LosingmyMisery

I hated AA. It was unfamiliar, odd and I just didn't like the general feel of it. I didn't like the hugging, the praying, the mutterings and chantings. I felt as if I was in trouble at the meetings. It was not somewhere I would normally choose to be, but I was in more trouble outside of the meetings then inside. I had enough sense to recognize that.

I sucked it up and continued, but challenged, fought and questioned everything I heard and read. I was unique and really tried to convince others of that. They mostly laughed at me and that made me really angry. I thought the comments made were rude and unnecessary. I would get so angry at some of the banter and shook my head in disgust. Many times I wanted to walk out never to come back, but I kept coming back.

There were days where I believed AA couldn't help me. The truth is, I really didn't try very hard. I attended meetings. That was it. I never got a sponsor because I thought I could lick my problem without doing the work. I was wrong, really wrong. I ended up drinking and drinking again because I wasn't working the program as it was intended to be worked. I wasn't getting it. I wasn't getting the meaning behind the words and why they were being said. When I finally committed myself to the program and getting and staying sober, things began to make sense.

I feel that many members are at the same point I was years ago. I didn't get it and some posts remind me of how I used to think. I can read the words posted and relate to it one hundred percent. Just because you don't understand or get it now, doesn't mean you can't or won't get it later. However, something has to give. Change has to take place and there is plenty of work needed to be done.

Just because we share our experience that isn't quite understood, does not mean that we never have been where you are, thought the same thoughts, or felt the same fears. We have. With that, we will always have compassion for the alcoholic who is still suffering.

I would like to stress that a recovery board is not a substitute for a recovery program. It makes for a helpful addition and support system, but it is not going to help you delve into areas that may be necessary to get well. If you want to rid yourself of anger and resentment, it will take some work. Drunks know nothing about getting and staying sober, we know how to get and stay drunk.

Experience isn't arrogance or trying to state I am better than you. That just isn't true. Sure, there may be a few egotistical posts at times, but that is not the norm. I think most members here mean well and want to help. For myself, I needed tough love. I was to stubborn, hard headed, to smart for my own good and already knew it all. Yet, couldn't help myself. I started listening and doing the work and things fell into place and I began to get well. I can see and feel my growth and experience the benefits of my recovery. I have come full circle in my opinions and experience. I have a baseline to follow. The reason why I have this is because I have worked it and lived it. In my opinion, experience speaks volumes. It doesn't mean I know everything, but it means I know more than I used to, enough to keep me sober and that's what matters to me.

I hope that helps some to understand where a few of us are coming from. I see many members stuck, much like I was. I relate to that experience and try to share what helped me. Of course, many suggestions aren't going to be received well. The truth hurts. It hurts all of us no matter who we are or where we've come from. Those of us with a bit of sobriety really want to help guide others through recovery, just like someone helped guide us through.

For myself, I never try to kick anyone when they are down. I put much thought in my words as not to offend. I know there is the chance that they may any way, but that is the process of recovery. I don't call other people jerks. I can find a more appropriate way of getting my point across. I try never to single anyone out. I share In a general way from my experience, but then I read of sweeping generalizations. I guess we just can't win if someone isn't ready for recovery or just doesn't get it, yet. Maybe they just haven't turned that corner yet. Maybe I can guide them around it. I remember that curve, I've been around it before.

There is plenty we don't want to hear. If we continue to hear the same old tired slogan it may begin to sink in and make sense. When it starts to sink in we can begin to recover. Before we can find recovery we have to quit fighting it. It really is quite simple. I was taught to give back what was given to me, but I can not help anyone who doesn't want my help.

I hope that everyone of us can come full circle in recovery. I hope that some day we can share a perspective from each turn of the circle. I think when that happens, we can have a better understanding of certain points and where we are coming from. The compassion will be unspoken and the general bond of sharing our most difficult experiences with another will have great meaning and impact. Have patience, tolerance and strive. If we keep moving forward, we can achieve anything we want to. We can't give up on ourselves because we are frustrated. There is a life to be lived waiting for all of us. We are responsible for our own happiness and making the right choices, even if it means stepping outside of our comfort zone.

Recovery is an never-ending process. We change and change again. We learn and we share. That is what it is all about. If we are lucky, something we say will click in someone who is traveling the path a bit behind us. Then they share with someone traveling a bit behind them. Let us not lose sight of why we are here. We can always find a reason to disagree. Let us focus on what we all can agree on. We need one another to get and stay well. United we conquer, divided we fall.

I want to stress this is not a pro AA thread. I don't care what program anyone uses, just use one. What I want to achieve here is sharing my experience with sobriety. AA is the only experience I know to share. Please, do not turn this into a pro/anti AA thread. The point is to express how I felt in the beginning of sobriety is not what I feel today. I want to express that I can relate to many because I lived it. Please share your experience and growth.

CarolD

Very well said ...Thanks!

When I share I think of the countless number of Guests
we have who choose to read and never post.

Am I striving to be the best example of how
beneficial recovery is?

Or am I being contentious ...rude ... discontent
disrespecting both in my cyber home and my recovery?

SR membership is a privledge ... not to be used to harm others
but to assist and inform those who are interested in recovery.

If I was miserable using SR...I'd find another site.
If AA had not worked for me...I would have found
another way to live in the joy of recovery.


Forward we go...side by side.....::ghug

LosingmyMisery

Thanks, Carol. There is a solution. All we have to do is find it. No one said it was going to be easy. In times of frustration, it is best not to lash out and bite the hand that is offering a guiding hand.

Dime

Thanks for the great post. I have gone through those same thought processes so many times. The bottom line for me is that AA has worked very well for me. The support group is second to none.

I am very interested in hearing about different types of recovery from folks that have been successful with it for a significant amount of time.

CAPTAINZING2000

[quote=LosingmyMisery;2165430]
Just because we share our experience that isn't quite understood, does not mean that we never have been where you are, thought the same thoughts, or felt the same fears. We have. With that, we will always have compassion for the alcoholic who is still suffering.



Experience isn't arrogance or trying to state I am better than you. That just isn't true. Sure, there may be a few egotistical posts at times, but that is not the norm. I think most members here mean well and want to help. For myself, I needed tough love. I was to stubborn, hard headed, to smart for my own good and already knew it all. Yet, couldn't help myself. I started listening and doing the work and things fell into place and I began to get well. I can see and feel my growth and experience the benefits of my recovery. I have come full circle in my opinions and experience. I have a baseline to follow. The reason why I have this is because I have worked it and lived it. In my opinion, experience speaks volumes. It doesn't mean I know everything, but it means I know more than I used to, enough to keep me sober and that's what matters to me.
quote]


Excellent Post

Very well written in words, I wish I'd of written.
You touched on a very important point.


I so often try to choose my words to stress this to the person clinging onto the idea, that, perhaps they're not like us. That, this time they can drink and not have problems.

Most importantly, Anything we suggest is because, we don't like to see someone suffering from this.

Thank you for sharing

Chris

LosingmyMisery

So true. The sad thing is I remember sitting and listening to others trying to tell me the harsh reality, but I wasn't really listening. I was thinking how I could out of there and get my next drink. I had to learn the hard way, but the good news it, it finally clicked and I got it. I got that this was up to me. I wasn't going to wake up one day and be cured. I had to work at my recovery and I knew it wasn't going to be easy and I knew I wasn't going to like it, but I was willing to do it. I wanted sobriety enough that I was willing to go to any length. Today, sobriety is a way of life and drinking isn't. I can't even imagine going back to drinking again. The way I used to drink, the change of thinking and living is a miracle.

CAPTAINZING2000

Like to listen now and talk less, sometimes not at all unless,I need to

Sing it harry

YouTube - Harry Chapin, Circle

TTOSBT

I LOVE this thread!
Now THIS is what recovery is all about. One addict/alcoholic helping another, sharing their experience, strength and hope.
I do a lot of work for my recovery and I am doing it in the fellowship of AA. But this was not always the case. I was HUGE on seeing the differences and not the similarities. It kept me out there for a long time and I wasted my 30's, drunk. When I came back this time, I was beaten down and willing to do anything to get and stay sober. The program I work today, works for me. And for that, I am so very grateful. I also LOVE the fact that I do not have to judge others, gossip about others, make snide remarks, etc. to make myself feel better.

I have some peace today. Wow! You have no idea how amazing that is for this drunk. I wish that for everyone on this journey. I really do not feel the need to tell you that you can only have that through a 12 step program. I have a woman's group that I attend that is not AA or any other specific program. It is just women in recovery. It is beautiful!

LosingmyMisery

Isn't that amazing??? I can't remember ever being at peace, ever, until I got sober and worked a program. I quit drinking, but was still miserable. The key is working through the issues that kept us in our sickness in the first place. I thought I would never find peace and contentment. I always had a sense of dis-ease for as long as I can remember, even as a kid. I was never satisfied and wallowed in the negative. I can't even imagine doing that now. Life is full of so much promise. If only I had know what I was missing out on, I could have saved myself many years of pain and agony. But it is what it is. Today, I know the solution and my wish it to pass it on to those who want it.

CAPTAINZING2000

inner turmoil of out own making no less

LosingmyMisery

I know, the worst kind. And it took so long for me to accept that I was the cause of my own misery. I tried to blame it on everyone else. Then it donned on me that I was responsible for my own happiness. Again, full circle when you can finally come to that realization.

CAPTAINZING2000

better to be in the solution then the problem today

LosingmyMisery

In the solution instead of part of the problem. Why is that so hard to achieve? It took me forever to get that I was the problem.

I have someone very close to me that can't see that they are the part of the problem. She is so full of negativity and is filled with anger and worse case scenarios. She can not speak in a normal tone. She is always screeching and yelling and her behavior is irrational and unacceptable. She has such a need to be right that anyone who disagrees with her, she will eventually eliminate from her life. That is so sad that the need to be right eventually separates you from friends and family. What a concept, always right, but alone. That is how warped our minds become after drenching it with alcohol.

paulmh

Great thread, LMM. Food for thought too. I forget too easily what it's like to be a still suffering alcoholic. Don't know why that should be the case since I'm still the cause of the things that cause me unhappiness! At least today I'm a bit better equipped to undo the harm that self-will does in my life.

I don't know why I wouldn't expect a recovery forum to have its fair share of sick people.

LosingmyMisery

Again, we all are at different stages of our recovery. The beginning stage was the worst. I had to break the habit of reaching for that drink because that is what I did. I had to learn to cope and handle my emotions and to let go of past pain, anger and resentments. It was so hard to do because like I mentioned above, I wanted to change my life, I was miserable, but I spent most of the time fighting recovery, the concept and the words behind it. It was very counterproductive.

I think that is very common and may be why most people opt out and decide it isn't for them. I believe that they are short changing themselves. If I had not stuck through and endured the discomfort, I would have missed out on all of the benefits. I never would have believed something that I was so resistant to would open the door to a whole new world of opportunities. What a pleasant surprise.

least

Solitude: the reward for always being right.

I read that somewhere once.

CAPTAINZING2000

I'd be willing to guess, that's why many of us drank alone. People placed expectations upon us and we didn't like it.

I had to get out of being self centered to have any type of serenity.
A guy at a meeting explained it one night so, even my simple mind could grasp it. People don't necessarily do things to upset us. It's due to their being self centered that, they don't see how their actions play a part in other people's lives. In their minds, they feel justified in everything they do.

I can understand this, much like, we felt, we deserved to drink. We worked hard all day, we deserve that cold drink when, we got off work. The kids are screaming, the wife or, husband nagging at us, the list is endless.

We all have our basic needs but, some people always want a bigger slice of the pie.

I have to step outside myself to set up boundaries. Is something someone wants from me too much? Am I, asking too much from other people?

Sadly, we see the new commer always complaining, that's not fair!!!
A counselor I had, made it plain to me, life's not fair and people don't act right. I have to draw on this every day or, I'll rip people's heads off.

Anger, is a emotion we can't afford to lose control over. I have to channel this in a constructive manner or, it will turn destructive in a New York minute. That's how I knew, the promises were working for me today. An inner peace, I never had before

LosingmyMisery

I drank alone because I could no longer justify my drinking. I was embarrassed and ashamed. People had expectations of me and I could no longer meet them or did I care to. All I wanted to do is drink. I got angry when I thought other people were critical of me. Much of my anger I conjured up in my head. Many comments that would send me spinning really had nothing to do with me, but I made it about me. Ugh, I have a better handle on things today and try hard not to personalize everything said or not said.

I agree about setting boundaries. While drinking, I had no boundaries. I crossed lines I had no business crossing. I couldn't stop myself when I was on a roll and literally made a fool of myself feeling fully justified in doing so. Does that make sense? Why would I act a fool on one hand and feel justified on the other. Cunning, baffling and foolish...

desertdonna

Yep, been there, done that. No sense to be made of it.

All I can say is that it is the past right where it belongs. It's only necessary to dredge up if in helping someone I can share my ES&H.

But it is nice to be free from it; freer by the day. Ahhhhh, the sweetness.

Thanks for writing all this out LMM.

Man, I'm glad I'm sober.



Donna

MsChief

What a fantastic thread. Honesty - open-mindedness and willingness. I am so grateful to have found this website.