Emily82

Hi, I just signed up for this site today. I have tried recovery in the past and never succeeded, I don't think I was ready. I have been through rehab, had multiple hospital visits, and lost many friends through the years because of my habit. My love for alcohol has taken over as my best friend over the past 3 years and I have isolated myself to the point where leaving the house for anything other than going to work or school is just not something I will willingly do anymore, even if alcohol is involved. I would rather drink by myself because I wont embarass myself. You would think that with all the losses and embarassment I have experienced that I would have decided to quit after I experienced them but I didn't. I have just isolated myself so that nobody will see how bad my habit is becoming.

My reason for searching and finding this site is that I am beginning to be scared for my health. In the past I haven't cared about my health and have figured that the faster the alcohol ruined my health the better but I have recently decided to finish my degree and thought I could maintain my drinking if I had a goal in mind. I was wrong. Going home and drinking remains the only thing I want to do when I get off work or school and my tolerance has gotten so high that I can drink a 12 pack and go to work the next morning without a hangover as long as I know I can crack a beer as soon as I get off. Waking up in the middle of the night with my heart beating so fast it feels like I am going to have a heart attack is a regular occurance and I have aged my poor body horribly over the past 3 to 4 years, which is how long I have been isolating to have alcohol as my only friend. I have had depression problems since I was 12 and I know the alcohol makes my medication not as effective but I haven't cared as long as I can get my fix. I need help and don't know where to go because I have been so shy with AA meetings. I have tried going to them and will end up showing up to an all men's meeting or something stupid like that and it just discourages me further. Anyways, this is me, any suggestions?

collinsmi

Towards the end that hangover thing boomeranged on me and I'd get a hangover each and every time I drank. I remember one night before a court appearance, holding it down to 3 beers and getting to sleep at a reasonable hour, and still waking up hung over and late!

AA in Los Angeles must have a website, and an online schedule. Pick meetings based on that and you should have less chance of winding up at a men's meeting. Have you considered that shyness might be a manifestation of your disease (assuming you are an alcoholic)? If that's the case, remember that most of those people at the AA meetings wound up there because they had drinking problems. They are or were at exactly the same point you seem to be at now.

catlovermi

You can call your local AA number and ask them to set you up to meet someone one-on-one. They will find you a wonderful, experienced, sober woman to help allay your fears. She won't try to control you or convince you of anything, but will tell you her experience, be available for questions, and even go with you to a meeting if you would like. AA is full of wonderful people, experts in what you want. She will also likely know the best meetings for you to attend, as they are all different in character. There is nothing to fear!

CLMI

CarolD

Welcome to our recovery community...

You do know your anti depressant meds are less effective
when you drink alcohol....so that is an important factor
for you to think about.
Depression is why I decided to quit.

How about asking your doctor for advice on how to quit?
Be honest about your drinking so he/she can advise correctly.
That's always a wise move....

Glad you have joined us

Emily82

Thank you for your comments and I will try contacting the AA number. I didn't know they would set you up to meet with someone one on one first, that could be helpful. Thank you.

CarolD

Yes....some areas do have members willing to meet
interested people about AA. Sometimes they will
come to your home...sometimes meet at a public
place such as a restaurant for convrsation....
some give rides ...However...

this is not true in each area....
personal safety is the issue.

When you call the AA number...ask them.
Don't be discouraged if it's not available

Do you have a friend that would go with you
to an Open Meeting? Anyone is welcomed there.

Check for Open Meetings...ask or when you look
they will have an O to denote the type.

Hope this helps...Recovery Really Rocks!

nelco

Hi emily. this was also my life for so long. I remember feeling my heart beat so hard off my mattress, Its a very scary place to be. I went to a.a and have not drank for a several years now, my life is much better and my heart beats normally at night!! I hope you get the help you need and make that call.

catlovermi

I stand corrected by Carol. Since this option is available in my location, I hadn't stopped to realize it may not be in others.

Thank you, Carol.

CLMI