Amazonqueen522

I dont know what is wrong with me lately, it seems that when things are starting to look better I start wanting to head back to the misery that I was in, although I'm not going to drink today. My feelings are like a rollercoaster ride one minute I want to have it all. The next I want to give it all, but most often I want to curl up in a fetus position and cry, cry, cry. I started a new job on Monday but now I questioning myself whether or not Im good enough, will it last? What about if I fail? I always seem to bring myself down into a depressive state..I know I need help, I so much want to live a happy life..

I know that I should relax but I dont know how to stop my feelings from bouncing all over the place....I wish I would've been born with self-esteem and confidence, deep down inside I know there is a girl that wants to conquer the world....

thanks for listening.....

marty888

Its really tough I know, but try not to think what if? Try and live in the moment and not worry what might or might not happen (I wish I could do that).
Just remember if you were not good enough for the job, they would not have given to you !!!

CarolD

I spent a few hours today helping a sponsee
She had finished her 4th Step and we did 5.

She left with serenity and a new confidence


Action ...recovery requires action
Thanks for sharing,

lunarise

Amazon~
Im sorry your feeling up and down. I know that is rough. All I can say is perspective..that helps me alot when I am neither here nor there.
Hope you feel better soon.
:ghug3

24hrsAday

Amazon: it is often a rollercoaster ride with our emotions.. in early recovery especially.. today even after over 2 years sober i can and do have hours even days where i'm back on an emotional rollercoaster. there is no easy way to get through it.. no magic.. just prayer, meetings.. and faith that doing the next right thing will pay off. so far it always has for me..

DaveBB164

Hi Amazon,

Are you in AA?, where are you with the steps?

Dave

endzoner

I think Dave makes a valid point , Your at a spot right now and not sure where to go ( in your head ) your at that area i was back then I was sober and all this things running circles in my head , So i started makin meetings and found purpose in my self thu those meetings .
Live into at this moment , dont worry bout whats gonna happen later on . A good friend said if I waste so much time thinkin bout whats not happening down the road , that I fail to see whats right in front of me .
We all miss place our keys or something we miss placed , look and look and cant find it . and all of a sunder stop lookin and low and behold there it was right in front of our face . AQ dont worry so much , I know easier said then done hun , Your not used to living life sober its all new and fresh . enjoy that clean air and just breath ! hugs of love your friend Endzy

Amazonqueen522

Hi,

Thanks all for your support....

Dave: no, Im not in AA I know thats what I need.......:ghug3

Dean62

When things start looking good in early sobriety is a dangerous point for me. I have a history of drinking right about then. A knack for drinking at just the wrong moment.

To worry about your job is to lack in faith. Try the opposite and turn to faith where your job is concerned. Put the job in HP's hands and don't worry about it anymore. I was terrified when I got my job because I knew I couldn't do it. Through prayer a year later I have been promoted and it is the best job I have ever had.

You have said you haven't been to AA. The steps are about self esteem and confidence not alcohol.

Your esteem can be improved, I know it can. Trust, acceptance honesty and humility will transform you from who you think you are to the girl deep down inside.

Acceptance Queeny. The oposite of low self esteem is acceptance. :ghug3

prettypoison

Your post really resonated with me as I am also battling with the confidence issue. I've always worried about things a lot so part of that is my baseline personality, but I recognize a lot of the self-doubt I have is a direct result of having a long drinking career. So first I made bad decisions to drink -- then keep drinking even when negative consequences began occurring. Then I made really horrible decisions while drinking that turned negative into complete wreckage in my life. What ultimately resulted is a lack of trust in myself. Even though I've abstained from alcohol the desire to sometimes pick up again haunts me which triggers self-doubt. I know in time I will learn to trust myself -- it helps every day that I don't drink and I feel stronger. It's the disease sneaking up on me and telling me I can have a drink that rattles me -- confidence is achieved by not giving and proving to myself that I am strong -- and only time and fighting the good fight can restore me. We can have the life we so long for -- we must believe in ourselves -- and that takes practice, practice, practice. Others have offered some really good advice here -- I just want you to know you are not alone in how you feel :ghug3 I wish you the best in your new job.