Yesterdaysnumb

I've pretty much given up on his recovery. He's been making some strides toward his recovery just the past few days. But after weeks, months and years of not trying and then trying and then not trying.... I just can't bring myself to get my hopes up again.

So, yesterday he decided to call the National Guard to speak to a recruiter. He met with one today. He's decided to enlist.

Now, this IS A HUGE DEAL! He never would do anything like this. He's never succeeded or accomplished anything in life so I dont' know what to expect.

I'm thinking that maybe the military would help him get himself together? Maybe he could learn self control and discipline to become a great man?

Or am I getting my hopes up?

P.S. He hasn't drank in a minute because he wants to pass the drug and alcohol test! Ugh! I'd hate for this to be another failure.

Enough21

I'm not sure about your history, but joining the military without consulting me first would be an absolute deal breaker for me. You need to go meet with the recruiter yourself as well, as you will now be a military spouse and deserve to know what you are in for. Obviously your desire is for him to get well, but this decision will completely change your life too.

sailorjohn

C'mon now, you've posted here 176 times, you must have done some reading on the subject of alcoholism. How does discipline and self control play out in the life of an alcoholic?

Sara9009

My husband is in the military so feel free to ask any questions. For some people the lifestyle just really pulls them together but we are active so I am not too sure about the National Guard since it is supposed to be weekend (is it one or two a month) and 2 weeks a year. Then again some of the guys get together and drink a lot.

One thing you really need to know is no matter what the recruiter tells you, even though it is The National Guard. he will deploy for 12-15 months to Iraq or Afghanistan. The troops that are in are looking at their third sometimes plus deployments and they are sending anyone with a heart beat. Even though we are drawing down in Iraq it is still going to take a few years and then we are living 50k contigent forces in Iraq and upping the people in Afghanistan.

One other thing about the military is he can be pulled to active status but stay in the states. Sometimes outside of the state you live so you have to decide to follow him for the year or go with the seperation.

In the last 2 weeks, I have seen my husband about 10 hours and half of that was him sleeping for a few hours before taking a shower and getting new clothes to go back. Plus, the training which will have him gone for months at a time. Depending on the Command this means having a baby alone, dealing with deaths of non-immediate family members on your side of the family alone, and general life things that you have to take care of.

You really need to consider if this is a lifestyle choice you are comfortable with because you basically give all of your control over to Uncle Sam.

To add on further thought I have known of people getting booted for alcohol or drug use. Alcohol use they try to get you to go to meetings, you get extra duty, pay cuts, loss of rank which affects the entire family. Most of these people ended up with a Dishonorable Discharge or Other Than Honorable which is not really great if you want to work for the government or in certain sectors.

Another thing to take into consideration is he needs to complete an intensive physical and take the ASVAB to determine what jobs he is eligible for. You can speak to the recruiter at any time and I highly recommend it. It's not as easy as walking in and "poof" they take you.

CarolD

Hmm..
I was a career Army officers wife
my son and his 2 sons also chose Army careers.

My husband had drinking problems later on
when he could no longer fly.
The other 3 are non drinkers.

IMO-It's the responsbility of drinkers to quit
or not. Regardless of what else is happening.

It's also best to not believe everything in service
will be what the recruiter says will be status quo.
The needs of the service
overrides any facts now currently in practice.
the rules change quite often.

Sara9009

PS: Please ignore my spelling and grammar. I was half-awake and it is too late for me to change. =)

CarolD

Sara....
you are right on spot with your reply.
Prayers going out to you and your family.

My younger Grandson is on active duty...
(his brother got a medical discharge while at West Point)
and will be leaving for his second tour in Afghanistan.

Sean had only been back 6 months
from a 15 months tour.
Heck...he is on his first enlistment too!

coffeepot

i hope the best for you & yours & hope it helps - for me, changing jobs and moving didn't help - external changes couldn't solve my serious internal/emotional problems - when i found out that strict drug/alcohol testing was required for a certain job a few years back, i remember staying up late on the net researching how to beat these tests -- no amount of external structure helped me - disease was too cunning baffling & powerful

Sara9009

Thanks Carol. My thoughts are with your family.

I hope Sean is adjusting well and I hope his unit doesn't already have re-deployment orders. I have noticed a lot of military and their family members having a harder time adjusting during and after the 15 month deployments.

I am very active with other military spouses and the strain is really reaching a breaking point for a lot of people. DH is career and because of the unit he is in his deployments are 3-6 months but it also means he can be home for a month or less and back out the door again.

CarolD

coffeepot ...
Welcome to SR and our Alcoholism Forum

I hope your life is smoothing out tthese days.

CAPTAINZING2000

My son's home on leave from Afghanistan for two weeks. He's seemed to mature since, he's been gone. I've never asked him too much about what he's seeing over there. I hope, what ever happens, he keeps healthy mentally.


All in all, my son might be safer over there. He was drinking way too heavy before he left.

I know, I did the same when, I signed up for the navy at the end of the Viet Nam war

mikefreak

Hon, the only thing I can tell you is to never give up hope. When I was in the Army during the 70's, there was a saying that the service will "either make a man out of you or it will make you worst than you ever
were", or something like that.
Don't know how old he is, but I was somewhat of a lost soul myself when I enlisted. The military DID teach me a work ethic. & my self-esteem improved as I realized I could do anything that I put my mind to. Maybe this IS what he needs. At least it seems he is trying TO DO SOMETHING.
For better or worse, he will have changed after he completes basic training. Keep your fingers crossed & back him up during this time. Good luck to you & your guy..........This could be a new start for both of you.

CarolD

Zing....
Prayers coming your way for you and your son.

navysteve

I joined the military at 5 years sober. It has been the second best mistake in my life.

Yesterdaysnumb

Thanks all of you so much for your replies! Just to give you all some background

He's 25, I'm 24.

We've been married for almost two years. Been together for a little over three.

We have three children. A five year old (mine from previous relationship) and our 1 year old and our 5 month old.

(Thank God) He did tell me and he wanted to discuss it with me before he enlisted and took it upon himself to meet with the recruiter. We discussed it and he really thinks this could be the change for him. He knows there are strict rules and tests that he has to take and he seems to think that he can buckle down and really nail it. He went to the library yesterday to get books and DVD's on the ASVAB test. He's been running each day to try to get together physically. I'm really proud of him. I just am so afraid of another let-down. I don't think my heart can take another.

By the way, we had an argument yesterday. And he had a beer. *shaking my head*

I really really REALLY want this to work. I'm not guillable enough to beleive that this is an end all fix all solution but I do want it to help.

navysteve

Drinking is still very much a part of military culture. I was married with kids when I joined and the benefits are great. Too many to mention here, but the consequences for taking liberties ( drinking etc...) are a bit more severe in the military. If I can be of any help please feel free to PM me.

Yesterdaysnumb

Thanks so much! I really appreciate it.

Kallista

I hope he isn't accepted. Being a member of the military is an important job, and involves a lot of responsibility. Other people will rely on him. If he is an alcoholic, it's completely selfish to try to use the military as the solution to his problems. The most likely outcome of this situation is that the military spends a lot of money training him and then has to boot him out or send him to treatment because he is STILL a drunk.

If he's honest about his alcoholism, it's a rule out for service. The regulations say that it makes you unfit for service. If he has some period of recovery under his belt, he can get a waiver for this regulation. Until he has some time clean and sober, he doesn't belong in the military.

Freedom1990

No matter where he goes, there he's going to be, and he's going to be there along with his alcoholism/addictions. It's that simple.

navysteve

Not everyone who drinks is an alcoholic. I have met plenty of folks who were just like your husband who found themselves in the Military and worked out fine. In fact, most people I know in the military have similar stories, most were running from something. He may not be an alcoholic and people are often mis-diagnosed as such by doctors