NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

We have a sound system connected to a CD player at work that pipes the music throughout the office area. I have been getting pretty tired of listening to what they had available, so I brought in some of my own music in hopes that we could change things a bit. It was ok, and I loaded the music up. Then the Dixie Chicks start playing.

I haven't listened to this particular album in quite awhile...bout 4 years I'd guess and as soon as this one song started...something in me went "oh, I used to drink to this one". I used to drink to this one. I remembered what it felt like to have a buzz on in the afternoon "cleaning the house" while this song played.

Folks, I haven't had that feeling for a very very long time and I can tell you I remembered EXACTLY what it felt like. It was a physical sensation. I excused myself and had a small cry in the bathroom, said a prayer and got back out there and proceeded to do my job. Then I spoke with another alkie after work about it..and I'll probably speak with more people tonight about it at the meeting.

It scared me that "that voice" is still in me, still hiding, just waiting for a afternoon with nothing to do and the Dixie Chicks.

Whew. Feel better now. Thanks.

Karen

Astro

Sounds like you took the perfect action Karen, thanks for leading by your example!

CarolD

While Jazz was my special drinking music...
thankfully...II've had such a vivid flashback...yuk!

Glad to know your sharing about this.
Blessings

verity29

Wow! The exact same thing happened to me the other night. I was driving home from work listening to some tracks when one came on that brought back the same sort of memories.

I felt really upset by it too but i shared about it in a meeting too and it helped get the feeling out.

I guess there can be all sorts of triggers like this. I am in early recovery and i find that remembering my worst drunks can help.

It just shows you that whatever you are feeling someone else goes through it too.

paulmh

Lol, I had an experience like that at Christmas when my boy bought me a bottle of aftershave which matched one that I drank in a moment of desperation - I know EXACTLY what you mean about the physical sensation! I could taste it, feel the effect - "flashback" is the only word for it! And yes, all sorts of unexpected things can trigger a drinking recollection so vivid that it isn't just "in my head" but throughout my body - but thankfully these things don't come complete with a craving today.

I agree with Astro, thanks for your example in how you dealt with it.

PaulN

A dear friend of mine celebrated his 44th AA birthday this past Tuesday. He's an incredible person to be around and when you first look at him, you just sense or see the results of of what life is like when the AA program is truly applied.

His story of course, in not unlike any of ours. How he delivers the message though, I find very motivating and keeps my own willingness, "filled up".

Near the beginning of each talk, he fits in this phrase: "Every alcoholic, in their back of their minds, has a little snake singing a little tune called "One drink won't hurt". The miracle for us in AA, is we've learned that we no longer have to dance to that tune."

Music has it's way of allowing the mind to wander and to wonder. (At least for me) I too on occasion will hear a song that provokes a memory from the not so pleasant past ... the good news, it's short lived. Rather, my friend and his comments about not having to dance to the tune the snake sings comes into mind. And if really aware, I find myself sort of smiling as I continue to listen to the song that first triggered me.

I'm not responsible for what may pop into my head from time to time ... but today, I am responsible in what I do with the thought. I guess it may be a simple mind trick for me, but it's one that works and seems to have worked pretty well.

Maybe it's something you can use Karen, I don't know. Regardless, hang in there and keep sharing from your heart

Texasblind

Isn't it funny how just a song can trigger us? I feel it with Hootie and the Blowfish of all bands. I'm embarassed saying it.

I had to try out a whole new kind of music when I got sober. Some 70's glam would send me directly to the bottle right now.

How can it be that powerful? The memories it evokes, the dreams it brings back. Terrible.

chris1959

It finally rained here in Texas, which we needed.
But as I look out the back door, the Friday afternoon drizzle triggered memories of the paycheck in the pocket, the evening ahead, and the weekend off.
Like the thought of a long lost love; I just smiled as the night played out in my head.
Lets see, ah, tomorrow I'd wake up broke and somewhere that I didn't want to be, feeling like I didn't want to feel, and probably next to someone I didn't want to be next to. (like going to bed with Madonna and waking up with Phyllis Diller.sp?) That's if I woke up at all. Yummy!

Thank you God for letting me think the drink thru.
And thank all you guys. Glad to be here glad to be sober.

nelco

music has a way of bringing me back to places and feelings too. I often use music to remember events....But smells are also huge for me. Last year I was gardening and the wind caught a plant in my garden, the fragrance from that plant brought me right back to when I was a small child with a jar catching bumble bees in my dad's garden. My parents were having a row and I was scared. It was over alcohol. I had forgotton all about that day but the smell of the plant stired up feelings and memories right down to the dress I had on. I had to sit down and was quite shook at what it stirred in me.

Tommyh

on several other forums I go to we have a thread called the jukebox.We embed youtube music videos and songs there.We have anything from old rock and roll to inspirational to blues.They don`t bother me any more.I sometimes just hunt up old rock music on you tube and jam out.... music I used to get stoned by,and I still like the music,but I don`t think about getting stoned anymore.....