Tired of being pathetic
 

I just spent the last 30 minutes reading through all of the threads I've started. It's actually embarrasing how incredibly weak I sound. Funk booze for making me that way. Scared, helpless, soul less, timid, etc... THAT IS NOT ME... Never has been. Booze has turned me into a complete and utter joke.

I have basically started the same thread 6 times. All about help me, what do I do, I'm craving, etc... I need to finally shut the f up and just do what so many others have done. Go to a meeting, work the steps, listen, and don't drink.

Enough with the epiphanies, waiting for a sign, am I an alcoholic, blah, blah blah, blah, freakin blah... Enough excuses, it's time to just get it done.

I will not drink today!

That's all part of making the decision to stop drinking. When we stop drinking it's like a death/loss of someone very dear to us and there is sadness, anger, self-pity, all of that that goes with it. I didn't realize how much of a fog I had lived in while drinking until that fog began to clear within a month or 2 of sobriety; even though I mostly did my drinking on weekends I was in that fog all the time. I think getting your thoughts out online is a great way to deal with what you are feeling.

J

Hi HD,
Not a whole lot of fun early on but it really does get better. Are you trying anything different this time? I used to try the same thing over and over expecting different results but Ground Hog day keep coming back. I tried something different 16 months ago and it worked. For me it was getting a Sponsor and working the steps.

thanks guys. Yeah, what I am going to try different is to really do the steps. Before, I was told to wait a month and then start the steps. I am getting ready for a meeting now. My plan is to attend one per day (ideally) and never go more than one day without a meeting. I think my mindset is different this time. I didn't have some terrible incident that caused me to want to stop (which has always been the case before). In the past, it was my guilt that pushed me to stop. Once time healed some of the guilt I went back to my old ways.

This time I look at it more as a life or death proposal. I have no doubt that I could die if I keep drinking, smoking, and taking speed. I am looking at this term of sobriety as a cure for a terminal disease. I really believe that.

I have never fully surendered before. I have now....

When the misery becomes great enough...

Go to a meeting, work the steps, listen, and don't drink.

;)

Don't be too hard on yourself, HD - recovery isn't a cakewalk. It takes what it takes until we become willing to do something different. Keep your eye on the ball and continue to take action. You can do this.

Fantastic HD,
Getting a Sponsor and not trying to do it myself made all the difference in the world for me. Becoming part of AA was the last thing I wanted to do but after doing it I found out that it was exactly what I needed. AA really does work if you are willing to give it a fair shot. I had to have severe consequences before I was willing. I found out later that others with only minimal consequences worked the program early and avoided my consequences.

Glad to hear that you are doing something different!

Yes HD.......:yup:
We can and do recover ...you too can win over addiction.