7 years since i started trying to quit...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 181
7 years since i started trying to quit...
and i think i'm finally starting to get it.
i'm an addict/alcoholic, and choose to post in alcoholism because alcohol is my real demon. i'm about a month sober after a slip, 4 years into my sobriety. i have almost 7 years clean from meth and weed, which were my drugs of choice when i was substituting (yay i'm all better cause i don't drink!!! don't mind that i'm all strung out...).
i feel a difference in me. over the course of the past week, i've felt and identified two real emotions, happiness and sadness, and differentiated them from "states of being"--ie depression, desperation or excitement. i think i'm really coming out of a depression i've been in, partially treated or not, for over ten years. (i'm 25.)
yesterday i realized, i'm not scared to leave my house. i've been petrified to do anything, go to the store, go out with friends, for seven years. and i realized, like a smack in the face, that i've been doing just that for a week without even noticing i'm not scared.
i think my recovery is really starting now although i've been clean so long. i think i'm finally at a place where i'm starting to understand myself and this world i live in, and I DON'T WANT TO KILL MYSELF. that's huge. it's a change that happened because i started doing instead of thinking--leaving the house, smiling when i'm scared, LETTING THINGS GO.
thanks for reading.
i'm an addict/alcoholic, and choose to post in alcoholism because alcohol is my real demon. i'm about a month sober after a slip, 4 years into my sobriety. i have almost 7 years clean from meth and weed, which were my drugs of choice when i was substituting (yay i'm all better cause i don't drink!!! don't mind that i'm all strung out...).
i feel a difference in me. over the course of the past week, i've felt and identified two real emotions, happiness and sadness, and differentiated them from "states of being"--ie depression, desperation or excitement. i think i'm really coming out of a depression i've been in, partially treated or not, for over ten years. (i'm 25.)
yesterday i realized, i'm not scared to leave my house. i've been petrified to do anything, go to the store, go out with friends, for seven years. and i realized, like a smack in the face, that i've been doing just that for a week without even noticing i'm not scared.
i think my recovery is really starting now although i've been clean so long. i think i'm finally at a place where i'm starting to understand myself and this world i live in, and I DON'T WANT TO KILL MYSELF. that's huge. it's a change that happened because i started doing instead of thinking--leaving the house, smiling when i'm scared, LETTING THINGS GO.
thanks for reading.
where the light is
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,763
Originally Posted by zxcirce 
it's a change that happened because i started doing instead of thinking--leaving the house, smiling when i'm scared, LETTING THINGS GO.
Congratulations on all of your accomplishments!
Living in sobriety
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 3,870
it's a change that happened because i started doing instead of thinking--
Great to hear your progress....well done
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 181
thanks everyone.
i love having a place i can share my hope and happiness as well as my struggles. i am going to work out today and then go to work, and i'm ridiculously happy for the opportunity to do both.
sober rocks.
i love having a place i can share my hope and happiness as well as my struggles. i am going to work out today and then go to work, and i'm ridiculously happy for the opportunity to do both.
sober rocks.
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