milford1

My 2 year anniversery will be coming up soon and I can't say I'm comfortable with being a recovering alcaholic. I'm still really angry and pissed off at people. I did rehab, counseling, and meds, but could never go to AA faithfully. For some reason I would always hate everyone involved in the process. I know it's a defense mechanism, but should it really last this long? I hated the people who ran rehab- thought they were all there to make a buck. Thought my counselor was an underqualified idiot, and then never wanted to hear other people's stories at AA. What avenues are there for me? Any alternatives to AA? I know it's a common thing to need/hate AA and push yourself to go, but I just really really don't want to go. I don't believe in God, so church groups are out, and I really don't like being around strangers. The anti-depressants don't help much and I feel like I'm going crazy. Please help.

Fubarcdn

Welcome to SR.
I can't really offer anything but wanted to say welcome.
I have only been sober for two months and all I do is post and read here but I don't really have any issues to deal with except for not drinking.
I hope you get something out of coming around here.

FightingIrish

Congrats on your two years! I'm at a year and a half here. Where and with whom will you be celebrating?

One of the things that sobriety has brought to me is the, er, "opportunity" to work on changing how I view things. When I first got sober, I was certain that the rest of my life was going to be miserable. I was judgmental towards everybody, but especially at myself.

By practicing a few simple things every day, I learned how to start giving myself a break (and thus, giving everyone else a break too!) I won't refer to A.A. much since you say it's not for you, but I have also found Buddhism (a non-theist spiritual practice), to be most helpful. Especially listening to tapes from the Insight Medication centers - Jack Kornfield, Gil Frondhal, etc.

Hope you find your peace.

Michael

aasharon90

2 yrs is good.....that a bunch of
one days at time collected to get
u where u r today. That's a HUGE
accomplishment for someone in
recovery.

Be kind to urself because you are
worth it.

I went thru the 28 day rehab back
in 1990. I didnt like it either, however
i took the tools and knowledge of my
disease and continued on.

I went to many many meetings day
after day and brought things to eat
as my service work,,,,,like cookies,
cakes...things i enjoyed baking.

It gave me a purpose to go to those
meeting, because i surely didnt say
much if nothing at all....

People saw me and thanked me and
that was it.....before i knew it people
recognized me and would say u sure
go to lots of meetings....

Yep i do....and i listened and absorbed
and took what i needed and left the
rest.

This went on for many yrs as i continued
to stay sober one day at a time.....

Then i found SR and it has been my
lifeline to recovery when not at meetings.

I come here to share my experiences
strengths and hopes with others. Sharing
what it was like when i was drinking,
what hsappened to me and where Im
at today......

It's amazing when i do do that it allows
me to get out of self and help someone
else.

Its amazing how i feel when doing that.

CarolD

Well done on your sober time...
Welcome to SR and our Alcoholism Forum

Here is a list of various recovery programs
for you to explore....

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-programs.html

I do use AA for my recovery from alcoholism
I also used SMART with good reults for another issue.

And no...AA is not the only way to enjoy your sobriety.
Have you considered a counseloor for your anger?

Good to see a new member

Texasblind

I'm 13 months sober and more full of hate and anger than I ever was while drunk. So I understand.

I see a therapist and attend anger management classes. I think us addicts have so many unresolved issues that we can't help but be angry. I just know I can't act on it or share it with those I'm angry with or I'll explode. So I deep breathe and meditate through it. Maybe a walk or lift weights.

CAPTAINZING2000

Hate is such a strong word!!!

I imagine, people that get cancer might hate, having that as well.

I'm grateful

I learned, to accept and to build on it. Write a gratitude list.

Go scan the net for people living in third world countries.

I look at where, I could have ended up not where I'm heading now in my recovery

johnsin

there is a book you must read. it is called The Alcoholism and Addiction Cure by Chris Prentis. there are some great thoughts in this book that i am sure can help point you in the right direction.
but you really should be proud of yourself. i think you are now dealing with the original problem which started you problem in the first place.

bob_sapp

Hate/anger is so destructive to a person trying to stay sober. Being in an intensely negative and hateful state while sober can be so bad that you won't even see the point in being sober if it is so miserable. Been there, don't want to go back. I didn't drink, but I thought about it. A lot.

gravity

I think that it really comes down to "psychic change." My view of the world, other people, my drinking, and myself used to be so warped - I couldn't see reality. For me, it is AA and my own spiritual growth that is giving me that psychic change but there are many paths to get there.

I also believe that I needed the help of others to achieve my goals - sobriety, serenity, happiness, a fulfilling life. I had to put my trust in others. It was tough at first but there is so much wisdom out there.

Today there isn't anybody or anything in my life that I hate. I think back to those mornings, coming off yet another bender - that was the blackest hatred I ever felt, hatred of myself. And really, even that hatred was misplaced - I was just another sick alcoholic.

The only suggestion I have is to shop around for a counselor that is more in line with your beliefs and needs. Learn to trust that person. You don't have to live like this. Truly.

Kallista

If you want to try a 12 Step approach without the God part, you could try a Buddhist approach. I highly recommend "The Zen of Recovery" by Mel Ash. It really does help with developing love and compassion for the people around us, and love and compassion for our selves.

Ananda

i'm dealing with a lot of hate anger stuff the last month....I'm about 20 mos sober this time.

What i know it that for me (having gone through getting sober a number of times)....around 18 mos seems to be where the sht hits the fan so to speak...I honestly think it has to do with actually having enough distance from the drink to be able to deal with those other "issues"

JEEEz i can't tell you how much i wish i was one of the people who's only problem is that they drink...Mostly I simply don't believe people when they say it (sorry fubar....not aimed at you ) But right now I am suspecting that these people are very likely telling the truth....i'de switch places with you in a heart beat if I could...and i've no reason to think any of those people aren't being honest here..i mean what would be the point.

Yeah... i really hate to admit it, but you know take the drink out of me and after a period of time without the deading effect of alchohol I hve to face some serously screwed up crp.

What has helped me in the past is a variety of things...the bigist probably after doing what ever it takes to not drink is to get some professional counciling from some one who has NOTHING to do with the addiction field...and get down to working on those things that were there before the alchohol and remain after the alchohol.

I don't know if I will use that option today, but at least I have been here before and know that option is out there.

Oh yeah..real important expereince i can share with you those anti depresents may be helping you alot more than you think! stay on them until you get some good solid help on the anger issues....I am currently off my meds (long story and doesn't really matter)...awaiting the script to start again and then takes a while to kick in....What i learned was that w/o the medication I don't really have a chance to work through things properly, but that if I am on the medication It's important i work on this stuff and not decide maybe it isn't a problem

know medication can be a touchy topic...hope since i really tried to stick to my expereince i won't get blasted....

SCRedhead

Welcome to SR!
I hope you get whatever you need here. Sorry, I'm not much help--very new to this being sober deal. Don't feel like I have enough time to give any advice. I just wanted to welcome you, So Welcome!

paulg

I remember having similar feelings after two years sober in my twenties. During the time off the booze my life was going great, but I resented having anything to do with the recovery movement. I just wanted to be a normal person. I drank again and it took me ten terrible years to stop again. I am three years sober again but must admit that I don't use any support group. Having said that, I have not had these feelings this time.

I think that what you are going through is common. Your path will find you so long as you don't drink. Try AA, try anything, a change can really pick up the pace in recovery I have found.

Charmie

hello and welcome.just my experience,,,,i had all the feelings you are experiencing but when i truly had had enough and just surrendered to people,places and things around me and stopped doing things my way this is when i honestly started feeling at peace.you have expressed that AA is not for you?? i dont mean to offend and im sorry if i do but is this not you still just fighting? when i stopped fighting things got better,,a whole lot better.i did it my way for over 20 yrs and it was one disaster after another,in fact it was a living nightmare.when i conceded to my innermost self that it just didnt work and did the complete opposite to why my warped brain was telling me things took a dramatic turn for the better.i would suggest that you give AA another try or another recovery programme.putting the plug in the jug is not enough for most alcoholics and we need to get rid of all the wreckage and work through all the other stuff.i wish you well in whatever you decide to do.please keep us posted.

AcceptingChange

Congratulations on your 2 years sober. You probably avoided lots of suffering, potentially jail, maybe even death. The suggestions others gave will help with the other parts of your life.

keithj

AA's primary purpose is to show other alcoholics precisely how we have recovered and to help the alcoholic who still suffers.

Milford, it sounds like you are still suffering. You don't have to.

Like gravity said, the spiritual awakening from taking AA's 12 steps has resulted in a vast change in my perception of my life and my place in the world. I know a comfort and contentment, a usefullness and purpose, that I didn't think existed as a possibility for me.

I've watched dozens of guys like you that had managed a couple of years of sober time without recovering finally get tired of life and become willing to take the 12 steps. The results have been stunning. There's almost nothing to compare to the change in a person that has just been sober into a recovered person. These guys are on fire for life.

TexasMan

Milford,

I can relate strongly to your feelings. I am one of those few here who do not believe in the 12 step approach at all and feel that most if not all of the treatment centers and programs are geared towards making money and not necessarily helping people. Most counselors and social workers I've had experience with (including an ex who is a MSW in California) only repeat what they've been told without ANY evidence to support those statements.

I also don't believe that addiction or alcoholism are "diseases" which, although most people seem to feel this, evidence to the contrary is supported through numerous recent studies including that of Gene Hayman, a Harvard psychologist, from earlier this year.

These issues are choices plain and simple. And many of us, myself included, have made bad choices

Congatulations to you for the two years. That takes enormous will and strength of character.

You mentioned anti-depressants and indicate they don't seem to be working well for you. Please check with your doctor about possibly switching your meds if you haven't already.

As far as alternatives to AA, well since actual studies show that 12 step programs are as effective as doing nothing at all, I'd recommend reading some of Stanton Peele's books. He's a psychologist and addiction specialist who has never agreed with the status quo on addictions. He's also a pretty good writer too.

The Jude Thaddeus program which is available through the mail rather than inpatient (although they do offer inpatient at their facilities) is also a very good non-12 step program although there is a religious aspect to their program which I'm also not fond of but their rational for it is that most of our moral laws (don't kill, don't steal, etc.) are originally based on or inherited from a religious doctrine somewhere along the way.

I was very dismayed when I originally began searching for a solution to my addiction issues several months back and became, as you say, pissed off when I found that the prevailing attitude of AA and 12 step programs was that "they just work" without ANY evidence to support this conclusion.

Most people I believe feel comfort in thinking they have a "disease". As a cancer survivor whose family worked in the medical industry, I can assure you that no medical doctor believes addiction or alcoholism is a disease. That status is simply for insurance billing purposes.

I'm certain that many members here will object to my posting saying "It worked for me!" and that's great but unfortunately, the overall picture is less rosy and the truth is that programs which help you make the right choices in life for your happiness are always better than programs which tell you that you're "powerless" and have no control.

You've demonstrated clearly that you have control. It's hard to let go of anger as I well know. Please investigate your options closely and they are there for you.

You can work past the anger to find the happiness!

CarolD

Yes....there are various ways to quit drinking
and to stay sober. ..

Several options have been shared on this thread
and sR members interested are certainly encourged
to find whatever works for them.

It's not necessary to bedate what others
choose to do or discount their experiences.

sunrise1

Congratulations on your 2 years sober.... you are amazing to me just for that. I don't have much experience that will help you, but as far as meds go, I know I had to try several different things and combinations (which took a year and a half) before I found what would work for me. Are you open to checking on that?

As to the other issues, I hate that you are in such a bad place mentally and hope you find your way to a happier existence. Stick around here... there are many schools of thought as to how one can reach sobriety, and the support here just plain rocks.

Welcome- please do stick around.
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