I literally do not know what to do at this point. I don't like where this is headed.

Help please, suggestions greatly appreciated.

Thanks!!

hughs dad

Dime, have you gone to a therapist? I am working with one along with AA. Seems to help from different angles. Just a thought.

Believe808

Hi Dime,
I also isolate alot. I always did and probably always will. But now when I find myself isolating, I force myself to call someone I am close to and tell on myself. This is something that I need to do and believe it or not, it does help even for an hr at a time. Isolation is the one thing that can make me start using again because it is at that time that I start thinking about alot of stuff going on and then feeling sorry for myself.

Tommyh

Dime,get some gratitude and get to a meeting.
Action is a key word in recovery.Get busy physically
Faith without works is dead.
You got the Faith,now get with the works.

MsChief

[QUOTE=Dime;2171445]Here I am at sixteen months sober, did the steps two times with two Sponsors, no relapses, no cravings, lots of service work, meetings, Sponsoring, etc., but something is really wrong. I am isolating and pulling back from everything and everybody lately and didn't even realize that I was doing it until recently.

This is exactly what happened to me before going over the edge drinking. The only good thing is that I realize that I am doing it. The bad part is that I cannot stop it and am losing ground fast.

Hiya Dime

I felt exactly the same, worked my programme and completed the steps and wondered why the fear returned. Stopped going to meetings, answering the door/phone, gave up my job, (part of the problem) and sat in my house, alone for 18 months with my anti-depressants and no mental health care. After suffering from crippling panic attacks I was prescribed antidepressants, and being a cynic with regard to medication decided not to let the time I was taking them be wasted, I forced myself to enter into the world.

Just got sick and tired of it in the end and decided to help myself, by doing everything i really didnt want to do. I know it would not have gone on this long if I had had counselling/therapy of some kind, and not just medication. However, I attended a meeting on my own last Thursday for the first time in 18 months and today I have been to the doctor's more or less alone. I'm feeling more positive as a result of doing the things I really have no desire to do.

It's time for me to love myself again, in spite of my many shortcomings. I have many assets too.

Oh and I don't want to appear pious, but praying really helps.

hadit

Check out the anxiety disorders forum, a thread called "not sure if I'm alone" and one called social phobia, Seems alot of people do this ( all of a sudden ) and don't know why. I found these threads helpful.

CarolD

Sorry this is happening to you.

My suggestion?
Find something that interest you....and get involved.
I took courses ...did volunteer work...began church again..
made a necessary career change.

Yes I continued using AA too.....
I found my life does not have to be
either or.

Recovery is about learning new things ....IMO

espresso

Could you be suffering from depression?

least

I tend to isolate too, more than is good for me. If it weren't for my dogs days could pass without interacting with another living being. I see a counselor once a week and find it very helpful. It may well be depression too, might be a good idea for a complete medical checkup, physical and mental.

:ghug3

jamdls

Hi Dime, I've been doing the same thing for the past 18 months of my sobriety. I don't really think there is anything wrong with me though, I go to work, I walk my dog and visit with neighbors but most of my time is spent alone and I don't really care to even answer the phone. I got tired of AA very quickly, hearing the same stories of problems with alcohol over and over-I found it to be rather depressing and I have no desire for alcohol the thought of it can actually make me sick to my stomach so I don't go there. However, I have found a lot of joy in being alone and being sober. I do take an anti depressant but I ended therapy almost a year ago. When I get sad I just remind myself of how far I've come and I'm happy. Just go outside and appreciate what nature is doing this time of year is awesome.

collinsmi

That used to happen to me too. I'd get down to no participation whatsoever and at some point decide that since I still wasn't drinking that I wasn't an alcoholic, and could have a drink or two. Initially it was always a big relief!

The difference between those experiences and what you're going through was that I'd done very little work in the first place. Now, I have. I go through phases where I'm not working with anyone and don't go to many meetings. I get squirrely and kick it back up a few notches. Hope this helps.

Dime

Thanks everybody, I appreciate the help very much. It is definitely getting worse and I don't understand why. I spent the evening with detox patients and I was fine on the outside and I think I was able to connect with a couple of the patients. Afterwards the AA folks got together and socialized and I just had to split real quick. Tomorrow I will spend a few hours with a new Sponsee doing a 5th. I go to ~10 mtgs a week. This is typical for me.

Right now I am thinking that I just want to be left alone for a long time. I will function just fine tomorrow, but I just can't do any social stuff anymore. It is making me physically ill right now.

I'll take another look at all this in the morning and see if I can come up with a plan. I don't know what to do right now.

Thanks again.

Mark75

I am 6.5 months... I go to alot of meetings, read AA literature daily, pray and think about recovery nearly every minute of every day. I am seeing results, I have faith that I will be restored to sanity, even on days when I just can't fathom it.

I have isolated at times, and the last week I have been more so. It doesn't mean I am not working the program, I just think that I miss myself, it's like my old self has gone away... And, as far as the old self that drank and took pills, well it has gone away... good riddance... but did some of the non-self serving, non-pleasure seeking, but, fun and "good" part of myself go away too? I think so... and, of course, my program of recovery (AA) is meant for me to find that part of myself again... but is the answer ALWAYS in the program itself???

So for me, I know I need to return those phone calls, go to meetings, find some more service work, but... how can I find myself, the sober self? I am going to make sure I do some of the things that bring me joy, that have always brought me joy (not the chemical/alcohol kind)... Sun is out, I am going to get on that bicycle today and I am going to pursue that activity with the same determination I am my recovery.

Balance

Mark

MsChief

I remember heaving a sigh of relief when I completed my fifth step with my sponsor. Maybe this will help. Perhaps I should complete a new inventory as I haven't been practicing the final 3 steps throughout the last 18 months.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

:praying :ghug3

PinkClouded

Thank you for this thread. It's like a gift from the universe.

The relief is pouring over me. The loneliness is intentional. I can fix this.

aasharon90

Don't be hard on urself. Look in the
mirror with u looking back at u....

Now Smile.

Say I like you. You know....ur ok.
Dont be hard on urself. Then
give urself a pat on the back
and a great big hug. Because
YOU deserve it.

And be kind to urself.

CAPTAINZING2000

I didn't even know, I isolated until, I started going to AA.

Are there people in the meetings you attend that, share the same interest?


AA isn't all about meetings, it's about being around people that, have a desire not to drink with the same type of hobbies etc. I've friends that, like sports. We go to games. I've got friends that, like concerts, comedy clubs, camping the list goes on.

Isolating isn't bad if, you're mind is healthy. Otherwise, it's best to go to meetings, do service work etc. My mind alone can be a frightening place to be if, I'm not in the solution

aasharon90

Im an isolator too. However if like what "Captain
kangaroo" said up above....as long as ur
mental state is healthy then there's no problem....

I have worked since last Dec. and im out of
routine right now,,,,im so use to getting up
at 3 am to be at work at 5 and work till 2ish.....

The days now seem a little long but i have my
new husband returning home from work around 3
each day....

He doesnt mind me not working and would like
to see me get out of the house more often but
cant find any good reasons to except to make
a meeting. Shopping i do online because its
convenient and relaxing.

I do however go to the grocery store once a week
by myself then the weekends we get out together.

As the warm weather comes in we will be motorcycle
riding more often.....and im looking to get a scooter
trike :atvthat is automatic so i dont have to shift.....since
i dont know how to much.

Anyway....

Get ur weightbench and put it outside.....play basketball....
take up jogging,,,,,cycling.....lots of fresh air....

Maybe gardening....lol.....im doing a little of that now and
we have some bird feeders out that attract lots of birds
so im never alone....

Believe808

Hi Assharon
Your life is mirroring mine except you have a husband who comes home at 3 and is there on weekends. I am not working, haven't since 3/08 a year, and all I do is go to meetings. I go to 2 or 3 a day. I believe that in a way it is a good thing because I am putting all that I have into AA. I am trusting right now that this is God's plan for me. To work on my sobriety first since I just have 6 months sober and when He is ready he will then put things into my life. Thank God for the people in AA because I would be totally alone if not for them.

aasharon90

Thanks Believe...that's what I believe....my Higher Power
or God of my understanding has something planned for me
and when it's time it will be revealed....

Im having pain in my left leg and will return to the doctor
tomorrow,,,,,i use to stand on my feet for hours at the
bakery for over a yr and half and that may have contributed
to the pain im having.....anyway.....haven left the bakery
last Dec.was probably a blessing.

Anyway.....As long as i continue to turn my will and life
over to my HP and allow Him to guide me and protect me
then i havent a worry in the world.

The program of AA , the fellowship and the principles
and steps set down before me have been awesome
gifts in recovery. I wouldnt be here today if it wasnt
for all that.

Glad ur doing well in ur program. We're here for u when
u need us in SR.