Wombat05

I made a thread elsewhere about my sleeping--and got some great advice regarding it.
No drinking since Feb. 2.
I am on Buspirone for anxiety--yet I still feel it creeping in on me.
Today, I was hanging out watching the basketball tournament on TV--not really feeling badly at all.
After the games, had to get some work done, and immediately felt that "weirdness" creep up on me.
A vague feeling of unsteadiness, mild nausea, a wee feeling of dread, and just over all unease. I felt--trapped?--in my own house and grabbed my dog for a quick walk. I came here to read some posts, had a cup of tea and am feeling better. (It has been an hour or so)...
Mostly I'm looking to read others experiences. I've read the threads about what to expect immediately after quitting--and sincerely hope I never have to peruse those again, as I do not ever want to deal with it.
I have had a hard time finding experiences about the lingering physical/mental effects of quitting in the 2-4 month range.
Is this s h i t normal? In my darkest moments I'm convinced I've done so much damage that it's over, and these feeling are just the harbinger of some ravaging fatal disease. In my best moments--I don't notice a thing. Feel fine, feel like a normal, sober, happy person. It's the fluctuation from normalhappyguy to scared of the dark and I have 11 types of cancer guy.
I'm just so sick of this.

KenL

I took Buspar as well for a time. That's the brand name for buspirone. There was only one time I can remember feeling the way you did. That was when I over medicated. That's just one possibility. A second thing could be that you need a larger dosage, check with the doctor prescribing it to you. Thirdly, it may just be the wrong drug for your needs. A fourth thing, but kinda out there. It could have been an imbalance in your electrolytes. If you're not sure what that is just google it. The one time that I felt what you did I had a racing heart felt panicky and ended up very tired after the episode. Good luck on finding out what is causing this. You certainly can't go on with that happening. I don't know enough about prolonged alcohol withdrawal syndrome but maybe someone else can lend some experience in that regard.

CarolD

Here is the info Ken mentioned

Post Acute Withdrawl - Relapse Prevention Specialists - TLC The Living Center

Good to see you with us again...
Well done on your sober time

Wombat05

Thank you very much for that Ken and Carol.
Based on the article, it would seem I am experiencing some of the symptoms of PAWS. Yikes.
As the article said--armed with information makes me feel better about it. I had no idea this would be so hard. I never expected that all my troubles would magically disappear once I got sober--but I certainly didn't expect this.
Thank you very much though. I will be talking with a counselor soon about my symptoms, and how to manage them.

Tommyh

anxiety
that word jumped out at me
treating it with medication is one thing,finding and correcting the causes is another.
Identifying the sources of it,and dealing with those sources is a good way to overcome it.have you ever tried to find the sources of it when you feel that way?Is it connected with your work,for example?You may want to talk with your counselor about how you can identify the sources and over come them.

Bard

If it wasn't for the difference in screen name and avatars I would of thought this was a post I made. You basically wrote down everything I ever feel, feeling fine and normal one moment and like the flick of a switch the next moment wondering if I'm on the verge of death or insanity. That there is PAWS rearing it's ugly head at you friend. It's a b***h to deal with but I'm convinced if it wasn't for this period of time in our sobriety 90% of us wouldn't be here trying to get sober. We only be taking breaks till all of the hangover went away. I've accepted that for a year maybe even two years I will have to deal with those moments. One of my biggest guns in my arsenal in handling PAWS is healthy eating along with a special vitamin program. It's not always perfect but it does help me immensely along with keeping myself in shape through powerlifting. That helps spend up any energy I have inside which keeps anxiety at bay. And with the diet and vitamins I'm giving my body all the proper nutrition it needs to repair it self after 16 years worth of abuse I've done to it. It's not gonna fix itself overnight but as the days go by it slowly but surely gets better!

CarolD

My PAWS were hort and not intense.

I was following the eating plan + supplements
from the book....:Under The Influence"

Please check with your doctor about hypoglycemia
many early in recovery suffer from it.

Wombat05

I want to thank everyone for their responses.
Did a bit of work this morning, and had lunch with a couple friends--just getting out of the house these days is kind of a struggle.
Have a doctor's appointment later this week. Hopefully being much more open and honest about what I am doing will allow her to treat me rather than glossing over the issue at hand.
The last time I saw her was in early December, and I lied to her about the frequency and amount I was drinking. I will not make that mistake this time, as now--I do not, and cannot have anything to hide.
I'm pissed off. I'm mad at myself for digging this hole, and mad that "just" quitting drinking isn't enough to get out of it.
I'm sick of feeling terrible, anxious, scared, and I would imagine those around me are pretty sick of it too.

KenL

Oh Wombat....please don't say those things about yourself. It's so counter to your serenity. You're on the right path and you don't need anything to hold you back, especially negative self talk. You didn't necessarily dig any hole either. Your alcoholism just is what it is and the worst of it is behind you now. So give yourself some healthy self talk instead. It'll be ok, just hang in there and believe in yourself and in what your doing. We at SR won't get sick of hearing what you're going through because lots of us are just like you. Chin up now!

CarolD

Be kind to yourself...you are still healing
Please keep us updated ...we do understand.

Forward we go...side by side...

Wombat05

A wombat in a hat. =) Thank you Ken. I needed to see that today.
I also feel I owe you a bit of clarification. Yes, I suppose what I wrote the other day was negative. I didn't intend it as a whine, or a "feel sorry for myself" type of statement. In some ways I think it is good that I'm a bit disappointed in myself. I know better than to let it be my focus--but I also do not think it counter productive. I am a competitive person. Be it hockey, golf, tiddly-winks, or most importantly: recovery. I like to be the best that I can be at it. Never before have I faced an adversary like alcoholism.
Owing to my competitive nature--I was a damn good drunk. It's the recovery part I'm still learning. Part of what I said was my frustration at not "breezing through" recovery. These terrible feelings/struggles that happen to me are enough to make me...well...mad. Based on your reaction to what I said, I certainly didn't choose the best way of conveying that.
For your kind words, and my new desktop Wombat background: I thank you. And I hope I have explained a bit of what I meant.
For today: It is a good one. My pup and I have had a good walk, she a milk bone, and me some tea. The best part is, I'm sober.