DeepBlue

Hi Hughs Dad - thanks for letting us in on your life. All I know is that to change your behaviours, something has to change in your "soul". Whether you want to call this "hitting a bottom" or just the start of an individual spiritual journey, I don't know. I don't think you even have to believe in having a "soul" or to be religious in any way. But I think you have to "re-invent" yourself at a fairly fundamental level, otherwise the old Hugh's Dad will just repeat the cycle that you know so well. I hope this doesn't too much like I have got it sorted as I haven't, and I am only just beginning to make sense of things myself.

Really good luck

Deep Blue

jamdls

Hugh's dad, if you are someone's dad get sober for them as well. I was always telling my daughter I wasn't going to drink anymore and of course I always went back to drinking. In Aug. of 2007 I got drunk and overdosed on prescription meds, I layed in my home for 36 hours before God woke me up because my daughter sure didn't come looking for me-I called 911 and spent a week in the hospital with a hole in my liver. My daughter wouldn't even come to the hospital to see me. I was told I wasn't going to make it, I was denied a liver transplant "due to evidence of alcoholism", I called my daughter and told her-I don't think she believed me I'd lied to her about everything else. Well I did survive and my daughter did pick me up from the hospital and take me home but it took over a year before she started to believe that I would stay sober. I never realized how much my alcoholism affected her, I knew I embarrassed her some but I thought that was "all". She is now 28, married with children and she has difficulty trusting people partly because she couldn't even trust her mother. Your alcoholism won't ruin just YOUR life but alot of others.

J

flutter

Sometimes I find it helpful to go back and read my old posts.. I read yours..you might find some motivation there too.

Leprechaun

There is no bottom till you are done, when you are done you will have reached your bottom. And from what you have said your not done.

Peace,
Lep

Tazman53

You know Hughs Dad I wish I could tell you how to find your bottom, but I can't, my bottom was a moment of clarity when I knew that if I continued drinking I was going to lose every person and every thing material I had in my life and be left with a slow death from my alcoholism.

I can tell you that as others have said, sitting in AA meetings and not working the steps with a sponsor is a sure fire way to relapse for many.

When I came to AA straight out of detox I did just like they suggested in detox, I got a sponsor and commited myself to doing at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days. My temporary sponsor told me to get phone numbers of other men in the meetings and to make sure I called at least 3 every day.... this saved my butt from relapsing at about the 2 month point.

That almost relapse scared the heck out of me, I was white knuckling it for the most part anyhow, the only thing that was keeping me sober was will power, fear, meetings, & speaking to people in the program. The old timers who had what I wanted kept speaking of the "Solution" & that the "Solution" was by taking the steps honestly & throughly so I switched sponsors.

I found a sponsor that was willing to take me through the steps as quickly as I needed to go through them.

The steps were what led me to freedom, they were the solution for my problem, not only have I remained sober, but I am happily sober, the obsession has been lifted, today I have a daily reprieve from my alcoholism dependant upon the fitness of my spiritual condition.

Here is what I would suggest, get to meetings, find a sponsor willing to take you through the steps straight out of the BB at the pace you need, get phone numbers and call them daily. If you are willing to do what ever it takes to get & stay sober you can do so, if you are like me it will be hard as hell at first, be brutally honest with yourself, be open minded and willing!

beingjenagain

I just keep reminding myself that I want to be sober more than I want anything else. My life has improved so much over the past year that I can't even believe it is mine and that I deserve it! The first couple months were so painful and everyday I wanted to drink. Like any addiction it will just keep calling you back but as time passes the voice gets fainter and fainter but I am pretty sure it will always be there and I must always know that my sobriety is my key to everything good in my life!
Wishng you well and big hugs of strength.

Thumpers

Been around AA since 1984, never got past Step 9, always did the Steps some wacky way but never out of the Big Book, chased after women and did the social thing. If I ever did stay sober, I was dry and miserable.

This time I got a sponsor who did Steps 1-3 with me, on my knees, the very first night, started on Step 4 and gave me a week to do it, did Steps 5-7 on my knees again and started on Step 8, had that done in a day. Started Steps 9-12 which is it from here on in.

Boom boom boom, hard vigorous work, the only break I took was an hour after Step 5. Now in just under 90 days I've got three sponsees on their inventories, started a new Big Book Thumpers meeting in my area, and am the happiest I've ever been, the obsession to drink is gone.

So I had to jump in and just do AA out of the Big Book, no goofing around with all this outside stuff, or dawdling on the Steps. That's how it works for me.

Lindsay

hughs dad...all I can say is WOW. I have read many posts here but none has ever hit home and described myself as closely as yours. I'M JUST LIKE YOU. I have been attempting sobriety since last August...with my longest stretch being about two months. After that, I'd have periods of a few weeks sober, relapse, repeat. Each time something would come up, usually some kind of social event that I associated with drinking, and I'd use it as an excuse to convince myself that I "really didn't have a problem" and could drink. Like you, I seem to always find a reason to drink.

Ultimately for me, each period of sobriety begins after a binge...which normally only occur over the weekends. I drink immediately after getting off work Friday and straight through the weekend. I'm the poster child of self-destruction. Lately, like you, I have been becoming a completely different person. I'm mean to my friends, I'm emotional, I'm awful to my boyfriend, I do crazy/ridiculous things...I drive drunk without thought, I smoke (i'm not even a smoker!), i'm mean to my family...It's just so awful.

I'm normally addicted to working out...i go to the gym twice daily when I'm not drinking. Over the weekends or during a binge the thought never crosses my mind. (shocker!)

Like you described, I feel like I have two complete extremes. I think personally, I need to really ACCEPT that I cannot continue as I have been. I have never been to AA...out of fear and doing something outside of my comfort zone.

Feel free to message me any time...wish you the best.

hughs dad

Thanks again. More great advice. I really appreciate it. I went to a meeting tonight and basically cried out, I want to work the steps and I want someone to help me with them. I got a lot of phone numbers and another person advised me of a workshop coming up. Next week there is a workshop that is suppose to take you through all of the steps. He said that by the end of it you'll definitely have a sponsor.

I think my major problem was I was doing everything I was suppose to do (except work the steps - which, turns out, is the most important aspect of recovery). I feel optimistic now. I want this obsession to be taken away. I want to stop living scared that any day I could pick up a bottle of knob creek and start right where I left off.

Today was day 3 and it was an up and down day. In the morning I felt fantastic. Got plenty of sleep, drank a lot of water this morning, made it to work early. I now feel verrrrrry tired and foggy. It's like my brain is hazy and I'm sort of "out of it". I've read a lot of the newbie posts and I know this is common.

I am going to go to another meeting tomorrow and keep checking in here. I think between AA, this website, my therapist I see once per week, and my wife I have plenty of accountability partners. It's now up to me to take action and work the program.

One last question, Can I start working the steps without a sponsor? Or should I just read the BB and wait for one to come along? I really want to succeed this time and really do feel like I will do whatever is necessary to keep sobriety.

Thanks again! I will check in tomorrow for sure.

jimhere

Did it ever occur to you that maybe you might die before you hit that bottom you are aiming for?

We've talked before via private message. If you decide you want to live, pm me and we'll see what we can do about hooking you up with some guys I know in Indianapolis.
Jim

Thumpers

You need to go up and ask someone who has what you want to be your sponsor to take you through the Steps immediately, you can't give yourself objective feedback and guidance.

Example:

"In actual practice, we usually find a solitary self-appraisal insufficient." -BB Into Action

Don't wait even a day to start working the Steps, it could kill you.