Alcohol is the only way for me.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
Larry,
I think you remember my story...after 7 years sober i drank again...the drink lasted 8 years....I got back to sobriety
Thats what i want you to remember right now....it IS possible for you to get and stay sober again.
Things were building up for a while, and I know i didn't reach out to you as i could/should hve....but we are all here and we all do care...sometimes better than other times.
I absolutely KNOW that YOU, in fact ANYONE can make it back to sobriety. And that that sobriety can be good.
You know i'm not much on faith, but i guess that is one of the ones that I expereinced adn now have faith in for others.
Love you dean....please stay alive long enough to get sober (hug)
I think you remember my story...after 7 years sober i drank again...the drink lasted 8 years....I got back to sobriety
Thats what i want you to remember right now....it IS possible for you to get and stay sober again.
Things were building up for a while, and I know i didn't reach out to you as i could/should hve....but we are all here and we all do care...sometimes better than other times.
I absolutely KNOW that YOU, in fact ANYONE can make it back to sobriety. And that that sobriety can be good.
You know i'm not much on faith, but i guess that is one of the ones that I expereinced adn now have faith in for others.
Love you dean....please stay alive long enough to get sober (hug)
member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,433
Originally Posted by chris1959 
Hey Larry,
You can have my old spot under the bridge, I cleaned it up before I left.
You can have my old spot under the bridge, I cleaned it up before I left.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Canada
Posts: 729
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Dean I wish there was something magical I could say to help, but there is no magic to it.
You know what the problem is.
You know there is a solution for it.
All you have to do is swallow your pride before it kills you, hold out your hand and ask for help in doing the work needed to get sober and stay sober.
I surrendered to alcohol 3 years ago, it beat me, I could not control it and I could not stop it so I took the chicken crap way out and just let alcohol take me where ever it wished and for a while I was at peace, I slipped off into an alcohol induced oblivion......... some time later I saw death, it stared me in the face, a slow LONELY death that only an alcoholic or addict can know. I was at a turning point, a jumping off place, I could just continue on the path I was taking drinking to oblivion until I fell into that great abyss of death, I chose to live and the only way I could do that was to stop drinking and stay stopped.
You are not alone in this, you know that, we do understand and we will love you, support you, and help you, but you have to be present for that to happen.
Pick up the phone, you have people to call, people who have been where you are at right now.
You know what the problem is.
You know there is a solution for it.
All you have to do is swallow your pride before it kills you, hold out your hand and ask for help in doing the work needed to get sober and stay sober.
I surrendered to alcohol 3 years ago, it beat me, I could not control it and I could not stop it so I took the chicken crap way out and just let alcohol take me where ever it wished and for a while I was at peace, I slipped off into an alcohol induced oblivion......... some time later I saw death, it stared me in the face, a slow LONELY death that only an alcoholic or addict can know. I was at a turning point, a jumping off place, I could just continue on the path I was taking drinking to oblivion until I fell into that great abyss of death, I chose to live and the only way I could do that was to stop drinking and stay stopped.
You are not alone in this, you know that, we do understand and we will love you, support you, and help you, but you have to be present for that to happen.
Pick up the phone, you have people to call, people who have been where you are at right now.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Birmingham, AL
Posts: 1,924
Are you full yet? As you sit in the middle of this new pain, are you full yet? Will it be today? How many more drinks does it take to complete the drunk? Larry, many of us have sat where you are right now. I remember the pain as if it were yesterday; the shame of picking up the bottle or the glass and taking the first drink. I remember how the shame faded abit as I drank more and more that first day. Finally I would pass out, almost numb to the world, though the thinking never really stopped. When I came to, I immediately drank, not only to stop the shakes, the head and body aches and the nausea, but to stop thinking. I had to stop thinking in order for the booze to really work. I needed to strip away the one part of me that remains only to protect my life so I could continue to fly toward the numb.
Get full my friend. Finish this drunk in your time; get it done with and with no lingering doubt. Be safe as you can. I remember a small window of time during the day, when I had just enough in me that the accumulated pain was at ease and the drunkenness was not yet too far along and I could make some simple decisions and maneuver about, like showering or going to the liquor store. This period of time lasted less and less each day; a balancing act if you will for an hour or so each twenty four. During this time as I neared the end of my last drunk, I forced myself to look in the motel mirror, face to face as it were. I forced myself to place my soiled clothes in a bag; I cleaned the vinyl chair of the mess I left the previous evening when I could not make it to the bathroom. I was caught between two worlds at that point; the world of death and the world of life. Suicide was close, but not until I had another drink. Over and over I laid out the razors and the knives on the bed and once again began the ritual of embracing the guilt, shame and regret that opens the door to death..and then I made another drink. Half gallon bottles sat in a corner under that puny set of racked bars that the motel called a clothes closet. It took longer and longer for the booze to work; vodka for me has to be cold when I first come to, otherwise I can't get it down and the cockroaches will return and I will be lost. Amazing, how I play with the cutting tools to end my life, but fear the death of DT's. It's a control thing even drunk. I notice that the **** still rims the chair I have made my perch; I must clean it now, but I need to stabilize my body first with this drink you see? Ice is low, but the man I pay to bring the half gallons each day will have the ice as well. Cabbies are good for more than rides. Tears come again. To hell with you all, you don't understand me!! You don't care about me! Stupid people! Drink, yes. Time moves and I have again soiled the chair and my clothes. I cannot get my legs to work. Another day passes.
I could go on at length, but somehow Larry, I got full again. Somehow, I found a way out. I remember the bridges mentioned above, but the bridge can be anywhere, a beach, a bar, a closet, an abandoned building, a car, a motel. It all comes to this my friend and nothing more; you can continue to drink until the booze or the options run out. You can drink until you are full and then come back to a life promised or you can die. That’s how it works for all of us Larry, one of these three. Get full my friend and come back. Leave no doubts that this is not the path; find that last bit of hope you have buried deep and return to a life worth living. It is still there waiting. It will not be easy, but it is more than you have ever dreamed. Your last venture but scratched the surface, now get full and return to the full measure of a life well lived. You can Larry.
Drink never removes all of the pain, only getting full and changing everything can provide lasting peace. Get it done and come back. Call me if you want to. I will be here to listen.
Get full my friend. Finish this drunk in your time; get it done with and with no lingering doubt. Be safe as you can. I remember a small window of time during the day, when I had just enough in me that the accumulated pain was at ease and the drunkenness was not yet too far along and I could make some simple decisions and maneuver about, like showering or going to the liquor store. This period of time lasted less and less each day; a balancing act if you will for an hour or so each twenty four. During this time as I neared the end of my last drunk, I forced myself to look in the motel mirror, face to face as it were. I forced myself to place my soiled clothes in a bag; I cleaned the vinyl chair of the mess I left the previous evening when I could not make it to the bathroom. I was caught between two worlds at that point; the world of death and the world of life. Suicide was close, but not until I had another drink. Over and over I laid out the razors and the knives on the bed and once again began the ritual of embracing the guilt, shame and regret that opens the door to death..and then I made another drink. Half gallon bottles sat in a corner under that puny set of racked bars that the motel called a clothes closet. It took longer and longer for the booze to work; vodka for me has to be cold when I first come to, otherwise I can't get it down and the cockroaches will return and I will be lost. Amazing, how I play with the cutting tools to end my life, but fear the death of DT's. It's a control thing even drunk. I notice that the **** still rims the chair I have made my perch; I must clean it now, but I need to stabilize my body first with this drink you see? Ice is low, but the man I pay to bring the half gallons each day will have the ice as well. Cabbies are good for more than rides. Tears come again. To hell with you all, you don't understand me!! You don't care about me! Stupid people! Drink, yes. Time moves and I have again soiled the chair and my clothes. I cannot get my legs to work. Another day passes.
I could go on at length, but somehow Larry, I got full again. Somehow, I found a way out. I remember the bridges mentioned above, but the bridge can be anywhere, a beach, a bar, a closet, an abandoned building, a car, a motel. It all comes to this my friend and nothing more; you can continue to drink until the booze or the options run out. You can drink until you are full and then come back to a life promised or you can die. That’s how it works for all of us Larry, one of these three. Get full my friend and come back. Leave no doubts that this is not the path; find that last bit of hope you have buried deep and return to a life worth living. It is still there waiting. It will not be easy, but it is more than you have ever dreamed. Your last venture but scratched the surface, now get full and return to the full measure of a life well lived. You can Larry.
Drink never removes all of the pain, only getting full and changing everything can provide lasting peace. Get it done and come back. Call me if you want to. I will be here to listen.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Birmingham, AL
Posts: 1,924
After posting above, I drove to work and Larry, you are in many of my thoughts. I need to go to a company meeting now, but you are in my thoughts. As this day progresses, you are in my thoughts. You can recover, if you choose. I believe in you, even if you do not right now. This too shall pass my friend and the joy of freedom can be yours again. I am here if you have need.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,031
Larry, most days I carry a meditation chip in my pocket along with my AA sobriety chip. On it are these words......
When you come to the edge of all you know, you must believe in one of two things. There will be earth upon which to stand, or you will be given wings.
Alcohol brought me to the edge of life as I knew it, I believed there was nothing left. Sobriety gave me the belief that God would give me solid ground to plant my feet on, and wings to spread as I flew towards a new life in recovery.
I've never looked away from all the people that care about me in recovery, and hope you recognize that care and support too.
When you come to the edge of all you know, you must believe in one of two things. There will be earth upon which to stand, or you will be given wings.
Alcohol brought me to the edge of life as I knew it, I believed there was nothing left. Sobriety gave me the belief that God would give me solid ground to plant my feet on, and wings to spread as I flew towards a new life in recovery.
I've never looked away from all the people that care about me in recovery, and hope you recognize that care and support too.
Adjusting my Sails
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,021
I wake up drink and go back to sleep. I did so well this last year I have a couple thousand dollars in my wallet right now. Problem is this half Gallon of rum is almost gone
I did call my sponsor last night. He let me know when I first met him my, anybodys sobreity is up to them. He showed me who to rely on right from the begining. He allowed me to understand there is a place under the bridge for me. Not his words mine.
So why did I hear hurt in his voice?
My hands are shakiing. I need to finish up my rum so I can go get some more
I did call my sponsor last night. He let me know when I first met him my, anybodys sobreity is up to them. He showed me who to rely on right from the begining. He allowed me to understand there is a place under the bridge for me. Not his words mine.
So why did I hear hurt in his voice?
My hands are shakiing. I need to finish up my rum so I can go get some more
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,031
Originally Posted by Dean62
So why did I hear hurt in his voice?
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