Bard

Just need a little time to rant. I'm at home getting ready to be hit by a nasty snow storm moving in. It's all gray, cold, and gloomy looking outside and my mind has been obsessing about the past again. Caught news that a nice girl I use to really like but completely blew it with due to my past drinking has happily moved onto a new guy. A friend of mine down in Texas who enjoys a good successful life and happily married with kids is getting a chance to have a small part in the next wrestlemania and will be on live PPV in front of millions of people. I'm happy for them but I can't help to look at my own life in comparison, and yes i know that's a big no no to do but dammit I'm only human and just want to vent. I mean I'm still a young guy, only 29 years old and still have plenty of time to turn it all around. But I can't help wishing I could go back in time and totally live my life much more different then I did. I would of never had a single drop of poison or used one drug. Would of stayed in school took playing football more seriously and move on to college and get a fancy degree in something. Then that way maybe I would have a sweet high paying career doing something I enjoyed and possibly have my own family by now. Instead I'm a single unemployed high school drop out just barely making it by and now trying to get my act together.

I know it takes time, Rome wasn't built in a day. But I have my days where I just get down in the dumps thinking about how things could of been if I just never picked up that f*****g bottle in the first place. Not to say life would be picture perfect, but highly probable that I would be in a better situation then I am now. But life go's on, I'm still young, have my health, and have a total hell bound determination to never take another drop of alcohol and turn my entire life around for the better. So I'll keep soldiering on....

shaun00

Thanks for sharing that.

Yes i still have days like that....but they are rare..

Slipping into the past with a head full of "what ifs"...

I think its positive to voice that stuff....and know your not alone..

It will pass......just like it always does..

god be with you my friend.....

prettypoison

Bard I just have to tell ya I totally get what you're saying. I want to say those same "what ifs" hover in my head too. I was living as a functioning alcoholic at your age (still am, but now I'm 40 and trying to live sober). I didn't finish high school either, I dropped out in 10th grade. I have since gotten a GED, a degree in medical transcription, and now I'm back in college getting a degree in nursing. I deferred my dreams of being a nurse as I was too busy raising 3 kids alone, not to mention drinking too much on weekends. So many times the 'kids' as I call them in my classes say things like 'oh I remember that from high school' and I cringe. I don't because I didn't attend. That means I work twice as hard as everyone else, first because I've never heard of some the biology and chemistry stuff and second because I've been out of school for 23 years!!! I say what if when I'm exhausted and wondering where I'd be had I not spent so much time running from the world instead of staking my claim in it. I think it is only human to feel this way. But we do soldier on, and make the best of what we've got right now. You're still young from where I stand, do everything you can NOW to make the life you want and hopefully by 40 you'll be saying 'man am I glad I stopped when I did' and a whole decade's worth of hard work will have brought you the success you desire :ghug3

jamdls

BARD be proud of yourself that you have decided to turn your life around at such a young age! You can easily get a GED and go on to college, marry and have kids before your 40. I didn't get sober until 50 and although I may have a lot of life ahead of me my youth is gone I can't get that back.

J

least

I do the same thing: regretting the past. I feel envious of people who've made good lives for themselves and their families and I regret my actions when I was young. But I can't allow myself to do that too much. It's worse if it's cold and grey and rainy, a depressing day.

But I'm glad I'm sober today, and that's what counts.

Keep on truckin'!:ghug3

CarolD

Gosh...you are so much younger than I was when I quit drinking.
You really can make positive changes to improve your future
now that you are sober.

Have you considered getting your high school finished?
Some areas have adult education classes for that.

One of my Grandsons went to an adult class
got his diploma ...joined the Army at 28.

Another is finishing his Masters by taking college
courses on line. That will allow him job security.
He is 31.

What would you like to do job wise?

Congratulations on your 100+ days of sobriety
...That's a difficult thing to have accomplished.

mikefreak

Bard, what you have said really blows me away!!! Just finished doing a blog that basically mirrors your post. One thing you said bothers me- " I know I have plenty of time"- that's how I felt when I was 29. I'm 51 now. You DO have plenty of time, but please don't sit & fritter away the best years of your life like I did! Before you know it, your'e 35. Then time REALLY goes fast. I took a "I'll do it tomorrow" attitute that NEVER transpired.
Do whatever you need to do NOW. Your'e young enough to turn things around-propably too late for me. A wasted life with endless regrets is a horrible thing to have to think about. Good luck.....